Dilirium

Pennymac02 said:

Delirium
John,
Mike was convinced he was being sent to Iraq on a special mission to paint houses. On a couple of nights he was able to use his cell phone and called people in the middle of the night telling them to make reservations to come to Virginia because he had found an "East Coast Donor" A few times he told me that I was not to be trusted.
Most of the time I just went with the delusion, it seemed to make it easier for him than trying to explain why he was not thinking clearly. One of the things that the docs used to to to see how his mental status was; they would ask him, "Do you know where you are? Whats the name of this building?, What day is it?" Mike always got the first two right, but after being in the hospital for weeks, even I couldn't tell what day of the week it was or what the date was. We used a dry erase marker and put the day, date, and doctors and nurses names on it to help keep him oriented. He also had a difficult time telling between am and pm, becuase he was sleeping so much of the time, he's see 3:00 on the clock and make phone calls, thinking it was three in the afternoon.
I work in a psych hospital, so delusions aren't too scary for me. I just didn't take it personally, and humored him as much as possible to help keep him calm. Trying to talk him out of what he was believing, tho, caused him to be more agitated,
Penny

luz del lago said:

John,
I lost my beloved
John,

I lost my beloved husband on Dec. 20, 2010. He had been doing ok until three or four days before his passing. Up to that time he had not even experienced pain, but the Thursday before, it began. We had already been enrolled into Hospice, as difficult as that move was for him. I, as well as his Oncologist, had explained that it was not just for the dying, but to assist us. Thank God he had finally agreed to it.

He was dx with extensive sclc in April of 2010, and of course, we had been given the prognosis. He believed with all his heart that he could survive beyond the prognosis. I prayed with all my heart that he would!

After a fairly good response to his first line chemo, and PCI, the monster reared it's ugly head and by November, we knew it had gone to several bones and his liver had suffered from the mets and the cancer. He was weak, but was still able to get around. We were blessed to have gone to the beach for a week and spent a lovely thanksgiving with our family.

As I said, on Wed., Dec. 15, we had been at the Dr.'s and he told her that he was experiencing some pain in his upper abdomen. They believed that it was the cancer in his liver and she scheduled him to begin Topetecan on Monday, the 20th. He had second line chemo four weeks before of carbo/taxol, with no good results. I knew we were coming to the end of treatments, and the sadness that it could be soon that he could pass.

He was given oxycodone for this pain, which was really about a 2/3 in his words. By Thursday night he really began to feel pain in his back, and really had not eaten for a few days. The oxy made him very drowsy, he was taking it every 6 hrs., but by Friday the Hospice Dr. had moved up to every 4 hrs. Very, very drowsy, and even fell on me once. Hospice nurse came to check on him and explained that he would adjust to the pain med. soon and would be clearer. Beginning on Sat. night the hallucinations started. Or was it hallucinations? Our Chaplain had spoken to us about "transition" and how one begins to prepare for the end. He wasn't communicating too well, his voice was low and weak. Once he sat up and told me that there was a bomb under our bed and that he had to diffuse it. I told him that I would do it, and I got up and did it! Then and only then, did he calm down. My love and I were both in the service, he served in Vietnam, and that was always a threat, bombs placed under vehicles and such. Throughout this time, he continually told me that he loved me, that he adored me. He also spoke of "them" showing him a "threat". I told him to tell "them" that he had Jesus by his side, and that no one could threaten or harm him. Once, he sat up, and told me that a lady was shouting "hi" to him, I told him to say hi back. On Sunday morning, I awoke to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. He actually looked better, and when I asked him how he was and what he was doing, he said, " I'm doing better, I'm fine". Then his eyes and his head began to dart around the room as if he was watching something fly around, when I asked him what was the matter he replied, " these elves, they're doing trickery on me"! And then he said that our daughter and I were elves and we were doing "trickery" on him, too. I told him not to be mad, we were just in the Christmas spirit, then he said ok and smiled.

He would have some lucid moments, when the meds were wearing off, one time I held him and told him that if he saw the Lord to go with him, that I would have a broken heart and miss him terribly, but that I would be alright. He gritted his teeth and told me, " I am not going anywhere!"

At a point, early Monday morning, he told me to just let him die, so I asked him if he really wanted me to do that, and he said, " no, I was just kidding". When Hospice came they ordered the extended strong pain meds, with a sedative. His pain was increasing, and as sad as it was to understand that only through him being so sedated, would the pain be controlled, but that we would no longer be able to communicate, I knew I would not hear his voice again.

I had read months before that during a person's transition time that they can become restless, agitated, and of course the meds could cause hallucinations. What I have shared with you is how I
experienced his moments and how I dealt with it. It was very hard to see and hear what he was going through, but I knew to go along with it, not argue or correct, or say that wasn't happening. I tried to calm and soothe any fears or disturbances he felt. I kept our room softly lit, played soft instrumental music very low, and held him constantly. I was blessed that our beautiful daughter was there and we shared in his care those last 3 days. Hospice was very caring, helpful and considerate to all of us.

When his time came, something came over me, as well. I knew that this was the time to give him all the love I had. Caring for him, bathing him, administering his meds, reading to him, kissing him, holding him... I felt that everything I had was for him in those days, soon I would have time to take care of myself.

I am sending you prayers and good wishes that you may be strong in these times. And that your wife be comfortable, without pain and able to feel your love.

Lucy

Hopeful720 said:

I absolutely know
what you're going through. The last few months for my dad (56 years old) he was having many hallucinations. A lot had to do with the CO2 levels going to his brain, and lack of oxygen towards the end. He was confused about what was going on around him, and the cancer turned a witty, brilliant man into someone that did not know how to use a remote control. It was devastating to watch. He did know who everyone was, and he was able to discuss memories from years ago, but just became confused at times. I always answered his questions as best I could, and tried to ease his anxieties when he became frustrated in his confusion. I held his hand and let him know it was okay. He thought his oxygen was coming from various locations in the house and I tried to just answer his questions no matter what. I am sorry you are going through this with your wife. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Your wife is lucky to have you by her side John. No one should have to watch their family member not only suffer from this terrible disease, but also to watch them be confused at daly occurrences, and not know what is going on around them. It is too much.

Prayers and warmth,

Lauren