Breakdown
OK, I get, I probably need more exercise. On the eating piece, well my appetite is such that I could do without food as it is, now make me eat from a position of pain... Yep, makes perfect sense. Have I mentioned that I lost 30#s?
Because riding in a car is nearly impossible, I had not been in to see the pain specialist the surgeon had assigned, and I needed refills. Surgeon would not write them, and they tried to call the pain guy to get me in stat. No luck with that, so home we go.
On getting home I call the pain guy, and get a morning appointment for the next day. Then I get 4 calls confirming the appt, and one message to call back re: insurance. My company provides insurance which has a sizable deductible. So the conversation starts out with them explaining my deductible had not been met, and that I would need to pay a $150 consultation fee. I'm sorry, why is that? We are outside your network and do not take your insurance.
My response: thank you, you can cancel my appointment.
I then called my pain specialist from my previous hospital stay, as I knew they were in network and I liked the guy. Got them on the phone and the earliest they could see me was in three weeks, it was at this point that I broke down in tears and begged for them to see me the next day. Poor girl put me on hold, then came back with a 3pm appt!
I kept crying for about 45 minutes, no sympathy from the wife, but no fight at least.
Comments
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Hi Buckwirth
I can relate to you BUT, you've got to get out of bed. It may be hard to believe when you're lying in pain but the walking and other exercise of so good (not to mention vital) to your recovery. When I was first operated on, the last thing I wanted to do was walk. My surgery was finished around 1 am (started at 5 pm the day before) and by 10 am they were on me to start walking. I only made it a few steps but it was a start and it was the only way I would get out and then get better.
While it may feel that your wife is ratting on you, I think that she is aware that walking is the best medicine for you too. I imagine your surgeon told you that too.
When I was first released from the hospital I asked if I could get one of those handicapped parking tags, they said "No Way, we want you to park FAR away from where you are going".
Glad you got hooked up with an in network pain doctor that you like. They are out there if you can find them and sometimes you need to pull the Cancer Card.
I lost 30 pounds too but then I found 40...
-phil0 -
WalkingPhillieG said:Hi Buckwirth
I can relate to you BUT, you've got to get out of bed. It may be hard to believe when you're lying in pain but the walking and other exercise of so good (not to mention vital) to your recovery. When I was first operated on, the last thing I wanted to do was walk. My surgery was finished around 1 am (started at 5 pm the day before) and by 10 am they were on me to start walking. I only made it a few steps but it was a start and it was the only way I would get out and then get better.
While it may feel that your wife is ratting on you, I think that she is aware that walking is the best medicine for you too. I imagine your surgeon told you that too.
When I was first released from the hospital I asked if I could get one of those handicapped parking tags, they said "No Way, we want you to park FAR away from where you are going".
Glad you got hooked up with an in network pain doctor that you like. They are out there if you can find them and sometimes you need to pull the Cancer Card.
I lost 30 pounds too but then I found 40...
-phil
My point is I do walk, sometimes just around the house, others around the neighborhood. But take a 24hr day and put whatever amount of time I may spend walking, add in that the only comfortable furniture is the bed, and it is easy to say I am "always" in bed.
When I was in the hospital I got up one morning around 3am and went wandering the floor. To extend the walk I went into another ward that shared the floor, as I was coming back to my ward I saw my nurse and the charge nurse both in a panic looking up and down the halls. Seems they had lost a patient
. I laughed about that one all the way back to my room!
That said, I know I need to exercise, so I try to do more each day. My wife was not ratting me out, just not giving me any credit.0 -
OK, I misunderstoodBuckwirth said:Walking
My point is I do walk, sometimes just around the house, others around the neighborhood. But take a 24hr day and put whatever amount of time I may spend walking, add in that the only comfortable furniture is the bed, and it is easy to say I am "always" in bed.
When I was in the hospital I got up one morning around 3am and went wandering the floor. To extend the walk I went into another ward that shared the floor, as I was coming back to my ward I saw my nurse and the charge nurse both in a panic looking up and down the halls. Seems they had lost a patient. I laughed about that one all the way back to my room!
