Update on husband

angelsbaby
angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
well he is hanging in there, has not been vomiting every minute but may vomit once or twice a day but for the most he is eating a little but is still weak and dizzy had the pain pump reduced again last week, blood pressure low hospice nurse said it may be the pain pump so we went back and they ajusted again he has 3 meds in the pump dulated clonodine and something else i can't remember.But he can only walk a short distance he get winded, but he did go to the gargage and start the harley sat on it and pulled it up sat for a few minutes then turned it off and went and layed down. he won't be riding anymore i think and that really makes him so sad.He has been more emotional lately. the bag the pump his nausea feeling all the time he is tired but as long as i have him i will cherish it and be his caregiver.So we will continue with what we have been doing and go from there.He still gets the iv fluid 3 x week at home by the hospice nurse so we will see. I Know my husband is scared about dying I wish i had the right words but i get choked up. and then i forget i just tell him i love him and it will be ok. Still working, his mom and dad are there during the day and i get home and hang out with him .I just wished the chemo worked for him but it did not. Thank You all for the prayers
love michelle
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Comments

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117
    just keep hangin
    glad to hear he is a little better.started my chemo today and now have a fanny pack for 2 days,im a little dizzy so far.i know how your husband feels and that is one of the reasons i am down so much. i love to ride too but my ride is my first horse.always wanted one since i was a little girl.got the oportunity to have my dream a log home and not 1 but3 horses!!.mine is a paint who has a lot of spunk in him and is just a big kid.being dx with this cancer i just cant get out there and handle him the way i need to.it breaks my heart and even more to think i would have to get rid of him.tell your husband to just hang in there and maybe someday we can both say "ride baby ride"Godbless.......johnnybegood
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342
    michelle
    Hi Michelle,
    My heart is heavy for both of you. It is good that Angel has you with him in the evenings. I can just imagine you taking every moment with him and holding on to it. My prayers are with both of you. I am praying that he does well with the reduced pain meds.
    With Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member

    michelle
    Hi Michelle,
    My heart is heavy for both of you. It is good that Angel has you with him in the evenings. I can just imagine you taking every moment with him and holding on to it. My prayers are with both of you. I am praying that he does well with the reduced pain meds.
    With Aloha,
    Kathleen

    Michelle.......
    To the both of you I wish in my heart I could do more , I do pray for you and others everyday. Have you both talked with a Minister and let him maybe console or comfort the both of you ? That will make a lot of things easier for you both. It may make the both of you more comfortable having someone to talk with about this...My sincere apology if Im intruding on beliefs but I have seen the comfort that a Minister brings to families in sadness. I speak to our Father every night and hardly ever ask for anything for myself but for everything for my friends. He makes me feel better about what I am going through because I trust He is listening and to believe in Him gives you the opportunity for Eternal Life in His Kingdom. Just know that the both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers as long as it takes and in hoping the both of you find peace...We all love you guys....God Bless you both.......
  • snommintj
    snommintj Member Posts: 601
    Buzzard said:

    Michelle.......
    To the both of you I wish in my heart I could do more , I do pray for you and others everyday. Have you both talked with a Minister and let him maybe console or comfort the both of you ? That will make a lot of things easier for you both. It may make the both of you more comfortable having someone to talk with about this...My sincere apology if Im intruding on beliefs but I have seen the comfort that a Minister brings to families in sadness. I speak to our Father every night and hardly ever ask for anything for myself but for everything for my friends. He makes me feel better about what I am going through because I trust He is listening and to believe in Him gives you the opportunity for Eternal Life in His Kingdom. Just know that the both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers as long as it takes and in hoping the both of you find peace...We all love you guys....God Bless you both.......

    Ask for a ride
    Please know that I and everyone who reads your post has the sincerest sympathy for your situation. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do to assuage you. All I can say is find some one in your area that has a harley with a side car. Contact your local motorcycle clubs
    and motorcycle shops. Someone will gladly help your husband continue riding until he has passed on. If that doesn't work, let me know.
    My best friend is very high up in a national motorcycle gang. We can get your husband riding again.

    As for the nausea, I'm sure he's on medication, but if he can try some fresh ginger grated into some hot water, add some lemon if he wants. This will help with the nausea.
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    snommintj said:

    Ask for a ride
    Please know that I and everyone who reads your post has the sincerest sympathy for your situation. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do to assuage you. All I can say is find some one in your area that has a harley with a side car. Contact your local motorcycle clubs
    and motorcycle shops. Someone will gladly help your husband continue riding until he has passed on. If that doesn't work, let me know.
    My best friend is very high up in a national motorcycle gang. We can get your husband riding again.

