Good News, Bad News

kmygil
kmygil Member Posts: 876
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi Everyone,

I have become so lazy about posting and answering, but I do read and sympathize. I guess it's my turn to kvetch again. Besides the bone pain I am left with after chemo (plus neuropathy etc), I now have a torn meniscus which needs surgery. I was SOOOOOO tempted to say the heck with it and limp the rest of my life, but now my last CT showed everything was ok, so I'm having the surgery. Yes, I know I should be ecstatic about the clear scan, and I am. But I am just not happy about another surgery.

I am ornery about it to the point where I bawled out the orthopedic surgeon about general anesthesia. I asked why, oh why, couldn't it just be done with a hypnotic, like when you get your colonoscopy. Bless his heart, he explained that they would be manipulating my knee & leg so much that the hypnotic wouldn't work. I think he's afraid of me:)

Anyway, I am lucky in so many ways, so I assumed it was something with my meds. My doc upped my antidepressants and gave me something to deal with the rage. I think I just need a true vacation to get my head straight. You see, my work now has a policy that you must use up all your vacation & sick time before your FMLA kicks in. Fine. However, they make you use your vacation & sick in 4-hour increments. The upshot is that I will NEVER have a vacation again. This has enraged me to the point of being completely irrational at times. It's like being punished again and again for a disease I didn't ask for. GGGRRRRRRR.......

Don't we have enough issues and obstacles? Why should your employer make things worse? I'm sure I can find another job if the economy ever gets better, but then what? Start over at entry level somewhere else? I'm feeling trapped by this disease and my meds aren't doing the job they were before. Maybe some good scream therapy....? Last week I almost told our HR dude that I was trying to see things his way, but I couldn't get my head that far up my a-s. Hah!

Thanks for letting me vent. I usually try to be positive, but right now I just need to whine. Thanks again!

Kirsten
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Comments

  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    Vent Girl!
    The whole process gets overwhelming and frustrating, doesn't it? It sometimes feels like things are stacked against me. I'm an independant contractor so I get unlimited time off - of course, I don't get paid. My income has dropped to the point that we are considering bancruptcy, as I'm back in chemo and will (hopefully) have a liver resection this winter. No vacation for me, either. I sometimes miss the days of salary....

    I guess what I really want is to have a two week vacation from cancer -- go to the beach, feel good, no worries, no impending treatments...want to come? LOL Maybe I'll take a walk.

    I hope you get to feeling better better and good luck with your surgery. You can vent to me anytime!

    Kimby
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876
    kimby said:

    Vent Girl!
    The whole process gets overwhelming and frustrating, doesn't it? It sometimes feels like things are stacked against me. I'm an independant contractor so I get unlimited time off - of course, I don't get paid. My income has dropped to the point that we are considering bancruptcy, as I'm back in chemo and will (hopefully) have a liver resection this winter. No vacation for me, either. I sometimes miss the days of salary....

    I guess what I really want is to have a two week vacation from cancer -- go to the beach, feel good, no worries, no impending treatments...want to come? LOL Maybe I'll take a walk.

    I hope you get to feeling better better and good luck with your surgery. You can vent to me anytime!

    Kimby

    Venting....
    Oh yeah! I'll go with you on that walk as soon as my knee is fixed:) There is still humor, though. When I went for my last blood draw, the phlebotomist asked me where else I could possibly have surgery! I had to laugh.

    Thanks for letting me vent, Kimby!
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    kmygil said:

    Venting....
    Oh yeah! I'll go with you on that walk as soon as my knee is fixed:) There is still humor, though. When I went for my last blood draw, the phlebotomist asked me where else I could possibly have surgery! I had to laugh.

    Thanks for letting me vent, Kimby!

    NO!
    Tell that phlebotomist not to tempt fate! I don't want to know where else they can find to operate -lol. Taking a medical history the other day,the nurse asked if I had any 'other' surgeries. DH told her to take a seat!

