Do you ever have one of those "I just don't care dyas?"

cookie97
cookie97 Member Posts: 200
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Today I don't care that the president gave a speech, I don't care that the rich are being taxed less or more; depending on whom you're talking to. I don't care that some a$$hole is running for mayor. I don't want to happy for the guy that the just sold an antique that he bought at a yard sale for $5.00 made him a millionaire and quite frankly I don't want celebrate for those folks that won that freaking lottery.

If I could give back every pay raise, every compliment I was paid, every kudo ever given to me, so that I didn't have this freaking disease I would be handing them out like cotton candy.

Sorry, bad day I guess. I want my house clean again; I want women that are suffering with this disease to get the treatment they deserve. I'm tired of women losing their homes. I'm tired that we all have to make choices to stay in treatment or opt out because we have to continue to work and still have families that need us. I'm frustrated every day when I realize how much money that these do gooder fund raising executives make.

Okay I'll take my meds and go to bed; just had to get this off my chest.

As Scarlett O'Hara said ‘tomorrow will be a better day"

Peace and Love,

Comments

  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #2
    I love your post
    I felt that way for a while, especially when I was in the middle of
    the throes of chemo. I would not have stressed myself with school
    and full time work plus a part time job. Taken better care of my
    body. I would have given anything, just like you to have my body
    back, to be able to run and enjoy my body.

    I felt Isolated at times. Things get weird even with friends and it's
    hard to just have some careless fun. All of a sudden it's like you
    belong to a new tribe.

    But that was then and this is now; I am starting to feel like my old
    self but better, I am much kinder to myself. And I know it's not the
    end of the world if I get a degree in 5 years instead of 3.

    You touched a nerve of mine. I really despise how they continue
    celebrating survivors don't really give much thought to the many
    wonderful women who loose their battle. They make breast cancer
    look cute with all that pink... I know because, that's what I thought
    prior to getting diagnosed that it's not such a big deal, I mean come
    on it's PINK!

    Tomorrow WILL be a better, if for other reason than you got this
    off your chest. Hope you had good restful night .

    Hugs,
    Ayse
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #3
    aysemari said:

    I love your post
    I felt that way for a while, especially when I was in the middle of
    the throes of chemo. I would not have stressed myself with school
    and full time work plus a part time job. Taken better care of my
    body. I would have given anything, just like you to have my body
    back, to be able to run and enjoy my body.

    I felt Isolated at times. Things get weird even with friends and it's
    hard to just have some careless fun. All of a sudden it's like you
    belong to a new tribe.

    But that was then and this is now; I am starting to feel like my old
    self but better, I am much kinder to myself. And I know it's not the
    end of the world if I get a degree in 5 years instead of 3.

    You touched a nerve of mine. I really despise how they continue
    celebrating survivors don't really give much thought to the many
    wonderful women who loose their battle. They make breast cancer
    look cute with all that pink... I know because, that's what I thought
    prior to getting diagnosed that it's not such a big deal, I mean come
    on it's PINK!

    Tomorrow WILL be a better, if for other reason than you got this
    off your chest. Hope you had good restful night .

    Hugs,
    Ayse

    Oh yeah
    Cookie I love the post, understand, and agree with you 100%. I've been in one of those peeie moods lately myself, hope I snap out of it soon.
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #4
    I know how you feel and yes
    I know how you feel and yes I have had them days. It does get better sweetheart. I understand what you mean about women loosing their houses or having to go back to work at the cost of treatment. I think every one should get the best treatment possible no matter how much money or insurance they have. Don't worry to much your house will get cleaned again. And things will improve. And if you read the last paragraph you wrote it sounds like you care a great deal. All my prayers to you Kay
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #5
    Yes, I think we all have one of those days!
    Hope today is better for you. Sending you a big cyber hug!

    xoxo,
    Jean
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #6
    Cookie I enjoyed your vent.
    Cookie I enjoyed your vent. It is healthy to rant on occasion and get it all out. You did it and I'm standing applauding you. Hope you had a good nights rest and hope you see the sunshine today. If you dont, thats ok too because as you said: Tomorrow is another day. Peace and Love. (((((hugs))))
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #7
    natly15 said:

    Cookie I enjoyed your vent.
    Cookie I enjoyed your vent. It is healthy to rant on occasion and get it all out. You did it and I'm standing applauding you. Hope you had a good nights rest and hope you see the sunshine today. If you dont, thats ok too because as you said: Tomorrow is another day. Peace and Love. (((((hugs))))

    Good vent, Cookie!
    We've all either done it or wanted to. Hoping you'll be feeling better soon. Take good care of yourself.

    Hugs, Renee
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #8
    missrenee said:

    Good vent, Cookie!
    We've all either done it or wanted to. Hoping you'll be feeling better soon. Take good care of yourself.