    As for the nausea, I'm sure he's on medication, but if he can try some fresh ginger grated into some hot water, add some lemon if he wants. This will help with the nausea.

    I think of you guys alot...
    ...and pray with all my heart that somehow a miracle will happen, and I know there's nothing more I can say to make anything feel better, but know that you both still are in my thoughts and prayers, and I was actually happy to hear that he got on the bike at least again..I'd do what snom said and try and get in touch with someone who can take him for that ride, that be awesome, I wish I was there to even console and hug you, I know how hard it is to watch someone you love be sick, it isn't easy, no matter what. I will continue to pray for the both of you.

    Hugsss to you!
    ~Donna
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    Prayers
    You and Angel are in my daily prayers. This must be the most difficult thing you've ever done. Be as strong as you can for him but you must take care of yourself. You are of no use to him if you don't take care of you. Know that we are here for you if you need us.

    Hugs and prayers,

    Kimby
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    snommintj said:

    Ask for a ride
    Please know that I and everyone who reads your post has the sincerest sympathy for your situation. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do to assuage you. All I can say is find some one in your area that has a harley with a side car. Contact your local motorcycle clubs
    and motorcycle shops. Someone will gladly help your husband continue riding until he has passed on. If that doesn't work, let me know.
    My best friend is very high up in a national motorcycle gang. We can get your husband riding again.

    As for the nausea, I'm sure he's on medication, but if he can try some fresh ginger grated into some hot water, add some lemon if he wants. This will help with the nausea.

    Ideas
    These are the best, most helpful suggestions! You are a wonderful person, you know.

    Kimby
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    What they said
    I agree with the others, it's so good to hear from you, and hope that Angel will get that ride! Outside of letting you know you are in my prayers daily, I want to echo what Kimby said... take care of you. I know this has got to be very hard on you, going to work, trying to lead a normal life, not real sure how Angel is at home and wanting to make things better when it's out of your hands. It's a blessing his family is able to be with him during the day while you work, I am sure that allows you a little bit of respite. I noticed you said one of the drugs Angel is getting IV is clonodine, which surprises me since I was just reading today about drugs used to lower blood pressure and that is one. Is he having problems with his blood pressure? I am sure Hospice knows what they are doing, I'm certainly no doctor, was just wondering. How is the weather where you are? It's been absolutely beautiful, and I think how wonderful it feels to sit in the warm sunshine to calm and soothe the soul. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again soon.
    mary
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Praying
    Michelle,

    I wish I could give you a hug. You're carrying such a heavy burden right now. Keep trying to find those right words to say to Angel, but if you don't, I'm sure it's a comfort to him to have you there just holding his hand. I was just thinking about y'all yesterday and wondering how things were progressing. I'm glad that he's able to eat a little and is not as nauseous. I do so wish, though, that the chemo would work for him.

    Please know you're in our prayers, and that we welcome the chance to talk to you anytime you need to give a report or just vent some emotions.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • trainer
    trainer Member Posts: 241
    Thanks for the update
    I'm so sorry to hear the latest. You are an amazing woman. Your love for Angel comes through loud and clear. My prayers and everyone else's on this board are focused on you. I'm just down the road if you need anything. All this sucks except your love for him and the wonderful mind picture you've given us of him sitting on his Harley. He's quite a guy. Definitely born to ride! Mike
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    you are in our prayers
    Michelle,

    I think of you often and pray for both of you. Yours is such a personal journey. I wish I could be there just to hold you for a while. Just keep telling him how much you love him.

    All our love coming your way. Vicki
  • dixchi
    dixchi Member Posts: 431
    VickiCO said:

    you are in our prayers
    Michelle,

    I think of you often and pray for both of you. Yours is such a personal journey. I wish I could be there just to hold you for a while. Just keep telling him how much you love him.

    All our love coming your way. Vicki

    Thinking of you
    sending thoughts of strength and peace to both of you; this is so hard
    to go through and am very glad that you and Angel have family and friends
    to support you. The suggestion of contacting a motorcycle group to locate
    a cycle with a side car sounds like a wonderful idea; hope that Angel
    is strong enough to take a ride that way.

    Prayers and Hugs,
    Barbara
  • colon2
    colon2 Member Posts: 183
    dixchi said:

    Thinking of you
    sending thoughts of strength and peace to both of you; this is so hard
    to go through and am very glad that you and Angel have family and friends
    to support you. The suggestion of contacting a motorcycle group to locate
    a cycle with a side car sounds like a wonderful idea; hope that Angel
    is strong enough to take a ride that way.

