Good News, Bad News

msccolon

usakat said:

Does DH mean "Dear Hubby" or "Darn Hubby"???
Gosh, Ladies...what each of you has been through makes my head spin! I think I need an aspirin... I truly admire all of you for enduring cancer while dealing with personal issues as well. My DH - Dear Hubby - went through a similar situation with his ex-wife. It was really bad (he got served divorce papers in the hospital the day after his colon cancer surgery - after having just come home from his step-dad's funeral, who died of cancer). All of you are models of resilience!

Good luck Mary navigating all that insurance stuff...all of that is so scary. And Kirsten, while I don't condone violence, I know for certain a good stiletto stomp on the big toe can be quite a sobering experience....accidentally of course

Stay strong!

DH
Katie, I had a chuckle as i was using DH because those of you with good husbands have a different translation for the D . Unbelievable how Bob's ex could be so heartless... good riddance to bad rubbish. He is SO lucky to have found you after all that! I imagine he is wondering how he managed to survive the witch long enough for you to come into his life! And Kirsten, you could also try the "I was sleeping (and on medication) and didn't know I smacked the heck out of you" routine that my DH tried once. <<<<shaking my head again>>>>. We shall overcome! God be with you all! Mary

crazylady

I can relate
Hi All,
I can certainly relate to this subject. I am currently legally separated and cannot get divorced because he carries the insurance. Of course, he did tell me that he wants a divorce in 2 years when our youngest turns 18 because he may want to get remarried.

I was turned down by social security disability because I was a stay at home Mom for many years and didn't work long enough to pay into the system. I spoke to a lawyer today to find out if I have a case and was told that there is no case and no law that applies to me. If I was retirement age I would qualify off of my Ex so I thought that I would have a case. I am living on child support and supplementing it with money from the sale of my house. Eventually both will run out. I have a hard time believing that a decision that I made 30 years ago is causing such a problem now. Who knew that I would end up in this situation? I do not regret separating from my husband and I don't regret staying home with my kids. I just need to figure out what to do next! I wish I had a magic wand and could see into the future. I really like the pull the covers over my head idea or how about a time machine to go back to before cancer and have a complete redo?

Sometimes I think it's unfortunate that I have to live in reality!

Take care,
Jamie

kmygil

msccolon said:

DH
Katie, I had a chuckle as i was using DH because those of you with good husbands have a different translation for the D . Unbelievable how Bob's ex could be so heartless... good riddance to bad rubbish. He is SO lucky to have found you after all that! I imagine he is wondering how he managed to survive the witch long enough for you to come into his life! And Kirsten, you could also try the "I was sleeping (and on medication) and didn't know I smacked the heck out of you" routine that my DH tried once. <<<<shaking my head again>>>>. We shall overcome! God be with you all! Mary

LOL!!! LOL!!!! LOL!!! No
LOL!!! LOL!!!! LOL!!! No Officer! He fell on the knife--18 times!

mk1117

crazylady said:

I can relate
Hi All,
I can certainly relate to this subject. I am currently legally separated and cannot get divorced because he carries the insurance. Of course, he did tell me that he wants a divorce in 2 years when our youngest turns 18 because he may want to get remarried.

I was turned down by social security disability because I was a stay at home Mom for many years and didn't work long enough to pay into the system. I spoke to a lawyer today to find out if I have a case and was told that there is no case and no law that applies to me. If I was retirement age I would qualify off of my Ex so I thought that I would have a case. I am living on child support and supplementing it with money from the sale of my house. Eventually both will run out. I have a hard time believing that a decision that I made 30 years ago is causing such a problem now. Who knew that I would end up in this situation? I do not regret separating from my husband and I don't regret staying home with my kids. I just need to figure out what to do next! I wish I had a magic wand and could see into the future. I really like the pull the covers over my head idea or how about a time machine to go back to before cancer and have a complete redo?

Sometimes I think it's unfortunate that I have to live in reality!

