Made It

ktlcs
ktlcs Member Posts: 358
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
through Thanksgiving. To tell the truth I really just wanted to stay home in bed and forget the whole thing. But everone pushed me so I did it. Wet up to my parents, had the traditional turkey dinner (my husbands favorite dish) went with my parents and brothers to cut down their Christmas trees (something we couldn't do for several years) ad drove back on Sat. All in all guess I'm glad I went, but not looking forward to Christmas at all

I miss him so much

Kathy

Comments

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #2
    Is Christmas over yet??
    Kathy,
    I know exactly how you feel. Usually by this time I'm done shopping & have cards written out. But haven't even started & not doing cards this year. It's hard to get in the mood when we've lost the "loves" of our life, right? Can't even stand hearing a Christmas song. My husband died in March and it was about this time last year that he had a backache & got worse when in January we got the diagnosis of Lung cancer. Never even thought of that and never realized that it would be over in 2 months. I miss him so much too. I guess we have to try and move on and hopefully all these firsts will be the hardest. It can't get any worse.
    Take care! "Carole"
  • ktlcs
    ktlcs Member Posts: 358
    #3
    3Mana said:

    Is Christmas over yet??
    Kathy,
    I know exactly how you feel. Usually by this time I'm done shopping & have cards written out. But haven't even started & not doing cards this year. It's hard to get in the mood when we've lost the "loves" of our life, right? Can't even stand hearing a Christmas song. My husband died in March and it was about this time last year that he had a backache & got worse when in January we got the diagnosis of Lung cancer. Never even thought of that and never realized that it would be over in 2 months. I miss him so much too. I guess we have to try and move on and hopefully all these firsts will be the hardest. It can't get any worse.
    Take care! "Carole"

    Christmas was always my favorite
    But this year I am dreading it. I know just what you mean Carole, at this time last year I never thought that I wuldn't have him with me for the holidays this year, never expected he'd be gone in only 9 months. I too am not writing cards or putting up a tree. I will probably decorate a bit, just to try to capture some Christmas spirit, but I'm not sure I can do it.

    I am not shopping either, as I have teenage and younger nieces and nephews, I don't want them to miss out so I'm having their parents shop and I will just reimburse them. I know I've said it before but I wish I could just go to bed until it's over

    Kathy
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #4
    3Mana said:

    Is Christmas over yet??
    Kathy,
    I know exactly how you feel. Usually by this time I'm done shopping & have cards written out. But haven't even started & not doing cards this year. It's hard to get in the mood when we've lost the "loves" of our life, right? Can't even stand hearing a Christmas song. My husband died in March and it was about this time last year that he had a backache & got worse when in January we got the diagnosis of Lung cancer. Never even thought of that and never realized that it would be over in 2 months. I miss him so much too. I guess we have to try and move on and hopefully all these firsts will be the hardest. It can't get any worse.
    Take care! "Carole"

    We were sort of on the same timeline
    It was about this time last year when Bill first started complaining of discomfort in his lower back and legs...we both didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room and long story short...first week in March finally got him to go to the ER and on April 21st he passed..come to find out that the lung cancer had spread all over including his brain.
    Good news is that we were not big holiday folks...but he did enjoy decorating and stuff....fighting with myself about what to do..for sure nothing outside..but thinking a small tree might be good...he loved christmas lights !
    But it remains to be seen....I just want to shut down life and restart on 01/02/2011..next year has to be better..
    Blessings...
    Pat
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #5
    3Mana said:

    Is Christmas over yet??
    Kathy,
    I know exactly how you feel. Usually by this time I'm done shopping & have cards written out. But haven't even started & not doing cards this year. It's hard to get in the mood when we've lost the "loves" of our life, right? Can't even stand hearing a Christmas song. My husband died in March and it was about this time last year that he had a backache & got worse when in January we got the diagnosis of Lung cancer. Never even thought of that and never realized that it would be over in 2 months. I miss him so much too. I guess we have to try and move on and hopefully all these firsts will be the hardest. It can't get any worse.
    Take care! "Carole"

    Fast Forward
    Keep looking for that fast forward button so we can get these holidays over. We knew last Christmas that it was going to be out last. We went to a Waterford Crystal store and he bought each of our children a pair of champagne flutes. He wanted them to use them for all the special occasions in their lives...engagements, first home, new babies...and remember him. It will be six months this 12/14 since he has passed. Miss him more each day.
    Best to all of you.
    Becky
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
    #6
    3Mana said:

