Musings on a Christmas Card

D Lewis
D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
edited March 2014 in Head and Neck Cancer #1
I received a Christmas Card from a very dear friend. Her personal message included the following statements

"...2010 really sucked! Here's to a better year for us all!"

Somehow, I don't agree. I don't believe this has been the worst year of my life.

Diagnosis of Stage 4 BOT SCC with bilateral lymph node mets in January. Surgery in January, surgery and lots of scans in February, and eight weeks of cisplatin chemo and rads March through May, with lots of little medical adventures in amongst the weeks; second-degree radiation burns, hiatuses, etc. Six-week checkes since then, with follow-up MRI, PET-CT, numerous scopings, etc. Trips back and forth to Stanford Cancer Center. Residual effects includng peripheral neuropathy, LeHermitte's sign, loss of saliva, edema and an impaired swallow. Deeper relationships with more medical professionals than most people will meet in a lifetime. But, I am still here.

This has been a year of amazing personal growth for me, for my family members, and for some of my very close friends. I have walked into the fire and out the far side. I am a stronger person. I have faced and accepted my own mortality. I am genuinely grateful for every single day. I live in the moment. I see more clearly and love more deeply. The petty **** that happens every day has faded into true insignificance. I know this sounds trite and cliche'd, but it's true for me.

I cannot say that I highly recommend this experience, but at least in my case, I believe that the positive outweighs the negative.

Have a merry merry Christmas, and a wonderful next year!

Deb

Comments

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #2
    Hi Deb

    I agree with you all the way, as bad as it may have seam to others my trials have only made me a stronger person and made my relationship to God and my family even better.

    Wishing you the best this year and the next.
    Hondo
  • Fire34
    Fire34 Member Posts: 365
    #3
    Hondo said:

    Hi Deb

    I agree with you all the way, as bad as it may have seam to others my trials have only made me a stronger person and made my relationship to God and my family even better.

    Wishing you the best this year and the next.
    Hondo

    Same here DEB & Hondo
    My attitude was similar. When going thru treatment when you thought it was bad for you and things were looking down I looked at others in the waiting room. I said to myself, if you think you have it bad others have it far worse.
    This is my First X-Mas post treatment as I was just released prior to last. Like everyone here I am thankful for family and the power of prayer. The new year will be better for all those going thru and recovering from treatment. Everyone keep up the positive attitude just like Deb. Wishes & Prayers for those that will miss this holiday.
    Dave
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #4
    Agreed
    There was a reason on my 30th birthday I chose to get a phoenix tattooed on my left calf - rising from the ashes better and stronger than before.
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
    #5
    Yes
    Agree with you, Deb, and Hondo and Dave, about the experience. Seems most of us emerge from the treatment struggles a better person. Maintaining that better person, though, is getting to be a struggle for me, escpecially in the workplace, but maybe 2011 will correct that.

    Wrote something that got published in a local paper, whose editor is a C survivor. She had five questions she wants survivors in the area to answer. First thing I wrote, was how time had slowed down for me. And it has. Way I look at it, I'm more real/alive, now, than I was before C came into my life. Heckuva price to pay for becoming more alive, but it is a good thing.

    Believe

    kcass
  • Hal61
    Hal61 Member Posts: 655
    #6
    Kent Cass said:

    Yes
    Agree with you, Deb, and Hondo and Dave, about the experience. Seems most of us emerge from the treatment struggles a better person. Maintaining that better person, though, is getting to be a struggle for me, escpecially in the workplace, but maybe 2011 will correct that.

    Wrote something that got published in a local paper, whose editor is a C survivor. She had five questions she wants survivors in the area to answer. First thing I wrote, was how time had slowed down for me. And it has. Way I look at it, I'm more real/alive, now, than I was before C came into my life. Heckuva price to pay for becoming more alive, but it is a good thing.

    Believe

    kcass

    Hey Kent Cass
    Hope things improve for you in that workplace. The workplace can be the worst, and it's easy to lose either your temper or your self confidence there sometimes. If you're anything like the guy who posts on here, you'll be fine.

    Merry Xmas to everyone, Hal
  • mixleader
    mixleader Member Posts: 267 Member
    #7
    2010 Sucked
    I couldn't agree more. This pretty much sums up my year as well. Yes, it tends to sound a bit like a Hallmark or Lifetime Network Movie when we say how the extreme adversity of a life threatening and life changing event like cancer changes our lives forever and makes us more aware of the things in life that really matter. But, we who have been there know this to be true. I have appreciated this Christmas season more than any other one I can think of and I am very thankful to be here enjoying my friends and family. I hope that 2011 is a much better year for all of us.

    Roger
  • Kimba1505
    Kimba1505 Member Posts: 557
    #8
    mixleader said:

    2010 Sucked
    I couldn't agree more. This pretty much sums up my year as well. Yes, it tends to sound a bit like a Hallmark or Lifetime Network Movie when we say how the extreme adversity of a life threatening and life changing event like cancer changes our lives forever and makes us more aware of the things in life that really matter. But, we who have been there know this to be true. I have appreciated this Christmas season more than any other one I can think of and I am very thankful to be here enjoying my friends and family. I hope that 2011 is a much better year for all of us.