That said, I know I need to exercise, so I try to do more each day. My wife was not ratting me out, just not giving me any credit.
You should get the credit for what you DO DO (do-do?), that would help more and keep you motivated.
You already know what you need to do like you said.
-phil0 -
Bad Day
Sorry you had to go through that crap to see someone. Been there, done that this week myself!
I had my first post chemo CT Scans Wednesday January 26th. Collapsed at my Oncology Office during a Port Flush on Friday, spent the weekend in the hospital. I was told by the Hospital Docs that my scans were good, but there was a nodule or node in my Thyroid.
Waited a few days to see if the ONC OFFICE called....of course not. I called and eventually talked to a nurse...said the CT SCANS were good. No evidence of cancer. I asked about the Thyroid thing. She didn't know about it. I went off on her and told her that their system sucked etc...., that I "passed out" because they didn't follow the guidelines for my port, etc...She said she would discuss things with the ONC and get back to me. She called me back and I saw The ONC yesterday. We had quite a discussion about the group practice, their policies, his staff ect...He actually listened to me and we have agreed to a compromise on the Port Flush....will see what the insurance has to say as apparently they are part of the problem! ( Sounds familiar ? ) I will have an ultrasound test on the Thyroid when they get it scheduled.
Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that "The squeeky wheel gets the oil" You do what you have to do to get the help that you need!
I cried for about 12 hours straight over all the frustrations this week. No sympathy from my hubby either! I just ended up with a headache and swollen eyes. I had been pretty stoic over all this crap for the past year, and then the $hit hit the fan!!
Do what you gotta do to get through this crap!
( I never let my husband come in with me to my visits....he just pisses me off when he interfers )
Try to breathe....hope you feel better soon!
Take Care,
Barb0 -
Buckwirth
That sounds like a tough day. I have to admit that I have made my bedroom too comfy + sometimes spend too much time there. I need to get outside + walk more but it is very cold + sometimes slippery too (I live just outside of Toronto). I can sympathize with you. Do what you can do + build on that a little each day. I am going to use your thread to inspire me to do more walking too. And good for you for walking everyday.0 -
After this surgery is tough
I know how tough it can be, been there done that. You say the only comfortable place to be is the bed. Do you have a recliner? I found it to be a good place to be when I sat on a bed pillow. If no recliner, find another padded chair and a footstool. Maybe pillows on other chairs would help as well, then you might feel up to eating at the table. Do not opt for one of those 'ring' pillows as it will put stress on the glued up bits.
Sounds like you are getting around pretty good to be out and about with the walks.
It also sounds like you might benefit from a mild anti-depressant. I am not normally one for meds but found that I needed the help for a couple of weeks to get myself back together.
I found I didn't really have that much pain. I had more fear that the big cut from belly button to pubic bone was gonna open up. I would walk around holding my hand over it! I did find that standing as straight as I could when upright helped, as contrary as that seems. It seemed to help what is left of my innards to get in the right place.
You also need to get more protein in ya. I used Boost but there are other protein drinks out there. I also did creamy peanut butter sandwiches and mac and cheese, anything to get the protein. That will speed up the healing, according to the home health nurse.
Hope that you get the pain meds and that they help. Just don't overdo once there is no pain. You are gonna still be recouperating for a while yet.
Caregivers can be tough some times. They don't have it easy with the worry about the one they love. Wife may not be showing you sympathy, but am sure she has it. It may be her way of coping. For me overt sympathy was a sure road to tears. I just needed folks to show confidence that I was getting better.
Hugs and hope you are feeling that cowboy spirit soon.
Marie who loves kitties0 -
G'day buckwirth
When I had my cancer op I was cut from sternum to groin. I woke up feeling like crap with so much plumbing coming out of me I thought I'd been coverted to an outhouse. Not long after waking they gave me my first shot of morphine. Everytime I closed my eyes there were little green dudes wandering around under my eyelids. No more morphine. During the rest of my recovery I had four shots of pethadine at 24 hourly intervals(no green guys). They got me up after 24 hrs ,it's interesting trying to throw up when you have a stomach pump. I guess I am lucky I have a very high threshold for pain. From the second day I was walking circuits of the ward ,trolley and stand in tow. By day ten with all plumbing removed and bowels in motion I was sent home. My wife was working so I decided to go for a walk in my local park. I got halfway and sat down in tears ,I was so sick,dizz y and in extreme pain. I did not think I could make it home. I did,one step at a time.
