impotence

suzanneb
suzanneb Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Prostate Cancer #1
I am the spouse of a 3-year survivor of prostate surgery. Unfortunately, the nerve damage as a result of surgery has resulted in impotence. I am fearful of hurting my husbands feelings and his self esteem by talking to him about our lack of intimacy these past 3 years. I miss our closeness and sex life enormously. Can anyone suggest a place to look for information or a support group of spouses facing these same issues?
SuzanneB

Comments

  • meadc
    meadc Member Posts: 25
    Suzanneb: It will be two years for me and I got answer from my Urolist and it took care of that pproblem for us. If you want more information, email me I will tell what we have done. my email is in my profile. Good Luck Mead
  • meadc
    meadc Member Posts: 25
    meadc said:

    Suzanneb: It will be two years for me and I got answer from my Urolist and it took care of that pproblem for us. If you want more information, email me I will tell what we have done. my email is in my profile. Good Luck Mead

    SuzanneB: I thought my email addy was in my profile It is cats_03msn.com Sorry
  • mbeavers
    mbeavers Member Posts: 28
    Suzanne
    I am a male but my spouse and I are experiencing the same dilemna. We had a very active sex life until I underwent hormone therapy. We have had a very open rapport about our problem. There are several options avaliable to you and your husband.
    Being a male I was very concerned about my inability to (perform) We are working through this. We still cuddle and hug as much as ever Lots of kisses and I Love You.
    Please open the communication, perhaps your husband is hesitant to broach the subject.
    Good luck Mike
  • warrior
    warrior Member Posts: 3
    He's lucky I have the problem docs have given meds to help, but I have no one to give a damn!You won't hurt his feelings by letting him know you realize it is a sugery by-product, and want to help..but love him anyway!
    Warrior
  • cstark
    cstark Member Posts: 16
    Suzanne! I am a Pca survivor who is functionally E.D. also. I have found that 50mg of Viagara does work along with the right setting and stimulation. This IS a big issue for many guys with or without the problems associated with Pca. I would be happy to discuss this further with you if you wish. Just reply to this...Charley.
  • kenmc
    kenmc Member Posts: 3
    Suzanne,
    If you are not opposed to an internet prostate cancer support group, I would be more than happy to give you the link address to it. "The Circle" is very informative and they have offered a lot of advice to many other conerning prostate cncer, and all the dreaded side effects. I am sorry to hear about your story, ut know you have someone who can understand. If you'd like more contact me anytime and I'll find that link if you wish.

    Kenneth
  • bwalker5839
    bwalker5839 Member Posts: 11
    kenmc said:

    Suzanne,
    If you are not opposed to an internet prostate cancer support group, I would be more than happy to give you the link address to it. "The Circle" is very informative and they have offered a lot of advice to many other conerning prostate cncer, and all the dreaded side effects. I am sorry to hear about your story, ut know you have someone who can understand. If you'd like more contact me anytime and I'll find that link if you wish.

    Kenneth

    Hi Ken, you mentioned a support group to Suzanne & i wondered what it is. Viagra solves my partial impotence, but i'm having trouble w dripping. Very embarassing.
    thanks,
    Bill
  • padraig1001
    padraig1001 Member Posts: 2
    kenmc said:

    Suzanne,
    If you are not opposed to an internet prostate cancer support group, I would be more than happy to give you the link address to it. "The Circle" is very informative and they have offered a lot of advice to many other conerning prostate cncer, and all the dreaded side effects. I am sorry to hear about your story, ut know you have someone who can understand. If you'd like more contact me anytime and I'll find that link if you wish.

