I've been busy admiring my body

herdizziness said:

LOL
I think my hubby needs lessons on being a Dirty Old Man, I'm thinking I would like that. ROFLMAO!!!
Thanks Kerry you always know what to say to cheer me up!!!
Now if Buzzard would just chime in, I'd go to surgery feeling like a W O M A N!!!
LOL,
Loves,
Winter Marie

Winter Marie Darlin,


I should have finished putting my thoughts down.

Once us guys see the fun parts, we focus on the primary goal. That goal being sex to make more of us. It’s like our minds snap. We get so damn focused that we do not have time for a full body inspection. We just want the “primary goal”. We are not bad people, it is just the way we be wired.

Kerry

unknown said:

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I must be really old
I must be really old fashioned....I am thinking that I would not get to home base with a guy until well who knows, chances are that most don't make it to Third. Geez, no wonder I was called the ice queen in my early twenties, if they only had known, Ha! But anyway, I still would not mention anything until I saw that maybe, he was the one, that would get lucky and I liked the guy, otherwise, why care, a rumble is a rumble. No ?!?!?

My husband, I kept nothing from him, I would stand in front of him, and say "see these scars, don't you ever leave me because I would have a lot of explaining to do..." Of course he said, "never." But the thought did cross my mind.

Last gathering, I showed everyone my scar. I am who I am, and everyone knows it. No pretense, no lies, take me as I am, or be dammed! lol

Ladies, you are beautiful when it comes to the scar, forget, it will fade in time. Hey we can get tattoos if it bothers us that much.

As for the cancer subject, yeah it's a tough one. But if I was single, I would not be looking for a permanent relationship. I could not do that to a guy knowing that I had Stage 4 cancer, but it would not change me wanting a life, companionship and some love. There are guys out there that want you...nothing is forever.

Hugs, well wishes and all to my fellow sisters on this board!

Nana b said:

OMG Christine!
Christine, you mean you have sex and aren't married! OMG!!! Ha, HA! I am glad I am married and don't have deal with that. I know it has to be tough for you. I have to tell this funny story.

My sister called, today to tell me that the soup was ready to come over, so in a rush not to keep her waiting, I decided to change out one PJ into another (have been under the weather and laying around). I took out the warmest PG pants I had and started to put them on, when realized I forgot my panties. I took a step forward to pull up my pants when I realized that I had both feet in one leg, and bang I fell forward onto my knees and wrists/hands. I had not pulled up my pants yet so I was a lovely sight, kneeling there on all fours. I broke out into a hysterical laugh. I mean I was snorting and all. My hands had went numb and I could not get right up. So, my husband runs in to see what the commotion is all about and starts cracking up! As he is helping me up and looking at me funny and I ask him, what are you looking at, my stomach? He replies, "honey, I would cover my **** before I started asking about my stomach. So we had a great laugh...then went and had soup!

LOL Nana
If I had waited to have sex until I was married I would still be a virgin, now that is no way to live your life. LOL. That is a funny story about the pants, sometimes life is so crazy you just have to laugh at it.

Pooch
I don't mind the scars as much as all the abdominal surgeries ruining my abdominal muscles. If I could just lose the poochiness!

*hugs*
Gail

herdizziness said:

Thank you
I'm glad some agrees that I have the right to be vain!!! Because well, truthfully, I am.
I'll be glad my life is saved for somewhat longer and these scars will bear that, but, dang, I wish I didn't have to. You understand.
Winter Marie

I got a good look at the new
I got a good look at the new scars from the hernia surgery, yes there are 8 of them (lproscopic) and they now circle the outside of my tummy, damn, it now looks like a bullseye with a large line in the center! Trying to not get down about it, but I feel your anguish, this sucks!

Kathy

pete43lost_at_sea said:

your scares are really very sexy
girls your stories are inspiring and much more interesting reading than tv.

I believe most of us need love and tenderness and of course sex.

I support kerry advice and add that a smile and an attitude is what i love and I think most men do. the other parts are a bonus.

it breaks my heart that some of us have to fight the beast without intimate love and support. Try and pickup someone at the chemo ward, in hospital or whereever.

being loved and supported are fundamental to our cure.

I hope we all have an abundance of love and good company everyday and especially this xmas.

with the hight premium I place on every moment let alone every day, i say a day lived without passion and love is a tradgic waste.

pete

Pete,
This made me cry, a
Pete,
This made me cry, a smile and an attitude? awesome to get a man's perspective. We as women are taught through the media about what a perfect body is "supposed to be" and even without cancer, most of us all fall short, and to add the scars can take alot out of a woman and the way that she feels about herself.
I do beleive you are right, I know when I am smiling and feel good I feel sexier, even though i know the roadmap of scars that lay beneath my clothing.
Thank you Pete, we needed to hear it!!
Hugs,
Kathy

TMac52 said:

Men have feeling too!
Ladies some of us guys are faced with these issues as well. I always kept my self in good shape now I have not only scars but a colostomy pouch to feel sexy about. I have been engaged to a beautiful woman for 3 years didnt marry yet because of kids issues. She has 3 and I have 3. So we were not in a big hurry. But when cancer strikes it puts alot of fear and insecurity into it's host. I go through alot of insecurites on a daily basis this is actually the first time I have said it out loud since my surgery but why would this beutiful girl want to be with me now? Why would she want to make love to a guy with a poop pouch hanging off him???? You see where i'm going with this ladies??? Some of us guys are in the same or similar positions and some of us are a little vain too.