Pain is not altogeather bad,it tells you when there is something wrong,and it sure as hell reminds you that you are still alive. Good luck with yur recovery and remember that a good cry can channel away a lot of pain,hang in there mate,Ron.0 -
Dr Visitsjararno said:Bad Day
Sorry you had to go through that crap to see someone. Been there, done that this week myself!
I had my first post chemo CT Scans Wednesday January 26th. Collapsed at my Oncology Office during a Port Flush on Friday, spent the weekend in the hospital. I was told by the Hospital Docs that my scans were good, but there was a nodule or node in my Thyroid.
Waited a few days to see if the ONC OFFICE called....of course not. I called and eventually talked to a nurse...said the CT SCANS were good. No evidence of cancer. I asked about the Thyroid thing. She didn't know about it. I went off on her and told her that their system sucked etc...., that I "passed out" because they didn't follow the guidelines for my port, etc...She said she would discuss things with the ONC and get back to me. She called me back and I saw The ONC yesterday. We had quite a discussion about the group practice, their policies, his staff ect...He actually listened to me and we have agreed to a compromise on the Port Flush....will see what the insurance has to say as apparently they are part of the problem! ( Sounds familiar ? ) I will have an ultrasound test on the Thyroid when they get it scheduled.
Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that "The squeeky wheel gets the oil" You do what you have to do to get the help that you need!
I cried for about 12 hours straight over all the frustrations this week. No sympathy from my hubby either! I just ended up with a headache and swollen eyes. I had been pretty stoic over all this crap for the past year, and then the $hit hit the fan!!
Do what you gotta do to get through this crap!
( I never let my husband come in with me to my visits....he just pisses me off when he interfers )
Try to breathe....hope you feel better soon!
Take Care,
Barb
My wife stays away from most of them, so I have not needed to ban her, this one there was no choice, as I can't drive.
Funny story, after the appt with the pain doc, went downstairs to the pharmacist, Carol (small, privately owned, and been seeing them for years, she is more like a friend). One of the drugs prescribed was Neurontin, and Carol asks me if I had used it before, my wife immediately answered yes, and started explaining how much she disliked it. I had to stop the conversation, explain to Carol that it would be my first time and give her a chance to explain how it worked. I often feel that way when she is at my appointments, somehow this is about her, I am entirely secondary.0 -
Hey Buck
I hate to read of your troubles. You shouldn't have to go through so much to get to a pain doctor, and your surgeon should be more helpful. His goal should be to take care of you so that you don't need the pain specialist.
And I'm sorry that your wife doesn't give you credit for the effort that you are making. Sounds like she's decided to be tough on you when perhaps what you need is a little nurturing.
Just know this: you're doing fine. It's tough, but you're going to get well. You know your body. Trust that. Push when it's right. Give yourself a break when it's time. You know.
Take care Buck. Many sparks,
Roger0 -
Thanks everyone!Lovekitties said:After this surgery is tough
I know how tough it can be, been there done that. You say the only comfortable place to be is the bed. Do you have a recliner? I found it to be a good place to be when I sat on a bed pillow. If no recliner, find another padded chair and a footstool. Maybe pillows on other chairs would help as well, then you might feel up to eating at the table. Do not opt for one of those 'ring' pillows as it will put stress on the glued up bits.
Sounds like you are getting around pretty good to be out and about with the walks.
It also sounds like you might benefit from a mild anti-depressant. I am not normally one for meds but found that I needed the help for a couple of weeks to get myself back together.
I found I didn't really have that much pain. I had more fear that the big cut from belly button to pubic bone was gonna open up. I would walk around holding my hand over it! I did find that standing as straight as I could when upright helped, as contrary as that seems. It seemed to help what is left of my innards to get in the right place.