    Kenneth

    Kenneth . . . I would like the link to the prostrate cancer internet support group (The Circle)
  • AnnM
    AnnM Member Posts: 1
    I recently found this web site in an attempt to connect with wives of men who have had prostate cancer. Your message echos what I and my man are going through as well. It is going on 4 years for us. While we are grateful above all else that his tests continue to show no signs of re-occuring cancer, the lack of intmacy as you talk about has caused a great deal of stress. We have been married almost 25 years so we are not a weak couple. I have not found many resources that really address the issue of couples going through this and in particular wives. Possibly just connecting through this means will be helpful. Besides my husbands experience, I also had surgery for malignant tumor on my bladder. I am doing fine so far. We are both lucky however we have been "hit twice" by cancer. The bottom line is we are both longing to regain our sex life as we feel expression of our love for each other in that way will be even more special now than ever before. We have tried the pump, shots, and we are now working with Viagra. The latter is our preference however we have had only partial success with that. It is difficult for me after all this time to keep trying as so far it has always been disappointing. My husband keeps saying we have to keep trying and I just don't know how much more I can take. Also, two things seem to have happened throughout this whole experience-without the sexual intimacy it is hard for me at least to feel any other type of intimate feelings like kissing and holding hands outside the bedroom and yet if we do try "dating" type behavior, it doesn't have any real affect on the attempts in the bedroom. I have read that the difference for males and females in general even without these challenges is that females need the romance before they can attempt the sexual and that males need the sex before they can feel romantic. It seems that has reversed itself for us at this point. We keep communicating with the doctor who is telling us, like my husband, that we have to just keep trying but I wonder how he and his wife would feel after almost 4 years! We are open to sharing any thoughts/ideas.
  • MKD
    MKD Member Posts: 1
    AnnM said:

    I recently found this web site in an attempt to connect with wives of men who have had prostate cancer. Your message echos what I and my man are going through as well. It is going on 4 years for us. While we are grateful above all else that his tests continue to show no signs of re-occuring cancer, the lack of intmacy as you talk about has caused a great deal of stress. We have been married almost 25 years so we are not a weak couple. I have not found many resources that really address the issue of couples going through this and in particular wives. Possibly just connecting through this means will be helpful. Besides my husbands experience, I also had surgery for malignant tumor on my bladder. I am doing fine so far. We are both lucky however we have been "hit twice" by cancer. The bottom line is we are both longing to regain our sex life as we feel expression of our love for each other in that way will be even more special now than ever before. We have tried the pump, shots, and we are now working with Viagra. The latter is our preference however we have had only partial success with that. It is difficult for me after all this time to keep trying as so far it has always been disappointing. My husband keeps saying we have to keep trying and I just don't know how much more I can take. Also, two things seem to have happened throughout this whole experience-without the sexual intimacy it is hard for me at least to feel any other type of intimate feelings like kissing and holding hands outside the bedroom and yet if we do try "dating" type behavior, it doesn't have any real affect on the attempts in the bedroom. I have read that the difference for males and females in general even without these challenges is that females need the romance before they can attempt the sexual and that males need the sex before they can feel romantic. It seems that has reversed itself for us at this point. We keep communicating with the doctor who is telling us, like my husband, that we have to just keep trying but I wonder how he and his wife would feel after almost 4 years! We are open to sharing any thoughts/ideas.

    Ann,

    I am 48 and my husband is 49. We will celebrate our 25th Anniversary in October.
    His surgery was on April 21, 2003. His doctor is extremely optimistic. Thank God!
    I too have been searching for support. I am very interested in starting a support group for wives and partners of PC survivors; "Woman to Woman." If you are interested in discussing this idea, please contact me. Although it has only been 4 months, I aleady know what you mean. I have found this journey to be "void" of support for the spouses who are trying to support their husbands. I am not convinced that every doctor understands that for people in relationhips, PC is a "couples" disease. Maybe we can change that fact.