Sounds like we have a lot in
Sounds like we have a lot in common. I don't have surgery scars but being engaged and blending families. Our teens, two each, were 15, 16, 17, 18 and NOT too happy about the two parent scenario. 4 years have passed and we have been through an emotional wringer.

It's been tough, we lost our daughter Jessica, 16 to Cystic Fibrosis 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer in February. Did somebody say something about life being fair? Yeah, I thought not.

Scars and physical changes can be huge. I was in FANTASTIC shape, 6 pack abs, 6'2", 185lbs, nice set of arms, a beautiful woman by my side. Now? 160lbs if I'm lucky, acne/rash from Erbitux that scares children, every muscle has been replaced by a skin bag, my stomach gets bloated from fluid buildup...BUT, I still have a beautiful woman by my side.

I guess my cup has always been half full.

I hope the scars bring long life and potential for future joys and happiness.

Tear's
My tummy. It's lumpy and scarred. For the friends on here that have someone in your life, I am so happy for you! I really am. I so wish I had someone with me, to be able to look at me and sometimes not have to talk, but to see me and know how I am feeling..... Thank you to whoever said they don't share all the stories that come with the scars, at least not right away, as they tend to scare people off. I should remember that. It's just that I am such an open person, learning to not say what's on my mind can be a challenge. And that is what brought me to do the unthinkable last week. I am still a little in disbelief that I broke up with my boyfriend the week before Christmas. He was emotionally draining me and I felt my concentration was trying to make relationship things right for him, not focusing on getting well. Now I am alone. Did I do the right thing? Should that have even been a choice to make?

Body image?....my lumpy tummy and weight loss has left me looking a little different. I look in the mirror and see it. But hey, my friends say "you look so good. you still have your hair".

If only they could see inside.

Tears', Gail

christinecarl said:

Awww Gail, I am sorry about
Awww Gail, I am sorry about the breakup, that could not have been easy to do before Xmas. I am sure you would not have done it, if you knew in your heart that is was not the right thing to do. Cancer has helped me to clean house a bit, get rid of the ones that were not there for me, and were toxic to my life. I have no time for them.

Dating post cancer is weird. I had a date recently where the cancer topic was brought up. I do not mention it on a first date normally, but it got mentioned and I feel like he got scared off by it. I mostly feel sorry for him that he is not a big enough person to see past that, but he has not had to deal with cancer on a personal level and he is lucky.

Anyway keep remembering why you broke up with him and trust your heart. {{hugs}}

Chris

Thanks Gail and Christine
Thanks Gail and Christine for your personal experiences. I have a weird feeling since being diagnosed my Fiance' is georgeous,10 years younger and in perfect shape. Although she has pleged her love for me and has stuck by me so far I feel like she deserves so much better and i'm not just feeling sorry for myself. I feel like i put a huge damper on her life and want to set her free so she doesnt have to deal with this bull. I tend to isolate when things get tough for me and although it would break my heart it would be nice to know she would be happy. I am soooo confused by this cancer it litterally turns your life upside down and inside out.

unknown said:

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I don't think we should make
I don't think we should make the choice for others, 28 years ago, I told my husband if you ever feel that it's too much for you, feel that you are done...please spare me and my dignity, just leave! No cheating, no lies, no hurt...just go. I feel someone that knows that they are free to leave will leave right away before the storm hits, or stay and weather it out. (my feelings)

I have always been independent and my self respect is way up there, and I am confident enough to know that I will make it, with or without you. I don't want anyone in my life that does not want to be in it. But it's their choice. I won't run them off, they have a mind of their own. With that said...i say don't push them out, unless you are ready to live with your actions. Gail, this is not aimed at you! There is a reason you did what you did, you have to feel good in a relationship. I divorced my first husband, because he was a great man, because he loved me with all his heart, but I didn't love him. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. I let him convince me to marry him. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I didn't want to live a lie and he deserved so much more! Many called me a fool, a wonderful rich man,...to just let him go! I have no regrets, nor does he. He flies for Delta now, and he is quite happy. So am I. When he learned of my cancer, he was at my door to give a hug, all the way from Florida!

Rambling, but be bold, you are a beautiful person, scars don't change that!

Ps. And it easier when you have someone in your life already. I know it must be hard to date. But if you are friends with someone and they respect you and want you, it can happen. Maybe not as fast as it would have been otherwise, but friendship is good. We need friendship.