You also need to get more protein in ya. I used Boost but there are other protein drinks out there. I also did creamy peanut butter sandwiches and mac and cheese, anything to get the protein. That will speed up the healing, according to the home health nurse.
Hope that you get the pain meds and that they help. Just don't overdo once there is no pain. You are gonna still be recouperating for a while yet.
Caregivers can be tough some times. They don't have it easy with the worry about the one they love. Wife may not be showing you sympathy, but am sure she has it. It may be her way of coping. For me overt sympathy was a sure road to tears. I just needed folks to show confidence that I was getting better.
Hugs and hope you are feeling that cowboy spirit soon.
Marie who loves kitties
Really this opened my eyes that I need mental health assistance. Got a list of providers from the insurance company and sent them to the Onc to see if he could recommend one.0 -
Might try Ativan or Xanax for anxiety (helps sleep too)Crow71 said:Hey Buck
I hate to read of your troubles. You shouldn't have to go through so much to get to a pain doctor, and your surgeon should be more helpful. His goal should be to take care of you so that you don't need the pain specialist.
And I'm sorry that your wife doesn't give you credit for the effort that you are making. Sounds like she's decided to be tough on you when perhaps what you need is a little nurturing.
Just know this: you're doing fine. It's tough, but you're going to get well. You know your body. Trust that. Push when it's right. Give yourself a break when it's time. You know.
Take care Buck. Many sparks,
Roger
For pain there's also the Fentanyl patch of varying strengths.....As for time in bed, etc....When I needed to see docs or restart chemo, we'd get car service and I would lie on my right side as I could still not sit on **** for any appreciable length of time for a good three months after surgery....
During my 8 days in hosp, I did what walking they tred to get me to do but I never sat in chair as they wanted me to cos even with pain meds I just couldn;t put weight on rear......
Once home, i spent much time in bed, used a urinal, ate, watched TV, used laptop, everything in bed;throughout day I would walk in apartment with a stopwatch to force my self to walk more each attempt--even if ten seconds more......Five months or so and I was on my way to finishing up FOLFOX and walking and sitting eventually like it had been, more or less.....You'll get there, it just takes time.....steve0 -
DrivingBuckwirth said:Dr Visits
My wife stays away from most of them, so I have not needed to ban her, this one there was no choice, as I can't drive.
Funny story, after the appt with the pain doc, went downstairs to the pharmacist, Carol (small, privately owned, and been seeing them for years, she is more like a friend). One of the drugs prescribed was Neurontin, and Carol asks me if I had used it before, my wife immediately answered yes, and started explaining how much she disliked it. I had to stop the conversation, explain to Carol that it would be my first time and give her a chance to explain how it worked. I often feel that way when she is at my appointments, somehow this is about her, I am entirely secondary.
I have never driven so I have almost always had to be taken to appointments by my husband. Actually my daughter dropped me off for Chemo and my husband showed up to pick me up. He has never met the Oncologist. When I had surgery my husband argued with the surgeon about releasing me as he thought it was too soon. He always has to ask the Doc something that is unrelated to what I am going through or questions the docs expertise! ( My husband works with medical cases in his job and seems to think he knows more than the Docs. This has caused a lot of stress on my part! )
I know that it is recommended that you bring someone along to the appointments to make sure that you get all of the information straight, but my husband and I end up arguing about what was said!! I prefer to take my medical news by myslf and have gotten quite a bit of opposition from my sister and other people who think this is a bad idea.
Is your wife with you all of the time as your caregiver? Maybe she is feeling a bit alone in all this? My brothers ex-wife has been taking care of him and seems to interfere and try to make things about her and seems to compete for the medical attention. She has been asked by the docs to leave his hospital room so they could talk to him alone. He is in a VA hospital with a very rare agressive cancer ( just diagnosed )
I do not think my husband has a clue about what drugs I have been given or what I am allergic to. I need to be my own advocate.
Try to do whatever you need to get well.
