I'm 18 and I just lost my mom

Vicky DeRosia · November 2010

I am so sorry to hear that
I am so sorry to hear that your mom has lost her battle.I will keep you in my prayers.I firmly beleive that your mom will always be with you and when you have those special events in your life she will be cheering you on from above. She is never really going to leave you.It sounds has if you had a wonderful relationship cling to that and remember the love you had for each other.On the days you think you just can't make it without her say out loud okay mom be with me today and she will be she will be,she will be in your heart and,and be there in spirit.If you need to talk cry or laugh I will be here too.Just post.

almejen · December 2010

I feel your pain
First off I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, I also lost my mom when I was 19. This is the hardest time of our lives, when we need our moms the most. I was taken back when I read your story because it is almost identical to mine. I too am a christian and never thought that my mom was going to die, I always thought God was going to heal her. My mom passed away almost 15 years ago and I will not tell you it easier because it doesnt. I do things like the breast cancer races it makes me feel close to her and also I have been a guest speaker for breast cancer. I didnt think about it and when I did I was so angry and I would see mothers and daughters and just cry. When I finally delt with it and got it out and talked about it I felt the healing begin. So my advise to you is dont hold it in, let it out. I was mad at God and I told him that and I asked him to heal my heart and use me to help others who are going through the same thing because no one understands unless they have lost their mom. We also both know that we will see our mothers again in Heaven and spend eternity with them. I am here for you if need to talk.
Jennifer

webbwife50 · December 2010

gptm said:
This is so sad
Hello,

I found your post in answer to the other young womans post. This is so sad, I too have two daughters 18 and 23 they are both away at college.

I don't know what to say. I know your Mother loves you so much and is proud of you and I feel that when a person passes they are still with us. I really feel that. I hope that doesn't upset you but gives you comfort.

With this now, you are quite a different young woman than when you left for college, and I am really saddened at how bittersweet this must be for you. My heart really goes out to you.

Live your life with all the memories of your Mom, think of her, because I feel she will be watching you from heaven.

Teresa

Ohh, this breaks my heart! I
Ohh, this breaks my heart! I have two daughters also, 18 & 19. They are truly my greatest loves. If cancer should take me, I just hope I tell them often enough.Do everything possible to help yourself overccome! Your mother is so proud and loves you so very much! God bless you and heal you and comfort you...Love Alison

magdaaxo · December 2010

Hey, I'm 17 and just
Hey, I'm 17 and just recently lost my mom to cancer too. I can understand what you're going through. We're basically in the same stage of life. if you ever need anyone to talk to that can relate to you, message me and i can give you my email

ChrisMcG · January 2011

We're in very similar situations
Hey, I'm 18 too, and in NOvember of 2010, my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer.

After any surgeries and rounds of chemo, the Dr. said last night that she had a few weeks or month to live.

She has the most positive outlook on life, as it sounds your mom did too. This last year has been incredibly hard on me, and I don't know what I'll do when the end comes.

I thought we could talk, since our situation seem to be so similar.

I haven't stopped crying in the last few days.

I live my dad and handicapped brother. I'm very concerned about both of them, I don't know how they're going to cope.

I know it's not over, and I haven't given up hope, but it certaintly isn't good.

Keep your head up, and stay positive.

-Chris

JoycesSon · January 2011

I am sorry
I was 19 on December 17, 1987 when I watched my Mom die of breast cancer. The grief this year hit me more than some in the past. I think due to my Dad's health depleating not from cancer but diabeties. I do feel my Mom has been involved in my life since her loss. Particularly in finding my wife who has been the rock of support in my life for 20 years. Continue to keep those that support you close. Know that your Mom is still there involved in your life. I try to refresh the good memories of Mom from time to time through the years to keep them with me.

Take care and your Mom's love will always be with you.

bluerose · January 2011

I am so sorry Ekidd
I am so sorry to hear of your Mother's passing and one thing you said struck a chord with me and prompted me to write to you.

You were saying that you were feeling so sad because you would not hear your Mom singing in the morning anymore or opening the door to tell you something small or be at your wedding but I think you will hear all of those things and feel her at your wedding because you have memories of her doing all of that and those cannot ever fade.

When you feel sad just think of her singing in the morning and you will here it in your mind, you will remember days when she popped her head into your room and said 'time to get up' and at your wedding I would bet anything you will feel her presense. I know that there are times when I can almost hear my Mom's voice talking about this or that or saying some phrase she was well known for because I have the memories of it all. My Mom died about 8 years ago now I guess, not of cancer, just kind of wore out with old age but it was a complete shock to me as I lived far away so I wasn't there when she died. We lived far apart most of my young adult years so we talked on the phone all the time, everyday.

I know you are sad and that is perfectly normal for the short time you have been dealing with her passing. Being so young you were probably in some denial at her health situation as alot of young people are, or even older people in fact, but I think we do that to protect ourselves from the shock of what we are being told - your Mom is very sick. We can't fathom being without our Moms, so you aren't alone in how you feel.

Please use this board often to talk about how you are feeling and many on here will be happy to help you as they have been through so much too with cancer.

Over time you will feel differently but I personally believe your Mom will always be with you, watching to make sure you are okay and taking pride in all of the accomplishments you will undoubtedly make in your life. You will feel her there, of that I am sure.

I am a 23 year survivor of non hodgkins lymphoma.

One day at a time, and if you want to talk to someone who deals with grief situatuions in your community that might not be a bad idea plus visiting this site as well. We all need some guidance professionally now and then with it all and at 18 there are so many changes you are going through as it is. You have alot on your plate - don't be afraid to seek help from a good grief counsellor too -your doctor will have name so freputable counsellors who can really guide you through.

