MY HUSBANDS FIGHT IS OVER
Comments
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Sorry
Rae Rae, I think we all are thinking of you. I know it is not easy. I have no answers that you have not heard. One day at a time. My husband is still with me, but I have these same fears as you. I stuggle with these thoughts in my head of what if. I am not a strong person I feel weak and not pulled together .
I think you should spend the week or two with your daughter and make these decissions one at a time. They are hard things you will have to do. But I am sure your family can help you with what needs to be done.
I went from my daddy's house to my husbands house 36 years ago. I drive and I worked but I never went or done anything with out my husband. Groceries, you name it. So I am facing the fears in my head. I just wish I could find the right words to help you if they are any words .
I am thinking of you, If you need to chat or talk let me know.
Jennie0 -
so glad you came back
I'm so glad you came back to this special place where you have so much to share. I helped my mother after she lost her husband of 52 years, and it's like losing part of yourself. The healing takes time.
I took care of dad during his last days, and like you, I had awful images burned in my head. A therapist helped me revive healthy, happy images of dad, made me memorize my favorite old pictures of him. When the awful images came to haunt me, I learned to switch my brain, like a light switch, to my dad holding a fish he'd just caught, smiling as big as the sun.
Try it, it can help.0 -
Don't make fast decisions!
So sorry to hear about your husband. I can totally relate to how you're feeling. My husband passed away in March from lung cancer. You're right about it being like someone turned off the light switch to our life. One day we have everything to live for and the next day it's gone. It's so hard to think of going on without them, but we have no choice. Tom's passing was traumatic as he hemorraged to death from a rare side effect from Avastin. He was at home and had been fine all day, so when it happened I was hysterical and still can't or probably won't ever forget it. We never even got to say "goodbye" it happened so fast. And now with Christmas coming it's going to be so hard.
I started seeing a counselor about a month later cause I felt like I was losing it. Started seeing her every 2 weeks, but now only go once a month. And I am still on meds. You should try and go see a counselor and definitely get some meds. I didn't want to go on anything, but it helped so much cause I couldn't sleep and all I did was lay on the couch and cry all day. Didn't even leave the house. So please think about getting some help.
Why are you going to sell your house? They say it's not good to make a quick decision, so why not take your time? My daughter stayed with me for 2 weeks which helped alot. I never thought it would get easier, but it does. We will never forget them, and have to remember the happy times we had with them. Don't know how long you were married, but we were married for 46 years.
Well guess I've gone on long enough! Stay strong, we are all here to help you through this awful time. This site has helped me so much. keep in touch! "Carole"+0 -
I agree with 3mana.3Mana said:Don't make fast decisions!
So sorry to hear about your husband. I can totally relate to how you're feeling. My husband passed away in March from lung cancer. You're right about it being like someone turned off the light switch to our life. One day we have everything to live for and the next day it's gone. It's so hard to think of going on without them, but we have no choice. Tom's passing was traumatic as he hemorraged to death from a rare side effect from Avastin. He was at home and had been fine all day, so when it happened I was hysterical and still can't or probably won't ever forget it. We never even got to say "goodbye" it happened so fast. And now with Christmas coming it's going to be so hard.
I started seeing a counselor about a month later cause I felt like I was losing it. Started seeing her every 2 weeks, but now only go once a month. And I am still on meds. You should try and go see a counselor and definitely get some meds. I didn't want to go on anything, but it helped so much cause I couldn't sleep and all I did was lay on the couch and cry all day. Didn't even leave the house. So please think about getting some help.
Why are you going to sell your house? They say it's not good to make a quick decision, so why not take your time? My daughter stayed with me for 2 weeks which helped alot. I never thought it would get easier, but it does. We will never forget them, and have to remember the happy times we had with them. Don't know how long you were married, but we were married for 46 years.
Well guess I've gone on long enough! Stay strong, we are all here to help you through this awful time. This site has helped me so much. keep in touch! "Carole"+
I agree with 3mana. Emotional decisions made in times of grief and crisis are usually regretted later. Mine are, anyway. Take some time allow your mind to clear. And talk,talk,talk with trusted family members and friends to get some outside opinions. Then make a list of what you need to do so the mountain of stuff isnt overwhelming. Baby steps. You're in my prayers .
Penny0 -
The good memories will come back
and the bad ones will fade away to the good memories of him. It is hard to forget the images of your loved one at the end, and they will stay with you for a bit because you are still in a kind of shock. It has been 3 months since Doug passed, but about the 2nd month I began remembering him as he was before he got sick. Now I am remembering things about him from when we first met, married, had kids...good ones. So as they say, it DOES get better with time and just hope and pray it's not a long time! God bless and keep you.
