Mental Torture

virtual_voyager
virtual_voyager Member Posts: 37
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Each morning begins the same for me, wake up from a restless sleep with butterflies in my stomach. Hard to describe exactly, but the nervousness you get going to the dentist or being pulled over by the police, if that makes any sense.

Every day begins the same, mentally drained before the day gets started good.

Guess that's what happens when you go to sleep pissed off and wake up the same way.

It's killing me knowing there's not a damned thing I can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamitdamit

....then shame for being so angry when I consider / try to imagine what her thoughts must be like. Life is very frustrating when you can't laugh or cry.

V~V

Comments

  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #2
    ouch
    Are you psychic or something? You posted my exact feelings.
  • Carrie King
    Carrie King Member Posts: 48
    #3
    You posted my thoughts too
    You posted my thoughts too !!
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #4
    if it were the last night of the world
    I took care of Mom most of December, and last week before I left I realized that I might not see her again, and if I did, she might not be herself anymore (we live 750 miles apart). It made me think of a song (Bruce Cockburn?) that asks "If it were the last night of the world, what would you do different?" I decided to make real hot chocolate, with good milk and cocoa served in cups and saucers,and sit quietly with Mom and sip it together. In nearly two years of caregiving, it may have been the best decision I ever made.

    Mom is doing all right, all things considered, and I'll be going back soon, but I thought my hot chocolate story might soothe the hurt going down in this thread. Ya'll take care. All of this is temporary.
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #5
    the tired that never ends
    glad to know I'm not the only one. it's hard to explain how you wake up already feeling tired. and that never ending knot in your stomach.
    debbie
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #6
    agreed
    it's hard for me when he won't give sound to what he is thinking and sits so often in silence.
  • karenbeth
    karenbeth Member Posts: 194
    #7
    you described it well
    butterflies, knots in stomach, and headache from clenching jaw/grinding teeth all night.
  • quietwall
    quietwall Member Posts: 1
    #8
    thank you for your thoughts
    Hi. I'm new to the discussion board and I'm not really sure how to share what I'm thinking. But I did was to say thank you for sharing. I often feel alone and frustrated. It is nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings as a caregiver.

Discussion Boards