    Kimby
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    your rage
    While I certainly haven't had feelings so strong I could categorize them as rage, the feelings definitely go up and down with this fight. I split with my husband shortly before my initial diagnosis so had the pleasure of dealing with an at times nasty divorce while dealing with my cancer diagnosis and everything THAT entailed. Then, when my recurrence came I had to deal with getting my insurance established in the federal version of COBRA, since my husband was retired military. We were married for almost 22 years, but only 17 1/2 years of that crossed his military career so I was only entitled to 1 year of coverage after our divorce. So, here I am coming up on the last quarter of insurance with no prospects after that. I have been working for the same company for over 15 years, but he is a small company and has never provided health insurance except for a short time about 10 years or so ago ( I had been promised health coverage at hire, but had never pushed the issue since the military coverage was so good). Now, with my diagnosis I am basically uninsurable and i am PISSED! I had dedicated most of my life to my husband and his military career, taking care of our family during the many times that he was deployed and the many moves (as do most military wives). And I have dedicated a significant number of years to my job (in IT, rarely does a person stay at a company for more than 5 years). But now, in my time of need, neither of those things will matter a single bit. I will still come up to Jan 28th 2009 with colon caner and no health insurance to continue treatment. What's worse is that I make too much money to qualify for public assistance, but not enough to cover my treatments (I suppose if I won the lottery I could cover it). I've never required a lot to make me happy, but i can't imagine what's going to happen when my insurance goes away... Sorry about running off your subject, but listening to you vent made me want to vent as well! I feel better, I hope you do as well! Mary
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    kimby said:

    NO!
    Tell that phlebotomist not to tempt fate! I don't want to know where else they can find to operate -lol. Taking a medical history the other day,the nurse asked if I had any 'other' surgeries. DH told her to take a seat!

    Kimby

    any other surgeries
    Too funny, Kimby! When I was in for my last colonoscopy my nurse was asking about surgeries I had done and I actually forgot about a few of them until she asked me about a scar she was staring at! So then I had to add a few more (minor, the input of a port, having to have it removed, then the input of another port, which luckily is still in). You would think they could just make a printout off their computer, and just let you update it!
    Mary
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876
    kimby said:

    NO!
    Tell that phlebotomist not to tempt fate! I don't want to know where else they can find to operate -lol. Taking a medical history the other day,the nurse asked if I had any 'other' surgeries. DH told her to take a seat!

    Kimby

    LOL!!!! Yeah. Like when
    LOL!!!! Yeah. Like when they ask you to list all the medications you're taking, all the surgeries you've had and all your drug allergies. I carry around a sheet and just attach it to the histories now.
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876
    msccolon said:

    your rage
    While I certainly haven't had feelings so strong I could categorize them as rage, the feelings definitely go up and down with this fight. I split with my husband shortly before my initial diagnosis so had the pleasure of dealing with an at times nasty divorce while dealing with my cancer diagnosis and everything THAT entailed. Then, when my recurrence came I had to deal with getting my insurance established in the federal version of COBRA, since my husband was retired military. We were married for almost 22 years, but only 17 1/2 years of that crossed his military career so I was only entitled to 1 year of coverage after our divorce. So, here I am coming up on the last quarter of insurance with no prospects after that. I have been working for the same company for over 15 years, but he is a small company and has never provided health insurance except for a short time about 10 years or so ago ( I had been promised health coverage at hire, but had never pushed the issue since the military coverage was so good). Now, with my diagnosis I am basically uninsurable and i am PISSED! I had dedicated most of my life to my husband and his military career, taking care of our family during the many times that he was deployed and the many moves (as do most military wives). And I have dedicated a significant number of years to my job (in IT, rarely does a person stay at a company for more than 5 years). But now, in my time of need, neither of those things will matter a single bit. I will still come up to Jan 28th 2009 with colon caner and no health insurance to continue treatment. What's worse is that I make too much money to qualify for public assistance, but not enough to cover my treatments (I suppose if I won the lottery I could cover it). I've never required a lot to make me happy, but i can't imagine what's going to happen when my insurance goes away... Sorry about running off your subject, but listening to you vent made me want to vent as well! I feel better, I hope you do as well! Mary

    Rage
    Hi Mary,

    You put things into perspective for me. As much as I would like to choke the living daylights out of my husband, (at least once a week he tells me that my cancer is going to return & I will be dead in 2 years), I do have his health insurance and it is very good. I swear, if I had the $$$ I would send it to you. No one should have to deal with this disease AND have to stress about the finances involved in treatment, not to mention divorce and all that ugliness! I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs,
    Kirsten
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    kmygil said:

    Rage
    Hi Mary,

    You put things into perspective for me. As much as I would like to choke the living daylights out of my husband, (at least once a week he tells me that my cancer is going to return & I will be dead in 2 years), I do have his health insurance and it is very good. I swear, if I had the $$$ I would send it to you. No one should have to deal with this disease AND have to stress about the finances involved in treatment, not to mention divorce and all that ugliness! I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs,
    Kirsten

