My Dad Was Admitted to Hospice Yesterday
Dad was admitted to the hospital last night, where he will stay for his hospice care. He was no longer able to be cared for at home. My has reached her breaking point, we all have. I only went on the weekends and it was so difficult to witness.
This cancer sucks! The brain mets suck even more! We just were not prepared for what they bring. I don't think you can ever be prepared really. I so think of Linda caring for her beloved Ed.
My dad is weak, confused, having hallucinations, agitated, talking with dead family members, and has had dark tea colored urine for almost a week. Still, he won't give up! 3 weeks ago he was ready, at peace with meeting Jesus. Once the brain mets kicked in he changed. He hasn't been my "dad" for weeks. He is a shell of the man I know and love. You can definately see how he drifts between the two worlds. We keep thinking it can't be much longer but the hospice nurse and doctor think he has enough fight in him to last another week or maybe two. Damn it! I pray they are wrong.
Yesterday was the breaking point for my mom and all of us. When I spoke with my mom, my dad was screaming and crying, naked, on the floor being bitten by "fleas". This had been going on since 3 in the morning. The nurse came and gave my dad a shot of haldol that calmed him for about 30 mins before it all started back up. After several calls to his doctor and nurses my mom said she is done. They were pressuring her to keep him at home a few more days. He fell 3 times and on the last one she called and said, "I'm 62 years old I can't pick him up again. If he gets up I'm bringing him to your office with or without clothes and leaving him in your lobby. You try and care for him for even an hour!" The doctor knowing my mom would do it, called back right away and had the squad come and take him to the hospital.
One of the nurses let it slip as to why they kept delaying putting my dad in hospice. They were scared of him. Scared that he could still walk and he would get up and try to work in his confused state. (He works at the hospital) They don't have 1 to 1 staff to watch him and they all "love" him too much to restrain him. So they admitted him for pain control and the doctor told my mom that they need to "weaken him" for a couple of days (so he can't walk) to move to the actual hospice floor. This is what we want and he would want! MEDICATE HIM to keep him calm and comfortable! As awful as this is for us to witness, can you imagine how scary this must be for him? He is suffering both emotionally and physically. Let's make the very end peaceful for him and all of us.
Please pray with me for God's mercy to end this journey. Pray that my dad can be at peace with my little sister in Heaven, having a birthday party with Jesus. Amen.
Thank you for all your support my friends.
Blessings...Deb
Comments
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Oh Deb, I'm So Sorry
I don't even know what to say. I can't even imagine what it mustd be like for you and your mom to go through this living hell.
I hope the doctor's can get him calm and stable and he stays that way!
All I can say is Jesus is with you in the midst of this. Lean on Him. And as much as I hate for anyone to have to die, I pray that it would be over for your father, sooner rather than later. No one should have to live in that kind of state. And no loved ones should have to see their beloved in that state. It's just so, so wrong!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. May you find peace, rest and strength to sustain you in the coming days from Jesus, the only one that can give it to you!!
Blessings,
Sally0 -
Praying for peace
Deb,
I am so sorry to hear of your Dad’s current condition. I know this must be very painful for you and your family.
I will be praying for peace and comfort for your Dad and a gentle transition to the next world.
Best Regards,
Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina
DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
6/21/2010 CT Scan NED
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!0 -
Hi Deb, My heart is breaking
Hi Deb, My heart is breaking with yours tonight. No, it isn't wrong to medicate your dad so that he can have peace, as well as your family. When a love one has reached this point, it's normal to want God to take them to a better place. Like my husband said when his mom passed " my mom has not been here in a long time, so it's good to be left with memories of who she really was, not the way she is now.". I pray for Gods arms to wrap around you all and give you comfort during these last days.
Sandra0 -
Deb,
You and your dad and
Deb,
You and your dad and your mom and family are in my prayers and thoughts. I understand how difficult this must be for you right now and how awful you feel. Keep the loving memories of your dad close to your heart right now as he struggles against this horrible cancer. He loved you your whole life and it sounds like he was an inspiration to many and a wonderful man. As you said soon he will be with the angels and your little sister. And no it isn't wrong to pray that his pain and agony stop.
