When will I get my dad back??-UPDATE
I NEED to know...when will I have my dad back?? Things are looking good as far as the treatment goes. The doctor is very confident that the treatment will take care of the cancer, for now of course. So granted this puts him in remission and the final radiation really is on Thursday...when will he be back? When will my dad stop feeling miserable and start to see the light at the end of this black hole that he is in? I know that it is different for everyone but I am desperate for anything that will give me hope of knowing that I will have my dad back again.
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So I had a little chat with my dad on Monday night. Once again all he does is cry. He says that he can't do this anymore. He can't take it...all he has been doing is throwing up. He says that he has been taking his anti-nausea pills. My mom told him to go for fluids today. I told him that he NEEDS to take his anti-depressants. He says that they aren't going to help but I think I may have convinced him that they will. I told him that depression is very common with a diagnosis of cancer and that there is nothing to be embarrased about. Why not try taking the meds and see if they help even a little. I think he is going to. My mom is going to count his pills to see if he is taking them.
On the downside though...he will have his rads until next Wednesday now instead of being finished this Thursday. I know he was upset about this so I sent my uncle (his big brother) over there to talk his ear off and give him some positive reinforcement. I WILL NOT LET THIS EVIL CANCER TAKE MY DAD!!
Comments
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It will get better....
.....but it does take some time, and it's different for everyone. Your father must be so overwhelmed with not only the diagnosis, but also trying to handle the pain on his own, and lacking proper nutrition. It took my husband a good 2 weeks after treatment to begin to think about coming out of his "cancer shell"....(he's only 3 weeks out of treatment now). It's a slow process, but it will happen. As hard as it is on you, just continue to be supportive, be there for him, etc. Look for those little signs that his strength is returning, and encourage him with those. Also, keep in touch with the wonderful folks on this site who will be supportive of you, too, as you are on this tough journey as well....
Mikki0 -
He will get past this
I write this just a little more than a month past the end of treatment and I am already fairly well. I returned to work full time this past week and am actually in Mexico on a business trip for a week. My treatment was like his: 43 rads, chemos, etc. I also didn't have a feeding tube and forced myself to eat every day. I believe that because I did I am able to eat now though very slowly and with softer food.
Everyone will write adn tell you that everyone is different and they're right. Certainly this recovery is better and faster than most but I thought I would give you an example of the best you can hope for.
The course of mine was tonsillectomy and four weeks of recovery so as to begin the rads and chemo. One pretty good month where I was slowly declining, one month of hell as everything caught up to me, one month of slow and frustrating recovery, and here I am. My kids were incredible supportive during this all and that is the best thing you can do for him.0 -
Rat Him Out
Sorry things are hard for you all right now. Please make sure your dad's doc knows that he's not taking his meds. As you know, often parents will not listen to their children, but may listen to their doctor. Staying on top of pain and/or nausea is crucial. It's so much less bad when you can try to avoid it in the first place, instead of trying to fight it later. I can understand him crying when he tries to eat - it may be amazingly painful, but physically and mentally. I recall "losing" foods, one by one, or group by group - realizing I could no longer eat something was difficult, even though I never doubted I'd be able to eat it again after treatment. Not eating, though, can make the pain and nausea worse, and worse pain and nausea make it harder to eat - argh! Are you all trying liquid nutrition drinks yet?
Also, it took me the "normal" "about three weeks" to start feeling improvement after treatment. Mentally, I felt good that I wasn't doing anything to harm my body any more, but physically, I had to recover. I knew this was the norm, and like many folks, I was irritated that I didn't start feeling better the day after treatment ended. Also, I felt very odd, and in some weird sort of limbo going from intense treatment, going to appointments at least six times a week to seeing a doctor once a month. while I was glad to no longer be damaging my body, I felt I should be doing something else to fight (wasn't admitting that recovering and working at eating, drinking and getting in some exercise IS doing something to fight).
Hoping you and dad do well.0 -
Similar Frustration
Hello - we are in similar situations in that I am on the board to find out more regarding my dad's cancer. He is 75 and has really be a very hard patient through all of this. He has about 3 more weeks of treatment to go and I am waiting to see what comes. Every day has been a roller coaster of him refusing to eat, crying, and being down right mean. I feel bad that your dad is so depressed and will not take the meds that will indeed help him. But I agree, rat him out and tell the Dr's ... it is very normal for people to be depressed during this time. Does he understand that? Perhaps you can take the doctors or nurses aside and explain the situation - we have done that to my dad and got their 'help' in making suggestions to him. It has worked to some degree to get him to comply with what he is supposed to be doing. Still a hard battle not won by a land slide. Keep us posted.0 -
Time
I had similar as for diagnosis, primary was the right tonsil, secondary a lump that popped up on that same side.
