disappointed in friends and relatives

SweetSue
SweetSue Member Posts: 217
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I know this should be the least of my concerns, but I'm getting a little depressed because many of my relatives and friends have almost ignored me. I feel like I'm fighting for my life and many of them don't really seem to care. I know how I would have treated them, if they were sick. I always felt like I've been there for everyone, now, when I need them, I feel like a lone soldier.
I try to focus on the considerate people, and quite often it works. But right now, I feel down.

Comments

  • amelia
    amelia Member Posts: 56
    #2
    Sweet-O, I know just how you feel. I really depend on these people to be part of my support group. I have an Aunt and Uncle who have yet to call me and one friend who just stopped communicating. I feel like she thinks I'm going to die and can't stand to be a part of that. Who knows if that is the reason, but that is the only thing I can think why she would do that. Another so called friend says she would call me, but doesn't want to bother me. Come on people, bother me!! I need you now more than ever. When she told me that I just wanted to scream at her to call me anytime, please. I did say that, but it hasn't made a differance. Oh well, I guess we have to do like you are doing and concentrate on those people who are willing to be there for us. God bless Sweet-O and like that (stupid) song says "Be Happy" amelia
  • momof4
    momof4 Member Posts: 56
    #3
    Sweet O sometimes we find the best "friends " in strangers and get the most understanding and support from them>I'm not even divorced yet and my soon to be ex family 95% of them never called me and those were people that had been in my life for 25yrs. Hang in there you have lots of "friends on this site and I am sure you will make some better new ones where you live.
    A big hug to you coming from Connecticut :) Mariat.
  • minnie112256
    minnie112256 Member Posts: 49
    #4
    Sweet-Onion.
    I am sorry to hear about your concerns, know that you have a lot of support from this site and we are all hear to listen. Good luck and God Bless You. Minnie
  • cammie
    cammie Member Posts: 102
    #5
    Sweet - Onion - boy can I relate. I finally realize that we have a aura about us. It shouts out if you get to close or help to much you might also catch breast cancer. My close friend (and boss) fired me during chemo treatments. She couldn't comprehend or understand my emotional and physical changes. I had to go into work one day and take off my wig and show her "I Am Sick". She cried with me and told me that she thought I was dying. I thought we had it all straightened out, but a month after that she let me go. (In New Hampshire you can fire someone if you don't like their nose or whatever. ) With family I had trouble. I made one person I could count on my general. I told her my needs and wants and she called different people to help from the list. My own father has not even acknowledged I have cancer and hasn't called me. ( We were pretty close before.) Like I said it is a aura about us that scares people. Then there are the people that you were not so close to step up to the plate and really support you. Amazing Angels come out of the woodwork and you have more friends then you ever knew you had. Hang in there. Feel free to e-mail me. Cammied@adelphia.net
  • JKAlley
    JKAlley Member Posts: 84
    #6
    cammie said:

    Sweet - Onion - boy can I relate. I finally realize that we have a aura about us. It shouts out if you get to close or help to much you might also catch breast cancer. My close friend (and boss) fired me during chemo treatments. She couldn't comprehend or understand my emotional and physical changes. I had to go into work one day and take off my wig and show her "I Am Sick". She cried with me and told me that she thought I was dying. I thought we had it all straightened out, but a month after that she let me go. (In New Hampshire you can fire someone if you don't like their nose or whatever. ) With family I had trouble. I made one person I could count on my general. I told her my needs and wants and she called different people to help from the list. My own father has not even acknowledged I have cancer and hasn't called me. ( We were pretty close before.) Like I said it is a aura about us that scares people. Then there are the people that you were not so close to step up to the plate and really support you. Amazing Angels come out of the woodwork and you have more friends then you ever knew you had. Hang in there. Feel free to e-mail me. Cammied@adelphia.net

