Pam in hospital

Thank you...
...for the vibes.

Pam was discharged Friday afternoon and what normally would be a 3 1/2 hour drive home turned into 5 hours. Not sure I could handle living in DC. I was exhausted and can only imagine how she felt.

The CT revealed a slight growth of the tumor but also a swollen liver. The distention of the right side of her abdomen is still very obvious. On the up side, the Dr. said there is no evidence of internal bleeding or jaundice and her liver panel shows mostly normal liver functions. The concern continues to be the Alk Phos level which has gone up a bit to 760. They are still concerned about bile duct obstruction. The other issue was her very low blood pressure. They gave her 2 units of blood to try to “juice her up.” Explains her fatigue.

Her onc explained two clinical trials that she was a candidate for. One involved a new regiment of existing chemo drugs administered by IV. She immediately said no to that one. All nurses and techs have a real tough time getting at a vein and she cries from pain every time she gets an IV. She had a port a year and a half ago but it had to be removed due to complications. The second trial consisted of Xeloda and an experimental drug called ABT-888, some kind of enzyme inhibitor. These would both be taken orally. He’s had a 25% positive response so far (minor shrinkage of tumor or no growth) and said it’s been very well tolerated. I really thought she would give this a try but she is now refusing any more chemo. She had Xeloda before and tolerated it very well so I don’t understand.

Last Monday, I took her to a TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) Practitioner. He made it clear that he cannot cure her cancer but felt confident he could make her feel better and increase the quality of her life. I’m not sure how I feel about TCM but the important thing is, she is sold on the idea; unfortunately, at the exclusion of other options. I explained we could do both but she refuses more chemo. I am not in her shoes and am trying to respect this decision but I feel it is wrong. It’s a matter of quality and quantity. Assuming TCM can increase the quality of her life, and I certainly hope it does, it seems to me that chemo is the best option for increasing the quantity of her life.

For the first 30 years of our marriage, she has taken care of me, our home and our children. Now, for the past two years our roles have reversed and I am happy to take care of her and our home (our children are grown). I love her more now than I ever have. I have been with her through every treatment, test, poke and probe. She has been so brave but I know she is exhausted. I also know her well enough to know what buttons I could push to make her participate in the trial, but do I have that right? The trial is almost full and the Dr. needs an answer by Monday. I don’t know what to do. This is the lowest point of my life, either way I go seems wrong. I guess if the TCM works we can always look for another trial but I think it would be difficult to find one that doesn’t involve needles. I also wonder if we can afford the time.

Sorry this post is so long. I’m not even looking for answers (although your opinions are always welcome). I just needed to unload some weight and you guys are the strongest people I know.

Al