New here and looking for positive support - triple negative

Hi, i debated a long time about coming here after i was told this place existed. too scared to read about anything at all regarding my disease. Denial i suppose... I even forbid my husband from doing any kind of research because i just couldn't handle knowing anything. Even my doctor was only allowed to tell me only what i had to know to make decisions. Just saying breast cancer was impossible for me. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer on March 29th, 2010. I was in the recover room with husband who had just had minor surgery on his arm and was waiting for the news from my biopsy. I was sure it was just another cyst and no worries. I broke down for two days and was a basket case. Then the long roller coaster ride began. Zanex was my frient. I had a 5cmm lump and scared to death. I began chemo the second day after visiting with my oncologist. I was in such a state, i demanded we begin now regardless of all the tests that were needed before you normally begin. I had an ekg and then started chemo straight away with it going straight into my veins. Then i got a port later on. I had a lumpechtomy after that and had the port removed, and then radiation for 6 weeks. Even while writing this down, i'm shaking. I stayed very positive for husband and my daughter along with the grandchildren. I was only 48 and this was a nightmare i didn't share with anyone. I worked everyday, went to chemo at lunch and then back to work. I went to radiation treatments at lunch as well. the day after surgery, i was working from home. I kept up the positive face and never let on how horrible and alone i felt. Even when i went to have my hair cut off (it was down to my waist) i made it a family affair and we laughed and joked as we tried on different wigs. I cried alone later though. I never let anyone see me without a hat or my wig. the tumor reduced in half after the second chemo treatment, it was unable to be detected manually after the 4th and disappeared entirely by then. After surgery, no cells were found and nothing in the lymph nodes was ever found either. Bone scans were negative, CT scans were negative and the gene test was negative. According to my surgeon and oncologist i'm being silly looking for signs and worrying. I have had the best pathology possible and my chances of recurrance are too low to measure. I am in the lowested percentil possible and the surgeon (top of her field) has never in her 30 years pratice seen anyone with this kind of pathology have a recurrence. It's not helping me not to worry. I still have panic attacks and suffer quietly away from anyone so i dont worry them.

So i have come here to see if i can find others like me so i won't feel so alone. I am still clear of cancer a year later but still, i am so scared. I have a pain in my side that is constent and has been there even years before i was diagnosed with breast cancer. GI doctor said it was an irratated small intestine. It comes and goes but lately it has been constant. I'm too scared to do any kind of research about it and my oncologist isn't concerned. still i keep thinking its pancreatic cancer or liver cancer or intestine cancer...see where my mind goes all the time?