Why did she leave me so early?

Hi all,

I never thought I would be posting on this board - always thought and assumed that my mom would be perfectly fine.

I have no idea how to cope with her going away.

It's been 3 months but my pain is getting worse. I can make out that my behaviour has changed and I am not nice as I used to be.

I just feel that Life is very unfair - people who are most needed and loved go away too soon.

I have pasted my earlier post from the Uterine cancer board to give a background of my case.

Rgds,
M


I wanted to inform everyone that I lost my mom on Sept 26. Grief of losing a mother and at a relatively young age is the most terrible thing.
She was a real fighter. Even if the doctor had recommended chemo when she was in the last and worst stage, she would have happily gone for it.

She had the most aggressive decease - Diagnosed in late May, had hysterectomy on June 2 (and it was stage 1A), chemo decision was to be taken after 3 weeks, but it spread in the lungs within 10 days of surgery. After 3 cycles of chemo, lungs were almost clear - we were relieved. However within 3 weeks she developed ascites, and within 3 more days she deteriorated and doctors said we cannot do anything further, as the cancer had obstructed her abdomen.

It was extremely shocking for us (more for me as I am the only child). She suffered a lot, especially in her last month (lot of aches and breathlessness which doctors said at the time were due to general & chemo weakness as the scan was very recent). After we took her to the hospital on Sept 22, I had never ever imagined that she would not return home.

I somewhat compromised with the situation and prayed that she should come home only if it's for a few days, and live a normal life, i.e., watch TV, read and play with my little daughter. But that did not happen.

I feed extremely sad for my 18 month little daughter, even if it's more than a month, there is not a single day when she does not remember her granny fondly.

Never once in her suffering did she talk about giving up, or about death. She was positive till the last minute. According to me that is a real win. Being a doctor herself, she definitely knew what was coming (even if I did not).

She was a single mother (lost my father when I was young) but she has loved me more than both parents would, given me all the right values and the best possible upbringing. I am very proud of her.

Even though I have lost her, I know that her teachings and upbringing will continue to guide me throughout my life and she will shower her love on me one way or the other.

Sorry for informing so late, but I could not get myself to type.
I want to thank everyone on the board for their continued guidance and sharing their experiences and for their prayers.

Last but not the least, I will be praying for everyone on the board for a quick recovery and to remain in remission forever.

Madhura