Getting Affairs in order......

hope0310
hope0310 Member Posts: 320
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Something we do not like to talk about....although, mom did and told us her wishes etc., but she changed so quickly that she was not able to sign the will herself. Since my stepdad brother and myself all agreed to what she wanted, we set the wheels in motion.

It is still a huge inconvience, do all you can ahead of time. Power of attorney expires at the time of death. Accounts are frozen, sent to probate whether family wants or not.

My brother and I are now caretakers for our Mimi - 85 years old and will out live us all. Her account was frozen b/c it was tied to moms. SS can still deposit, but the nursing home cannot withdrawal! They were threatening to kick her out!!! She has been there 10 years and they know exactly what is going on, yet we are having to deal with this on top of everything else.

3 months now, and still froze.

Oh, and try cancelling a cell phone!!! It's crazy......

Just my frustration for the day, and food for thought.

Elysia

Comments

  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #2
    Hang in there Hope!

    Hang in there Hope!
  • UNBEARABLE
    UNBEARABLE Member Posts: 23
    #3
    i understand
    Elysia,
    I think no matter how much preparation is done in advance, it is overwhelming to say the least to get everything done. My husband had signed his will. In fact, the lawyer took care of it the day after he died without any help on my part. However, the drama is far from over. Open new accts, close old accts, open estate acct, fight for his body not to be moved at the cemetary, and the list goes on. It has been 2 mos. and i'm not near finished. I NEVER realized how difficult and time consuming this would be.

    Seems as if one thing hindges on another and nothing is easy.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as this is difficult to deal with (oh and how do u find time to grieve during all this chaos?)

    Nicole
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #4
    power of attorney
    I have just begun all these steps and it is so overwhelming. We are having an attorney come next week to sign the will and power of attorney papers. But i must have misunderstood something.....is the power of attorney only good while the person is still alive? I thought that was going to help me with other accounts and stuff if my husband died. Guess I'll have to get clarification on that.
    None of this stuff is fun and it makes you think that you are being pessimistic about treatment when instead you are just trying to be practical and prepared for the worst.
    Good Luck to us all!
    Debbie
  • 1Teresa
    1Teresa Member Posts: 67
    #5
    my mom
    signed everything over when she found out the cancer was back. She didnt want the probate and all the crud for our family
  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #6
    POA
    Yes. That is absolutely true. Once someone passes away, the POA is worthless.. it's only valid while they are still alive. We found this out from the funeral director. That is why it's so important to update things. MY FIL passed away suddenly this year, he was 87. As conservative and cautious as this man was he left a real mess for my MIL, my husband and his sisters. They didn't have an updated will, My MIl had no living will or Financial or medical POA. We have a SIL with some disabilities. Nothing was set up for her. So my husband took her to a lawyer and got everything taken care of and it was less than a thousand dollars.
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    #7
    UNBEARABLE said:

    i understand
    Elysia,
    I think no matter how much preparation is done in advance, it is overwhelming to say the least to get everything done. My husband had signed his will. In fact, the lawyer took care of it the day after he died without any help on my part. However, the drama is far from over. Open new accts, close old accts, open estate acct, fight for his body not to be moved at the cemetary, and the list goes on. It has been 2 mos. and i'm not near finished. I NEVER realized how difficult and time consuming this would be.

    Seems as if one thing hindges on another and nothing is easy.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as this is difficult to deal with (oh and how do u find time to grieve during all this chaos?)

    Nicole

    I have begun to call it the "Business" of dying
    A few months after my husband's dx, which was extensive sclc, I persuaded him to sit with me, talk and explain, put policies and all legal and financial paperwork in one, safe place. It was difficult, but as I reminded him on several occasions, I could be the one that dies first and I would not want him to have to go through this type of stress at that moment. We also went to the Funeral Home and made the decisions of what type of service and interment for both of us. We had just recently re-done our wills.

    So you would think, good, all is in order. Well, for the most part it was, but with the sorrow you are going through, everything becomes difficult. At least for me it was that way. My love was retired Air Force, a disabled Veteran, and had been disabled retired from the Postal service. Talk about the paperwork! The loving, generous provider that he always was, he made sure I would have funds to live on. Having fun collecting them! Reporting his passing, death certificates, more forms to fill.

    You're right, Nicole, I've just now started to grieve his loss! He passed on Dec. 20, 2010. Yes, the holidays. Wait for this, wait for that. The collector's appear to be the only ones that weren't off for the holidays!

    Almost 4 weeks after, I believe I have accomplished all the "business" of my love's passing. I pray for myself and all that may be going through this, that soon there is time, peace and comfort in their lives, that they may grieve their loss and begin to heal.

    Lucy
  • DrMary
    DrMary Member Posts: 531 Member
    #8
    Cindy Bear said:

    POA
    Yes. That is absolutely true. Once someone passes away, the POA is worthless.. it's only valid while they are still alive. We found this out from the funeral director. That is why it's so important to update things. MY FIL passed away suddenly this year, he was 87. As conservative and cautious as this man was he left a real mess for my MIL, my husband and his sisters. They didn't have an updated will, My MIl had no living will or Financial or medical POA. We have a SIL with some disabilities. Nothing was set up for her. So my husband took her to a lawyer and got everything taken care of and it was less than a thousand dollars.

    Executor
    Check the will, if you are not named as executor of the estate, see a lawyer about rewriting or updating it. Use the POA while your husband (or whomever) is alive and then flourish the will and the clause naming you as his executor (executrix for females) of his estate after the unwelcome event of his passing. Since his estate now pays any of his bills and receives any of his income, the executor is the one to whom these go.

    You might have to establish an account that you use for his estate until the will has gone through probate, transferring things to his heirs, but as executor, you can continue to manage the funds of his estate (keep track of everything, in case something is questioned) without any court approval.
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #9
    DrMary said:

    Executor
    Check the will, if you are not named as executor of the estate, see a lawyer about rewriting or updating it. Use the POA while your husband (or whomever) is alive and then flourish the will and the clause naming you as his executor (executrix for females) of his estate after the unwelcome event of his passing. Since his estate now pays any of his bills and receives any of his income, the executor is the one to whom these go.

    You might have to establish an account that you use for his estate until the will has gone through probate, transferring things to his heirs, but as executor, you can continue to manage the funds of his estate (keep track of everything, in case something is questioned) without any court approval.

    to do list
    I picked up the will from the attorney on tuesday and also the death certificates from the funeral home. If i feel up to it after the burial tomorrow, I guess I'll go to the courthouse to start the ball rolling with the will.
    Can't wait.....not.

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