OK, gotta share this little secret...Its a spring special ......

Buzzard
Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Last spring I got out in the yard as I normally do when my bag starts gassing faster than the vent can let it out...and I noticed this time that the smell didn't run up under my shirt as it usually does and make my nose hair burn. I saw that it actually rode with the wind SOOOO it turns out its time to experiment with wind currents.......I get out by the truck and use the cell phone to call my wife and ask her to come out in the yard for a second. OK so far so good, uh a little to the left dear, little more, ok whoa, hold it, holdddd it, and BAM, in about 5 secs she was calling me something that had to do whether or not my mom and dad were married when I was conceived and born. You see these bags we carry are better than pepper spray if ya know your wind currents...I dare to say that I can be 50' from someone and hit em right between the eyes with this bag bomb and you know when it hits home...Its the funniest looks you'll ever see on unknowing individuals. Its really fun when your keeping score. Maybe at CP9 we can get teams up and...........well, maybe not...anyway, for all baggers, they'll never know what hit em......LOL........Buzz

Comments

  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #2
    I've become very proficient with using just one hand
    to sneak under my lengthy T-shirt and surreptitiously unclasp the tail piece and gently squeeze out the wonderful aroma that's built up. I can't stand loud talkers on cellphones in buses or diners or other confined areas and I've been known to use a gas attack in such cases. Did it just yesterday on a bus at the lady seated behind me,talking annoyingly in my ear; waited til the doors were open so the air flowed to the rear.(In diners, be aware of mirrors) You get some innocent bystanders and the target doesn't know its me, but I felt good anyway......By the time its noticed, its gone.

    PS: And Clift, being one of the people here who helped teach me how to live with this bag, you're partly responsible for this character flaw in me......
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S Member Posts: 606 Member
    #3
    Your turn to test

    OK you two, I tested for flammable gas when I had the Ileo. If you remember it was just stinky air. It is your turn to do a test.

    Kerry
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #4
    Kerry S said:

    Your turn to test

    OK you two, I tested for flammable gas when I had the Ileo. If you remember it was just stinky air. It is your turn to do a test.

    Kerry

    you got a match?
    If I remember, next time I'm set to odorize my room here, I'll try that in the bathtub (in case I need immediate extinction-or is that extinguishment?).....steve

    Speaking of stool and breathing.....Japanese scientists have used a trained Labrador dog to sniff out colorectal cancer in, guess what?
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S Member Posts: 606 Member
    #5
    coloCan said:

    you got a match?
    If I remember, next time I'm set to odorize my room here, I'll try that in the bathtub (in case I need immediate extinction-or is that extinguishment?).....steve

    Speaking of stool and breathing.....Japanese scientists have used a trained Labrador dog to sniff out colorectal cancer in, guess what?

    Hey don’t do it in the tub
    You could burn your stoma. You take a syringe with a needle in it and draw the gas/air out of the bag. Then you push it out the contants of the syringe over a small flame.

    Hey this could be the answer to the old question “ you know what burns my a**”.
    We might just as well have some fun with this cancer crap.

    Kerry (guy that loves to experiment)
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #6
    what a great party weapon
    So we can quietly fart , the dealiest farts and just sneak away. I am going out this weekend to some formal stuck up parties and have some fun. Maybe the bag has some positives after all.
    Pete
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #7
    pete43lost_at_sea said:

    what a great party weapon
    So we can quietly fart , the dealiest farts and just sneak away. I am going out this weekend to some formal stuck up parties and have some fun. Maybe the bag has some positives after all.
    Pete

    You have to have things in order first Pete...
    This isn't for the faint of fart ..I mean heart...This is an exact science and you have to have your priorities right, first of all, when this happens and the wife notices, forget about whoopie that week, its not gonna happen, secondly, if you do it in an aisle in say WALMART, make sure you do it at the first of the aisle you just walked into and assure that your done at least halfway down the aisle. 1 word of advice, if you meet someone coming around the corner that will walk down the aisle you just paralyzed, then you must leave the store immediately, they will come looking for you. hehe...Please...make sure that there are no children involved, although sometimes collateral damage just happens, they are loud when they smell something that seemed to have just climbed out of a west kentucky outhouse...normally listen for "MOM, did you just fart" or "Dang Dad that was knarly dude"..but 1 thing you do not want to do absolutely, no way....is have company over and step out just outside the door and degass, then step right back inside.....the methane mixture will envelope a greenish tinted circled plume around you as a hurricane does and be pulled right into the house with you, following you like the plague it is, now if your desire is to rid the house of guests then VOILA its done...but if not then VOILA to bad...I will be giving lessons for those that would like target practice at CP9....Oh and BTW...bring your own ammo, and concealed would be nice as well.........Love to all, Buzz
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #8
    coloCan said:

    you got a match?
    If I remember, next time I'm set to odorize my room here, I'll try that in the bathtub (in case I need immediate extinction-or is that extinguishment?).....steve

    Speaking of stool and breathing.....Japanese scientists have used a trained Labrador dog to sniff out colorectal cancer in, guess what?

