I fear My mom is nearing the end

ChrisMcG
ChrisMcG Member Posts: 18
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
In May of 2010, my mom was diagnosed with stage iv ovarian cancer. My family didn't believe it. She was the healthiest person I knew.

After many rounds of chemo, it seemed like the cancer was going away.

Then in November, she had surgery to reverse her colostomy bag, thats when we were told there was a lot more cancer then first thought. They gave her 2 years.

Two days ago she went to the hospital with severe stomach pains. What was supposed to be a 2 hour surgery turned into an 8 hour surgery. The dr. Came out and said she says a few weeks or months left.

I'm devastated. I wasn't expecting good news, and my family is certaintly getting use to all the bad news, but it really hurts. I don't know what I'll do without her.

I look up to her everyday. She means the world to me. I'm 18, and live with her, my dad, and my handicapped brother.

I'm really nervous about my how dad will cope after she is gone. How he will take of a job and my brother. I'm always here to help, but he'll want me to have my own life.

I just don't know how to cope with something like this. I think she should be compfortable in the coming few weeks, but it still hurts.

Any advice would be great. Anyone that has ever dealt with someone like this before, please share your stories. Anything will help.


I've never had to endure a death in my family, especially to someone I would consider to be my best friend.

-Chris

Comments

  • VictoriaSF
    VictoriaSF Member Posts: 165
    #2
    sorry, be strong
    dear Chris
    i am newto this site and do not have much experience, but please do not loose the hope till the very end. miracles happened!
    maybe you can try chinese doctors.
    i am not in the position to give advise as i just had my surgery and did not even start my chemo yet.
    but i have 19 y.o son and i see how scared he is and concerned.
    be strong, you have to be support for your father

    hugs
    victoria
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #3
    Dear Chris,
    I was wondering what happened to your mom. I'm so sorry to hear this news. THis is devastating no matter how you cut it. At the same time, making a decision to enjoy each and every day with your mom is the most important thing to do. The future will fall into place and take care of itself, you and your dad will have the strength and grace to do what you have to do when the time comes.

    And only God knows how long we are determined to live on this earth, not the doctors.

    Praying for you and your family today,
    kathleen
  • Sandy10
    Sandy10 Member Posts: 80
    #4
    praying for you
    Chris,

    Couldn't help but cry reading your post. I lost my mom 11 years ago. Not to cancer though. Her death was shocking to say the least. She was my best friend. I was 32 when she died and had children of my own and I felt like I was a lost 5 year old little girl. Take each day as it comes. Live each day to it's fullest with your mom. Talk, laugh and cry with her. Have "mom and daughter days" do your nails together. Watch your favorite movies together. Have midnight Ice cream sundays with her. Enjoy every day. She will be worried about you and your brother and father as well. I say that because as a mother and having this hateful disease I am worried about my children and husband and what will happen if I lose this battle. Your are so young to have to endure this. This disease is so unfair. Like the others said though, keep faith.Only God can decide when someone leaves this earth.Not the doctors.((((HUGS)))) to you and your mother.I will be praying for you and your family.

    Sandy
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #5
    take each day as it comes
    I am so sorry to hear of your mother's deteriorating condition. My mother is also about ready to throw in the towel after two years of fighting this disease.

    There is no other way to cope with this than to take each day as it comes. Don't assume that everything will turn out terribly, because you and your family will survive no matter what.

    Along with the tremendous support and advice you will get in this forum, please consider visiting the caregivers and emotional support forums (scroll down). There are several peeps in your age group there living the same nightmare.

    Chin up when you can, Chris. In the next few weeks, just being there for your Mom will be enough.
  • ChrisMcG
    ChrisMcG Member Posts: 18
    #6
    Thank you so much everything
    Thank you so much everything you've all said. It really does help. I keep thinking m in a nightmare and I'm going to wake up.

    She is recovering well from the surgery. I'm just going to take everyday as it comes. Just stay positive. I really appreciate the comments from everyone.

    Thanks again.
  • Disneynutt
    Disneynutt Member Posts: 134 Member
    #7
    Dear Chris. I am so, so
    Dear Chris. I am so, so sorry you have to endure this. Unfortunately, it is part of life and one I wish didn't exist. My own dear Mother passed this mortal coil in June of this year and I won't sugar coat it ... it's very difficult but not impossible to endure. We were very close and were roommates during the last 3 years here in Florida. Ever since my Dad passed away in 1997 my Mom was the center of the family life. Everything we did was for her and her welfare. So when she departed it left a big hole. So I think I can guess what you are feeling and what your fears are.

