Betty Ford, Happy Rockefeller, Sandra Day O'Connor...

carkris said:

another point I will make is
another point I will make is that I dont know what stage these women were diagnosed in or currently are. they are just living their lives and surviving. thank you Tracy for expressing so well what I am trying to say. anyway I will stop posting on this subject for now peace!

Thanks I never thought of it from this prospective
Thank Doris and Tracy for expressing your feeling.
I agree that we should be sensitive about approaching survivorship issue.
I just read on another thread about "comforting details" of medical history of Elizabeth Edwards. The author whom I used to respect here gave a comforting argument that "she EE was initially diagnosed with stage III, advanced cancer", assuming it should help subside all fears.It probably did for most.
What's about us?

SIROD said:

Stages
Dear New Flower,

Breast Cancer is an awful disease because there is no stage that is safe. For over a year I followed a blog called "Coffee and Chemo" by RivkA. Here is the website in case you would like to read it.

http://coffeeandchemo.blogspot.com/

RivkA was diagnose in 2005 with stage 0, became stage IV in 2007 with liver, lungs, bones, brain in 2009 and she died like Elizabeth Edwards with liver failure at the end of October 2010. Not every woman with this diagnose dies within a few years. I corresponded with a woman who lived 10 with liver, lungs, bones with a initial diagnose of stage IV. I live because aromatase inhibitors works for me, not available when I was diagnose. HER2 was not an offering either or other drugs that came on in the late 90's and early 2000's when I began this journey. Who knows what will be available in 3 or 5 years.

My point isn't to frighten any one. For more than 70% of women diagnose will no go on to be stage IV.

There is no stage that is safe, whether or not there were any lymph node involvement doesn't really matter. Like RivkA and 100 women just like her, living life to the fullest each day is all we have.

I didn't post to say that a woman who found she had a great scan should not post it. We, all rejoice in the good fortunes of another. Why kind of person would not be happy for that woman with a good scan?

The post was meant to state the obvious for postings that are to loud with the facts of "Who Hoo, look at us". I am 100% certain that it was not meant that way by those who posted here. They simply didn't think because they are not there to understand on how it feel to be on the other side of the coin.

Stage III is not advanced cancer and it is a curable stage. I have known a lot of women in my journey of 16 years who were Stage III B and have not yet become stage IV. I have known women who had 7 cm tumor and never advanced to stage IV. I have known women who many, many lymph nodes positive at dx and never became stage IV.

At best as one women stated on the original forum I posted on for years "bc is a crap shoot". Hope for the best, live each day to the fullest is all we can do.

Doris

Doris....WHEW!!! that's a fairly strong post....
I hope you read this post thru, and give it the respect I gave yours...

Yes, I know, where do I get off....I'm one of the 'lucky ones'....right? Not stage IV. But living with long-term effects of cancer, anyway.

At first, my COLON cancer was staged at 4. The thinking was it was throughout my abdomen. Treatment for that began just to ease the pain (the tumor was pushing on my tailbone), not much they could think of to help. Cure was not mentioned. I was lucky, the treatment worked better than anyone could imagine...and, yes, I DO share that with others....you can call it gloating, if you want to...I call it offering a reason to keep fighting....

True, my breast cancer was 'only' stage II. They found this at the same time as the colon cancer. I was told they would do 'nothing about treatment' 'UNLESS I survived treatment for the colon cancer'.

At one point, all I had was the positive attitude that I WOULD survive, despite all the doom and gloom. No, I am NOT saying all it takes is attitude...far from it...but it sure makes sitting with poison dripping into your system a bit easier to take (I had 4 days of chemo 'hookup' in a row, 3 times, for my colon cancer, along with a week-at-a-time pump that was 24 hours...made a GREAT noise to remind me what was happening).

In D.C. I chatted with a gal confined to a wheelchair, in constant pain from stage IV breast cancer. I, being rather blunt, asked her how did she get thru the day (at this point, I was facing my second primary site dx in a year). She said "I'm hoping that I can hang on long enough for someone to find a cure, and I can get back to the business of living". I carry her in my heart to this day.

Life isn't fair. No one ever promised us it was. My general thought is "It is what it is". Whatever floats your boat. For those here who find comfort in looking to those that have gone before that have made it, so be it. For you, well, that's ok that you don't believe that for a minute...it's what diversity is all about. I have had 2 cancers that were already in the lymph system. I know what I will die from...just which one will reoccur first. I have lost the bottom part of my plumbing to this disease, and am grateful that I had a surgeon talented enough to spare me the trouble of an external bag (mine's internal, made from large intestine).