    Kirsten
    Thank you very much! But to be honest, I would rather be in the financial situation I will be in come January than to have continued in the marriage I was in. And I can't BELIEVE your husband tells you continuously that your cancer will return and you will be dead in 2 years! How can you stand it? When DH and I were in counseling trying to save our marriage, prior to my diagnosis, when our counselor was frustrated by the response (or lack thereof) we were getting out of DH she asked me a question that changed my life. I couldn't decide if I should continue fighting for our marriage or admit defeat and she asked me "if you found out tomorrow that you only had 6 months to live, what would you do?" My immediate response was that i would kick is a$$ out. And she told me that I had my answer as to what I should do. I went home and told him to leave and that was that. It certainly wasn't easy, but it WAS the right thing to do. Perhaps if i had made that decision sooner, I wouldn't be dealing with this cancer... but I may be dealing with something else... we never know what life would give us if things had changed. I have no regrets because I know that I am who I am because of where I have been. God has brought me thus far and will continue to carry me into the future. I just need to not worry so much! Thank you for your prayers, we can all use as much prayer as we can possibly get! God be with you. Mary
  • rrob
    rrob Member Posts: 158
    msccolon said:

    your rage
    While I certainly haven't had feelings so strong I could categorize them as rage, the feelings definitely go up and down with this fight. I split with my husband shortly before my initial diagnosis so had the pleasure of dealing with an at times nasty divorce while dealing with my cancer diagnosis and everything THAT entailed. Then, when my recurrence came I had to deal with getting my insurance established in the federal version of COBRA, since my husband was retired military. We were married for almost 22 years, but only 17 1/2 years of that crossed his military career so I was only entitled to 1 year of coverage after our divorce. So, here I am coming up on the last quarter of insurance with no prospects after that. I have been working for the same company for over 15 years, but he is a small company and has never provided health insurance except for a short time about 10 years or so ago ( I had been promised health coverage at hire, but had never pushed the issue since the military coverage was so good). Now, with my diagnosis I am basically uninsurable and i am PISSED! I had dedicated most of my life to my husband and his military career, taking care of our family during the many times that he was deployed and the many moves (as do most military wives). And I have dedicated a significant number of years to my job (in IT, rarely does a person stay at a company for more than 5 years). But now, in my time of need, neither of those things will matter a single bit. I will still come up to Jan 28th 2009 with colon caner and no health insurance to continue treatment. What's worse is that I make too much money to qualify for public assistance, but not enough to cover my treatments (I suppose if I won the lottery I could cover it). I've never required a lot to make me happy, but i can't imagine what's going to happen when my insurance goes away... Sorry about running off your subject, but listening to you vent made me want to vent as well! I feel better, I hope you do as well! Mary

    COBRA running out
    I live in Texas and we have a state insurance pool that has to accept you when your COBRA runs out and you are not able to get coverage anywhere else. Don't know if this is available where you live, but you might check into it. It's pricey, but better than no coverage. Hang in there!

    Rebecca
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876
    msccolon said:

    Kirsten
    Thank you very much! But to be honest, I would rather be in the financial situation I will be in come January than to have continued in the marriage I was in. And I can't BELIEVE your husband tells you continuously that your cancer will return and you will be dead in 2 years! How can you stand it? When DH and I were in counseling trying to save our marriage, prior to my diagnosis, when our counselor was frustrated by the response (or lack thereof) we were getting out of DH she asked me a question that changed my life. I couldn't decide if I should continue fighting for our marriage or admit defeat and she asked me "if you found out tomorrow that you only had 6 months to live, what would you do?" My immediate response was that i would kick is a$$ out. And she told me that I had my answer as to what I should do. I went home and told him to leave and that was that. It certainly wasn't easy, but it WAS the right thing to do. Perhaps if i had made that decision sooner, I wouldn't be dealing with this cancer... but I may be dealing with something else... we never know what life would give us if things had changed. I have no regrets because I know that I am who I am because of where I have been. God has brought me thus far and will continue to carry me into the future. I just need to not worry so much! Thank you for your prayers, we can all use as much prayer as we can possibly get! God be with you. Mary

    You're now my idol
    Mary, you are now my idol. You have courage I don't.

