UPDATE ON Linda's Jim

Well, this roller coaster ride just keeps on moving! Yesterday was a very tough day for Jim, but in the late afternoon he got the respirator out and had to cough up gunk for hours. It was excrutiating for him with those chest drains in. He was a real trooper and definitely is a fighter. The doctor explained to me that of course Jim's old smoking days have an impact on his lungs, but what caused the setback was that he was unable to have a epidural due to it causing his heart to go into extreme a-fib and high blood pressure and high heart rate. They were only able to give him some pain meds that wouldn't create even more stress on his heart. If you have a epidural you are able to cough and keep the lungs clear, Jim couldn't and it built up. Jim wasn't pushing the button for morphine and his breathing became very shallow to deal with the pain and the carbon monoxide built up and he was unable to breathe on his own. They were very concerned about pneumonia as well. He accidentally pulled his ng tube out last night and is doing okay without it. They removed his neck drain and he looks so much better today. They are keeping him in ICU today due to his paranoid behavior. He knows everyone, but thinks the nurses and doctors are playing games with him and have a conspiracy! He truly believes this and was angry with me when I questioned him and tried to reason with him. My daughter and I played along with it and finally convinced him to go to sleep after he exhausted us. The doctors think that the anesthesia and meds may be causing this and it will take care of itself. I know when I was on Oxycontin for my last huge surgery a year ago I hallucinated and truly believed and tried to convince Jim, so I am trying to remember that. He was quite entertaining, other than it concerned me. He did turn a bit nasty toward the end of the day. Has anyone experienced this? I am hoping he will wake up normal tomorrow. He is supposed to be moving to a regular room which will be helpful.

Please pray that Jim get's back to his normal wonderful self. Tonight he had the nurse call me because he said some things that were hurtful. We talked and he apologized. I of course told him I understood and this too will pass. He became extremely emotional and I am going to plan on staying in his room tomorrow night. They have built in beds for the caregivers in the rooms. This journey is triggering so many painful memories of the cancer and resulting eight huge surgeries I have had over the last twelve years. Jim has always been my rock and I will be his. He teasingly calls me "Sarg," but of course reminds me he is the general. Well, I have news for him, Sarg is going to be in charge for a while! :-)

Thanks friends for listening, praying, and understanding. I look forward to hearing from any others that have dealt with the "mental issues."

Linda

This was written last night and Jim is now in a beautiful private room overlooking the Willamette River in Portland, Or. We can see Mt Hood from his window. When they brought him in his room he sat in the chair and just stared at the view with tears for a very long time. Cancer really can impact your life and I pray that this experience will strengthen our marriage even more. I am here in the hospital as I write this. I have a wonderful built in bed in his room. This wing of the hospital is only 2 years old and they have thought of everything. They have a washer and dryer families can use, and a shower they provide for the families. Guess what I will be doing tomorrow, you guessed it, laundry!

Jim is up and walking with a walker, has all tubes out other than one of the two chest tubes. His pain is manageable, his heart is out of a-fib, and things are looking great. We are now just waiting for the pathology reports. I do want to add that Jim's paranoia has completely gone away. He does remember saying some things to me and is very remorseful. I understand what pain and cancer can create. All is forgiven. What a difference a few days can make. I do know that there have been prayers all over the U.S. and God isn't ready for us to lose Jim yet. He certainly has beat the odds so far. We are so grateful to be at a high volume cancer center that specializes in esophageal cancer, especially with the MIE. One of Jim's surgeons told me with his heart condition he would not have survived the Ivor-Lewis that was planned for him at home. It is inconvenient, but it is HIS LIFE! Thank you Precious Lord Jesus~! and all of you on this great site~especially the Marshall's and Sherri!

Thank you for your prayers and kind comments during these trying times. William and Loretta, I appreciate you being the catalyst to getting the news to this great group and getting more prayer going.

Off to bed for me!

Linda