    Is Christmas over yet??
    Kathy,
    I know exactly how you feel. Usually by this time I'm done shopping & have cards written out. But haven't even started & not doing cards this year. It's hard to get in the mood when we've lost the "loves" of our life, right? Can't even stand hearing a Christmas song. My husband died in March and it was about this time last year that he had a backache & got worse when in January we got the diagnosis of Lung cancer. Never even thought of that and never realized that it would be over in 2 months. I miss him so much too. I guess we have to try and move on and hopefully all these firsts will be the hardest. It can't get any worse.
    Take care! "Carole"

    Holiday is hard
    Dale has been gone only 3 months yesterday. Can't stop the tears. Seeing Christmas decorations and hearing Christmas music just breaks my heart. Dale never liked Christmas, but last year he picked out a tree and other decorations. I will always remember that, so I have put them up. Really tough to do. I'm so lonely and sad. I can hardly bear to see couples holding hands, Christmas shopping, wandering through the snow covered streets with Christmas lights everywhere, going to parties and holiday events. I just wish he could hold me and say Merry Christmas. Yes, I want this holiday to be over. Sad, but I'm trying to move forward. You all take care.

    Cyndi
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #7
    junklady said:

    Holiday is hard
    Dale has been gone only 3 months yesterday. Can't stop the tears. Seeing Christmas decorations and hearing Christmas music just breaks my heart. Dale never liked Christmas, but last year he picked out a tree and other decorations. I will always remember that, so I have put them up. Really tough to do. I'm so lonely and sad. I can hardly bear to see couples holding hands, Christmas shopping, wandering through the snow covered streets with Christmas lights everywhere, going to parties and holiday events. I just wish he could hold me and say Merry Christmas. Yes, I want this holiday to be over. Sad, but I'm trying to move forward. You all take care.

    Cyndi

    Piling on
    Don loved Christmas lights and the tree and everything; it was the one time of year he even enjoyed shopping. So on that score it will be hard.

    And then last Christmas his 29-year-old was so nasty to him, screamed at him for half an hour, so there's that memory to sort of erase from the house.

    Both sides of the family have disappeared. It seems that I'll have to make new traditions.

    My job is exceptionally busy at Christmas time so I expect to be even more tired than I am now.

    And to top it all off, I'm being forced to retire on January 31st and it's getting ugly.

    People tell me things will get better and sometimes I can almost believe that. But not always. I do know that Don would want me to be tough and take care of myself. But it's awfully lonely.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #8
    ruthelizabeth said:

    Piling on
    Don loved Christmas lights and the tree and everything; it was the one time of year he even enjoyed shopping. So on that score it will be hard.

    And then last Christmas his 29-year-old was so nasty to him, screamed at him for half an hour, so there's that memory to sort of erase from the house.

    Both sides of the family have disappeared. It seems that I'll have to make new traditions.

    My job is exceptionally busy at Christmas time so I expect to be even more tired than I am now.

    And to top it all off, I'm being forced to retire on January 31st and it's getting ugly.

    People tell me things will get better and sometimes I can almost believe that. But not always. I do know that Don would want me to be tough and take care of myself. But it's awfully lonely.

    loneliness
    It is so lonely coming home to an empty house night after night. The holidays just seem to be salt in the wound. My counselor has assured me that things will get better. She has done grief counseling for 17 yrs. and has never had a patient who did not move on from the death of a loved one. I guess it is a long, slow process...and it stinks.
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #9
    junklady said:

    Holiday is hard
    Dale has been gone only 3 months yesterday. Can't stop the tears. Seeing Christmas decorations and hearing Christmas music just breaks my heart. Dale never liked Christmas, but last year he picked out a tree and other decorations. I will always remember that, so I have put them up. Really tough to do. I'm so lonely and sad. I can hardly bear to see couples holding hands, Christmas shopping, wandering through the snow covered streets with Christmas lights everywhere, going to parties and holiday events. I just wish he could hold me and say Merry Christmas. Yes, I want this holiday to be over. Sad, but I'm trying to move forward. You all take care.

    Cyndi

    My solution
    The only reason I am having a Christmas tree this year is because my daughter and her boyfriend are living w/me and I told her if she wanted one, she could do it all. But I wanted none of the regular stuff that I used to put up....make it all different, new, whatever. So she is doing it all. I am out of town right now, so when I go home next week I may just enjoy seeing all new stuff and decorations....kind of a new start, new year kind of thing. Surely 2011 will be much better than 2010...has to be!