Keep writing and asking questions, keeping us posted on how you are doing.

Blessings,
Bluerose

mikenz · January 2011

on those bad days and nights
on those bad days and nights try to remember good times, happy memories. my dad died when i was 13 and i used to have nightmares for months. i would sleep, dream and he would be alive again then when i woke up i would have to face him being gone all over. keep busy, don't stop living, you have to and as awful as it sounds coming from someone else, time is the only thing that takes the edge off. i just remembered something too that i used to do to help me feel better. i used to pull out the old photo albums and go over them sometimes for a couple of hours just remembering and smiling. if i could take your pain away i would but nobody can and there aren't really any words anybody can say that will make it all better. hard as it is just keep active and busy it helps a little. mike

EKIDD2 · March 2011

mikenz said:
on those bad days and nights
on those bad days and nights try to remember good times, happy memories. my dad died when i was 13 and i used to have nightmares for months. i would sleep, dream and he would be alive again then when i woke up i would have to face him being gone all over. keep busy, don't stop living, you have to and as awful as it sounds coming from someone else, time is the only thing that takes the edge off. i just remembered something too that i used to do to help me feel better. i used to pull out the old photo albums and go over them sometimes for a couple of hours just remembering and smiling. if i could take your pain away i would but nobody can and there aren't really any words anybody can say that will make it all better. hard as it is just keep active and busy it helps a little. mike

Thank you
Thank you everyone for your encouraging and comforting words! They all mean so much to me...especially on those bad days.

I haven't checked this in a few months, but I would love to start checking this more frequently as it is a huge source of comfort.

I have been working to try to remember the good memories and focus on them...It's hard to not wallow in the pain though....but most days have been better recently. I am starting to learn to live with the pain. I am realizing this will be a daily struggle from here on out.

I absolutely love those poems- a wonderful reminder that my mom lived...As one person mentioned she did, I plan to make a scrapbook in memory of my mom. Full of pictures and memories. I think it will be therapeutic to make and I want my future husband and children to be able to look at the scrapbook.

For those who are also recently facing a parental loss...I would love to email and talk with you...I find so much comfort in talking about my grief and sharing my grief with those who have experienced a similar loss. My email is ekidd31@yahoo.com Feel free to email me.

Thanks again for all the kind words that I do take to heart.

God Bless!

Liz

shalen · October 2011

im also 18 years old and my
im also 18 years old and my mum has cancer and it spread all over her body and she is so sick and ill , i cant believe that happend to her and she is now in a hospice and she is getting worst by the day and it hurts me so much to see her in pain and knowing that one of the days im gonna get a phone call that says i lost my mum and i believe in god and we all pray that a miracle can happen or that she can be around for a little longer,i hate it when people suffer like this at times i ask my self why does god make her suffer like this,if he wants to take them why dont he do it in a way that they dont have to suffer because like this we cant helo her all we can do is watch n look at her and i feel all the cancer people sorry in the world and pray to god that they find a cure so in future we can hell the cancer people.....please pray for my mum people i realy hope she can get better

teenadee · October 2011

my sincere condolences
I am so deeply sorry for your loss and this is by far unfair. I am much older than you but my mom has bone metastasis from Thyroid cancer so I can relate to the pain and suffering you saw in your mom. Your mom sounded like an amazing person and she is your guardian angel now watching over you. I wish you the absolute best and one advice I can give from personal experience, is to be around people that love and truly care about you. Some times, people in the immediate family tend to bring you down to make themselves feel better so be around friends and the family that helps you completely. This site is also a wonderful support group. God bless you.

CrayJay · June 2016

How did you do it?

I am 18 and i just lost my mother two weeks ago, to breast cancer. She had been fighting for 16 years and it was just this thing she had. She tried not to let it affect my life but you know, it does. Everything was okay until mid January when she became paralyzed from the t4 down. It was a roller coaster so many ups and downs and I am in College. So I tried to distance myself from it... I shouldn't have done that. I regret it. I wish I was there for her. Anyways she ended up coming home on hospice and after a while things just became normalish... So after fibals, my family went on a road trip from Texas to Colorado to South Dakota to see my rushmore, it was supposed to go on all the way to Washington then Rowan the coast and come back to Texas. But we didn't make it. Mom was having a really hard time breathing and anxiety and we everything that could go wrong went wrong tensions were high... My grandmother(moms mom) and I have a real hard time getting along. So we came home. A few days later dad had to go to back to work ( in california) or we would lose our insurance. So sad leaves and two days later mom passed. Dad comes back home, my family doesn't really, well let's just say we don't talk about feelings. Mom and I did that. She was the only one I talked to. Do we did a little gathering and got her ashes, we will be spreading them on various beaches. But then life continues i am in summer classes at college an hour and half away and dad is in california. You know I have stuff I need to do and life doesn't stop... I guess I am just trying to avoid it. How did you move on? Why does this just consume you? I am a very private person with my emotions and everyone asks how things are and you know you just say your ok and things go on. But really they're not. I hate the look of sympathy everyone gives you you know? My mom died in the 25 of May and my birthday is on June 25. I hate that she will miss all of the great things to come: college graduation, Air Force Commisioning, getting married, having kids.... Everything that she would be so proud of and that other people can share with their mom I can't she doesn't get to see me live like she wanted to she doesn't get to be that proud momma. Why does this suck so bad. I'd give anything for just a real hug where she can stand up and fully hug. I can't even remember what that's like... How did you handle this and college and all the stress and pressure?

I am sorry you lost your Mom and I honestly wish I could do something for you but the truth is I can't. I hope you are doing great things and are changing the world.

I'm 18 and I just lost my mom

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