I don't usually vent like this... but seriously...I need to blast!

My dearest T....
First off, it is my humble opinion that you are far too nice! I couldn't have sat & listened to anyone, especially a person who has not faced the challenges and well, horrors, of having and treating bc.
Ask my hubby how I tend to ummm, blast a person from one room into the next now. I, as you, have faced cancer and I have no patience for people who are experts when their only involvement with bc, has been reading an article in Redbook or discussing the subject at their book club. Having no experience in the world of cancer, they should simply "shut up"!

Now, you and everyone else, had better believe that you and your treatment are as stressful and unpleasant as any bc treatment can be! You have to face the fear and the dread, and the body aches and pains....the whole unhappy deal. We all do. To lessen what you have to go through is to minimize the challenges that you have to face. And your challenges are as great as anyone else's, my dear.

So, in closing, write down this reply on a little card & carry it in your purse..."Sir or Madam, when you yourself have been diagnosed with breast cancer, have been frantic with the fear, have faced innumerable tests and doctor appointments, have suffered the pain, the sadness, the sense of loss. Have had to accept the insecurities and sense of doom, have tried to bolster your family and be strong, all the while not knowing what tomorrow will bring, THEN, and only THEN, can you give me your opinion on the trials of cancer and its treatment."

Love ya,
CR

CR1954 said:

My dearest T....
First off, it is my humble opinion that you are far too nice! I couldn't have sat & listened to anyone, especially a person who has not faced the challenges and well, horrors, of having and treating bc.
Ask my hubby how I tend to ummm, blast a person from one room into the next now. I, as you, have faced cancer and I have no patience for people who are experts when their only involvement with bc, has been reading an article in Redbook or discussing the subject at their book club. Having no experience in the world of cancer, they should simply "shut up"!

Now, you and everyone else, had better believe that you and your treatment are as stressful and unpleasant as any bc treatment can be! You have to face the fear and the dread, and the body aches and pains....the whole unhappy deal. We all do. To lessen what you have to go through is to minimize the challenges that you have to face. And your challenges are as great as anyone else's, my dear.

So, in closing, write down this reply on a little card & carry it in your purse..."Sir or Madam, when you yourself have been diagnosed with breast cancer, have been frantic with the fear, have faced innumerable tests and doctor appointments, have suffered the pain, the sadness, the sense of loss. Have had to accept the insecurities and sense of doom, have tried to bolster your family and be strong, all the while not knowing what tomorrow will bring, THEN, and only THEN, can you give me your opinion on the trials of cancer and its treatment."

Love ya,
CR

CR,
i love the card idea.
CR,
i love the card idea. How great would that be? I really like it.
Stef

fauxma said:

CR,
I am so glad that you
CR,
I am so glad that you mentioned two posts because when I came here I thought that my reply to T was gone and I almost rewrote it. Again, I like the card idea.
I realize that most of these insensitive remarks come from ignorance of what cancer is really like, but I think that the best thing someone can say when another person tells them they have cancer is to simply say, "I'm sorry you are having to go through this". It conveys so much in a simple phrase and they won't have to worry about putting their foot in their mouth. For those that have had a cancer themselves they can add "If you need someone to talk to I am here for you". Simple and to the point. I actually admire you for telling people what they need to hear when they do say insensitive, dumb stuff. I bet everyone you have educated (LOL) thinks twice before opening they mouths and spouting off. My hat is off to you.
Stef

LOL Stef...
Exactly my feelings. I would rather have someone NOT know what to say, as opposed to being an expert on the subject, but never having had bc, nor been a caregiver.

LOL, I have educated a few people over the past couple of years!

Hugs,
CR