We are all 'walking wounded' that have faced this battle. No one has a corner on the market...

Hugs, Kathi

New Flower said:

Kathi & Doris
Thank you very much for your comments.
Doris,
I probably was not clear. I do life a full life, working full time and smell the roses, and smiling and laughing every day .
My point was about sensitivity and compassion. I found it awful when pink sister tried to comfort others by remaindering of the initial diagnosis and stage(III) which Elizabeth Edwards was diagnosed. I think this type of argument should be not used among cancer survivors.

Everyone joins the same club...
As soon as those 3 words, "you have cancer", are spoken...

I agree, staging should be left to the treatment team only for the purposes of deciding which course to follow...

I think it comes down to respecting everyone's feelings. Sometimes fairly tough to do, we are all different. I try to be as clear as possible in my subject line what my post is about...that way, if someone doesn't want to hear 'suzy sunshine', they can ignore my post, and not open it...I will say, on my other cancer's board, it's tough for me to open the posts that start with 'I lost my....'....we have had 9 of those this year alone.

Hugs to us all, it's living life that makes things messy...

Hugs, Kathi

SIROD said:

Stage IV Club
Dear Kathi,

I am hoping that you will be that 1% that beats all the odds. Someone has to be in that number. I do appreciate your messages.

" I was lucky, the treatment worked better than anyone could imagine...and, yes, I DO share that with others....you can call it gloating, if you want to...I call it offering a reason to keep fighting...."

I call this sharing your experience by adding another perspective in this battle. That is very, very important.

"True, my breast cancer was 'only' stage II. They found this at the same time as the colon cancer. I was told they would do 'nothing about treatment' 'UNLESS I survived treatment for the colon cancer'. "

A lot of the same chemotherapy drugs are use for different cancers. I use Methotrexate for my eye condition, not my cancer. It's an old drug and was one of the three used with my initial dx. My doctors believe this drugs is helping the cancer along with Femara.

Stage IV is only one of my affliction in my catalog of medical conditions. Only one can be worst than stage IV, the rest are chronic problems that threaten disability in the manner that life would not for me be worth living. Often my stage IV is number third or fourth on my list of medical concerns. That is because my hormonal therapy still work.

There is no one with stage 0, 1, 2 and 3 that would willing join the stage IV Club. It's not the same. One you have every hope of surviving. The other may become chronic for many years, but unless a cure is found, death is the ultimate outcome. I would not call it the same club at all.

My stance still remains that those whose cancers remain curable should try to be a little more sensitive in how words are posted for those who are not in that category. I know it isn’t easy to do but they could try.

We could go on with this discussion forever. I’m not asking other women not to post. For me this is the last reply on this matter. I have made those unaware, aware. No doubt some will say “Amen” to this note.

Good luck Kathi.

DORIS

I find it interesting--the turn this conversation took.
Doris--I have much compassion for your situation. However, I must reply to your last post (even though you said it was your last reply on the subject). I don't think there is one person on this forum who is insensitive to everything everyone is going through--at least I've never felt that way. Some of us are in much different situations than others--but we all pray for each other, cheer each other on and send our most heartfelt words of encouragement.

You state: "My stance still remains that those whose cancers remain curable should try to be a little more sensitive..." Well, Doris, the last I heard, there is no cure for breast cancer period. Presently, all stages are merely "treatable" and the most any of us can hope is that we are in remission.

I mean no disrespect and am certainly not trying to be argumentative, but I just felt the need to voice my opinion on this post.

Thank you for listening, and prayers to all of us here.

Hugs, Renee

sea60 said:

All I can say is
I don't feel it's possible for anyone who has battled cancer to become insensitive to others battling cancer...it makes no sense to me.

My heartfelt apologies for anyone who thought I was boasting...I was merely rooting for HOPE which is something I believe in regardless of any stage.

Love to all my Sisters.

Sylvia

You are right Sylvia, I
You are right Sylvia, I don't think anyone with bc could even remotely be insensitive to another. I haven't seen it here, and, doubt that I will.

I pray for a cure also, and, I always feel there is hope, no matter what.


I think that sometimes our emotions are just a wee bit too close to the skin, which is normal, and, something someone writes might hit us the wrong way. But, I am sure no one would ever on purpose not be kind here.

Love my sisters in pink too!