My momma....

Lannie
Lannie Member Posts: 4
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I lost my dear Momma on November 2, 2010. She fought a brave battle, but lost. Right now, it's Thanksgiving morning, and life without her is unbearable. I took care of her and believed in my heart that she was getting better, only after she died, it hit me that I was in fact watching her die. My dad is coping, but losing her is especially hard on him. They were married for 54 years and were never, ever apart. My dad is almost blind, so I have to take care of him. Is there anyone out there who can tell me that it gets better? My heart is heavy. My mom was my best friend.
Before she died, she comforted me. She told me to be strong for my son. She had me read her favorite passage from the bible. I love you momma......
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Comments

  • QuiltingMama123
    QuiltingMama123 Member Posts: 124
    #2
    I'm soooo sorry!
    It will be 5 years ago, January 7th, that I lost my mama. I would love to tell you that you will feel better soon, but it hurts, and it will keep hurting for a long time. Time does smooth out the edges, and the good memories replace the grief to an extent, but you will always miss her. I know, because my mama was my best friend, too.

    Your mom was right; you need to be strong for your son. Don't let your grief stop you from living your life. You are showing him, right now, how he should deal with death.

    I don't know your faith system, but I found Mercy Me's (a Christian rock group) song, "I Can Only Imagine" to be very comforting. Mama used to love to sing, and I can imagine her singing to Jesus.

    Remember that your Mom wanted you to be happy. I will hold you in my prayers.
    Anna
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #3
    Lannie,
    I wish I
    Lannie,
    I wish I new something to say that would make you feel better right now. time does help, but losing your Mom is traumatic. She is right you do need to be strong for your son. Your in my prayers and thoughts Take care Darlin Kay,
  • Lannie
    Lannie Member Posts: 4
    #4
    QuiltingMama123 said:

    I'm soooo sorry!
    It will be 5 years ago, January 7th, that I lost my mama. I would love to tell you that you will feel better soon, but it hurts, and it will keep hurting for a long time. Time does smooth out the edges, and the good memories replace the grief to an extent, but you will always miss her. I know, because my mama was my best friend, too.

    Your mom was right; you need to be strong for your son. Don't let your grief stop you from living your life. You are showing him, right now, how he should deal with death.

    I don't know your faith system, but I found Mercy Me's (a Christian rock group) song, "I Can Only Imagine" to be very comforting. Mama used to love to sing, and I can imagine her singing to Jesus.

    Remember that your Mom wanted you to be happy. I will hold you in my prayers.
    Anna

    Thank you
    Thank you for your kind words. I'm also a cancer survivor (9 years in Feb). Yes, I'm Christian. In fact, my dad is a retired Episcopal Priest. We live by a strong prayer life, and this helps us. My dad said that mom is on a long journey, and she won't be back, but someday, we'll be able to visit her. This gives us comfort. Through time I know the hurt will go away. Thank you again! I feel so much better.....:D
  • Lannie
    Lannie Member Posts: 4
    #5
    smalldoggroomer said:

    Lannie,
    I wish I
    Lannie,
    I wish I new something to say that would make you feel better right now. time does help, but losing your Mom is traumatic. She is right you do need to be strong for your son. Your in my prayers and thoughts Take care Darlin Kay,

    Thanks!
    Thank you "smalldoggroomer". Your kind words made me smile!
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #6
    Your mom is so proud of you
    She knows this is hard on you, your dad and your son. Time does help to heal, and the first holidays are the toughest. I believe she is in a better place, pain free, and watching over you all. I lost my mom and dad years ago and I still miss them, but carry on the traditions of holidays I shared with them for my family. And I am comforted by that.
  • Annette 11
    Annette 11 Member Posts: 380
    #7
    Momma
    Lannie, You are very lucky to have had that close relationship with your mother. Remember those lovely warm memories to get you through. Time will soften the pain. When my father was near death I also didn't realize he was dying and that I was in fact watching him die. I thought he would pull through and realized all this after he was gone awhile. I do wish I would have known but we don't always.. I know you are taking wonderful care of your dad. He is lucky to have such a great daughter. My prayers are with you.
    Annette
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #8
    Nov 1 06
    I lost my mom nov 1 2006...I miss her as well...it hurts...but just do what i must...I have had to get used to losing a parent when I was 19 so not easier..but had to do that long long ago...i was sad last night when prepping...she used to come over Thanksgiving Eve to help...but i just smile and think of all the years we had...i also just lost a very close friend I consider a stand in mom...(worse thing is she died while I was a Disney /home was NYS..so couldn't make it..back missed funeral by 24 hrs..

    so I think of both my parents daily..Many many times a day..so easier no..I used my time in car alone for my tears..even after all these years...