I didn't refuse it, but didn't have a PEG. A lot concerning that is your general health and weight going into treatment I believe. They also took my tonsils out first thing.
I had Tonsil Cancer SCC STG III HPV+.
Nine weeks (three week cycles) of Cisplatin, Taxotere and 5FU, then seven weeks of weekly Carboplatin and 35 daily rads.
I took Emend during the first three days of the large doses of chemo, and Zofran as need the rest of the time.
From your description of where your father presently is with treatmeet. He'll probably still have it rough for about another month as for eating. Then he should be able to start off slowly on soft foods.
It's rough, I went nearly seven weeks (last three of rads, and next four) survivng mainly on meds, water and Ensure Plus.
It's difininetly a rough diet....
He will still take several months on top of that before he regains a usable amount of saliva and taste. I'm 18+ months post treatment, and I have regained nearly 95% or so of both. Some gain it faster, others don't...one thing you'll hear and learn, "Everyone is Different"....
Just try and keep him positive and surround him with positive people and events.
Thoughts and Prayers,
John0 -
It Was A 2 Week Stretch For MeSkiffin16 said:Time
I had similar as for diagnosis, primary was the right tonsil, secondary a lump that popped up on that same side.
I didn't refuse it, but didn't have a PEG. A lot concerning that is your general health and weight going into treatment I believe. They also took my tonsils out first thing.
I had Tonsil Cancer SCC STG III HPV+.
Nine weeks (three week cycles) of Cisplatin, Taxotere and 5FU, then seven weeks of weekly Carboplatin and 35 daily rads.
I took Emend during the first three days of the large doses of chemo, and Zofran as need the rest of the time.
From your description of where your father presently is with treatmeet. He'll probably still have it rough for about another month as for eating. Then he should be able to start off slowly on soft foods.
It's rough, I went nearly seven weeks (last three of rads, and next four) survivng mainly on meds, water and Ensure Plus.
It's difininetly a rough diet....
He will still take several months on top of that before he regains a usable amount of saliva and taste. I'm 18+ months post treatment, and I have regained nearly 95% or so of both. Some gain it faster, others don't...one thing you'll hear and learn, "Everyone is Different"....
Just try and keep him positive and surround him with positive people and events.
Thoughts and Prayers,
John
Hey Stingman, Best i can tell you, about half way, I gave up eating for 2 weeks and drank nothing but water, this was the time I prayed to God If He wanted me to stay or jump the fence? I refused the peg tube, which was too late, even the doctors where getting concerned, I cried, threw up, and thought it would never get better, your supportive, that's a plus, I did the road alone, and even had family here, I lost 60 lbs, the insure drinks went down and went out as fast as I drank them, Krogers, or another supermarket, I got a hold of a lobster bisque they served on there hot food line they have in so many markets these days, they even took the time, even when the soup was not available to eat, would go to the trouble to heat it up for me, this was the only thing I lived on, smooth, hot, and settled me down, it got me threw it, Your dad's stomach is shrinking, I had the same thing, or close, I am no Doctor, but until you go threw it, The people who go threw the steps of cancer no what it feels like, and what works....the doctors learn from us. Lean on us for support, we are here. Dennis0 -
Hang in there!dennis318 said:It Was A 2 Week Stretch For Me
Hey Stingman, Best i can tell you, about half way, I gave up eating for 2 weeks and drank nothing but water, this was the time I prayed to God If He wanted me to stay or jump the fence? I refused the peg tube, which was too late, even the doctors where getting concerned, I cried, threw up, and thought it would never get better, your supportive, that's a plus, I did the road alone, and even had family here, I lost 60 lbs, the insure drinks went down and went out as fast as I drank them, Krogers, or another supermarket, I got a hold of a lobster bisque they served on there hot food line they have in so many markets these days, they even took the time, even when the soup was not available to eat, would go to the trouble to heat it up for me, this was the only thing I lived on, smooth, hot, and settled me down, it got me threw it, Your dad's stomach is shrinking, I had the same thing, or close, I am no Doctor, but until you go threw it, The people who go threw the steps of cancer no what it feels like, and what works....the doctors learn from us. Lean on us for support, we are here. Dennis
Hang in there as this is a long slow process.I understand that watching your dad go through
this is horrible. You have to be strong both for yourself & your father. There has to be something he can get down. Even if it is shakes with fruit in them canned peaches are mild & don't burn. I lived on those at first. Cream of wheat. Ton's of water.Something.It can be done it just is tough to do. It will take some time but each day get's better with the odd day I seem to take a step back. If he need's someone to talk to perhap's the cancer cente has a councelling department. Talk to your Dr's let them know how he is handling all of this. His nutrisionist, if he does not have one he definitly needs one. My nutrisionist was
there for everything & anything. You need some help so please ask for it. We are here for you & can offer support & guidance but you need someone hand's on at your end. Please keep us posted as to how you both are doing. You are in my prayer's.