Take care,
Jamie

Wow - you are some awesome women!

I am so amazed with your resilience - you are some strong and admirable women!! I so glad those of you decided to make the decision to continue your life as a single person rather than staying in an unhappy marriage. Being diagnosed with cancer really makes you step back and take a look at yourself and evaluate what's really important, doesn't it?

It is such a shame that our insurance system is as screwed up as it is. I'm not a huge political person, but someone told me the other day that having Barack Obama in office would not be good for health care -- and how has health care been beneficial under the current leadership?

One question about social security disability - it's my understanding that in order to be eligible, you have to have had mets beyond the colon and nearby lymph nodes. Is that accurate?

You girls are my heroes!

Kathy

kmygil

mk1117 said:

Wow - you are some awesome women!

I am so amazed with your resilience - you are some strong and admirable women!! I so glad those of you decided to make the decision to continue your life as a single person rather than staying in an unhappy marriage. Being diagnosed with cancer really makes you step back and take a look at yourself and evaluate what's really important, doesn't it?

It is such a shame that our insurance system is as screwed up as it is. I'm not a huge political person, but someone told me the other day that having Barack Obama in office would not be good for health care -- and how has health care been beneficial under the current leadership?

One question about social security disability - it's my understanding that in order to be eligible, you have to have had mets beyond the colon and nearby lymph nodes. Is that accurate?

You girls are my heroes!

Kathy

Social Security Disability
Hi Kathy,

I have researched Social Security Disability. There are 2 types. One is SSI which is for people without any income, or income so low that it may as well be nothing. The other is based on how badly disabled you are. The thing I found "funniest" about it is that regarding cancer, you have to be "terminal"--6 months or less to live. The funny part is that it takes 6 months to get it started. So essentially they never have to pay, because they don't pay when you're dead. It's all very ridiculous.

Also, I have asked to be permanently excused from jury duty. I cannot sit for long--my legs swell and I am afraid of the return of the blot clot. Also, my scars hurt if I sit for long periods. I have to get up to move around & let everything fall back into place. They don't want to hear it. So I guess I will go, and in the middle of everthing I will get up & walk around & end up in jail for contempt.

Gotta love it!

msccolon

kmygil said:

Social Security Disability
Hi Kathy,

I have researched Social Security Disability. There are 2 types. One is SSI which is for people without any income, or income so low that it may as well be nothing. The other is based on how badly disabled you are. The thing I found "funniest" about it is that regarding cancer, you have to be "terminal"--6 months or less to live. The funny part is that it takes 6 months to get it started. So essentially they never have to pay, because they don't pay when you're dead. It's all very ridiculous.

Also, I have asked to be permanently excused from jury duty. I cannot sit for long--my legs swell and I am afraid of the return of the blot clot. Also, my scars hurt if I sit for long periods. I have to get up to move around & let everything fall back into place. They don't want to hear it. So I guess I will go, and in the middle of everthing I will get up & walk around & end up in jail for contempt.

Gotta love it!

Jury Duty
Don't worry, one of the lawyers will excuse you as long as you are very clear about not wanting to be there and why. I actually was FINALLY called for jury duty at the age of almost 47 for the first time and i was psyched! I had always wanted to go. I even got to sit on an empaneled jury! I had contemplated being excused because i was due for treatment that week, but i decided to just put off treatment a week (it's only Avastin so no big deal). There were many excused by the lawyers because they just didn't want to be there. It's in the lawyers' best interest to have people who want to be there. As far as the waiting to do anything, just bring a cushion, or whatever is necessary for you to be comfortable and who cares if you have to get up and walk around! If the judge is concerned he will ask you why and you will get your chance to tell him and he'll probably excuse you! On another note, I am sorry you have so much discomfort from all this. I hope the discomfort improves with time. Mary

Kanort

SIGH!!!
Dearest Ladies,

SIGH!!! My heart was heavy as I read each of your posts. How brave of you to bare your soul and share your personal stories. Someone needs to invent a new word to describe each of you because the ones that come to my mind don't seem to adequately convey the courage that each of you display on a daily basis.