Take care of yourself and your mom during this time. You will both need strength for the days ahead.
Prayers and hugs,
Cindy0 -
you did a great service by sharing your story
Deb,
Being a daughter also, I can't begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Although heart wrenching to read it, I think it is good that you shared your parents story. Many don't realize this kind of thing may happen with brain mets and are completely taken aback. It gives people time to have these important discussions with their doctors. You did a great service here.
Your mom sounds like one heck of a woman! I wish she didn't get pushed to that point, but glad she was able to make her point to the doctors so CLEARLY that they finally took control of your dad's situation!
My prayers are for God to have Bless you with His Mercy, Peace and palpable comfort.
Kim0 -
Sweetie, I know this cancerK_ann1015 said:you did a great service by sharing your story
Deb,
Being a daughter also, I can't begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Although heart wrenching to read it, I think it is good that you shared your parents story. Many don't realize this kind of thing may happen with brain mets and are completely taken aback. It gives people time to have these important discussions with their doctors. You did a great service here.
Your mom sounds like one heck of a woman! I wish she didn't get pushed to that point, but glad she was able to make her point to the doctors so CLEARLY that they finally took control of your dad's situation!
My prayers are for God to have Bless you with His Mercy, Peace and palpable comfort.
Kim
Sweetie, I know this cancer does suck so bad. And you wanna help so bad but their is really nothing that can be done expect be by his side.
Hang in there
Im praying for your family
Tina0 -
So So Sorry Deb
Oh Deb
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I feel so sorry for all of you. This cancer is one terrible disease. What horrible experiences you have all had to endure. We are so blessed that our dad went peacefully at home before his cancer made him worse. He was headed in that direction though. He too was stuck between both worlds. He told me he shook the Lord's hand and he told him he had a strong handshake the morning before he passed away. He was calling out and reaching for his mom who passed away in 2003 the night he passed away. It is all so so hard and gut wrenching to be a daughter and have to see this happening to one of our parents. I am actually proud of your mom. I am glad she told the drs office she is not doing this anymore. She was going to bring him to their office lobby naked or clothed and leave him there. Good for her. It is just amazing how some of these drs. think we as caregivers can just keep going and going. God bless all of you. May God grant you all of the peace and strength you will all need at this most difficult time. May our good Lord come to bring your dad home soon. He needs to go to heaven so he no longer has to suffer. I will be thinking of all of you and praying for you. Many hugs to you all. Keep us posted as you can.
Love,
Tina in Va0 -
So sorry to hear what you are going through
Deb, although we haven't spoken in a while, I was reading your post and just had to write.
Yes, I do understand what you are going through, not only as a daughter, but myself, as a wife.
I went through the same ordeal with Eddie, as you know, he had brain mets and he changed too.
We don't know how long he had the brain mets because he refused a scan all along but one day in June he couldn't walk and the er did a scan and there it was, a big mass sitting in the back of his head. The doctors told me it was probably there for a long time because of the size of it. That day changed our lives forever too, he was never the same man. He would undress himself, get angry, not know who we were, yelling and thrashing all over the bed until we put him in the hospital, he died there three days later, still doing the same behavior. None of the med's that hospice put him on helped him, they didn't even tough the behavior. He died in the same manner. I prayed and prayed the last week of his life that God would take him out of his misery, out of all of our misery., and he did on September 15th. I was so sad when Ed died but Deb, there was also relief that the man I was married to was now at peace, my mother died nine days later after Ed and I feel that they are both together, laughing and being able to be at peace with themselves. I know how Diana felt, as a daughter, to watch her dad become this man that we barely recognized. it was hurtful, painful to watch my daughter see this right before her eyes. I would go to bed crying that maybe tomorrow would be different, that the med's would help and the next day would be the same or worse. I am praying that God answers your prayers and that you can begin your journey down the road like us. it has not been an easy road Deb, I miss Ed and my Mom every single day, I cry for them still but deep in my heart, I know that both of them are at peace now with God and that they are looking down on us, smiling that their terrible quest is over for them.