    My husband is an alcoholic and he says exactly what's on his mind when he's drinking, which is every Friday night and all day Saturday. I remember his inability to get my meds during chemo because he was too drunk to go get them. I had to call a friend to please get my anti-emetics and pain meds when I was too debilitated to drive. He also refused to go grocery shopping. He would wait until I had my 2 days of feeling human and let me know what we were out of so I could go get it. He came with me to chemo exactly once. When I couldn't take myself, he would say that he had to go to work since my treatment was dependent on his benefits, so I needed to call friends to take me. Guess what? They had jobs, too!

    However, the upshot of all of this (outside the rage, of course) is that I have determined to outlive him. It will be the sweetest revenge.....
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    rrob said:

    COBRA running out
    I live in Texas and we have a state insurance pool that has to accept you when your COBRA runs out and you are not able to get coverage anywhere else. Don't know if this is available where you live, but you might check into it. It's pricey, but better than no coverage. Hang in there!

    Rebecca

    when COBRA runs out
    I am checking on my options and have printed up a few things, but as far as I can tell, NCs only option is that they require BC/BS of NC to at least offer ONE policy to people like me. However, I don't have $2000 a month to pay for this policy in addition to what it wouldn't cover, living expenses, etc. But keep the ideas coming, I am willing to check anything! mary
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    kmygil said:

    You're now my idol
    Mary, you are now my idol. You have courage I don't.

    My husband is an alcoholic and he says exactly what's on his mind when he's drinking, which is every Friday night and all day Saturday. I remember his inability to get my meds during chemo because he was too drunk to go get them. I had to call a friend to please get my anti-emetics and pain meds when I was too debilitated to drive. He also refused to go grocery shopping. He would wait until I had my 2 days of feeling human and let me know what we were out of so I could go get it. He came with me to chemo exactly once. When I couldn't take myself, he would say that he had to go to work since my treatment was dependent on his benefits, so I needed to call friends to take me. Guess what? They had jobs, too!

    However, the upshot of all of this (outside the rage, of course) is that I have determined to outlive him. It will be the sweetest revenge.....

    Good grief!
    with the additional stress your husband puts on your situation, it is a wonder you make it from treatment to treatment. Do you have other family members in the area? A church family that can help? A lot of communities also have services available to people in treatment for cancer that includes rides to and from treatments. I would check with your local ACS or even at your oncologist's office; they usually have information regarding services that the community provides. Be strong and be safe. Mary
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876
    msccolon said:

    when COBRA runs out
    I am checking on my options and have printed up a few things, but as far as I can tell, NCs only option is that they require BC/BS of NC to at least offer ONE policy to people like me. However, I don't have $2000 a month to pay for this policy in addition to what it wouldn't cover, living expenses, etc. But keep the ideas coming, I am willing to check anything! mary

    Insurance
    What about Medicaid? My father had no insurance & he had a multitude of problems related to diabetes. When he was hospitalized for the 3rd time & had his amputation and insertion of a pacemaker, the bill was about $250,000, but they did what was called a "spin-down" and the final bill was reduced to $12,000 which we paid off in installments of about $100 a month.
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    kmygil said:

    Insurance
    What about Medicaid? My father had no insurance & he had a multitude of problems related to diabetes. When he was hospitalized for the 3rd time & had his amputation and insertion of a pacemaker, the bill was about $250,000, but they did what was called a "spin-down" and the final bill was reduced to $12,000 which we paid off in installments of about $100 a month.

    Medicaid
    I believe I make too much to qualify for Medicaid, but i have heard something about catastrophic medical bills that can be calculated in when considering qualifying. I haven't checked into that yet. Thanks!
  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818
    msccolon said:

    Good grief!
    with the additional stress your husband puts on your situation, it is a wonder you make it from treatment to treatment. Do you have other family members in the area? A church family that can help? A lot of communities also have services available to people in treatment for cancer that includes rides to and from treatments. I would check with your local ACS or even at your oncologist's office; they usually have information regarding services that the community provides. Be strong and be safe. Mary

    Similar Situation
    I'm so glad that I'm am not the only one that had this type of hard decision. I have 3 kids with my 'soon to be' ex. After DX and his lack of support I took a good look at the situation when he moved out and figured I didn't want to live the way I was. I told him that he couldn't move back in. He then decided that he wanted a divorce. It was a relief to me. Yes I knew it would be hard with three teenagers but it was better then living with him.