Thank you CSN for providing this forum where fellow survivors can find comfort and support from those who really care.


Please know that I'm praying for solutions to each of your unique dilemmas.

Hugs,

Kay

CherylHutch

WOW!
I have just read through all the messages in this thread and they really and truly are mind-boggling! The strength and courage you women are showing is truly inspiring! I'm so sorry that it meant dissolving your marriages because let's face it... when you are starting your life out as a new married couple you aren't looking forward to the day when you might have to divorce your new husband... that thought doesn't even come into the equation. But life goes on and no one knows what the future will hold for them. Not only have you ladies had to go through the heartache of separation and divorce, but the heartache of having husbands who weren't there to support you in your hours of need.. and then to have to deal with cancer on top of all the personal life stuff! You are truly amazing women!

I kind of look at myself now and almost feel guilty at how much easier I seem to have it. I am single but with a huge support group of friends and work colleagues. As some of you know, I live in Canada, so our health insurance is universal and subsidized (not to be confused as social medicine). What this means is the monthly insurance premiums are so incredibly affordable it's almost sinful... IE: for a single person in British Columbia, the monthly premium is $50/month. For a family, it is $108/month. My employer covers that so I don't even pay the $50/month premium. I also have what is called "Extended Health Benefits", which is a secondary insurance coverage (also supplied by the employer) which covers some of the extras that the basic insurance might not cover. IE: ambulance services, having a private room in a hospital (vs a 4 bed ward), prescriptions, after you leave the hospital, where the insurance covers 80% of the cost, I cover 20% until I reach a certain amount then, prescriptions are only $1 per prescription. In other words... there is nothing about my healthcare that is going to break the bank. When I had my original surgery done, I was quite a mess ... not only did I have a large tumour that had already perforated through the intestine, an abscess had formed around it so I ended up also having perotonitis (infection of the abdomen). I ended up being in the hospital for 30 days and my total bill for everything was $114 for the tv rental. Everything else was covered by the basic insurance plan, other than my private room which was covered by my Extended Health Insurance.

Then, another benefit I have through my employer is Long Term Disability Insurance. I have been off work since Dec 1, 2006. For the first 6 months I was off, I was on short term illness where I was paid 100% of my wages, then after 6 months off, I was eligible for the Long Term Disability. For that I get paid 70% of my wages, but retain all my benefits such as the medical insurance, dental insurance and Extended Health Insurance. It's coming up 2 years that I've been off work and I will remain off until my doctors feel I can go back... but as long as they say I can't, I remain on Long Term Disability with the benefits.

So, you can see why I might feel guilty after reading all your stories. Not only do I not have to stress out about the financial burden this disease can cause, I don't have the stress of what it would be like trying to fight this disease and being with a partner/husband who causes more stress than help.

So, ladies... my hat is off for all of you who are going through these problems. You have my total admiration and I am serious when I say I'm in total awe of the strength you ladies show. I know I've only just recently started posting here again, but in the short time I've been reading your posts, I am proud to say I have been introduced to you all, thanks to technology, CSN and the internet

Huggggggs,

Cheryl

hopefulone

Vacation
Hi, first congrats on the clear scan. Know you aren't looking forward to another surgery, but the clear scan is great news. My company has the same policy regarding FLMA. I have taken it for my husband as caretaker and have to use my vacation and personal time first in 4 hr increments. Having said that, don't think you will NEVER have a vacation again.. Your personal time/vac benefits atart over again at the beginning of the year again, correct? You may be able to Take your "vacation" time up front early whenever you are entitled to and if able to and depending on how much FMLA time you used in the last 12 rolling months. They will take it from your FMLA time, but I don't believe they can tell you you can't take your vacation time as vacation time. Where theres a will theres a way.
Hope this makes sense.

God Bless
Diane