sister's cancer

jphilpo
jphilpo Member Posts: 177
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My sister had stage 1 breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy, then rads. All was well until 3 weeks ago when she went for blood work and they said something wasn't right. Further tests showed it had spread to her liver.

I had stage 2 cancer, double mastectomy,chemo rads and reconstruction. I live in Houston, so my surgery and treatments were done at the medical center. My sister lives about 90 miles away. She loves her dr. and doesn't want to go to M.D.Anderson for a second opinion about her next treatments. They have started her chemo in her hometown and if it doesn't work, then she will go to M.D.Anderson.

As a survivor myself, I haven't told her how I feel. I want her to go to M.D.Anderson. It's only 90 miles away. She is adamant though. The family wants me to tell her, but I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I know we all get unsolicited advice about everything. In this case however, I just don't want to look back and say " I wish I had said something"

Any advice?

Jean

Comments

  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #2
    Sweetie, I think you
    Sweetie, I think you answered your own question!!! It seems you can call her, or drive over, and simply tell her that as a survivor, you already know all of the advice, asked for and unsolicited she will no doubt get. Tell her how happy you are that she loves/trusts her Drs. BUT...also tell her you never want to look back and say you wish you had mentioned MD Anderson to her! Then laugh good naturedly, tell her you love her, and that whew! Your conscience is now clear and can we eat lunch or watch that movie now, please?

    I hope you do not read into this that I am making light of the situation~ nothing could be further from the truth! But, as a sister, perhaps you have a different, more easy-going relationship with her than say, a neighbor or health care professional would. Leave yourself open to answer any and all questions she might have about Anderson~ and allow her to make the best decision for herself.

    Blessings to you both for a happy outcome and that you both find yourselves sharing those dances with NED!


    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #3
    Gosh Jean,
    that must be hard. Maybe you can assure her that it's good practice and wise to get a second opinion, especially if they're saying it spread. Since she thinks so highly of her doctor, she might feel like she'd be betraying him in seeking a second opinion. It would have been nice if the doctor would have suggested she get one.

    In any case, if she were my sister, I would just tell her there have been times where the initial diagnosis was inaccurate and because you love and care for her, you would like her to get a second opinion. Then, it would be her decision.

    I pray all goes well with you both!

    Hugs,

    Sylvia
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #4
    Jean
    I'm so sorry for your sister's dx. My sister just battled a reoccurance of her bc after 9 years but it was small enough for lumpectomy and rads and had not spread anywhere else in her body. That is the scary part. It's easy to see in hindsight things you might have said or suggested. Just help her now as she faces this new battle. Will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #5
    cahjah75 said:

    Jean
    I'm so sorry for your sister's dx. My sister just battled a reoccurance of her bc after 9 years but it was small enough for lumpectomy and rads and had not spread anywhere else in her body. That is the scary part. It's easy to see in hindsight things you might have said or suggested. Just help her now as she faces this new battle. Will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
    {{hugs}} Char

    I would
    I think your sister would appreciate your advice and suggestion. You have had bc and you know the feelings that she has now.

    If you don't say something, I have a feeling it will eat away at you.

    She is your sister, and, you love her, so, take the leap and talk to her. Just don't, in my opinion, come on too pushy. Just tell her how much you care for her and then tell her what you posted here.

    I am so very sorry that this has even happened to her. You are a good sister to help her.

    Praying for you two,

    Kylez
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #6
    sea60 said:

    Gosh Jean,
    that must be hard. Maybe you can assure her that it's good practice and wise to get a second opinion, especially if they're saying it spread. Since she thinks so highly of her doctor, she might feel like she'd be betraying him in seeking a second opinion. It would have been nice if the doctor would have suggested she get one.

    In any case, if she were my sister, I would just tell her there have been times where the initial diagnosis was inaccurate and because you love and care for her, you would like her to get a second opinion. Then, it would be her decision.

    I pray all goes well with you both!

    Hugs,

    Sylvia

    I would tell her too. I
    I would tell her too. I think she would want your opinion.


    Praying for both of you,

    Jan
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #7
    Kylez said:

    I would
    I think your sister would appreciate your advice and suggestion. You have had bc and you know the feelings that she has now.