God Bless
Roz0 -
Hydrationrozaroo said:Hang in there!
Hang in there as this is a long slow process.I understand that watching your dad go through
this is horrible. You have to be strong both for yourself & your father. There has to be something he can get down. Even if it is shakes with fruit in them canned peaches are mild & don't burn. I lived on those at first. Cream of wheat. Ton's of water.Something.It can be done it just is tough to do. It will take some time but each day get's better with the odd day I seem to take a step back. If he need's someone to talk to perhap's the cancer cente has a councelling department. Talk to your Dr's let them know how he is handling all of this. His nutrisionist, if he does not have one he definitly needs one. My nutrisionist was
there for everything & anything. You need some help so please ask for it. We are here for you & can offer support & guidance but you need someone hand's on at your end. Please keep us posted as to how you both are doing. You are in my prayer's.
God Bless
Roz
Make sure he has plenty of fluids, if he is throwing up he may need to get iv fluids, they can give them to him where he gets his chemo. I agree with everyone else here, talk to his Doctors and let them know. He can still get the feeding tube if he can't eat. It has been my husbands lifeline, without it I don't think he would be with me right now. He finished his treatments in late November. 39 Rads and 3 chemo (cicplatin) for tonsil cancer with 2 lymph nodes involed Stage 4 A or 4 B, he would had to get fluids several times a week in the last few weeks of treatment. The docs have given him 70% cure rate.
It can be beaten but your dad needs to take care of himself and get the fluids and nutrition to help his body fight this terrible disease. keep us posted on the progress and I will be praying for him and the family. Hang in there it does get better with time.
Terry0 -
I know this must be hard for
I know this must be hard for you. Trust me it's way harder for him. Nothing could have ever prepared me for how painful and horrible radiation would be. Some people have an easier time of it, but my side effects were feirce. I didn't want a peg tube either but thank goodness I changed my mind because I needed it. My mouth and tongue and lips were just one huge bleeding sore. Even my RO and his PA said that my mouth was about the worst they had seen. You can think you have the will abd resolve to keep eating and swallowing but sometimes it's just not possible to do so. We've had other members here that have had peg tubes placed in the middle of treatment. Your dad must get enough fluids and nutrients to get him through this. Even with my tube and five cans a day, prune juice, yogurt, Gatorade, baby food, and tons of water through my peg tube, I stil needed fluids because I had problems with dehydration and low potassium. The pain from my mouth at times was just unbearable and I was on a pain patch of 75 mcgs of fentanyl. This beast can knock you on your butt.
I felt like death warmed over and I took my meds and had enough nutrition. I also am alone and had to do everything on my own. I'm glad your dad has you guys. Tell the doctors that he isn't taking his meds and that he needs better nutrition and fluids. This may get your dad mad but too bad. He's probably not thinking clearly now anyway.
It takes time to get through this and get to his new normal but he needs to get nutrition and fluids to get there.
Wishing you and your dad my best,
Sweet0 -
Hoping my daughter turns out like yousweetblood22 said:I know this must be hard for
I know this must be hard for you. Trust me it's way harder for him. Nothing could have ever prepared me for how painful and horrible radiation would be. Some people have an easier time of it, but my side effects were feirce. I didn't want a peg tube either but thank goodness I changed my mind because I needed it. My mouth and tongue and lips were just one huge bleeding sore. Even my RO and his PA said that my mouth was about the worst they had seen. You can think you have the will abd resolve to keep eating and swallowing but sometimes it's just not possible to do so. We've had other members here that have had peg tubes placed in the middle of treatment. Your dad must get enough fluids and nutrients to get him through this. Even with my tube and five cans a day, prune juice, yogurt, Gatorade, baby food, and tons of water through my peg tube, I stil needed fluids because I had problems with dehydration and low potassium. The pain from my mouth at times was just unbearable and I was on a pain patch of 75 mcgs of fentanyl. This beast can knock you on your butt.
I felt like death warmed over and I took my meds and had enough nutrition. I also am alone and had to do everything on my own. I'm glad your dad has you guys. Tell the doctors that he isn't taking his meds and that he needs better nutrition and fluids. This may get your dad mad but too bad. He's probably not thinking clearly now anyway.
It takes time to get through this and get to his new normal but he needs to get nutrition and fluids to get there.
