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Phrases that mean something different to you now than before your diagnosis

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

A fun thread, I'll start;

Sh@t happens

Opinions are like a@@holes, everyone has one

Bootie check

Smart a@@

I know you all have your own, bring them on. Think of the smiles you will be generating!!!

Lisa P.

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

I just posted this on another flaming thread and then saw yours. So I apologize for the repeat.

Here's my joke:

Why are rectal cancer patients all so nice?

Because there isn't an @$$#0le among them!

peace, emily

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

That's pretty cute, Emily!

How about "turn the other cheek". Why do they always want you on your RIGHT side for a rectal exam and colonoscopy??

Krista

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

I've always been on the left side.

*hugs*
Gail

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

That's interesting Krista, since I know we both have gone to Dr. Ramamoorthy (& I imagine you also had your flex sig w/ Dr. Savides?)
I've always been asked to lie on my left side, not right. Are you sure it's your right side they have you lie on? If so, maybe it depends upon where the initial tumor was?! Weird...

Lisa

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

How about

Butt out - makes me think of an ostomy now!

Butt ugly - mine after radiation

Butt naked - EVERY doctor visit

Butt-head - this is code for any medical person who doesn't really help or dismisses the patient's problems. I don't have any of these.

Vicki

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Self Colonoscopy - Someone who has their head very far up their own A$$

Q: What's the difference between and endoscopy scope and an colonoscopy scope?
A: The taste

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Someone asked "Does anyone juice with a colostomy?"
I said I prefer using vegetables and fruits but whatever floats your boat...

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

It took your two posts but I got it now! HAHAHAHA! good one.

:-)

peace, emily

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

It went over like a punctured colostomy bag...
I did it on a dare, that's what I get
;-}

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Feeling like Sh@t...

Would that be on one of my 'good' days (firm and warm)
...or my 'bad' days...well, I'll leave that up to you guys...

Either way, I, personally, wouldn't want to feel it ANY day....

ROFL! Great post!

Hugs, Kathi

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Scared sh@t-less...

(sorry if I offended anyone with this...)

Hugs, Kathi

kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Rectal patients are perfect A@@holes--no hemorrhoids!

Kirsten

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

When I got my colostomy I told everyone that when they called me a worthless a$$hole, they'd be right! LOL

Kimby

colon2's picture
colon2
Posts: 184
Joined: Feb 2009

yesterday at lunch I commented that salad (any kind of lettuce other than iceberg) just goes right thru me after losing 32 inches of colon. My son said my new name would be Salad Shooter.
Carletta

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

Goodness, I've certainly had projectile diarrhea. Over the years it is much better but too much butter and grease does still set me off. I never left books and magazines in my bathrooms but I have them now. Reading material is essential.

Thanks for the laugh Carletta!!!

Lisa P.

colon2's picture
colon2
Posts: 184
Joined: Feb 2009

I laughed myself when he said it, I may have to try to figure out a way to change my name on the board. We all need to laugh as much as we can, and as often as we can. As for the books in the bathrom, I've been thinking about building shelves in there.
Carletta

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

with books intertwined with rolls of toilet paper, single and double ply.

trainer's picture
trainer
Posts: 242
Joined: Sep 2008

Stands for Bend Over, Here It Comes Again!

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

angel said now that i have the ileostomy i'm twice the ### hole we laughed so hard

ldot123's picture
ldot123
Posts: 276
Joined: Apr 2008

It is amazing how much you can learn in the john! My wife sometimes asks why not just go in and out - not so easy sometimes as we all know. Besides I can concentrate better in there! LOL.

Cheers, Lance

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

"Salad Shooter"- that is sooo funny!! I've noticed the same problem and I never even had the colon resection. Just with all the chemo, etc., salad seems to be the main thing that will start the diarhea up. A real bummer since I'm trying to eat healthier!

This is a great thread!!

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

"Get out of my way!" now means in our household "watch out- Mom's going to cr@p her pants if she doesn't run fast enough!"

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

This is so funny. My hubby has diverticulitis. Our running joke is "DIBS! on the closest bathroom...you have to run down the hall!" My daughter swears their decision to put a half-bath off their family room was partially because of my visits...I was tired of running upstairs!