    SweetOnion, I too can understand what you feel. Sometimes people just amaze me. I think what we have to try to understand is that some people just don't know what to say or how to handle it, so instead of saying or doing the wrong thing, they just do nothing. I guess what they don't realize is doing nothing IS the wrong thing. The only thing I know to do is just accept this, and move on to those who are there for me. As others have said, you'll find support at the most unexpected times. I just try to stay strong and as positive as I can, and damn I'm going to get through this, even if I have to on my own. Good luck, and keep in touch, Judy
  • rizzo15
    rizzo15 Member Posts: 153 Member
    #7
    Sweet-onion, I think there are always a certain number of people we cannot take with us on parts of our journey through life. It's not just illness where friends/relatives just drop out of our lives! I think about the time I was laid off from my job and those friends who suddenly acted like they didn't know me any more. Unemployment, like cancer, is not an infectious disease..but some people sure act like it is. Some people just can't deal with the idea of illness at all. And others, I find, feel uncomfortable addressing it because they feel like they don't know the right words to say. Sometimes I just call up my old (absent) friends and just chat...don't bring up the cancer thing at all. It kinda reassures them that I'm the same old person I always was.

    I guess I'm kinda like Kim222, I let most of my good friends and close relatives know that I'd give them a call when I felt like talking...because when I'm not feeling well, I don't "chat" with anybody--including my coworkers, boss, husband, etc. Other people follow my lead, so to speak...I kind of "control" the situation.
  • 3690
    3690 Member Posts: 3
    #8
    Sweet Onion:
    I was diagnosed a year a half ago and although my 4 sisters have always been close with each other, I was always left out. Whenever something happened in their lives they were always there for each other and I was always there for them. This is the 2nd major illness I have had to go through completely by myself, so I truely understand how you feel. I am completely alone. All of my friends have disappeared and I do not have any children and am not married. I really thought that when this happened my family would be there for me. That did not happen. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. One thing I am certain of is that with or without support you can do anything if you stay positive evan on the days when it is difficult. Remember it's up to you anyway. You are worth it. This is my first time in the discussion board,and I could use a friend as well. One thing I do when I am having a day where I am a little down, I do something that will make me happy. I am doing something for me tomorrow. I am leaving for California. I am going to rent a car and just drive the coastline and enjoy the scenery. This something I have wanted to do for years. You have a friend here when you need one.
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #9
    I found that allot of people that I haven't seen in years came out of the wood work. I had allot of friends really take the time to be there, some still are. People deal with things in there own way many having already faced loved ones loosing their battle with this disease.
    I think the hardest thing is after treatments the phone stopped ringing, as it usually does. I try to phone and be there for people because I know that people need others in lives whether they believe it or not. Cancer patients always seem to need a stranger because there are so many feelings we don't share with those we love. We are forever trying to spare them our pain.
    Support Groups are wonderful thing as is the chat on this site.
    Be good to yourself,
    Tara
  • AngelBaby
    AngelBaby Member Posts: 47
    #10
    I understand how you feel. On one hand I have support from my husband/sons and co-workers. However, other family members don't seem concerned at all. What I've realized is that we do need someone to be there for us. Having this site available has helped me more than I realize. I'm three weeks post-op and haven't started any treatments. Focus on those that are supporting you and hold on to that. It will get you through when you need it.
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #11
    3690 said:

    Sweet Onion:
    I was diagnosed a year a half ago and although my 4 sisters have always been close with each other, I was always left out. Whenever something happened in their lives they were always there for each other and I was always there for them. This is the 2nd major illness I have had to go through completely by myself, so I truely understand how you feel. I am completely alone. All of my friends have disappeared and I do not have any children and am not married. I really thought that when this happened my family would be there for me. That did not happen. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. One thing I am certain of is that with or without support you can do anything if you stay positive evan on the days when it is difficult. Remember it's up to you anyway. You are worth it. This is my first time in the discussion board,and I could use a friend as well. One thing I do when I am having a day where I am a little down, I do something that will make me happy. I am doing something for me tomorrow. I am leaving for California. I am going to rent a car and just drive the coastline and enjoy the scenery. This something I have wanted to do for years. You have a friend here when you need one.

    So sorry that your sisters aren't even there for you. You must be a very courageous person.
    Sue
  • KimInBeirut
    KimInBeirut Member Posts: 39
    #12
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  • KimInBeirut
    KimInBeirut Member Posts: 39
    #13

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