    I feel for you...
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #9
    I'm sure she was blessed
    to have you as her daughter.

    I'm sorry for such a loss.


    Hugs,

    Sylvia
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #10
    Lannie, I'm so sorry for
    Lannie, I'm so sorry for your sorrow and the loss of your mom. I, too, lost my mom in June '06. I was her caregiver and it was very hard to know that she was failing and there was nothing I could do. My dad had died many years earlier and my mom had never remarried and basically lived her life for her family and friends. The first year getting through the holidays is the hardest and that is probably because of the traditions that were started by your parents and are now carried on but without them. Continue the traditions and I promise they will come to bring you joy. It has been 4 years since my mom passed on and I can honestly say that I think of her daily. The pain for me is still there but I remember the good times and it seems to help me through it. I also have siblings that I can talk with and that helps too. Continue to take care of your dad and enjoy the time you have with him. You are one special lady!!
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #11
    MyTurnNow said:

    Lannie, I'm so sorry for
    Lannie, I'm so sorry for your sorrow and the loss of your mom. I, too, lost my mom in June '06. I was her caregiver and it was very hard to know that she was failing and there was nothing I could do. My dad had died many years earlier and my mom had never remarried and basically lived her life for her family and friends. The first year getting through the holidays is the hardest and that is probably because of the traditions that were started by your parents and are now carried on but without them. Continue the traditions and I promise they will come to bring you joy. It has been 4 years since my mom passed on and I can honestly say that I think of her daily. The pain for me is still there but I remember the good times and it seems to help me through it. I also have siblings that I can talk with and that helps too. Continue to take care of your dad and enjoy the time you have with him. You are one special lady!!

    Lannie ... I so sorry to hear about your Mom, how terrible
    this must be for you and your family. You stated that you thought she was getting better, when in fact she was dying .. I don't have the words to help you, however I will pray for you. Being there holding your Mom, speaking with her encouraging her to fight .. what a wonderful daughter you are. This doesn't make sense to you, but you were there to the end - loving your Mom and she was able to leave our Earth knowing that she was loved, and adored. She did not die alone, with no one around her.

    Dad .. are there any sisters or brother to help care for him?

    You may need someone outside from the family to speak with - transistion is difficult.

    Strength and Courage

    Vicki Sam
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #12
    sea60 said:

    I'm sure she was blessed
    to have you as her daughter.

    I'm sorry for such a loss.


    Hugs,

    Sylvia

    My deepest sympathy to you
    My deepest sympathy to you in the loss of your Mother.

    Hugs, Megan
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
    #13
    ((((((((hugs))))))) to you,
    ((((((((hugs))))))) to you, and of course words can never take away the pain of your loss today. As someone once so wisely said, it doesn't get Better, but it does eventually get Different, and we can live with the Different.
    I was thinking how blessed and lucky you are to have had such a close, loving relationship with your mom~ who comforted you and shared herself, her love,and did "mom things" right to the end. So many have troubled parent/children relationships with no time to mend fences
    and say I Love You. I hope, that in the days ahead, as heartbroken as you are today, that you will hold close the knowledge that you had no unfinished business, and neither did your obviously wonderful mom. You both knew and felt the love between you...that is a treasure to keep forver.
    Love to you, your son and your dad, as well...