Take Care,
Barb0 -
Buck.....we've always been straight up with each other and.....coloCan said:Might try Ativan or Xanax for anxiety (helps sleep too)
For pain there's also the Fentanyl patch of varying strengths.....As for time in bed, etc....When I needed to see docs or restart chemo, we'd get car service and I would lie on my right side as I could still not sit on **** for any appreciable length of time for a good three months after surgery....
During my 8 days in hosp, I did what walking they tred to get me to do but I never sat in chair as they wanted me to cos even with pain meds I just couldn;t put weight on rear......
Once home, i spent much time in bed, used a urinal, ate, watched TV, used laptop, everything in bed;throughout day I would walk in apartment with a stopwatch to force my self to walk more each attempt--even if ten seconds more......Five months or so and I was on my way to finishing up FOLFOX and walking and sitting eventually like it had been, more or less.....You'll get there, it just takes time.....steve
there ain't no need in stopping now........Tell the Dr you want some Florextine and take 20 mg once a day...It will take about 2 weeks to really kick in but you won't feel any different, you will however not dwell on whats wrong with you and will be able to control emotions a lot better. Florextine is a generic form of Prozac, and before this I would never advise anyone to take any form of antidepressant.....until now. I see what it did for me, so did my wife, my friends, my kids. I started out with 10mg (I weigh approx 225) and then went to 20 mg...It was a tremendous help to get me over the "edge" I was feeling......
Nuff about that....now the walking, yeah when I was in for the first surgery (like you had) I did walk a lot and the more I walked it seemed to help it heal faster...I guess the exercise kept the blood circulating the most and healing was quick, but now it still feels as if its an accident waiting to happen, when in reality its not. Now during lung surgery that was another deal altogether, I was a pain in the nurses azz, and my better half was being a turdhead to me so I told em if they didn't send me home Friday, that I was gonna walk. My wife tried to have them keep me over to give me a sleep apthnia(sp)test...well bullchit, first off, I told her that to do that they would have to inflate my lung to a certain pressure.....I threw the BS flag in then and told em no way in he!! was that gonna happen...then the Dr stepped in and put the stop to all that nonsense....
Now 2 years later, nope almost 3 years later, here I am, still a pain in people butts, but nonetheless for wear and tear, got 300,000 on the old engine and I still purr like a kitten...they say scars are sexy.....then I am one sexy SOB.....LOL.......
Buck, I ain't gonna chit ya and I didn't before, this ain't no easy ride what you just went through. Most likely its one of the hardest surgeries one could have, but its behind ya now and all thats left is the healing...Like I said, 4-6 weeks of bed and then it gets easier everyday. You will have to learn how to squat instead of bending over..Its kind of unsteady picking stuff up off the ground. I used a trash picker upper (old man cigarette butt picker upper) and used it for everything. Kept me from bending over as much......
Hang in there bud, we'll get through this, or bust our azzes tryin.....
Buzz0 -
Buckwirth
Buckwirth,
People who have been there have given you some good words. I just want to say I am sorry your wife is not providing you the support you need right now. I hope you get some relief from the pain and sorrow.
Aloha,
Kathleen0 -
my spouse is very trying and loving
Hi Buckwirth,
Sounds like the if the cancers not bad enough you got pain, wife and money hassles as well. All at once I would say they are taking their toll, hang in there!!. The tears and begging are essential for you and you got that pain appointment and clearly communicated where you are at. It sounds like your being honest with the emotions your going through which is really healthy as opposed to bottling them up.
I also have some interesting times with my wife.
I have tried to bring her along as much as possible to give her the opportunity to
hear exactly first hand what all the different specialists say. Mainly to make my life and our lives easier and for her to get her anxieties dealt with. I dislike repeating what was said if she did not make it and I cannot answer all her questions.
I have the attitude that we pay the specialists and they treat her and me as a group deal.
so her questions and concerns are very relevent to me as my primary carer. even if most of the time I cringe at her questions to the onc or surgeon. I just breathe and know her questions and statements are essential as she s my carer. she is as fully involved as she wants and answered not by me takes the pressure away from me.