    I'm so sorry you both have this kind of stress and I also wonder if my dx would have been different without the stress of living with my ex. His first words after I was dx was what would he do with the kids if I wasn't around? He also hardly visited me in hospital and wasn't there the day of the surgery. It got to be bad when you have nurses asking where your husband was... Oh well that is passed and once the divorce is final I'm going out and celebrating. HUGS to you both.

    Lisa F
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876

    Similar Situation
    I'm so glad that I'm am not the only one that had this type of hard decision. I have 3 kids with my 'soon to be' ex. After DX and his lack of support I took a good look at the situation when he moved out and figured I didn't want to live the way I was. I told him that he couldn't move back in. He then decided that he wanted a divorce. It was a relief to me. Yes I knew it would be hard with three teenagers but it was better then living with him.

    I'm so sorry you both have this kind of stress and I also wonder if my dx would have been different without the stress of living with my ex. His first words after I was dx was what would he do with the kids if I wasn't around? He also hardly visited me in hospital and wasn't there the day of the surgery. It got to be bad when you have nurses asking where your husband was... Oh well that is passed and once the divorce is final I'm going out and celebrating. HUGS to you both.

    Lisa F

    Is there an echo in here?
    Hi Lisa. I heard an echo. My husband came every day for about 5 minutes to see me. Then he would say he had to go cut grass or something. It's all in the past now and I know exactly how he is. The wierd thing is I think he loves me, but doesn't know HOW to love. I also think he's scared to death--that's why he verbalizes the most awful things. He's scared they will come true. I've tried to teach love by example, but it just hasn't penetrated. I can see he's envious of the relationship I have with my family, but he doesn't translate it into something applicable to himself. He has an older brother who left home when he was 17 and never came back. His mother used to contact the Red Cross once a year to find him just to see if he was alive. He has another brother (a really nice guy) who lives not too far from us, but we only see them once a year at Christmas. They don't talk or anything very often. His sister-in-law says that her husband shows some of the same traits. I don't know what the dynamics were in that family, but they must have been awful.

    Anyway, you and Mary made hard, hard decisions and I admire you for it. But even before diagnosis, I always felt that God put me here to love this man, because heaven knows, he needs it! Until I kill him, that is...:)
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917

    Similar Situation
    I'm so glad that I'm am not the only one that had this type of hard decision. I have 3 kids with my 'soon to be' ex. After DX and his lack of support I took a good look at the situation when he moved out and figured I didn't want to live the way I was. I told him that he couldn't move back in. He then decided that he wanted a divorce. It was a relief to me. Yes I knew it would be hard with three teenagers but it was better then living with him.

    I'm so sorry you both have this kind of stress and I also wonder if my dx would have been different without the stress of living with my ex. His first words after I was dx was what would he do with the kids if I wasn't around? He also hardly visited me in hospital and wasn't there the day of the surgery. It got to be bad when you have nurses asking where your husband was... Oh well that is passed and once the divorce is final I'm going out and celebrating. HUGS to you both.

    Lisa F

    similar situation
    OMG! I was sure that if mine had been around I would have had to comfort him because he was having such a hard time dealing with a wife that had cancer! It was always about him. In fact, one time he was trying to show what a loving ex-husband he was and commented that "I still care for you, so if you need anything..." and I'm thinking IF I NEED ANYTHING I WON'T COME TO YOU! He wasn't much help when we were married, why does he think i would believe he would be help now that we weren't? In fact, I remember having a conversation over the phone with him once when I was letting him know he would have to kick in some money for the mortgage while we headed into another 6 months of the house on the market (yea, all while I am doing cancer treatments) with no buyers on the horizon. He made some comments about how sorry he was, he had tried his best, he didn't have enough money to kick any more for the mortgage ( i had bank statements and paystubs that said otherwise) blah blah blah and i asked him who else was in the room with him? He said what do you mean? I said if only he and I were listening to this conversation, which one of us did he suppose was buying his story? Anyhow, I really am not bitter over the divorce, just sometimes I shake my head and wonder how an otherwise intelligent woman managed to stay in that situation for as long as I had. I did get 2 beautiful girls out of the deal, however, so I am definitely the one who came out ahead! Good days ahead! Mary
  • fez1
    fez1 Member Posts: 47
    kimby said:

    Vent Girl!
    The whole process gets overwhelming and frustrating, doesn't it? It sometimes feels like things are stacked against me. I'm an independant contractor so I get unlimited time off - of course, I don't get paid. My income has dropped to the point that we are considering bancruptcy, as I'm back in chemo and will (hopefully) have a liver resection this winter. No vacation for me, either. I sometimes miss the days of salary....