Vicki

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

Not that it's really funny when you're running for the toilet, but I think most of us have been there! :)
mary

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Only it's not really skip but SPRINT!

Word of advice: When using a public loo make sure there is TP in the stall BEFORE you squat.

I was at Mayo, for one of my bazillion colonoscopies I have had in the past 7.9 years, when my prep kicked in. I needed to use the loo IMMEDIATELY and DESPERATELY and ran in there and let 'er rip only to discover that there was no TP in the stall. Now what. It's not like I could hike up my pants and scoot over to the next stall, ya know? Thankfully as a latent hippie, I carried a bandana with me at all times. Well, you get the picture......dang, I really liked that color too. Now I carry tissue just in case AND I check the roll before I squat.

peace, emily

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

It's not terribly funny though.
It's NORMAL

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

Ive got one, "The END is in sight!"...

Also, who would name their kid Colon Powell? geez..

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

The terms "bottom" and "bottom line" have certainly taken a definitional shift since my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer.

As we define the term, our bottom line has always been an insistence upon ensuring coverage for the care required to heal my husband's bottom.

As our insurer has defined the term, however, "bottom line" seems to have a quite different focus. While we try to cover my husband's bottom line, their focus is unswervingly directed upon covering their own.

Hatshepsut

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

I told a friend I was going to a colonpalooza and she thought it should be called a poo-looza. I totally agree!!

haha!

peace, emily who doesn't pooh-pooh that suggestion

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

she's on a roll now......

peace, emily

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

So let's get this straight, lemons make lemonade. So...
Make up your own punchline
:-)

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Could we have a ColonAid like FarmAid? You play the guitar, Phil, and I drum. Anyone on keyboards?

Get some go-go dancers doing a pole dance around their IV stand shaking their booties.

peace, emily

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Funny image, pole dancers with the IV poles...
I will say that all of the nurses sure can cheer me up, they are all so sweet.
Now the next time I go in I'll be picturing them in go-go boots
peace out emily
;-)

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Dude, your new picture reminds me of what Georgia O'Keefe would paint if she were George O'Keefe if you catch my drift.....

peace, emily

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

That is funny!!!!!! AND I even get it.

Lisa P.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

A Bleeding heart liberal? Is that what you mean Emily?
This is one from my yard. I'm not sure how it happened, but this year we seem to have a plant that has totally white flowers on it. Very cool
-p

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Nope, not going there. No politics.

Didn't you ever take an art survey class and learn all about the *ahem* female internal intricacies that Georgia O'Keefe seemed to be obsessed with painting. Reread what I wrote. Look closely. Think about it. :-O

peace, emily

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Hahahaha Em! You are soooo naughty!! :D

Phil... I think your picture of the gorgeous flower that you say you have in your backyard... well, let's just say it could probably be in the running for Flower Porn :)

Maybe we should just call Phil's flower "George" :D

Cheryl

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

All I can think of is Liberace with his reference to his brother George. Unless you meant Dubbya. He's a bloody person with no heart. No wait, that's DICK.
Oh well. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water....

Big Bird will make a triumphant return! Sound the trumpets

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

I DO that! I pole dance with my IV on a regular basis and swear it got me out of the hospital sooner with my last surgery. I scare the nurses sometimes! The infusion room loves it when I start to perform but boy would they change their tune if I went from dirty dancing to stripping. LOL That can clear a room really FAST! Consider me in...

Kimby

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

My immediate thought was when I had an allergic reaction to one of my pain meds after my resection surgery and lost control of my arms and legs. They flipped and flopped all over the place as I pulled out the IVs in both arms. The only thing that kept them down was walking the halls. I put in a few miles before that night doctor on call get me a shot of Benedryl (I had to threaten his palm pilot butt as he searched for common side effects of the new drug they had given me. I think back on it and can't believe it all happened at 2AM 2 days after surgery with 42 staples in my belly, the nurses thought I was crazy. Maybe they're on to something. But like you, I think it helped in the long run but I would still like to slap that resident doctor want to be silly (I go to a teaching hospital)!!

Lisa P.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Feeling pooped and drained...

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