Feeling scared

Chemo_Princess
Chemo_Princess Member Posts: 105
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
A friend of mine who also has OVCA doesn't have much longer to live. Hospice was called in last week. She was diagnosed one year before me, she didn't even last 3 years!! This news has me really shaken up and freaked out. It will be 2 years since my diagnosis in April 2011. I'm only 32, so I have age on my side but I'm still scared. I usually try not to think about the inevitable, but this has got me thinking.
I just needed to vent and share my feelings and I knew you ladies would understand. God bless all of my fellow teal warriors!!!
Love,
Natalie

Comments

  • vj1
    vj1 Member Posts: 150
    #2
    Natalie
    Your fears are all the "warrior fears". Be sure to read Linda's post---12 year survivor. Hold onto it and go forward. Hugs and prayers.

    V
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #3
    PsychoBabble ;)
    My therapist explained our fears to me this way:

    Most people have the luxury of suspending the reality of their mortality as they go about their everyday lives. We no longer have that luxury, because we are living with cancer. Even when we are in remission, we have built relationships with others who also have cancer so our fears are reinforced with every recurrence and passing of those we have grown to love (Saundra, Bonnie, Dorian, etc.) The people who are in remission and have been for a long time are not as active on the boards, because they have rebuilt a life for themselves where cancer, while still ever present, is not as "front and center" as it is for the newly NED or recurrent patient.

    What she says makes sense, but I still have no idea how to deal with it. Let me know if anyone figures it out!

    (By the way, I love my therapist, and knowing where my fear originates, has helped me to deal with it a bit better, I don't mean to imply that she's not helping me, she has helped me TREMENDOUSLY! I highly recommend talk therapy with a good counselor. I can say all of the things to her that my family and friends don't want to hear!)

    Hugs to all,

    Leesa
  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314
    #4
    leesag said:

    PsychoBabble ;)
    My therapist explained our fears to me this way:

    Most people have the luxury of suspending the reality of their mortality as they go about their everyday lives. We no longer have that luxury, because we are living with cancer. Even when we are in remission, we have built relationships with others who also have cancer so our fears are reinforced with every recurrence and passing of those we have grown to love (Saundra, Bonnie, Dorian, etc.) The people who are in remission and have been for a long time are not as active on the boards, because they have rebuilt a life for themselves where cancer, while still ever present, is not as "front and center" as it is for the newly NED or recurrent patient.

    What she says makes sense, but I still have no idea how to deal with it. Let me know if anyone figures it out!

    (By the way, I love my therapist, and knowing where my fear originates, has helped me to deal with it a bit better, I don't mean to imply that she's not helping me, she has helped me TREMENDOUSLY! I highly recommend talk therapy with a good counselor. I can say all of the things to her that my family and friends don't want to hear!)

    Hugs to all,

    Leesa

    I am digging what your
    I am digging what your therapist is throwing down. I haven't figured it out either so I take some chemicals to help me out (Lexapro). I tried to go off them and my thoughts were bouncing around my head so fast I thought my head was gonna spin off my neck. My blood pressure was way high too. I am back on them and feel calm and for that I am happy.
    Although I am NED, I feel an obligation to keep up on the board so that I can help ladies new to this board. I remeber my first months of dx and how this board help me.
    Not a day goes by without a cancer thought: some days I feel lucky, some days I am scared. The passing of my board friends bring sadness laced with a dose of making each day count.
    Good Luck,
    Mary
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #5
    leesag said:

    PsychoBabble ;)
    My therapist explained our fears to me this way:

    Most people have the luxury of suspending the reality of their mortality as they go about their everyday lives. We no longer have that luxury, because we are living with cancer. Even when we are in remission, we have built relationships with others who also have cancer so our fears are reinforced with every recurrence and passing of those we have grown to love (Saundra, Bonnie, Dorian, etc.) The people who are in remission and have been for a long time are not as active on the boards, because they have rebuilt a life for themselves where cancer, while still ever present, is not as "front and center" as it is for the newly NED or recurrent patient.

    What she says makes sense, but I still have no idea how to deal with it. Let me know if anyone figures it out!

    (By the way, I love my therapist, and knowing where my fear originates, has helped me to deal with it a bit better, I don't mean to imply that she's not helping me, she has helped me TREMENDOUSLY! I highly recommend talk therapy with a good counselor. I can say all of the things to her that my family and friends don't want to hear!)

    Hugs to all,

    Leesa

    I have never
    heard it articulated that way. I like your therapist.

    But you are right, we still have to figure out how to deal with all that. It has been a long process for me, and although I am more at peace than ever, I still have my "freak out" and "fear" moments.

    Hugs,
    kathleen
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #6
    YES!
    It IS so SCARY. I've been fighting a recurrence for a year now and haven't had a 2nd remission. I do the calculations in my head and realize if they don't stop this or slow it down I will be in BIG trouble soon. Most days I'm ok but I think it is because I am really suffering NO symptoms yet. Digestive issues, yeah a bit but nothing too bad. It just really stinks.
  • Chemo_Princess
    Chemo_Princess Member Posts: 105
    #7
    nancy591 said:

    YES!
    It IS so SCARY. I've been fighting a recurrence for a year now and haven't had a 2nd remission. I do the calculations in my head and realize if they don't stop this or slow it down I will be in BIG trouble soon. Most days I'm ok but I think it is because I am really suffering NO symptoms yet. Digestive issues, yeah a bit but nothing too bad. It just really stinks.

