My Three New Friends

virtual_voyager
virtual_voyager Member Posts: 37
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Melancholy, cynicism and resentment.

None of which is towards my better half. All three are kept at bay until she's asleep. All she will see is one of the best acting jobs since Heston was Moses. Every morning I have to "get in character" so that her day will be the best I can make it.

Other than her well being, nothing...nothing matters to me anymore. Everything is just going through the motions. All is becoming robotic.

V~V

Comments

  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #2
    T Shirt
    Can we get the three new friends on a t-shirt? I am writing this because I'm stalling going back to the hospital. Putting on the competant, encouraging face has worn me out. I find myself wanting to snarl at the "Merry Christmas" greetings, want to scream at the well meaning friends with their simpleton encouagements, want to sell my stuff and move to Mexico where its warm and no one knows me or has expectations.

    Heston as Moses--good one! Can I be Vivian Leigh as Scarlett?

    There. I said it out loud. Now, where are my keys? I gotta make that 2 hour drive again...
    Penny
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #3
    Couldn't agree more
    Know just how you feel.
  • karenbeth
    karenbeth Member Posts: 194
    #4
    me too
    Those are my friends too...I have been spending a lot of time with melancholy this week. Resentment and cynicism are knocking at my door, though, especially since my partner's scans were just cancelled for tomorrow due to our insurance company sending it to physician review. Grrr.
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #5
    made my day
    VV, your honesty made my day. I'm up before light to get myself together, try to hold my business together via email, and have something Mom can digest ready when she gets up. She calls me Rochester (from the old Jack Benny show) because I drive her and wait on her and generally [resentment break] waste the whole damn day. Get up and do it again, amen. Back home my man and daughter want to know about Christmas. I just want to cry.
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #6
    karenbeth said:

    me too
    Those are my friends too...I have been spending a lot of time with melancholy this week. Resentment and cynicism are knocking at my door, though, especially since my partner's scans were just cancelled for tomorrow due to our insurance company sending it to physician review. Grrr.

    Watch out
    Watch out for melancholy. When she comes to my door and knocks she generally brings her pajamas with her, cause she plans on staying a while.
  • Vicky DeRosia
    Vicky DeRosia Member Posts: 17
    #7
    Barbara53 said:

    made my day
    VV, your honesty made my day. I'm up before light to get myself together, try to hold my business together via email, and have something Mom can digest ready when she gets up. She calls me Rochester (from the old Jack Benny show) because I drive her and wait on her and generally [resentment break] waste the whole damn day. Get up and do it again, amen. Back home my man and daughter want to know about Christmas. I just want to cry.

    Today I am still at hospital
    Today I am still at hospital with mom and she had new stents put in.It is like one foot forward two back.Today I had to be happy for mom and keep smiling and when I turn to look out window because I don't want mom to know how much of her hurt I am feeling and I just want to be her cheerleader and I want to encourage her because she wants to live.I don't want her to see my tears. I do know deep down inside what is going to happen in the end.One time thinking they are getting better and sometimes knowing this is their personel journey and cussing at god for letting it be so hard on them.But I am glad to be here to maybe make her journey a little better or a little more loving or maybe just to soften some of the blows.Thanks for letting me vent and for being here for me.
  • cher8871
    cher8871 Member Posts: 64
    #8
    i'm sorry...did i roll my eyes out loud??
    i'm right there with ya.....yesterday i kept thinking that eventually this will be a memory. then the guilt and all the other crap that comes along with it rolls in. it's kind of hard to feel sorry for the patient and myself at the same time but somehow i manage......
  • skipper85
    skipper85 Member Posts: 229
    #9
    I would add a fourth friend - LOVE

    That's your best friend. Because of the love you have for each other you are willing to endure melancholy, cynicism and resentment without letting your loved one know.

    I'm right there with you this holiday season. My husband has mets to lungs and Monday we'll find out if he has mets to any other body organs. That's when he gets his first Christmas present - Erbitux - to hopefully extend his life for several more months.

    I wonder what is wrong with me because I haven't been able to cry. It could be the Prozac that helps me maintain my robotic state. Right now he is still working (at home based business) and we still go to the sports bar on Sunday to watch the Giant games. He doesn't usually eat anything but he does love his Miller Lite - one of his two best friends - the other is Marlboro. So except for the doctor visits and the fact that he's lost so much weight and sleeps a lot - things are almost normal. I guess sooner or later there will be some big changes. Maybe then I'll be able to cry.

    Hang in there everyone. You are not alone.

    Prayers & Hugs,

    Skipper
  • cbeckman
    cbeckman Member Posts: 14
    #10
    Your three friends have been
    Your three friends have been knocking at my door. So far I have been able to keep them on my enemy list, but they are pretty persistant. I'm sure they will wear me down soon enough but I will fight them as long as I can.

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