How are the holidays going for you?

lilli1020
lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
I know this is hard to talk about, but I havent seen many posts lately on this board and I am wondering where everybody is and how we are doing. For me, it really hasn't been too bad but next weekend is Doug's family's Christmas party. I don't communicate or see them too much because they are 2 hours across the state and the last time I saw all of them was at the funeral. They are a huge and close family and I know I am loved and welcome with any of them, but the distance between us makes it hard. I will be getting some advice from my therapist on how to deal with this so I dont end up being a basket case, seeing everyone again. So, how is everyone? And bless all of you!

Gayle

Comments

  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #2
    The holidays
    Glad to see you are navigating the holidays. I too feel it could be worse. I have scaled back alot this year...less decorating, cards, baking, but feel I have done the basics...the tree, gifts for the kids. We will be going to my family on Christmas Eve and can relate in a way to what you are saying. Everything will be the same, except my Terry will not be there and it will be very hard. We will get through this. I know he would want us to continue on as normal as much as possible. You are all always in my thoughts.
    Becky
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #3
    Holidays
    Hi Gayle,
    I'm sure we all feel the same about the holidays since we have lost the loves of our lives. We'll go through the motions, but won't enjoy it. I just keep thinking what me & Tom were doing last year at this time. He started with a back ache in August and we just thought he strained it, but by this month it hadn't gotten better. He had a scan and they said he had 2 fractures in his spine. We didn't know how that happened, but when he went back in January for another scan, they said he had a tumor in his lung. We were shocked and still never thought that he wouldn't be here this year. He died in March. I miss him so much. Somehow though I have felt more peaceful lately and think that maybe he's watching down on me and helping me be strong to make it through.
    I know there are alot of us who are feeling the same this time of the year, but we'll make it, we have no choice. Take care! "Carole"
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
    #4
    Holidays
    I agree with everyone that the holidays are hard. Dale will be gone only 4 months on December 29. I'm having a hard time seeing all the Holiday decorations, couples together and hearing music. Just one song and I start crying. I haven't received any phone calls from anyone since Dale's memorial service, they have disappeared off the face of the earth, forgotten that I even exist. It's a very sad and lonely time for me. I do have my children and grand daughter near by, and that seems to be helping some. So, each day I try to do something different to keep my mind away from thinking of Dale's last days. Not sure what I'm doing Christmas day, don't even want to think about it, but as it's been mentioned, we will get through this, we have no choice. You all take care and may you find some peace in this holiday season.

    Cyndi
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #5
    junklady said:

    Holidays
    I agree with everyone that the holidays are hard. Dale will be gone only 4 months on December 29. I'm having a hard time seeing all the Holiday decorations, couples together and hearing music. Just one song and I start crying. I haven't received any phone calls from anyone since Dale's memorial service, they have disappeared off the face of the earth, forgotten that I even exist. It's a very sad and lonely time for me. I do have my children and grand daughter near by, and that seems to be helping some. So, each day I try to do something different to keep my mind away from thinking of Dale's last days. Not sure what I'm doing Christmas day, don't even want to think about it, but as it's been mentioned, we will get through this, we have no choice. You all take care and may you find some peace in this holiday season.

    Cyndi

    Ironic
    It's so ironic that we don't know each other, never met, but a common thread keeps us all tied together, especially through these difficult holidays. Maybe a little silver lining...God bless all.
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #6
    junklady said:

    Holidays
    I agree with everyone that the holidays are hard. Dale will be gone only 4 months on December 29. I'm having a hard time seeing all the Holiday decorations, couples together and hearing music. Just one song and I start crying. I haven't received any phone calls from anyone since Dale's memorial service, they have disappeared off the face of the earth, forgotten that I even exist. It's a very sad and lonely time for me. I do have my children and grand daughter near by, and that seems to be helping some. So, each day I try to do something different to keep my mind away from thinking of Dale's last days. Not sure what I'm doing Christmas day, don't even want to think about it, but as it's been mentioned, we will get through this, we have no choice. You all take care and may you find some peace in this holiday season.

    Cyndi

    Isnt it weird....
    I have not heard from hardly anyone since the funeral either. Only a couple from his "HUGE" family and forget all of our old friends. Should I even give them my time this Christmas knowing all the while the pain it is going to cause me being around all these happy family members that seem to have forgotton? God I need some answers. Only our close friends we have made in the last 15 or so years are still with me. It hurts soooo much and I can hardly stand it...sometimes I wish God would just take me too...anyone else?
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #7
    lilli1020 said:

    Isnt it weird....
    I have not heard from hardly anyone since the funeral either. Only a couple from his "HUGE" family and forget all of our old friends. Should I even give them my time this Christmas knowing all the while the pain it is going to cause me being around all these happy family members that seem to have forgotton? God I need some answers. Only our close friends we have made in the last 15 or so years are still with me. It hurts soooo much and I can hardly stand it...sometimes I wish God would just take me too...anyone else?