    If you don't say something, I have a feeling it will eat away at you.

    She is your sister, and, you love her, so, take the leap and talk to her. Just don't, in my opinion, come on too pushy. Just tell her how much you care for her and then tell her what you posted here.

    I am so very sorry that this has even happened to her. You are a good sister to help her.

    Praying for you two,

    Kylez

    your sister is in a fight
    your sister is in a fight for her life. it may hard for her to recognize this right now as it is all so overwhelming. A second opinion is important. Even if they say the same thing. Perhaps there are new treatments that the smaller hospitals are not trying, or clinical trials. MD Anderson is also starting a new integrative medicine approach which sounds awesome. I would tell her than the choice is hers. You cant go back and fix this later.
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #8
    carkris said:

    your sister is in a fight
    your sister is in a fight for her life. it may hard for her to recognize this right now as it is all so overwhelming. A second opinion is important. Even if they say the same thing. Perhaps there are new treatments that the smaller hospitals are not trying, or clinical trials. MD Anderson is also starting a new integrative medicine approach which sounds awesome. I would tell her than the choice is hers. You cant go back and fix this later.

    I am in agreement with
    I am in agreement with everyone that posted. Please talk to her and suggesting a 2nd or even a 3rd opinion would be a good idea.

    MD Anderson is a remarkable center and your sister would be lucky to have them helping her.


    Sending blessings and prayers,


    Sue :)
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #9
    Ritzy said:

    I am in agreement with
    I am in agreement with everyone that posted. Please talk to her and suggesting a 2nd or even a 3rd opinion would be a good idea.

    MD Anderson is a remarkable center and your sister would be lucky to have them helping her.


    Sending blessings and prayers,


    Sue :)

    Go with what your head is
    Go with what your head is telling you to do. She is your sister! If she doesn't like what you say, she can just tell you.

    Prayers coming for the two of you,


    Angie
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #10
    chenheart said:

    Sweetie, I think you
    Sweetie, I think you answered your own question!!! It seems you can call her, or drive over, and simply tell her that as a survivor, you already know all of the advice, asked for and unsolicited she will no doubt get. Tell her how happy you are that she loves/trusts her Drs. BUT...also tell her you never want to look back and say you wish you had mentioned MD Anderson to her! Then laugh good naturedly, tell her you love her, and that whew! Your conscience is now clear and can we eat lunch or watch that movie now, please?

    I hope you do not read into this that I am making light of the situation~ nothing could be further from the truth! But, as a sister, perhaps you have a different, more easy-going relationship with her than say, a neighbor or health care professional would. Leave yourself open to answer any and all questions she might have about Anderson~ and allow her to make the best decision for herself.

    Blessings to you both for a happy outcome and that you both find yourselves sharing those dances with NED!


    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    This is so sad and I am so
    This is so sad and I am so sorry to read about your sister. I agree with what your sisters have written, tell her.

    It sure won't hurt and it will show her how much you love her.

    Hugs and prayers for both of you,


    Leeza
  • candacemc
    candacemc Member Posts: 21
    #11
    I'm in the middle of
    I'm in the middle of reconstruction after a double mastectomy. I am a native Houstonian living in Corpus. I did not think twice about heading straight for the Med Center in Houston. I make the 3 hour drive and just stay in hotels or with family. She needs to be with the absolute best docs/treatment facility that exists and Houston has it. She's not fighting a common cold, this is a life/death situation. Please press her to get a second opinion. Time, as you know, is critical and not on her side.

    Good Luck!!
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #12
    candacemc said:

    I'm in the middle of
    I'm in the middle of reconstruction after a double mastectomy. I am a native Houstonian living in Corpus. I did not think twice about heading straight for the Med Center in Houston. I make the 3 hour drive and just stay in hotels or with family. She needs to be with the absolute best docs/treatment facility that exists and Houston has it. She's not fighting a common cold, this is a life/death situation. Please press her to get a second opinion. Time, as you know, is critical and not on her side.

    Good Luck!!

    If it were my sister, I
    If it were my sister, I would tell her. What could happen? Either she likes the idea or she doesn't. You love her and are concerned about her, and only want the best for her.


    Post to update us on how things go.

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