    Prayers and Hugs,
    Barbara

    Ride
    I am so sorry that the two of you are having to go thru this. Sometimes it seems that life just isn't fair. Please know that i am praying for you both. My husband and I were active in a motorcycle club(Custom Riders) for over 20 years. He is still a member,but retired, so I know your love of bikes. I understand how Angel feels about riding, and I also think that contacting a club or shop would result in many offers of help in arranging a ride if he is able.I don't know where you live, but if I can help in getting you in touch with a club, I would be glad too. I live near Atlanta, Ga and know several clubs in the southeast that we rode with for years. If I can help, please just let me know.
    God Bless You,
    Carletta
  • aluckylady
    aluckylady Member Posts: 16
    colon2 said:

    Ride
    I am so sorry that the two of you are having to go thru this. Sometimes it seems that life just isn't fair. Please know that i am praying for you both. My husband and I were active in a motorcycle club(Custom Riders) for over 20 years. He is still a member,but retired, so I know your love of bikes. I understand how Angel feels about riding, and I also think that contacting a club or shop would result in many offers of help in arranging a ride if he is able.I don't know where you live, but if I can help in getting you in touch with a club, I would be glad too. I live near Atlanta, Ga and know several clubs in the southeast that we rode with for years. If I can help, please just let me know.
    God Bless You,
    Carletta

    Wish there was more I could
    Wish there was more I could do, but wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your husband and saying an extra prayer for both of you.
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165
    colon2 said:

    Ride
    I am so sorry that the two of you are having to go thru this. Sometimes it seems that life just isn't fair. Please know that i am praying for you both. My husband and I were active in a motorcycle club(Custom Riders) for over 20 years. He is still a member,but retired, so I know your love of bikes. I understand how Angel feels about riding, and I also think that contacting a club or shop would result in many offers of help in arranging a ride if he is able.I don't know where you live, but if I can help in getting you in touch with a club, I would be glad too. I live near Atlanta, Ga and know several clubs in the southeast that we rode with for years. If I can help, please just let me know.
    God Bless You,
    Carletta

    wonderful people
    Thank you so much it means alot to me and angel. you are all so wonderful caring people I feel blessed. I'm crying after reading all my post. Thanks for the offers about finding someone to ride my husband but you know if he can't ride his he dosen't want to ride at all.As far as the weather goes a high if 77 today perfect weather thats az for you but the summer is sizzling here.Again thank you all, reading these post helps me get thru the day.

    michelle
  • amcp
    amcp Member Posts: 251

    wonderful people
    Thank you so much it means alot to me and angel. you are all so wonderful caring people I feel blessed. I'm crying after reading all my post. Thanks for the offers about finding someone to ride my husband but you know if he can't ride his he dosen't want to ride at all.As far as the weather goes a high if 77 today perfect weather thats az for you but the summer is sizzling here.Again thank you all, reading these post helps me get thru the day.

    michelle

    Tears
    Michelle...I too am crying after reading your post and the others. I wish I had words that would help you and your husband at this difficult time. I have no wisdom to offer but just enjoy every minute you have together.
    When we first found out that Frank had stage 4 our surgeon told us " GOD has opened a window for you to see into the future. It is a blessing HE has given you that HE does not give everyone. The Crocodile Hunter was not given this blessing because if he had he would have been home with his wife and daughter instead of being in the ocean. He said GOD was showing us what the future would hold and giving us time to prepare for it." We have tried to keep this in our minds and tried to remember every second of every day is a blessing and say everything we want to say when we want to say it. I do not know if this makes sense to you or if it helps ...it just has helped us. We are not where you are now but we will be one day. Know that we are with you in thoughts and prayers. May GOD give you both the strength to deal with whatever each day brings. May HE comfort you and give you both peace.
    Long Distance hugs,
    Anna
  • mindy10
    mindy10 Member Posts: 182

    wonderful people
    Thank you so much it means alot to me and angel. you are all so wonderful caring people I feel blessed. I'm crying after reading all my post. Thanks for the offers about finding someone to ride my husband but you know if he can't ride his he dosen't want to ride at all.As far as the weather goes a high if 77 today perfect weather thats az for you but the summer is sizzling here.Again thank you all, reading these post helps me get thru the day.

    michelle

    Michelle so sorry for what
    Michelle so sorry for what you are going through right now. When I went through it with my dad it was the hardest things I ever had to do. He also was scared about dying and i just kept telling him I believe that there is an afterlife. I beleive that he will be with his mother and father again and someday with us again. I have to believe that because thats what got me through those days and still gets me through these days now that he is gone. I wish I could tell you what to do to make you and him feel better but all you can do is spend time with him and comfort him and make sure at this point that he is not in pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. Mindy
  • snommintj
    snommintj Member Posts: 601
    mindy10 said:

