Mr. Marshall

Thank you so much for sitting down again and writing to me. yes, I do believe there are alot of things that I am here for, one is to help my daughter fight her lyme disese which we have been doing for six years. The stress that we have been under didn't help her disease so we are both on a new mission to get better. I totally agree with you. We are doing better, most days yes, somedays no., but we are strong and we have each other. I wanted to post publicly to you so that other members can realize how ec affects no only the patient but the entire family. We all got cancer the day Ed was diagnosed. We, as a family sufered the affects of this horrible cancer. We were with him every day, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, minus a few breaks in between, as I will say again,very few breaks. Ed's cancer has made me a different person today. I thank God everyday that I wake up, that I am able to have another day with my daughter and family. I do not take anything for granted anymore.
How could I after watching what happend to my poor husband. I think we all take life for granted, getting up and just doing our thing, whatever that thing is, not ever thinking of what may happen if we were the ones with this horrible diagnosis. I watched my poor Mom suffer copd for twenty five years and in the end, not be able to breath on her own, man, did she suffer. Ed suffered mentally more than physically but to watch the two of them, they both suffererd terribly in different ways. I think we are all here for a reason, sometimes we don't know what that reason is, but there is a reason. Life will never be the same William, how could it be, two huge people in my life are gone and there is a definite difference without them. I am trying to remember the good in both of them and there was alot of that. Also trying to not remember the bad, there was some of that too, especially how Ed behaved during his illness. I am not walking in his shoes, I do not know how I would be if I was so I do not want to cast any stones anymore, I have found some forgiveness in my heart for him, I believe he was shocked, scared and didn't know how to handle his prognosis
How would any of us feel if a doctor said you have less than six months to live?? I don't know and I pray that I will never be in his shoes. My husband was a good man, a good provider, an excellent dad and husband for all of the years we were married. I have thought about the past year many many times and what I keep coming up with is the same answer, scared.
I believe that my mom wanted to be with her Ed and in the end, that is exactly what she did.
I know in my heart that she is watching over him somewhere in heaven, that they are laughing, she is breathing fine, he does not have cancer anymore and they together. This, William, is what helps me get up everyday and go on.
I am so happy that we renewed our wedding vows in August, I know it was one of Ed's best days in his last year, he told me so. I remarried the man that I fell in love with 25 years ago and have never regretted it. I have a beautiful album full of pictures of him and I and Diana and my family. That day can never be replaced and I'm so happy that we did it.

Yes, my life is going on, one day at a time as they say. I still have many sad days, sad moments, missing both of them, I went to my mom's grave yesterday and it is still very difficult, I think the winter months, being so cold and snowy doesn't help. I am looking forward to the spring so I can plant flowers are both graves. I do not have to go the graves anymore as much, I talk to both of them daily right from my own house. We have many conversations (haha)!.

Diana is planning on going back to college, finishing her degree which I am so glad about.
We are so lucky to have each other and I know that. I could be alone, sitting here by myself so I consider myself very lucky to have such a beautiful caring daughter.

William, I will never forget you. You are still my true "hero" throughout all of this. Iknow that if I ever need someone to talk to that I can go straight to you. Thank you very much for your kind words, and yes, we are doing better. time does help, it will continue to help.
I wish everyone this year on this website who is going through what I have been through prayers and thoughts. If you ever need to talk to me, please contact me., I will try to help anyone the best that I can. We have weathered the storm!!!!!

Best regards always

Linda