    I was her primary care giver until her passing; not because of cancer though.

    It helps if you can surround yourself with friends, family members and your church whatever that may be. I think people are the greatest comfort at this time. And perhaps for you, your belief in God. I don't have that faith but have found comfort knowing my Mom had a great life and was much loved by everyone she met. I also take comfort in knowing that I took great care of her and made her happy during her twilight years. She lives on in my memories.

    I also do not stop myself from crying whenever I feel like it since I am still in mourning. It helps. :-)

    But I hope for a miracle and will keep you in my thoughts. You will be fine.

    Best,
    Kate
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #8
    Dear Chris
    I am so sorry to read about your Mom. My mother also has this dreaded disease and I know about the hoping for good news, and hearing something different. It can be quite discouraging. As we speak, my mother is getting a CT scan, and although it won't show much progression, she knows and i know it is spreading. IN my heart of hearts, I have always known this beast will catch up to her, so I have been preparing. We talk about her wishes and dreams for me, and I try to meet her needs like getting DVDs and books she wants. Mostly, we just hang out like we always did, because you know what, it's fun. We decided not to let cancer take that from us. Also, in the back of my head I make sure that I am not going to have many regrets. Have I said everything I need/want to? Have I done everything I need/want to? Stuff like that. Try not to worry too much about your Dad. You'd be surprised how resilient people can be....My thoughts and prayers are with you....hope this helps a little...
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #9
    Dear Chris
    I'm so very sorry to hear this news. Stay strong and try to remember what a wonderful daughter you are.
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • sarge57
    sarge57 Member Posts: 50 Member
    #10
    Your Mom
    Hi Chris

    I am so sorry what you are currently going through with your Mom no one your age should have to endure this. Everyone says to be strong but it is not easy I lost my Dad last February and now my wife has stage 4b Cervical Cancer, they are estimating she has 1-3 months left, she is not well, very weak, in pain, etc.. all of us here have seen it.

    The only advice I can give and I don’t if it is right is to be strong for yourself, she does not need to see you upset, try and show her you are strong and you are there for her. Nothing wrong with being sad as we are all sad when we lose a family member who we are close to.

    From you age I presume your Mom is fairly young probably late 40’s/early 50’s, which is way too young for this to be happening. My wife is 53 and was totally healthy 6 months ago, we have 3 children 22, 23 and 26.

    The only other piece of advice I can offer is try and stay close with your Dad as you have no idea what he is going through right now, I certainly do. Losing a parent still is not the same as losing your husband/wife or spouse. Just try and be there for spend some time with him do things together. Unfortuanately the father/husband tends to be forgotten by the friends and family when he loses his wife. Your Dad will feel totally lost so try and be there for him as well you spending time with your friends to help you through this as well.

    Good Luck, and feel free to contact me any time for any help ( Your Dad as well)

    John
  • zinaida
    zinaida Member Posts: 221
    #11
    Dear Chris!I am so sorry for
    Dear Chris!I am so sorry for you. I lost my mom (ovarian cancer) in 2006. She was 75 and I was 53. For you in your age I think it is even harder to see your mom close to the end of life. My advice to you. Try to spend as much time with her as you can, as she needs. Listen to her about every thing she talks. Bring for her any food or drinks she wants and ask for, it will make her feel better. Some times she will talk about negative things, do not run away. She needs it! You can do it! My husband says: just love her and show her your love. We are human beings, we need to learn how to forgive, forget and love.(((HUGS))), Zina.
  • azgrandma
    azgrandma Member Posts: 609 Member
    #12
    zinaida said:

    Dear Chris!I am so sorry for
    Dear Chris!I am so sorry for you. I lost my mom (ovarian cancer) in 2006. She was 75 and I was 53. For you in your age I think it is even harder to see your mom close to the end of life. My advice to you. Try to spend as much time with her as you can, as she needs. Listen to her about every thing she talks. Bring for her any food or drinks she wants and ask for, it will make her feel better. Some times she will talk about negative things, do not run away. She needs it! You can do it! My husband says: just love her and show her your love. We are human beings, we need to learn how to forgive, forget and love.(((HUGS))), Zina.

    I will pray
    I will pray for you my dear, my heart aches for you and your family. I will be glad to pray for you all

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