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Stage 4 at diagnoises

tlsart's picture
tlsart
Posts: 33
Joined: Jul 2008

This is quite a new life I'm etching out for myself. I was extremely busy before this and never sick maybe a cold once or twice per year, but that's all. In late November 2007 I went to Dr. with major pain in abdomen. After a CT and trial colonoscopy, it was determined I had colon cancer. Surgeon said colon resection was in order because he could not get the scope in passed the tumor in colon. Colon resection is the only surgery I've ever had. Boy is it a major thing to recover from. I am a 45 year old woman and the last time I was in the hospital was when my son was born, 25 years ago. Anyway that's enough history. My last CT scans were done 3 weeks ago all is still not good in my world. My original CEA # was over 900 I had the tumor in colon and lumpnodes were removed as well as my splene. My liver had multiple nodules as well as my lungs with over 70 nodlules. Today I have 10 centimeter or less size nodules in my liver lungs and abdomen are clear. My CEA # is 3.95. I went on Chemo 5fu leocovirin and avastin in January 08. I was on a 46 hour 5 fu pump till the numbness and rash/peeling on my feet and hands started getting the best of me. Today I have 3 more months of chemo (5fu/leocovorin/avastin, no pump) to look forward to and retest after that.My doctor thinks I've gotten my miracle because years ago people in my condition would have been dead by now. I say my miracle will come when I'm totally free of the monster called cancer or my Lord calls me home. My God at times I'm so sick of being sick I can't remember how I ended up here. I want so desperatly to be whole and back to being me I can't see how to go on another minute like this. Then comes along someone worse off than myself and I know I have to keep on keeping on. I tell myself often "Pain is inevitable, misery optional,choose to be joyful". This is and has been already a long road to hoe, but this too will pass!!! Thanks for letting me share my story. ts

sladich's picture
sladich
Posts: 430
Joined: May 2007

We all have had your feelings. Hang in there, it will get better.

Debbie

pamness
Posts: 513
Joined: Nov 2007

I am sorry you ended up here. I am a little confused, usually the numbness in hands and feet is due to oxaliplatin - usually given in conjunction with leukovorin and 5FU. I am curious as to how they are going to 5fu without the pump, are you sure they are not eliminating the oxaliplatin. Anyway a CEA of 900 going to 3.95 is a miracle. Perhaps you are luckier than you think. Maybe you should talk to your doctors again and reconfirm all your information. Whatever, the story is, this is a horrible disease.

Pam

impactzone's picture
impactzone
Posts: 531
Joined: Aug 2006

You have come a long way. It inspires others.
All my blessings
Impactzone
Stage 4 also

jenalynet's picture
jenalynet
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2005

Hi,
I am Stage 4 also and most days feel normal..I am not on chemo though. You sound as if you are a fighter and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you keep the strength to finish the chemo. Hugs to you, Audrey.

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

hi ts. It sounds like you have had a cartfull already. I know the feeling of just wanting to have a day where cancer was not the focal point. recently, I had a stint put in and I was restingn the next night in bed and my youngerst boy found two of those super sticky heart probes on my back that they missed when i was in hospital. I just camley said oh go ahead and pull them off. My how it changes the face of what we see. I wish you well ts
Mark

dn220's picture
dn220
Posts: 79
Joined: Sep 2007

You spoke my thoughts in writing. I say all the time, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. We will beat this monster.
Deb

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I don't know if it helps, but your words definitely ring true to all of us... this just isn't a very pleasant ride. However, the joy in every day we wake up, with another day to say we are winning this fight, helps. Use your gift for putting your feelings in writing to continue pulling you through this fight. I have a web page with CaringBridge that helps to keep my family and friends informed on how i am doing while on treatment. They aren't close to where i live and worry so much. Hang tough and soon you will be looking back on all this and, believe it or not, laughing at some of the really disgusting stuff that happens!
Mary

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Can't add much more to what's been said already except that I have come to live by the motto that faith makes things possible, but not easy. Keep the faith. Your right , somebody somewhere is unfortunately always worse off. It's not easy at times, but we all have blessings to count yet!
God Bless
Diane

Vergris
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2008

I wasn't totally healthy before my diagnosis, but I too was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I had a blockage in my colon and was in the hospital two weeks. I have metastisies (I can never spell that word.) in the liver. I only had one week of chemo and then went on to have an experimental immune therapy from Germany. The immune therapy worked the first phase but not the second. Since then I have used alternative therapies and am trying to get accepted to a clinical trial. Although I haven't been as sick as I was on chemo, cancer has become the focus of my life and I feel sick much of the time. My diagnosis was in October of 2007.

Since being positive is supposed to be better, I try to be, but it is difficult. My 25 year old daughter died two years ago and that was hard, but cancer seems doubly hard. Some days I want to give up and just die, but most of the time I want so badly to win this fight. I fortunately have a lot of emotional support. But the death of my daughter and cancer has taken my ability to do the things I did before. I just take care of myself and talk to friends. I feel useless at times.

This is very difficult disease and the statistics are against us. I have not given up but it is really hard not to give up hope. I have had many disappointments and rejections of possible treatments.

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