    Hugs, Renee

    We all have days like this.
    We all have days like this. Dealing with bc is hard, very hard. But, with time, you will feel better. I try to look at each day as a day that I need to appreciate just to be alive and to be dancing with NED.


    Hope you feel better soon,


    Angie
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #9
    Venting is good...and essential....
    And, as was already said, it seems like you DO care...it's just a matter of timing!!!

    We all have our times out...if I stop and really think about all of the awful things that have happened in my life, well, it's rather a lengthy list. And it would REALLY bring me down. SO, I don't think too much about it...after all, my thought is that the answer to "Why me?" is "Because". That's it......

    As far as the awareness in the general population to the 'cute pink stuff'...well, it's better than no awareness...like with throat cancer, or one of the others...I don't know how many mamo's were asked for as a result of some of the press for breast cancer, but I would imagine quite a few lives were saved.

    As far as mourning the loss of those that didn't survive...well, sadly, it's the people in the news (like Elizabeth Edwards) that get that press...the ones that piss ME off are the celebs that use their cancer to sell glorified snake oil, and make others think that no treatment is ALWAYS better than treatment...and take MY herbs...it will cure you! SHAME on THEM!!!

    But, yes, this is the time to focus on you! The rest will follow. It's essential to do all you can for yourself now, because this will determine how your future will be...both physically and mentally!

    Big dutch hugs, Kathi
  • settle4more
    settle4more Member Posts: 7
    #10
    The Belligerent yet Exhausted
    I threw a few good pity parties while wallowing in the depths of exhaustion from treatment. I found the more I tried to put on a brave face, the more I resisted the overwhelming grief, the more I tried to be my old self, the longer and harder the inevitable fall. By all means, sleep, cry, moan, scream and sleep more. It is the only true remedy and I can assure you the day will come when you won't need to anymore.

    One year post diagnosis, the world looks a damn sight different and my priorities (which don't include politics or dumb-luck stories either) are crystal clear. To be true to myself, to love with abandon, to laugh, to argue, to reserve my energy for those people and things deserving of the gift of 'me' - in short, to be engaged in the non-trivial aspects of MY immediate world and recognizing that it is okay that I can't find everything and everyone important.

    Nurture yourself and surround yourself with people that will nurture you knowing you would and will return the favor when you can. But not today.
  • settle4more
    settle4more Member Posts: 7
    #11
    The Belligerent yet Exhausted
    I threw a few good pity parties while wallowing in the depths of exhaustion from treatment. I found the more I tried to put on a brave face, the more I resisted the overwhelming grief, the more I tried to be my old self, the longer and harder the inevitable fall. By all means, sleep, cry, moan, scream and sleep more. It is the only true remedy and I can assure you the day will come when you won't need to anymore.

    One year post diagnosis, the world looks a damn sight different and my priorities (which don't include politics or dumb-luck stories either) are crystal clear. To be true to myself, to love with abandon, to laugh, to argue, to reserve my energy for those people and things deserving of the gift of 'me' - in short, to be engaged in the non-trivial aspects of MY immediate world and recognizing that it is okay that I can't find everything and everyone important.

    Nurture yourself and surround yourself with people that will nurture you knowing you would and will return the favor when you can. Just not today.
  • pinkflutterby
    pinkflutterby Member Posts: 615 Member
    #12
    settle4more said:

    The Belligerent yet Exhausted
    I threw a few good pity parties while wallowing in the depths of exhaustion from treatment. I found the more I tried to put on a brave face, the more I resisted the overwhelming grief, the more I tried to be my old self, the longer and harder the inevitable fall. By all means, sleep, cry, moan, scream and sleep more. It is the only true remedy and I can assure you the day will come when you won't need to anymore.

    One year post diagnosis, the world looks a damn sight different and my priorities (which don't include politics or dumb-luck stories either) are crystal clear. To be true to myself, to love with abandon, to laugh, to argue, to reserve my energy for those people and things deserving of the gift of 'me' - in short, to be engaged in the non-trivial aspects of MY immediate world and recognizing that it is okay that I can't find everything and everyone important.

    Nurture yourself and surround yourself with people that will nurture you knowing you would and will return the favor when you can. Just not today.

    relating to your vent. I still have the why me days and why not my useless ex's, sex offenders, mom's who abuse their kids, drug users, drunk drivers, murderers, you get it.... but I believe everything happens for a reason, we might not know the reason but I believe there is one!!!

    And I want my house clean too I hate hate hate messes and I just dont have the strength to do it !!!!
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #13
    wow you said it all
    I hope your day gets better....

    this is great place to VENT for sure
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #14
    me, too
    I can really relate to you and your thoughts. My house stays a mess, it is clean underneath all of the clean laundry, etc. I often wonder why this happened to me, and worry that I am being punished for who knows what. I have tried to live a good, caring, wholesome life. When I was first diagnosed, I imagined that I would go through surgery, my treatment (taking arimidex) and then life would go back to the way it was. Not true, just trying to get used to my new normal.

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