    Roger

    Deb, Mark says the same thing.
    I said something to him a week or so ago about saying good bye to the year 2010. He said, "Ya know, I can't say it was a bad year". He will be the first to admit he is a better man. But others notice it as well. I too have changed. More realistic about myself and what I can do, what I have control over, and what I will and will not spend time getting upset about. The other day I had to sit on a bench and wait an unusual amount of time waiting to get a prescription filled. The man next to me was grumbling a little bit. To myself I thought there are worse things to grumble about than sitting on a bench, and I just enjoyed sitting still for while. Cancer sucks. What we learn from it doesn't. Thanks for your amazing post. Kim
  • luv2cut1
    luv2cut1 Member Posts: 288
    #9
    Kimba1505 said:

    Deb, Mark says the same thing.
    I said something to him a week or so ago about saying good bye to the year 2010. He said, "Ya know, I can't say it was a bad year". He will be the first to admit he is a better man. But others notice it as well. I too have changed. More realistic about myself and what I can do, what I have control over, and what I will and will not spend time getting upset about. The other day I had to sit on a bench and wait an unusual amount of time waiting to get a prescription filled. The man next to me was grumbling a little bit. To myself I thought there are worse things to grumble about than sitting on a bench, and I just enjoyed sitting still for while. Cancer sucks. What we learn from it doesn't. Thanks for your amazing post. Kim

    Well Said
    This discussion expresses Pat's and my sentiments exactly. We have had a house full of family all week. While it used to be very stressful we both found that this year we were even more grateful for each and every family member. It is amazing how much we have learned to let the little things go. We both hope that everyone found at least a little peace this Christmas. Here is to taking the gifts we have been given and using them to help make 2011 a great year. Thinking of all of you always.

    Myka
  • luv2cut1
    luv2cut1 Member Posts: 288
    #10
    Kimba1505 said:

    Deb, Mark says the same thing.
    I said something to him a week or so ago about saying good bye to the year 2010. He said, "Ya know, I can't say it was a bad year". He will be the first to admit he is a better man. But others notice it as well. I too have changed. More realistic about myself and what I can do, what I have control over, and what I will and will not spend time getting upset about. The other day I had to sit on a bench and wait an unusual amount of time waiting to get a prescription filled. The man next to me was grumbling a little bit. To myself I thought there are worse things to grumble about than sitting on a bench, and I just enjoyed sitting still for while. Cancer sucks. What we learn from it doesn't. Thanks for your amazing post. Kim

    Well Said
    This discussion expresses Pat's and my sentiments exactly. We have had a houseful of family all week and while it would have been extremely stressful we both found we enjoyed them and appreciated them more than ever. It is amazing how we have both learned to let little stuff go. I hope everyone here found at least a little peace this Christmas and I hope we can take what we have learned and help to make 2011 a good year. Everyone on this board is in our thoughts and prayers always.

    Myka
  • luv2cut1
    luv2cut1 Member Posts: 288
    #11
    luv2cut1 said:

    Well Said
    This discussion expresses Pat's and my sentiments exactly. We have had a houseful of family all week and while it would have been extremely stressful we both found we enjoyed them and appreciated them more than ever. It is amazing how we have both learned to let little stuff go. I hope everyone here found at least a little peace this Christmas and I hope we can take what we have learned and help to make 2011 a good year. Everyone on this board is in our thoughts and prayers always.

    Myka

    Sorry
    Double post. Don't know how that happened.
  • ekdennie
    ekdennie Member Posts: 238 Member
    #12
    what it did for me
    2010 had some very high highs and very low lows, but in the end it didn't beat me! I hope 2011 will be more balanced, but if not, at least I am here to enjoy the ride! :) everything could be better, but then again it could have been a whole lot worse! Cancer has made me reevaluate what I want from my life, that some things I was content to wait until my kids were older to do, I really am not as content as I thought. I will be spending a good part of 2011 working on finding a new balance between being the mom and wife I want to be and finding the time for the art works that bring me joy and peace...even if they are paintings of my kids or of stuff my kids love! it may never be museum worthy...but it will bring my family joy!
    wishing you a wonderful year and many many more!
  • kingcole42005
    kingcole42005 Member Posts: 178
    #13
    ekdennie said:

    what it did for me
    2010 had some very high highs and very low lows, but in the end it didn't beat me! I hope 2011 will be more balanced, but if not, at least I am here to enjoy the ride! :) everything could be better, but then again it could have been a whole lot worse! Cancer has made me reevaluate what I want from my life, that some things I was content to wait until my kids were older to do, I really am not as content as I thought. I will be spending a good part of 2011 working on finding a new balance between being the mom and wife I want to be and finding the time for the art works that bring me joy and peace...even if they are paintings of my kids or of stuff my kids love! it may never be museum worthy...but it will bring my family joy!
    wishing you a wonderful year and many many more!

    As I am in the middle of my radiation treatments
    As I am in the middle of my radiation treatments (I have 13 to go) I'm afraid I'm not as positive. 2010 sucked and is still sucking. I'm in agony, and I have many other horrible things happening in my life right now. So for me 2010 has been pretty bad but it hasn't been the worst. I can see once this is all over becoming more positive and feeling I've come through the fire and lived through it. Right now I'm smack dab in the middle of it. Hope I'm where you guys are soon, but not there yet.

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