Wishing you and your dad my best,
Sweet
and demonstrates such love and loyalty to her dad. You state in the post that the Doctor is very confident that the treatment is working. Perhaps your dad wasn't in the right frame of mind to hear this the first time or hasn't heard it yet directly or just needs to hear it again. So please do as someone else suggested and get the doctor to sit down with him and just say it one more time. Funny how we listen to experts sometimes and not our loved ones. You now have a guy named "Ratface" agreeing that you should rat him out! So go rat, rat, rat!0 -
your dad
he is still your dad under all the pain. just believe that the treatments have gotten the cancer, but now he is working so hard to survive the treatments. it is both emotionally and physically hard to got through any of these treatments. I had surgery and radiation, so I can't say how long it takes for chemo recovery, but the radiation took me about 3 weeks to feel more like myself, but I am a couple months out and I still do not feel completely normal. foods don't taste the same, I have to be careful about textures, and I have a new outlook on life. I want to see and do the things I told myself I could do when my kids were older (I am 31 with a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and an 11 month old). I am trying my best to be a good mommy to them, but I know I am different than I was before. we are all adjusting to my new normal. it will take some time for you and your dad to find your new normal too. give him time...he sounds stubborn and that will only help in! being stubborn will mean that he is fighting as best he knows how to make sure he can get back to his life...do tell his doctors that he isn't taking his meeds...sometimes you can be too stubborn!
wishing you the best of luck...and sending you a hug! 0 -
Hi
My dad finished treatment in June for tongue cancer. It seemed the two weeks after treatment were the worse. In the last 3 weeks I have seen a major improvement in my father. He is starting to act like his old self. It is very hard to see a parent go through this, but he will get better. Do not be afraid to talk with the doctors/nurses about your concerns.
I will keep you in my thoughts.0 -
a little while more
I believe he has a little more to go downward before he starts upward. The chemo will have to clear out of his body and that will take a bunch of days. Radiation therapy works in a 10~14 day lag so he won't have the strongest effect from it till after that time. I would judge that he will likely spend a couple of weeks at that low spot before he starts to climb out and realizes that he is starting to feel better. Could be four to six weeks from now.
He has two things working against him, right now: pain and nutrition. The pain starts a cascade of physiological changes that gets in the way of healing. The nutrition need is obvious in that he needs water, protein, and calories to rebuild all the damage that has been laid upon him by the treatment. He may not have been able to control the cancer, but he can control this. I resisted the PEG tube, too, but finally gave in. Afterwards, I realized that it was no big deal. I guess it was just my pride that got in my way.0 -
Getting back to the new Normal
It takes time but yes your Dad will get back to a new normal, but it depends on his body how fast he will heal. Try to remember he has stopped his treatment but inside of his body the radiation and chemo is still working and will continue for many weeks.
It is normal for anywhere between 2 months to 1 year before things start to get back to his new normal. For now continue to love your dad and be with him when he needs.
Welcome here to CSN and hope you plan to stay
Hondo0 -
Dad update
Good girl!! Keep on him. Be caring but strong with him. I got to the point where I couldn't stop throwing up either. Even though I took all my drugs. I had a peg and I was so sick I lost 40 pounds when all hell broke lose when I was done with rads and my side effects peaked. It was very hard and beyond painful. I just wanted to give up too. I am always in awe of the people who were able to keep working through it and even eat and exercise through it all. It just hits some of us harder. Let him know that it sucks but that there many of us that have been there and are still here yrs later.
Sending good thoughts and prayers his way,
Sweetblood0 -
Get a psychiatrist to see him
He sounds in very bad shape psycologically. I would get professional help as your family and dotors have all failed to get him to even take his meds. The condition is common and is treatable. A Psychiatrist with cancer patient experience should be able to turn him around. Get his primary Oncologist to order one in.
Scam0 -
AgreeScambuster said:Get a psychiatrist to see him
He sounds in very bad shape psycologically. I would get professional help as your family and dotors have all failed to get him to even take his meds. The condition is common and is treatable. A Psychiatrist with cancer patient experience should be able to turn him around. Get his primary Oncologist to order one in.
Scam
-with Scam, as is typical. The toll of the battle on the mind can be a large one, and he really does need his head to be moving forward in step with the treatment. Something as simple as a little Xanax pill (I did 1/2-tabs) might make all the difference in the world. And, a Physchiatrist with C experience most certainly will be able to help.
You must tell your Father that we've all fought the battle, won, and life is great post-treatment. I was amazed at how fast my body healed, and returned to work a month after the last rad. NPC, my mouth was a trainwreck for two months. Six months after the last rad I developed a likin' for relish and mustard, and a few months later for Roadhouse chili. He will get back- KNOW IT. This is just the way the battle goes for us all. You will get your Father back, and I trust you will let him know how proud you are of him when treatment's done. Not an easy road, to be sure.
kcass0
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