    Michelle so sorry for what
    Michelle so sorry for what you are going through right now. When I went through it with my dad it was the hardest things I ever had to do. He also was scared about dying and i just kept telling him I believe that there is an afterlife. I beleive that he will be with his mother and father again and someday with us again. I have to believe that because thats what got me through those days and still gets me through these days now that he is gone. I wish I could tell you what to do to make you and him feel better but all you can do is spend time with him and comfort him and make sure at this point that he is not in pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. Mindy

    Trade in
    I've talked to some of my biker friends and they totally understand him not wanting to get in the side car. But on of my friends suggested trading the harley for a Buell street and trail bike. It's made by harley and is apparently light as a feather. My buddy says its much like riding a scooter but with a lot of balls. I've owned many bikes, I like Harleys but Triumphs are my passion. Interestingly enough though the most fun I've had in years riding was on a Honda Ruccus. It qualifies as a moped but is a blast to ride. It's quick as a cat and can easily run 70mph plus. Did you guys try the fresh ginger in water?
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625
    take care of yourself
    Hi Michelle,

    I'm glad you posted an update. I've been thinking about you and Angel a lot the past couple of days and had been wondering how you're both doing.
    My heart aches for both of you. I wish I could talk to Angel directly about the fear of dying. As Buzzard said, I don't want to intrude on your beliefs, but I do want to offer you and Angel the idea that there is more after this life and Jesus is waiting there with open arms to take Angel home when his time comes. All he has to do is call out to Jesus now. Could you relay this message to Angel... that someone on this board wants him to know that he doesn't have to be afraid- if he talks (prays) to God and asks Him to come into his life and heart, Angel will be given the gift of eternal life in heaven when he dies and, most importantly for now, His PEACE about it all- He will give Angel peace so that he won't be afraid. God is not a God of fear, but a God of peace and joy. The Bible describes it as "the peace that surpasses all understanding". It really is that- almost impossible to explain to someone and it really does surpass all understanding of how it works. But I know it does and I know of many others who have experienced it and know it's real. Forgive me if I've overstepped my boundary here and am "preaching", but I just ache to know someone else may experience dying in a fearful way without God's peace and assurance. I certainly don't know your or Angel's heart or beliefs about God, but I felt moved to share this with you.
    God bless you, Michelle. I know you love Angel very much and this is the hardest thing you will have ever had to endure in your life. As awful and difficult as it is, God can help you get through all this with actually having a sense of peace about it all. If that seems impossible, just ask God yourself- I believe He would welcome you to talk to him, even question him on this, and ask for this peace and assurance for yourself, as well.

    Take care and a big, warm hug to you-
    Lisa
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165
    lisa42 said:

    take care of yourself
    Hi Michelle,

    I'm glad you posted an update. I've been thinking about you and Angel a lot the past couple of days and had been wondering how you're both doing.
    My heart aches for both of you. I wish I could talk to Angel directly about the fear of dying. As Buzzard said, I don't want to intrude on your beliefs, but I do want to offer you and Angel the idea that there is more after this life and Jesus is waiting there with open arms to take Angel home when his time comes. All he has to do is call out to Jesus now. Could you relay this message to Angel... that someone on this board wants him to know that he doesn't have to be afraid- if he talks (prays) to God and asks Him to come into his life and heart, Angel will be given the gift of eternal life in heaven when he dies and, most importantly for now, His PEACE about it all- He will give Angel peace so that he won't be afraid. God is not a God of fear, but a God of peace and joy. The Bible describes it as "the peace that surpasses all understanding". It really is that- almost impossible to explain to someone and it really does surpass all understanding of how it works. But I know it does and I know of many others who have experienced it and know it's real. Forgive me if I've overstepped my boundary here and am "preaching", but I just ache to know someone else may experience dying in a fearful way without God's peace and assurance. I certainly don't know your or Angel's heart or beliefs about God, but I felt moved to share this with you.
    God bless you, Michelle. I know you love Angel very much and this is the hardest thing you will have ever had to endure in your life. As awful and difficult as it is, God can help you get through all this with actually having a sense of peace about it all. If that seems impossible, just ask God yourself- I believe He would welcome you to talk to him, even question him on this, and ask for this peace and assurance for yourself, as well.

    Take care and a big, warm hug to you-
    Lisa

    angel
    Thanks Lisa and everyone i know god will see him thru with open arms.

    michelle