    My best to all! Gayle
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #10
    lilli1020 said:

    My solution
    The only reason I am having a Christmas tree this year is because my daughter and her boyfriend are living w/me and I told her if she wanted one, she could do it all. But I wanted none of the regular stuff that I used to put up....make it all different, new, whatever. So she is doing it all. I am out of town right now, so when I go home next week I may just enjoy seeing all new stuff and decorations....kind of a new start, new year kind of thing. Surely 2011 will be much better than 2010...has to be!

    My best to all! Gayle

    Good idea
    Gayle,
    That's a good idea. I wish I could go away and come home to new decorations. Maybe it would be easier to accept. But if I have to do it, I just don't think I can. I'll remember the time when I came home and Tom was putting the lights on the tree. Our house faces the south and the sun was bright that day so it was hot in the living room and there he was just in his jeans and no shirt!!! Made me laugh. We have so many memories that are so good and I can't
    wait till this year is overwith. It's not fair that we have to go through this. Don't know how many years you were married but we were married for 46 years and had known each other since we were in 1st grade.
    Well, I am just so thankful for this site cause I've gotten alot of comfort from talking to everyone. Even though I have so many friends, all of you on this site either are or have gone through the same thing so you understand. Take care! "Carole"
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #11
    3Mana said:

    Good idea
    Gayle,
    That's a good idea. I wish I could go away and come home to new decorations. Maybe it would be easier to accept. But if I have to do it, I just don't think I can. I'll remember the time when I came home and Tom was putting the lights on the tree. Our house faces the south and the sun was bright that day so it was hot in the living room and there he was just in his jeans and no shirt!!! Made me laugh. We have so many memories that are so good and I can't
    wait till this year is overwith. It's not fair that we have to go through this. Don't know how many years you were married but we were married for 46 years and had known each other since we were in 1st grade.
    Well, I am just so thankful for this site cause I've gotten alot of comfort from talking to everyone. Even though I have so many friends, all of you on this site either are or have gone through the same thing so you understand. Take care! "Carole"

    Comfort is Discussion Board
    This discussion board has been helpful. No one can really know how hard this is unless they have gone or are going through it. My husband I dated 4 yrs and were married for 32. I thought we would have another 20 yrs at least....who knew. We cannot hurt like this forever...right?
  • faithlee
    faithlee Member Posts: 9
    #12
    Glad to hear I'm not the only one
    So glad to hear that my feelings this holiday season is normal. It has been six months but it seems the grief is getting worse. I'm hoping it is just the holidays, although I keep hearing that the second year is just as bad. I agree with the thought of going to sleep and not waking up until January 2nd! It is so hard to see Christmas decorations and hear Christmas carols. i can't even make it through a church service without breaking down in tears. Last year was difficult because we knew in our hearts that it would be our last Christmas, but didn't want to give up hope. There are so many things I wish we would have done differently but at the moment you are just trying to keep things as normal as possible and not give up hope. At the moment I am thankful to have this discussion board, especially this time of year.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #13
    faithlee said:

    Glad to hear I'm not the only one
    So glad to hear that my feelings this holiday season is normal. It has been six months but it seems the grief is getting worse. I'm hoping it is just the holidays, although I keep hearing that the second year is just as bad. I agree with the thought of going to sleep and not waking up until January 2nd! It is so hard to see Christmas decorations and hear Christmas carols. i can't even make it through a church service without breaking down in tears. Last year was difficult because we knew in our hearts that it would be our last Christmas, but didn't want to give up hope. There are so many things I wish we would have done differently but at the moment you are just trying to keep things as normal as possible and not give up hope. At the moment I am thankful to have this discussion board, especially this time of year.

    2nd year
    Things do get a little easier as time goes by. This is my second Christmas without Doug. I think I went through last year in somewhat of a fog. I am not decorating this year again because I won't be home. My older son and family have invited me to go to Europe with them. I am looking forward to that. He has two teenage daughters and I have actually traveled with the granddaughters quite a bit. We took them on several vacations with us before Doug passed away. It will be good to spend time with family away from home. I agree that one of the hardest things is coming home to an empty house. I'm not sure I will ever get used to that. Take care everyone. Be kind to yourselves. Fay
  • missyoumom2010
    missyoumom2010 Member Posts: 5
    #14
    Wow I wanted to do the same
    Wow I wanted to do the same thing I wanted to stay home for thanksgiving too I was forced to get out. Seeing how I just lost my mom and had homegoing on the Nov 20th. However it was soooooooo emotional and hard. I can't even begin to comment on Christmas, and for some reason it's torture I never heard so much christmas music and stuff, I change the station and channel. May god contunie to give you comfort.

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