My ONC insisted we see the cancer ward psychologist after she first met my wife, we have had a few appointments together. coping with the mental challengers of our cancer journey is as critical as the medical treatment options. I value my fortnightly appointments my wife makes about one in three.
Being so wornout and being pushed by wife to do this and that is frustrating but the issues are really hers not mine. all spouses have the same issues to a greater or lesser extent. I wish our carers could on occasion could have more empathy, but then sometimes the get moving message has helped. who knows...
My little story from yesterday . I took the kids to local pool yesterday in our heatwave. went swimming as long as the bag was sound. Laid down in the shade, left my 5 and 9 year old swimming in front of me on the water play equipment. I drifted off to sleep for 90 minutes. kids kept playing and having fun, spent about 4 hours at the pool. I mentioned this to wife when she got back from work and I was in trouble because I was lucky they were not taken by a child molester. I have been pretty stuffed with diarrhea, heatwave, tingles and chemo. as the primary kids carer I don't want to leave the kids at home missing out. but its the common situation where I do my best ( chemo reduced now ) and its not up to our spouses standards. I want me kids to still have a dad and fun, and the occasional chemo nap the kids and I accept normal but not for my wife.
How I would go if I had pain like your describing and then some wife disagreements, well that would be challenging the peaceful approach to life. My priorities are peace in life first and lovelly wife second. It helps us avoid fights sometimes.
I am really glad you got the appointment for the pain specialist and I hope he really helps. For what its worth you have got my sympathy because I feel loving empathy and kindness would actually make the physical pain you are experiencing easier to manage. I know it does for me. You sound like your assertive enough with the money and treatment issues helped.
Thanks for sharing and tomorrow is another day.
Pete0 -
we saw the same green dudesron50 said:G'day buckwirth
When I had my cancer op I was cut from sternum to groin. I woke up feeling like crap with so much plumbing coming out of me I thought I'd been coverted to an outhouse. Not long after waking they gave me my first shot of morphine. Everytime I closed my eyes there were little green dudes wandering around under my eyelids. No more morphine. During the rest of my recovery I had four shots of pethadine at 24 hourly intervals(no green guys). They got me up after 24 hrs ,it's interesting trying to throw up when you have a stomach pump. I guess I am lucky I have a very high threshold for pain. From the second day I was walking circuits of the ward ,trolley and stand in tow. By day ten with all plumbing removed and bowels in motion I was sent home. My wife was working so I decided to go for a walk in my local park. I got halfway and sat down in tears ,I was so sick,dizz y and in extreme pain. I did not think I could make it home. I did,one step at a time.
Pain is not altogeather bad,it tells you when there is something wrong,and it sure as hell reminds you that you are still alive. Good luck with yur recovery and remember that a good cry can channel away a lot of pain,hang in there mate,Ron.
Hi ron,
I was glad I had no pain but new in my heart it was time to get away from the morphine when one of my nurses looked like a sea monster. then I blinked a few times and she was a beautiful blonde again.
Pete0 -
I thought I was the only onejararno said:Driving
I have never driven so I have almost always had to be taken to appointments by my husband. Actually my daughter dropped me off for Chemo and my husband showed up to pick me up. He has never met the Oncologist. When I had surgery my husband argued with the surgeon about releasing me as he thought it was too soon. He always has to ask the Doc something that is unrelated to what I am going through or questions the docs expertise! ( My husband works with medical cases in his job and seems to think he knows more than the Docs. This has caused a lot of stress on my part! )
I know that it is recommended that you bring someone along to the appointments to make sure that you get all of the information straight, but my husband and I end up arguing about what was said!! I prefer to take my medical news by myslf and have gotten quite a bit of opposition from my sister and other people who think this is a bad idea.
Is your wife with you all of the time as your caregiver? Maybe she is feeling a bit alone in all this? My brothers ex-wife has been taking care of him and seems to interfere and try to make things about her and seems to compete for the medical attention. She has been asked by the docs to leave his hospital room so they could talk to him alone. He is in a VA hospital with a very rare agressive cancer ( just diagnosed )
I do not think my husband has a clue about what drugs I have been given or what I am allergic to. I need to be my own advocate.