    Steve, could be a new way to blow smoke rings !!!
    but I think im gonna let you do that one LMAO....That needs UTUBE exposure.........LOL

    Buzz
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #9
    Buzzard said:

    You have to have things in order first Pete...
    This isn't for the faint of fart ..I mean heart...This is an exact science and you have to have your priorities right, first of all, when this happens and the wife notices, forget about whoopie that week, its not gonna happen, secondly, if you do it in an aisle in say WALMART, make sure you do it at the first of the aisle you just walked into and assure that your done at least halfway down the aisle. 1 word of advice, if you meet someone coming around the corner that will walk down the aisle you just paralyzed, then you must leave the store immediately, they will come looking for you. hehe...Please...make sure that there are no children involved, although sometimes collateral damage just happens, they are loud when they smell something that seemed to have just climbed out of a west kentucky outhouse...normally listen for "MOM, did you just fart" or "Dang Dad that was knarly dude"..but 1 thing you do not want to do absolutely, no way....is have company over and step out just outside the door and degass, then step right back inside.....the methane mixture will envelope a greenish tinted circled plume around you as a hurricane does and be pulled right into the house with you, following you like the plague it is, now if your desire is to rid the house of guests then VOILA its done...but if not then VOILA to bad...I will be giving lessons for those that would like target practice at CP9....Oh and BTW...bring your own ammo, and concealed would be nice as well.........Love to all, Buzz

    a degree in bagology, thanks for the shopping tips
    buzz,

    these serious posts are great medicine.

    If you see something on special and their is a big crowd and you don't want to push.
    well you could just blow them away. so you could picked up your special easily.

    Maybe instead of having to wait hours in queues, as our time is extra precious.
    We can do queue jumping, so any queues that life puts it front of us, we can just blow the queues away. now we can be top of the line.

    More bag advantages.

    thanks for the advice Buzz.

    Pete
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #10
    Oh Buzz...
    That made me laugh.

    (Secretly, I still think farts are funny. Don't tell anyone!!)
  • sfan428
    sfan428 Member Posts: 32 Member
    #11
    Good Stuff
    I know when I still had the functional sphincter one of my favorite past times, when dragged to Walmart, was to drop a bomb near the wife and wander away leaving her to look like the culprit. Buzz,you have inspired me to revive this guilty pleasure the next time she wants me to accompany her shopping. Here I thought having a bag was going to be no fun at all. Boy, was I wrong ...
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #12
    sfan428 said:

    Good Stuff
    I know when I still had the functional sphincter one of my favorite past times, when dragged to Walmart, was to drop a bomb near the wife and wander away leaving her to look like the culprit. Buzz,you have inspired me to revive this guilty pleasure the next time she wants me to accompany her shopping. Here I thought having a bag was going to be no fun at all. Boy, was I wrong ...

    as they say.....its all in the devious mind
    not gonna hurt anyone except for the cilia burn...aww it grows back shortly....

    "A Bag is a terrible thing to waste"............. :) Buzz
  • Buckwirth
    Buckwirth Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    #13
    sfan428 said:

    Good Stuff
    I know when I still had the functional sphincter one of my favorite past times, when dragged to Walmart, was to drop a bomb near the wife and wander away leaving her to look like the culprit. Buzz,you have inspired me to revive this guilty pleasure the next time she wants me to accompany her shopping. Here I thought having a bag was going to be no fun at all. Boy, was I wrong ...

    I've done that!
    Really funny if she stays there, alone in the aisle, and an unsuspecting clerk arrives to offer assistance!
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #14
    Buckwirth said:

    I've done that!
    Really funny if she stays there, alone in the aisle, and an unsuspecting clerk arrives to offer assistance!

    Its a Lethal Weapon
    In A Bag.......

Discussion Boards