    I've been fighting since April 2009 and haven't gone into remission yet. That's part of the reason I'm freaked out. It does stink, big time!!
  • clamryn
    clamryn Member Posts: 508
    #8
    It is okay.
    Hi Natalie, It is okay to be scared. I am too. You know I wish we were are close together so that we had a place to go and gather and just yell, scream, cry, hug each other and laugh until our sides hurt. I think I would call it the "Kick B**t" Teal room. Hang in there Natalie, I know it is hard. God Bless you.

    Linda
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #9
    clamryn said:

    It is okay.
    Hi Natalie, It is okay to be scared. I am too. You know I wish we were are close together so that we had a place to go and gather and just yell, scream, cry, hug each other and laugh until our sides hurt. I think I would call it the "Kick B**t" Teal room. Hang in there Natalie, I know it is hard. God Bless you.

    Linda

    What a great idea,
    Linda! I know Bonnie used to go to the chat room on this board every morning with her coffee. If we set a time, it is a place we could all meet, to chat anyway.
    I only visited there once, but the ladies were very knd. I think we can go to our own room, if we set the time. Just an idea. I will be checking in there occasionally going forward.

    kathleen
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #10
    Chemo_Princess said:

    I've been fighting since April 2009 and haven't gone into remission yet. That's part of the reason I'm freaked out. It does stink, big time!!

    Yes, it does really SUCK! I had about 7 or 8 months remission. That whole time I worried. Sometimes I get angry, jealous, bitter and sometimes sad and scared!!! I think being younger it seems to suck even more. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to have this whole cancer thing just gone. Not to have to think about 'cancer' anymore and what freedom that would bring. Healthy people just don't realize what a blessing good health is. I was there once too I guess.

    Easier said then done BUT I do try to live for today. I try to enjoy that I can have a delicious meal, take care of my kids, gossip with my sisters. I realize that can all change quickly!

    What regimens have you had so far?
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #11
    kayandok said:

    What a great idea,
    Linda! I know Bonnie used to go to the chat room on this board every morning with her coffee. If we set a time, it is a place we could all meet, to chat anyway.
    I only visited there once, but the ladies were very knd. I think we can go to our own room, if we set the time. Just an idea. I will be checking in there occasionally going forward.

    kathleen

    coffee clutch!
    I think thats a pretty good idea. Every morning after I send the kids to school I sit here with my breakfast before I start my day.

    I know that you mentioned Skype once, Kathleen. Does anyone else Skype? I installed it on my computers.
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #12
    scared too...
    Dear Natalie,

    I think we all feel very much as you do. I'm so glad you were able to come here to express these fears. I had a friend who was diagnosed 6 months after I was and she only managed to last 8 months. That was 3 years ago and even though I've been chemoing for a recurrance for almost a year, I try to tell myself that my friend, Gail, never really had a chance to fight....... so when I'm really discouraged and frightened, I call upon that thought that tough as it is.... I'm battling!
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #13
    nancy591 said:

    coffee clutch!
    I think thats a pretty good idea. Every morning after I send the kids to school I sit here with my breakfast before I start my day.

    I know that you mentioned Skype once, Kathleen. Does anyone else Skype? I installed it on my computers.

    Nancy,
    yes skype is also a good idea. You can skype with more than 2 people, although I will have to check details. I use it to talk to my family in the States. It is usually a good connection. There is nothing like face time.
    k❥
  • Chemo_Princess
    Chemo_Princess Member Posts: 105
    #14
    Chat
    That sounds like a good idea, what time are we talking? I usually sleep till 9 or 10.
    Thanks for all of the replies!! I am going to talk to my psychologist again soon. I had stopped going but I think it would do me good now.
    Blessings to all of you,
    Natalie
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #15
    Chemo_Princess said:

    Chat
    That sounds like a good idea, what time are we talking? I usually sleep till 9 or 10.
    Thanks for all of the replies!! I am going to talk to my psychologist again soon. I had stopped going but I think it would do me good now.
    Blessings to all of you,
    Natalie

    chat room
    Not sure where you are, or what time it is in your zone, but this time of day is good for me. Must be eveing on West coast and night time on East coast. Afternoon here in Japan. If we can figure out a specific time that will work, it looks like we can go into our own chat room. let's give a shot some time.
    k
  • zinaida
    zinaida Member Posts: 221
    #16
    kayandok said:

    chat room
    Not sure where you are, or what time it is in your zone, but this time of day is good for me. Must be eveing on West coast and night time on East coast. Afternoon here in Japan. If we can figure out a specific time that will work, it looks like we can go into our own chat room. let's give a shot some time.
    k

    I like skype idea. I am not
    I like skype idea. I am not fast enough with typing, because of my spelling problem in english, so I cannot do chat room.I am also scared of this monster disease, specialy my mom died from ovarian cancer 6 month before my dz, I was taking care of her for two month and she died in front of my eyes, in room was just her and me.It is was very shocking to me and will be in my eyes forever with deep sadness in my heart. Sorry, I bring it up, but thanks for listening to me. (((HUGS)), Zina.

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