MY TIME AT COMMMONWEAL CANCER HELP PROGRAM IN BOLINAS, CA

hi sisters,

back from a week at commonweal, and it was truly amazing; too spiritual for my taste, but not offensive, and i could take what i wanted from it. no one was pushing anything, it's just their strong bent. i, for one, will never, ever experience cancer as a "gift", but maybe others have done, or do now.

to give you an idea of my days there: wakened by our "house mother" at 7:15 am (all 9 of us had our own rooms in what was once a hotel, now renovated, and very nice). quick shower so we could walk across the property (about 12 minutes) to the yoga studio, where we did light yoga, breathing and stretching, and deep relaxation for 2 hours. then back to our house for a fabulous, nutritious, healthy breakfast. then off again to group therapy in another building for another two hours. then lunch, another great meal. after lunch we either had massages, an individual consult with a therapist, a sandtray session or a meeting with one of the founders, michael lerner. of the nine women in our group, two were caregivers, and the rest of us were in various stages of struggling with cancer, although many were doing quite well, thankfully.

then dinner, again delicious and health, mostly vegetarian except for some fish, and after dinner a discussion of various topics including death and dying. very instructive. the one point i learned, though a little late for most of us, was that most errors are made re: our first pathology reports. we were counseled strongly to get second opinions on those, especially if there were any question or ambiguity about it. i met with the exec director, not a doctor, but extremely knowledgeable about treatment, who had access to medical data bases the rest of us mere mortals do not. she did some research for me, and recommended that i have my tumor markers checked, even at this late date, especially for overexpression of her 2, which has been written about here. also gave me names of two prominent physicians in the bay area at ucsf who do research in uspc. once i get the results of my ct/pet scans at the end of this month, when i meet with my doctor and go over treatment options for recurrence, i'll probably make an appointment with one of the recommended doctors.. my doctor ordered the tumor markers for me so i'll know a lot more at the end of the year. the director is still waiting to hear back from a gynonc she thinks highly of, for more recommendations for second opinions re: treatment. she went way above and beyond the call of duty. in fact, all the staff did. i have to say i've never felt so well cared for ever. and jena felt the same.

the greatest value, however, were the group sessions, not only what we learned from each other and the therapist/facilitator and what we were able to say to one another about how we feel (not just about cancer), but the incredible bonding that occurred amongst us. such an unlikely mix of 9 women, about as different from one another as you can imagine. most of these women will continue to be in our lives, and will be in contact by email, phone and in person when possible. i have to say that warm relationships are, i believe, the most healing aspects of our lives.

the week feels like a dream--where everything is taken care of for you. even had a private consult with rebecca katz, the author of the anti-cancer kitchen, who drew up a customized diet for jena and me, healthy and delicious. she was great. the only problem in general was there was not quite enough free time to just hang out, take walks on the gorgeous grounds overlooking the pacific ocean. there was quite a lot of rushing from one activity to another, because there was so much ground to cover. also had a group meeting for a couple of hours about how to create a sacred space for oneself, both in our homes, and inside of us.

the group sessions were filled with laughter, which would not have been possible without the wrenching, tear-filled work we all did together. the sessions were structured and some not, but mostly some ritual/ ceremony something to get us started. the staff were there every step of the way to make our lives more comfortable in any way. everyone was genuinely kind and knowledgeable, and casual conversations at meals with staff often yielded important information.

mostly commonweal is about healing and hope, not optomism or cure. they emphasized getting rid of as much stress and clutter in our lives as is possible. both jena and i came home feeling much more of an inner calm about whatever may lie ahead. hope it lasts. i wish everyone dealing with cancer could have this experience. many of the staff, you won't be surprised to learn, have dealt with cancer in their own lives, and know whereof they speak.

there is so much more i could say, but i'll end here, and if anyone has any specific questions, etc., please let me know, and i'll try to answer them.

sisterhood,
maggie