When everyday or every minute could be your last.... What do you talk about?

Wrxdrew
Wrxdrew Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
What do you talk about?

I am curious what I should talk about with my mom. I know we have limited conversations left. What do you talk about with your loved ones?

Comments

  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #2
    My mom
    The last time my kids saw my mom in the hospital, they asked her to retell some family stories from her life and childhood. I realized that I had heard most of them, but maybe because she knew she had little time left, she was more forthcoming with some of the details. It was very bittersweet, but it gave us some good memories to share and gave her the opportunity to reflect on some things.
    Penny
  • 1Teresa
    1Teresa Member Posts: 67
    #3
    Pennymac02 said:

    My mom
    The last time my kids saw my mom in the hospital, they asked her to retell some family stories from her life and childhood. I realized that I had heard most of them, but maybe because she knew she had little time left, she was more forthcoming with some of the details. It was very bittersweet, but it gave us some good memories to share and gave her the opportunity to reflect on some things.
    Penny

    this is a good subject
    My mom and I talk about the old days a lot, about the good times. An internet friend in another group used to use a signature that just happened to fit my mom to a tee and we refer to it often. It goes like this "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, a good Riesling in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: WOO HOO, what a ride" We also talk openly about the disease and what she wants and stuff. Everyday is a new day with her, somedays she doesnt remember the prior very good so conversations are always fresh lol. But in the last couple days she is sleeping a LOT which has dramatically cut down on our conversations and Im watching her about this because it scares me.
  • stepmj
    stepmj Member Posts: 32
    #4
    My experience
    Here is my experience – my Dad passed away Oct 1 from esophageal cancer (lost my mom 5 years ago). During my Dad's final weeks I too struggled with what to say. Fortunately for me my Dad helped me through it and I followed his lead. We talked about old times and current times. He would tell me to go find “such-and-such” in the closet then he would tell me stories that I never knew. We talked about what family members will "be fine" and which ones will "need some help" after he's gone. We talked about world events - my Dad was career Army so it was important to him. Near the end he actually gave me a "to-do" list that included how to handle some of the funeral details such as what he wanted to wear and what food to serve at the reception. He wanted to make sure his grandson got his car, he wanted me to write a check to the church, and distribute various other items according to his wishes. I am the executor of his will so this was a really difficult but important discussion. He showed me where all his important paperwork was that I would need.

    All of this was very surreal and stressful for me at the time. But once I realized the ease with which he was speaking of these things it made me step-up and be there for him. Clearly my Dad had accepted his destiny and I truly believe that having these discussions made it easier for him to pass – he had “taken care of everything”. What an inspiration he was.

    As for the many who are in different, more difficult situations, my heart goes out to you.

    MaryJo
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #5
    When you're sitting by your mom, just tell her what a great mother she's been and how you hope you can be just like her. Talk about all the happy things that you remember and just try and make her feel comfortable. This is a hard time to sit and watch someone you love who can't be helped anymore. Take care! "Carole"

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