    Mary
  • DeeC
    DeeC Member Posts: 12
    cstark said:

    Suzanne! I am a Pca survivor who is functionally E.D. also. I have found that 50mg of Viagara does work along with the right setting and stimulation. This IS a big issue for many guys with or without the problems associated with Pca. I would be happy to discuss this further with you if you wish. Just reply to this...Charley.

    impotence and viagra
    Charley,
    My husband is 9 wks post davinci prostatectomy. He is doing really well. He is pleased. He has tried using viagra but cant take it. He has even tried cutting it in half but the side effects really bother him. He is reluctant to try anything else and I support him with any decision he makes.
    He is able to achieve the big O, at least.
    Any suggestions
    D
  • Kongo
    Kongo Member Posts: 1,166 Member
    DeeC said:

    impotence and viagra
    Charley,
    My husband is 9 wks post davinci prostatectomy. He is doing really well. He is pleased. He has tried using viagra but cant take it. He has even tried cutting it in half but the side effects really bother him. He is reluctant to try anything else and I support him with any decision he makes.
    He is able to achieve the big O, at least.
    Any suggestions
    D

    Welcome
    D,

    Welcome to the forum. I suggest you start a new thread on this topic as the people you are asking questions to posted over ten years ago and haven't been active since I've been here (April 2010).

    Good luck to you and your husband.

    K
  • hunter49
    hunter49 Member Posts: 210
    University of Michigan just
    University of Michigan just did a weekend long seminar for Urologists about sexual issues after an RP. They included rehabilition techniques , when to start (they say immediately after catheter) and dealing with issues like you are having. if you can not find it I will look into getting you a contact. My wife and I disccussed this posability before I had my surgery and we both agreed it may take a lot of creativity and patience. Whatever it takes to get the fire going we will do. I hope things work out and if you need info on that program please let me know
  • Lashun21
    Lashun21 Member Posts: 2
    Impotence
    We are in the same boat. I feel exactly the same.I know my husband has done all he can do and whenever I try to talk about how I feel, it come back to what he is feeling. I cannot break down or show any sign of pain because I do not want him to breakdown or feel bad. The result is I suffer in silence and isolation. Has your spouse tried any of the treatments for impotence or considering surgery?
  • DeeC
    DeeC Member Posts: 12
    Lashun21 said:

    Impotence
    We are in the same boat. I feel exactly the same.I know my husband has done all he can do and whenever I try to talk about how I feel, it come back to what he is feeling. I cannot break down or show any sign of pain because I do not want him to breakdown or feel bad. The result is I suffer in silence and isolation. Has your spouse tried any of the treatments for impotence or considering surgery?

    impotence
    Lashun,
    You said exactly how I feel also. I suffer in silence, alone. I have made a new friend at work, her husband is 8 weeks post op. I am fortunate to have someone close to me that understands what I am going through.

    Are there any wives support groups on this site???

    I feel your pain and know that I understand.

    PC is a couples disease, wives feel the hurt, pain, and emotional rollercoaster along with their mate!! ONLY PLACE I WOULD WANT TO BE!!
    D
  • tspoon
    tspoon Member Posts: 24
    DeeC said:

    impotence
    Lashun,
    You said exactly how I feel also. I suffer in silence, alone. I have made a new friend at work, her husband is 8 weeks post op. I am fortunate to have someone close to me that understands what I am going through.

    Are there any wives support groups on this site???

    I feel your pain and know that I understand.

    PC is a couples disease, wives feel the hurt, pain, and emotional rollercoaster along with their mate!! ONLY PLACE I WOULD WANT TO BE!!
    D

    Oh to be able to talk openly
    Oh to be able to talk openly with others who understand our plight. Someone who can relate.
  • middleagemom
    middleagemom Member Posts: 5
    tspoon said:

    Oh to be able to talk openly
    Oh to be able to talk openly with others who understand our plight. Someone who can relate.

    Yeah - I hear you
    When he was first diagnosed, his urologist told me I should just be thankful he's alive and forget about that. I have followed that advice. But it is still lonely.
  • DeeC
    DeeC Member Posts: 12
    tspoon said:

    Oh to be able to talk openly
    Oh to be able to talk openly with others who understand our plight. Someone who can relate.

    I am here for ya sista!!

    I am here for ya sista!!