    I guess what I really want is to have a two week vacation from cancer -- go to the beach, feel good, no worries, no impending treatments...want to come? LOL Maybe I'll take a walk.

    I hope you get to feeling better better and good luck with your surgery. You can vent to me anytime!

    Kimby

    Vent, Girl
    Kimby,
    I just said to my husband "can't we just get in bed, pull the covers over our heads for about 1 month and forget that you have cancer"? He said, "Why not a month on a deserted beach somewhere with perfect weather, no doctors, CT scans, chemo etc". Oh, wouldn't it be nice?? On the practical side, My husband had just been laid off from his job a few months befoe being diagnosed. He became an independent contractor, was so sick from chemo. He applied for and was granted SSDI. We would have gone under without it. As it is it is so much less than his salary that we may have to declare bankruptcy soon but for now we're hanging on. I think that this would take the pressure off of you right now. They were very nice, sympathetic and they understood that at times he could work but not other times.
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610
    msccolon said:

    similar situation
    OMG! I was sure that if mine had been around I would have had to comfort him because he was having such a hard time dealing with a wife that had cancer! It was always about him. In fact, one time he was trying to show what a loving ex-husband he was and commented that "I still care for you, so if you need anything..." and I'm thinking IF I NEED ANYTHING I WON'T COME TO YOU! He wasn't much help when we were married, why does he think i would believe he would be help now that we weren't? In fact, I remember having a conversation over the phone with him once when I was letting him know he would have to kick in some money for the mortgage while we headed into another 6 months of the house on the market (yea, all while I am doing cancer treatments) with no buyers on the horizon. He made some comments about how sorry he was, he had tried his best, he didn't have enough money to kick any more for the mortgage ( i had bank statements and paystubs that said otherwise) blah blah blah and i asked him who else was in the room with him? He said what do you mean? I said if only he and I were listening to this conversation, which one of us did he suppose was buying his story? Anyhow, I really am not bitter over the divorce, just sometimes I shake my head and wonder how an otherwise intelligent woman managed to stay in that situation for as long as I had. I did get 2 beautiful girls out of the deal, however, so I am definitely the one who came out ahead! Good days ahead! Mary

    Does DH mean "Dear Hubby" or "Darn Hubby"???
    Gosh, Ladies...what each of you has been through makes my head spin! I think I need an aspirin... I truly admire all of you for enduring cancer while dealing with personal issues as well. My DH - Dear Hubby - went through a similar situation with his ex-wife. It was really bad (he got served divorce papers in the hospital the day after his colon cancer surgery - after having just come home from his step-dad's funeral, who died of cancer). All of you are models of resilience!

    Good luck Mary navigating all that insurance stuff...all of that is so scary. And Kirsten, while I don't condone violence, I know for certain a good stiletto stomp on the big toe can be quite a sobering experience....accidentally of course :)

    Stay strong!
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    fez1 said:

    Vent, Girl
    Kimby,
    I just said to my husband "can't we just get in bed, pull the covers over our heads for about 1 month and forget that you have cancer"? He said, "Why not a month on a deserted beach somewhere with perfect weather, no doctors, CT scans, chemo etc". Oh, wouldn't it be nice?? On the practical side, My husband had just been laid off from his job a few months befoe being diagnosed. He became an independent contractor, was so sick from chemo. He applied for and was granted SSDI. We would have gone under without it. As it is it is so much less than his salary that we may have to declare bankruptcy soon but for now we're hanging on. I think that this would take the pressure off of you right now. They were very nice, sympathetic and they understood that at times he could work but not other times.

    Yep
    Fez, the 'under cover' routine works for me! I would like to play pretend for a short time. A friend of mine has been trying to get me to apply for SSDI. At least for now, I'm able to work part time. DH has convinced me to talk to my onc about it next week. The pressure to support my family financially is enormous, so I can only imagine how your DH feels. I think it is harder on men to lose their earning ability.

    A couple of years ago I would have thought this financial mess was about the worst thing ever. Perspective brings clarity. We'll be ok and somehow it all works out. Thank you for sharing that with me. It means so very much.

    Kimby