The battle is over

zunigan said:

Our journey ended August 22, 2010
My husband passed away on August 22, 2010 in Mexico. He had suffered for 11 years from MB and had a total of 5 reocurrances. I spent many months with him. The last two were the hardest. This kind of cancer takes the person they are. They lose the ability to speak, to understand. I took care of him 24 hours a day. He stopped eating, he had to wear diapers and be cleaned like a baby. God I know he hate it. I could see it in his face when he would have a moment where he rememeber who I was. I didn't care I did the best I could and make him as happy as I could. It broke my heart to see him try to use the remote control for the tv something he loved to do. I had to keep telling him what to push and how. How he must have hated knowing he was losing his mind. I was with him when he died and returned to the USA a few days later. How I miss him is so hard to say, he was my best friend and husband. He was only 40.

Thank you all!
Wow! So sorry to hear about the battles the rest of you are going through. Even though my wife Tina is gone I still feel for the rest of you. Those of you that are still caring for a loved one and those of you that have already lost someone. Tina was always concerned about others going through this cancer even as her condition deteriorated. She was absolutely amazing. I will try to visit this site from time to time and help in any way I can. PBJ, I am really glad to hear your sister is doing well. I pray that she will win this one! Carole, Zunigan, Beckymarie, anyone I may have missed, so sorry about your loss as well. Margie, I hope you have many more years with your mother.

I am in Canada, so our thanksgiving was actually in October while she was still here. We had a family gathering just a couple days before she went to Hospice where she spent the last 24 days of her life. I was with her around the clock. They took such great care of her, made her comfortable, and treated her with great dignity and respect. During her final hours I continued talking to her, singing to her, praying, reading the scriptures and I held her hand when she took her final breath. Most of her family and some of mine were in the room as well. In a sense it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders at that time, knowing that she was at peace, no more pain, no more tears, no more weakness, and in the arms of Jesus. But I miss her so, so much and would give anything to see her face or hear her voice one more time.

We had an incredible amount of support from family, friends and the whole church community. They are still sticking around now for the children and me. We are members of a close knit Mennonite community comprised of several churches in Ontario. Throughout this journey we became very well known (not trying to boast) as so many were praying for us, visiting, calling, helping financially, you name it. She touched so many lives with her gentle, loving, patient nature. She never once said it wasn't fair, or why me. Instead she said "Why not me? Why someone else instead of me?" I have been to many funerals and our Mennonite funerals are typically big, but this was huge... approximately 800 people attended.

There will be so many firsts for those of us that recently lost someone. 2 days after she passed away, I spent my 32nd birthday at the funeral home. My first birthday without her. A few days after that was my first communion without her. Last weekend was the first family gathering (her side) without her. It was hard. Next month 2 of my children will celebrate their birthday without their mommy, and then of course there is Christmas and New Year.

Thankfully, the Lord was with us before, and as He promised He would, He is with me still today. The children seem to be doing fairly well. We all knew what was happening and Tina and I were always very honest with the children. When it happened, it was not a nightmarish shock for any of us. Oh, but we miss her so. My youngest daughter (4), came to me a couple weeks ago and said, "Daddy, I want mommy to come back down now, she has been there long enough already". After I regained my composure we had a good talk and she was her happy, energetic, innocent self again. Honestly, the children are an amazing source of strength for me, I can't imagine going through it without them.

Thank you all again for your encouragement. I really need it. It has been almost 1 month now and it is getting harder every day, and I suspect it will continue that way before it gets easier.

Anyone else reading this, I wish you all the best as well.

In Him,

Peter