The holidays are tough, I am not going to lie about that, Diana's birthday is next week, she will be turning 23 and then we have Christmas the following week. I did put up a christmas tree, with alot of my ornaments that Ed and I bought together over the years as well as ornaments of my mom's. I have my days of sadness but also each day is a little better as well. No one wants to watch someone we love suffer, it is just so unfair. This horrible cancer is like fire, that's the word that comes to my mind so often. It came into our lives like a storm and left the same. I am attending grief counseling, we are both doing well, I smile sometimes now when I think back to the past of things that Ed and I did as a family.
I don't know what else to tell you but just wanted you to know that I read your post and wanted to say " I'm sorry" for what you and your family are going through. Yes, I know too well what it is like. Please keep all of us updated.
Also, Mr. Marshall, I will be getting back to you soon. Thank you so much for your letter.
Sincerely,
Linda0 -
Thank youlindadanis said:So sorry to hear what you are going through
Deb, although we haven't spoken in a while, I was reading your post and just had to write.
Yes, I do understand what you are going through, not only as a daughter, but myself, as a wife.
I went through the same ordeal with Eddie, as you know, he had brain mets and he changed too.
We don't know how long he had the brain mets because he refused a scan all along but one day in June he couldn't walk and the er did a scan and there it was, a big mass sitting in the back of his head. The doctors told me it was probably there for a long time because of the size of it. That day changed our lives forever too, he was never the same man. He would undress himself, get angry, not know who we were, yelling and thrashing all over the bed until we put him in the hospital, he died there three days later, still doing the same behavior. None of the med's that hospice put him on helped him, they didn't even tough the behavior. He died in the same manner. I prayed and prayed the last week of his life that God would take him out of his misery, out of all of our misery., and he did on September 15th. I was so sad when Ed died but Deb, there was also relief that the man I was married to was now at peace, my mother died nine days later after Ed and I feel that they are both together, laughing and being able to be at peace with themselves. I know how Diana felt, as a daughter, to watch her dad become this man that we barely recognized. it was hurtful, painful to watch my daughter see this right before her eyes. I would go to bed crying that maybe tomorrow would be different, that the med's would help and the next day would be the same or worse. I am praying that God answers your prayers and that you can begin your journey down the road like us. it has not been an easy road Deb, I miss Ed and my Mom every single day, I cry for them still but deep in my heart, I know that both of them are at peace now with God and that they are looking down on us, smiling that their terrible quest is over for them.
The holidays are tough, I am not going to lie about that, Diana's birthday is next week, she will be turning 23 and then we have Christmas the following week. I did put up a christmas tree, with alot of my ornaments that Ed and I bought together over the years as well as ornaments of my mom's. I have my days of sadness but also each day is a little better as well. No one wants to watch someone we love suffer, it is just so unfair. This horrible cancer is like fire, that's the word that comes to my mind so often. It came into our lives like a storm and left the same. I am attending grief counseling, we are both doing well, I smile sometimes now when I think back to the past of things that Ed and I did as a family.
I don't know what else to tell you but just wanted you to know that I read your post and wanted to say " I'm sorry" for what you and your family are going through. Yes, I know too well what it is like. Please keep all of us updated.
Also, Mr. Marshall, I will be getting back to you soon. Thank you so much for your letter.
Sincerely,
Linda
thank you all for your support. dad went to be with jesus 12-13-10 at 9:45 am.
Deb0 -
Your family has been thru so muchLivingFaith said:Thank you
thank you all for your support. dad went to be with jesus 12-13-10 at 9:45 am.
Deb
This cancer has taken a part of each and every one of us. I am so sorry for your family. Your dad is in a much better place now but I know you will miss him terribly.
Barb0 -
Sorry your Dad has left but happy the suffering is overLivingFaith said:Thank you
thank you all for your support. dad went to be with jesus 12-13-10 at 9:45 am.
Deb
Deb,
I know you miss your Dad already but he is in a better place now where there is no pain and suffering. I know these last few weeks have been difficult for you and your family.
May God gather your Dad in his loving arms and bring peace to you and your family.
With deep condolences,
Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina0
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