Stage 4 at diagnoises

This is quite a new life I'm etching out for myself. I was extremely busy before this and never sick maybe a cold once or twice per year, but that's all. In late November 2007 I went to Dr. with major pain in abdomen. After a CT and trial colonoscopy, it was determined I had colon cancer. Surgeon said colon resection was in order because he could not get the scope in passed the tumor in colon. Colon resection is the only surgery I've ever had. Boy is it a major thing to recover from. I am a 45 year old woman and the last time I was in the hospital was when my son was born, 25 years ago. Anyway that's enough history. My last CT scans were done 3 weeks ago all is still not good in my world. My original CEA # was over 900 I had the tumor in colon and lumpnodes were removed as well as my splene. My liver had multiple nodules as well as my lungs with over 70 nodlules. Today I have 10 centimeter or less size nodules in my liver lungs and abdomen are clear. My CEA # is 3.95. I went on Chemo 5fu leocovirin and avastin in January 08. I was on a 46 hour 5 fu pump till the numbness and rash/peeling on my feet and hands started getting the best of me. Today I have 3 more months of chemo (5fu/leocovorin/avastin, no pump) to look forward to and retest after that.My doctor thinks I've gotten my miracle because years ago people in my condition would have been dead by now. I say my miracle will come when I'm totally free of the monster called cancer or my Lord calls me home. My God at times I'm so sick of being sick I can't remember how I ended up here. I want so desperatly to be whole and back to being me I can't see how to go on another minute like this. Then comes along someone worse off than myself and I know I have to keep on keeping on. I tell myself often "Pain is inevitable, misery optional,choose to be joyful". This is and has been already a long road to hoe, but this too will pass!!! Thanks for letting me share my story. ts