Try to do whatever you need to get well.
Take Care,
Barb
Hi Barb,
Your husband and my wife sound like they read the same carers manual. See my post below. I have found accepting my wife's behaviour and views while it does not prejuidice my treatment as helpful. I have enough battles and positive things to achieve.
I too am my own advocate as well.
Pete0 -
Can't hurtBuckwirth said:Thanks everyone!
Really this opened my eyes that I need mental health assistance. Got a list of providers from the insurance company and sent them to the Onc to see if he could recommend one.
I've been seeing a therapist since about 6 months after I first was diagnosed. It's helped so much. I think people in our shoes are a special breed with our own needs. Just like victims of crimes have their needs. We are going through a lot. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. It's hard to NOT be affected by it.
I first tried one med (prozac) and did not like my reaction to it. I am comfortable with zoloft and xanax but we all have different chemistry and react differently so what works for one may not work for another. Let you doctor decide.
My wife has gone a few times to appointments but I like to go in VERY early so many times she doesn't go with me. There have been times at home though when she'll ask "well why can't they just do this or that?" Cancer is unlike most illnesses or disease, it doesn't follow rules all the time.0 -
Great Words of advice Pete.......pete43lost_at_sea said:my spouse is very trying and loving
Hi Buckwirth,
Sounds like the if the cancers not bad enough you got pain, wife and money hassles as well. All at once I would say they are taking their toll, hang in there!!. The tears and begging are essential for you and you got that pain appointment and clearly communicated where you are at. It sounds like your being honest with the emotions your going through which is really healthy as opposed to bottling them up.
I also have some interesting times with my wife.
I have tried to bring her along as much as possible to give her the opportunity to
hear exactly first hand what all the different specialists say. Mainly to make my life and our lives easier and for her to get her anxieties dealt with. I dislike repeating what was said if she did not make it and I cannot answer all her questions.
I have the attitude that we pay the specialists and they treat her and me as a group deal.
so her questions and concerns are very relevent to me as my primary carer. even if most of the time I cringe at her questions to the onc or surgeon. I just breathe and know her questions and statements are essential as she s my carer. she is as fully involved as she wants and answered not by me takes the pressure away from me.
My ONC insisted we see the cancer ward psychologist after she first met my wife, we have had a few appointments together. coping with the mental challengers of our cancer journey is as critical as the medical treatment options. I value my fortnightly appointments my wife makes about one in three.
Being so wornout and being pushed by wife to do this and that is frustrating but the issues are really hers not mine. all spouses have the same issues to a greater or lesser extent. I wish our carers could on occasion could have more empathy, but then sometimes the get moving message has helped. who knows...
My little story from yesterday . I took the kids to local pool yesterday in our heatwave. went swimming as long as the bag was sound. Laid down in the shade, left my 5 and 9 year old swimming in front of me on the water play equipment. I drifted off to sleep for 90 minutes. kids kept playing and having fun, spent about 4 hours at the pool. I mentioned this to wife when she got back from work and I was in trouble because I was lucky they were not taken by a child molester. I have been pretty stuffed with diarrhea, heatwave, tingles and chemo. as the primary kids carer I don't want to leave the kids at home missing out. but its the common situation where I do my best ( chemo reduced now ) and its not up to our spouses standards. I want me kids to still have a dad and fun, and the occasional chemo nap the kids and I accept normal but not for my wife.
How I would go if I had pain like your describing and then some wife disagreements, well that would be challenging the peaceful approach to life. My priorities are peace in life first and lovelly wife second. It helps us avoid fights sometimes.
I am really glad you got the appointment for the pain specialist and I hope he really helps. For what its worth you have got my sympathy because I feel loving empathy and kindness would actually make the physical pain you are experiencing easier to manage. I know it does for me. You sound like your assertive enough with the money and treatment issues helped.
Thanks for sharing and tomorrow is another day.
Pete
thanks, that hit home here as well............ Buzz0
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