    I hear you...
    I hear what you are saying...wish I could just follow him to the grave. If it were not for my children, I don't know what purpose I have here any more. It still just stuns me how quickly my life changed...all with one MRI. My best friend, my love is gone, I live in a house that overwhelms me, don't know how to fill all the empty hours.

    I am lucky as I have a wonderful extended family and friends. There are some family/friends that I do not hear from but I think they are having difficulty with Terry's passing and dealing with it their own way. I guess life just has to go on whether we like it or not. I see a grief counselor who told me in her 17 yrs of practice she has never had a client who did not move through the grieving the process and reach a level of acceptance and peace in their life...hope I'm not the first!

    Hang in there and do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If you want to reach out to people, go ahead and if you don't that is okay too. I feel I have to right to work through this holiday season anyway I feel is best for me.

    Becky
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #8
    Beckymarie said:

    I hear you...
    I hear what you are saying...wish I could just follow him to the grave. If it were not for my children, I don't know what purpose I have here any more. It still just stuns me how quickly my life changed...all with one MRI. My best friend, my love is gone, I live in a house that overwhelms me, don't know how to fill all the empty hours.

    I am lucky as I have a wonderful extended family and friends. There are some family/friends that I do not hear from but I think they are having difficulty with Terry's passing and dealing with it their own way. I guess life just has to go on whether we like it or not. I see a grief counselor who told me in her 17 yrs of practice she has never had a client who did not move through the grieving the process and reach a level of acceptance and peace in their life...hope I'm not the first!

    Hang in there and do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If you want to reach out to people, go ahead and if you don't that is okay too. I feel I have to right to work through this holiday season anyway I feel is best for me.

    Becky

    You will be okay
    Becky,
    You will make it through the grieving process. I too have been seeing a counselor since my husband died last March. I don't know how I could've made it this far without her. Even though I have great kids, grandkids & alot of friends, I have felt that counseling is the best thing I could've done. It's so hard when in one day our lives change completely, but I've found that I get stronger every day. Of course we'll never forget them, but we have no choice but to adjust to this new life. Can't wait till the holiday season is over. And of course can't wait for spring, so these nights won't be so long. I guess we have to remember the happy times we had with them and not the bad times when they were sick.
    Take care Becky! "Carole"
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #9
    Anticipation
    I found last year that the anticipation was worse than the actual day. That isn't to say that Christmas wasn't hard, but it wasn't quite as hard as I expected. This year we celebrated with part of the family that won't be traveling with us last weekend. We even saw two of the granddaughters in their church's play. It was very nice, but I have come to expect the flashes of sadness I get at any family gathering when I think how much Doug would have enjoyed being there. Then I had the hour and a half ride home, some of it in some pretty dense fog, coming home to the empty house. Even that is getting a little easier, lonely, but not quite so overwhelming. This year I gave all four granddaughters memory dogs. I got the idea from someone on this sight who had a picture of a memory bear. I googled it and found someone who makes memory dogs, too. They are made from the loved one's clothes, in my case, shirts. They turned out really cute and the girls really liked them. Doug loved Hawaiian shirts so I sent a couple of those. This way the girls, I only have the four granddaughters, will have something to remember their grandpa by. Fay
  • ktlcs
    ktlcs Member Posts: 358
    #10
    grandmafay said:

    Anticipation
    I found last year that the anticipation was worse than the actual day. That isn't to say that Christmas wasn't hard, but it wasn't quite as hard as I expected. This year we celebrated with part of the family that won't be traveling with us last weekend. We even saw two of the granddaughters in their church's play. It was very nice, but I have come to expect the flashes of sadness I get at any family gathering when I think how much Doug would have enjoyed being there. Then I had the hour and a half ride home, some of it in some pretty dense fog, coming home to the empty house. Even that is getting a little easier, lonely, but not quite so overwhelming. This year I gave all four granddaughters memory dogs. I got the idea from someone on this sight who had a picture of a memory bear. I googled it and found someone who makes memory dogs, too. They are made from the loved one's clothes, in my case, shirts. They turned out really cute and the girls really liked them. Doug loved Hawaiian shirts so I sent a couple of those. This way the girls, I only have the four granddaughters, will have something to remember their grandpa by. Fay

    I am having a difficult time
    While I am trying to keep my spirits up, the closer it gets the more sad I get. I am leaving tomorrow for my parents and am really not sure how I am going to handle mu neices and nephews opening gifts, Christmas dinner with one empty space and just all the general festivities.

    I am going to try, just not sure I can

    Kathy
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #11
    ktlcs said:

    I am having a difficult time
    While I am trying to keep my spirits up, the closer it gets the more sad I get. I am leaving tomorrow for my parents and am really not sure how I am going to handle mu neices and nephews opening gifts, Christmas dinner with one empty space and just all the general festivities.

    I am going to try, just not sure I can

    Kathy

    Know how you are
    Know how you are feeling...will be going to my mom's for Christmas Eve. We will have dinner open gifts, but my Terry won't be there. Not sure I want to do this, but my children feel it is important we go and so we will. Best of luck with the holidays.
    Becky

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