Just wondering...

I feel ya!
Hi Sue,
I may not feel those thoughts, but I do feel like whats the point in more treatments. Mostly i try to stay more positive. I tell myself that I first had cancer in 76 and I am still here to say that. So, what ever choices I have made on this journey, I am not ready to say whats the point in the future. There is always a future, and lots of choices about how to live it.
Its late and I know that I sound like I am rambling. But here I am night owl looking to connect.
Lisha

allmost60 said:

new baby will help...
Lisha...I really think once winter is over, sunny days are back and the baby gets here, I'll be so darn happy that nothing will hold me back. I have plenty to be grateful for and plenty more to look forward too... It's just been a weird week for me and a little too much "stinkin thinkin" going on in my head. I'll put it in check..us Libra's are good at that. Better get my butt to bed...You take care my friend, and thanks for listening...Love...Sue

last thought
This week was a big week for you. Maybe even a bit of a let down. Your news was really great. STABLE is a super place to be. But maybe not the word you wanted to hear. I think that has a lot to do with weird thoughts and feelings. I had lots of down moments this week too. reading over the test results got to me. But it is what it is..
sleep well my friend.
Lisha

the point is!
Hey Sue, I think the point is, to live everyday the best we can, some will be worse then others, but others will be memorable!! Try not to sweat things you can't control........... Keep your head up.... Vinny

Firestorm
Well Sue, I'm thinking that you stay up posting too late at night. You have started a firestorm of frenzy here with your philosophical speaking!
What's the point?!? What's the point!?!
Oh, what's the point?

The point is to see, feel, hear, experience whatever the next day is going to bring. Think about those moments in life when the next day brought something that changed your life forever. (It has happened more often that we realize.) Maybe that was good, maybe it was bad -- but would you have wanted to miss it?

It is now a new day, dawn here. I don't expect anything unusual today. Finish putting the whirlpool tub back together after having to repair it this week. Work on some tedious accounting stuff for my small consulting activity. Go upstairs and exercise. Nothing special. Maybe. But maybe I'll --------. Fill in the blank. That's the thing. The point is not what won't happen. The point is - what will?

Anyway, thanks for being thought provoking. We never know when a life-changing moment will happen. I certainly was never expecting to find a lump in my neck in June of last year. Changed my life. I wonder what will happen today.

Much love,
Tom (DLBCL-Stage 4-7/10-Remission)

COBRA666 said:

Whats the point?
Sue,
I know what you mean. I used to do the same thing.Then I think I figured out something. Every living thing on this planet will die one day. Its just we do not know when. Nobody ever gives it a second thought because things are going so well. Then we get hit with this hugh bump in the road and it makes us think. There is nothing written in stone as to when or if this will come back on us. We all know what we had to go thru with the treatments though.Think of all the people that never have any warnings such as heart attacks,car accidents,suicides,strokes,acute diabetes,etc.etc. They are here and then it takes our breath away when they are gone. We just got a preview to let us know we are all vulnerable. There are survivors out there that have been around for over 20 years and still going strong. Hope this didn't confuse things. Sometimes we know what we are trying to say but don;t know how to write it. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)
Just think if there was a machine that could tell each person on earth when the end would come,then everyone would probably sit and think,"Whats the point" What do you think?

Hi Sue,
Boy, I really agree
Hi Sue,

Boy, I really agree with what Vinny said. For me the point is to live each day to it's fullist, to live each day as if it could be my last. As John said, we do not know when our time is up and cancer for me was a wake up call I guess I needed 4 times. That means to be both kind to myself and other, and to let the people around me know how much I love them. Some days I am so tired and overwhelmed that I do go to what's the point, but I know this happens when I'm over stressed and over tired, and it doesn't last for very long. I also live more for today than tomorrow as tomorrow may not come. That means plan and take that vacation now, buy that new (fill in the blank) today, or do action steps to make that dream happen in the not to distant future. I bat heads with my husband all the time over my life style and his as he is very much a future thinker. Why plan for a vacation when you retire, take it now and enjoy the memorys for a life time. Bear in mind that you need to have the funds to hand all this. And still plan for retirement, family , etc. Just my musing. Sorry it's so long winded.

I think this week has been very stressful for you and you are so new to being out of treatment it's doubly hard. Just remember all your feeling are normal and perfectly understandable.

Love you,
Leslie

COBRA666 said:

Just to add
Leslie,
You saying people are always saving and planning for the way distant future.I agree with what you are saying wholeheartedly. I am talking about people in their 30's and 40's. Its those people and like me I was one of them that figured life was going to go on forever. Never gave any thoughts to anything that could happen to alter that idea. Then all of a sudden I am hit with this Big ole' bump in the road and realize that the future is there but don't know really for how long.Its always been that way,but I never realized it. The other group of people which I used to belong too are still planning for the distant future because they do not see any vulnerability in the road. Its there but they have never had to face it.I don't think anyone really thinks that life will end so thats why they do make these distant plans. having this lymphoma does make a person realize they and everyone else is vulnerable.

I Agree
John,
I totally agree with you. It takes getting hit in the head, or your bump in the road, to get that life is not a given. I believe that my breast cancer diagnosis was where life as I knew it changed forever. Up until 18 yrs ago I was one of those people you talked about, thinking I would go on forever. And after treatment my new normal included this knowledge. For a long time I was very angry that this false belief was taken away from me. I was in my early/mid 40s and most people I knew didn't think about dying. Now I know that this knowledge was a gift. And 15 years later I was given another wake up call. Go figure.
I always enjoy your thoughts and insights.
Leslie

allmost60 said:

Thanks guys...
Hi guys....
Steve said the same things to me that all of you have said. I always share my thoughts with him and 9 times out of 10 he gives me the right answers and gets me back on track. I told him earlier this morning how I've been thinking and he said "hey..you had a stressful few weeks and now it's time to move on and get busy with living". He said we are going to sell the old boat and go look at some new ones, and if we see one that we like then we will just buy it. Steve has a guy at work that wants our boat and he has cash in his hands and ready to pounce on it, so...why not? Kind of exciting yet a little scary, but thats the old pinny pincher side of me talkin...ha! Anyways... I sure hope I didn't bum any of you out with this topic, because that wasn't my intent. I'm good today and it's the weekend, so onward and upward! BTW....Hey Vinny...did you get your tests results back yet? Let us know when you do. Thanks all...I promise to lose the "whats the point" stinky thoughts. I'll post a picture of the new boat when we find one. There's a boat show at the mall next weekend....so who knows!!!!
Love ya...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

Sue,
First off don't ever
Sue,
First off don't ever worry about bumming us out. We're here to listen to you and help if we can. Actually, I think this topic is very relevent to a lot of us, think we have all been there and done that.
The new boat shopping sounds like fun and a really good idea if you are selling your old one. Let us know how the shopping goes.
Need to now get off the pudder and go out side and enjoy the day.
BTW...Neo is doing good on his reduced chemo. Is acting more alert and his node was smaller at last onc visit. We're all so much happier with his progress.
Love to you, Leslie