Gayle0 -
Take time to breathe
I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately in the next few months I will be going down the same road with my husband. I try and think about what I'm going to do but I just can't seem to focus. I probably will have to sell my house for financial reasons but I'm hoping I can hold off making a decision about anything for at least 6 months after my husband passes. If he passes at home I don't know if I will be able to live there again. I have never lived by myself either. I'd like to move closer to my daughter who is two hours away but I have my mother here (she's 87) and she lives in a senior apartment complex. I don't want to have to move her away from her friends. It will be such a trauma like you said as though someone has turned off the light and just like that everything you know and love is gone. I am scaird about it but I'm trying to prepare now (if that's possible) so I can deal better when the time comes.
If you can hold out for a while longer things may look a lot different to you. Good memories will soon erase any bad memories you have. Try and join a grief support group and then if that goes well get some individual counseling before you make any rash decisions. I would also encourage you to see your regular physician about getting an anti-depressant. I know that's what has helped me get through some really rough moments.
My heart goes out to you. Any time you want to vent you know we are all here for you.
(((HUGS)))
Skipper0 -
Hi Raeskipper85 said:Take time to breathe
I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately in the next few months I will be going down the same road with my husband. I try and think about what I'm going to do but I just can't seem to focus. I probably will have to sell my house for financial reasons but I'm hoping I can hold off making a decision about anything for at least 6 months after my husband passes. If he passes at home I don't know if I will be able to live there again. I have never lived by myself either. I'd like to move closer to my daughter who is two hours away but I have my mother here (she's 87) and she lives in a senior apartment complex. I don't want to have to move her away from her friends. It will be such a trauma like you said as though someone has turned off the light and just like that everything you know and love is gone. I am scaird about it but I'm trying to prepare now (if that's possible) so I can deal better when the time comes.
If you can hold out for a while longer things may look a lot different to you. Good memories will soon erase any bad memories you have. Try and join a grief support group and then if that goes well get some individual counseling before you make any rash decisions. I would also encourage you to see your regular physician about getting an anti-depressant. I know that's what has helped me get through some really rough moments.
My heart goes out to you. Any time you want to vent you know we are all here for you.
(((HUGS)))
Skipper
I purposely did not read this thread for awhile. I am soo sorry for you and everyone else here that I am beyond words. Im new here and trying to get used to this being neaar this horrible beast. I give you my sincere appologies and prayers.0 -
DEALING WITH BEING ALONE NOW1Teresa said:Hi Rae
I purposely did not read this thread for awhile. I am soo sorry for you and everyone else here that I am beyond words. Im new here and trying to get used to this being neaar this horrible beast. I give you my sincere appologies and prayers.
My heartfelt thank's to all who responded to me in my time of need. I appreciate so much your kind words. It has been about 3 weeks now and I am still in shock. I have managed to continue to go to work as I have to to run the business. My children have been an incredible since of support for me. I am still living with my daughter and son-in-law and starting the process of probate. Meetings with lawyers, accountants etc. I do not sleep at night and have the hardest time once it gets dark. It takes me back to the long nights that I struggled during his illness. I am trying hard to replace bad memores with good and I do think in time I will be able to do that. I know he would not want me to think of him in that way as he was not himself during those last weeks. I am going to have to sell my home for financial reasons, as well as emotional reasons. I simply cannot be there anymore. All is see is where his bed was and where he died. It is just not a happy home to be in anymore. I just wanted to say thank you to all who cared ans wish all of you the best in what you are dealing with. I know this Christmas will be different for me and for many of you as well. My prayers are with all of you.0 -
Being alone, sucksRAE RAE said:DEALING WITH BEING ALONE NOW
My heartfelt thank's to all who responded to me in my time of need. I appreciate so much your kind words. It has been about 3 weeks now and I am still in shock. I have managed to continue to go to work as I have to to run the business. My children have been an incredible since of support for me. I am still living with my daughter and son-in-law and starting the process of probate. Meetings with lawyers, accountants etc. I do not sleep at night and have the hardest time once it gets dark. It takes me back to the long nights that I struggled during his illness. I am trying hard to replace bad memores with good and I do think in time I will be able to do that. I know he would not want me to think of him in that way as he was not himself during those last weeks. I am going to have to sell my home for financial reasons, as well as emotional reasons. I simply cannot be there anymore. All is see is where his bed was and where he died. It is just not a happy home to be in anymore. I just wanted to say thank you to all who cared ans wish all of you the best in what you are dealing with. I know this Christmas will be different for me and for many of you as well. My prayers are with all of you.
Rae,
You're right about being alone especially at night. I feel the same way especially this winter cause it's my first one without my husband also. It's almost 9 months and I am doing better, but will be so glad when these holidays are over. I have great kids & their families but without Tom, it's like only 1/2 of me is here.
I'm sorry you have to sell your home but the memory of him & his bed where he died would be a constant reminder. It's going to be tough for alot of us, but with all the support from everyone on here, we'll make it!! "Carole"0
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