    Chen♥
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #14
    chenheart said:

    ((((((((hugs))))))) to you,
    ((((((((hugs))))))) to you, and of course words can never take away the pain of your loss today. As someone once so wisely said, it doesn't get Better, but it does eventually get Different, and we can live with the Different.
    I was thinking how blessed and lucky you are to have had such a close, loving relationship with your mom~ who comforted you and shared herself, her love,and did "mom things" right to the end. So many have troubled parent/children relationships with no time to mend fences
    and say I Love You. I hope, that in the days ahead, as heartbroken as you are today, that you will hold close the knowledge that you had no unfinished business, and neither did your obviously wonderful mom. You both knew and felt the love between you...that is a treasure to keep forver.
    Love to you, your son and your dad, as well...

    Chen♥

    I am sending you lots of
    I am sending you lots of hugs today!


    I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my Mom


    I hope that with each new day, you find strength and some peace.


    Hugs,


    Debby
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #15
    DebbyM said:

    I am sending you lots of
    I am sending you lots of hugs today!


    I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my Mom


    I hope that with each new day, you find strength and some peace.


    Hugs,


    Debby

    It is so hard to lose
    It is so hard to lose someone we love and doubly hard over the holidays. When so many memories flood back. wishing you peace Hugs
  • Lannie
    Lannie Member Posts: 4
    #16
    carkris said:

    It is so hard to lose
    It is so hard to lose someone we love and doubly hard over the holidays. When so many memories flood back. wishing you peace Hugs

    Thank you!
    The comments posted made me feel comforted. I think I was guided to find this site. I had nowhere else to turn, and I just simply googled the sentence - "losing a mother to cancer." and lo and behold, I found this site! Thank you again everyone! Peace and Prayers to all of you this holiday season......L
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #17
    I am sorry
    for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and being around the holidays makes it even harder. Just remember that she will always be with you in your heart.

    Hugs to you and your family
    Georgia
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #18
    Lannie said:

    Thank you!
    The comments posted made me feel comforted. I think I was guided to find this site. I had nowhere else to turn, and I just simply googled the sentence - "losing a mother to cancer." and lo and behold, I found this site! Thank you again everyone! Peace and Prayers to all of you this holiday season......L

    You have my deepest sympathy
    You have my deepest sympathy Lannie.


    Hugs, Leeza
  • Dawne.Hope
    Dawne.Hope Member Posts: 823
    #19
    Dear Lannie,
    I lost my mom
    Dear Lannie,

    I lost my mom to bc a year ago this week. She too was my best friend and biggest fan. I too was there and cared for her and loved her to the end.

    What you gave to her was the best gift you could have ever given ... your love and your time. Chenheart wisely said it doesn' get easier, it just is different. I'm still grieving but in different ways. I would encourage you to cry if you feel like crying. Don't hold it in. The holidays will be hard. For me, finding new traditions has been helpful because I don't want to be stuck in the past and not able to press on.

    Peace to you and comfort. Praying for you.
    xo
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #20
    smalldoggroomer said:

    Lannie,
    I wish I
    Lannie,
    I wish I new something to say that would make you feel better right now. time does help, but losing your Mom is traumatic. She is right you do need to be strong for your son. Your in my prayers and thoughts Take care Darlin Kay,

    ((((((Hugs)))))
    Sending you hugs and prayers!
  • warrrior3
    warrrior3 Member Posts: 92
    #21
    Lannie
    my mom lived with DH and I for 3 years. In mid April she had her few remaining teeth pulled and was in the process of waiting for dentures to be made. She had slowly stopped eating and became very depressed. June 9th, 2010 she passed away in her sleep. She was sleeping when I came home from babysitting my grandson at 4pm. At 7pm her favorite show, Jeopardy, was coming on and I knew she had to eat. When I knocked on her bedroom door and she didn't answer I walked in and kept calling her. Then I shook her to try to wake up and she just rolled side to side. Then I knew she had passed and I just collapsed. Thank God DH was home. The coroner said she had died around 6pm. I swear the shock and grief I experienced brought on my BC, not that I'm blaming her of course-just the stress of losing her. I find some comfort in knowing she died in her own room that she absolutely loved. I miss her each and every day but know she is here with us in spirit and in memory. I have experienced two seperate signs from her letting me know she is with us. Please take care of yourself. Stress is not good.
    Denise

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