Heart Break

cyndilou
cyndilou Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was diagnosed in January, had mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Four rounds of chemo. Boyfriend was ok with it all through but on occasion would be mean and tell me when I was down that I should not be down because I only had my breast cut off.

Five days before more reconstructive surgery he breaks up with me. Said he felt like I put him on the back burner. I am totally devastated. We lived together so I'm living at my sisters right now for a couple more weeks then hopefully can move.

I love him very much and feel like I was totally blindsided. How does someone recover from a year like this?

Comments

  • Snowkitty
    Snowkitty Member Posts: 295
    #2
    I think you were damned
    I think you were damned lucky that he showed his true colors before you made permanent arrangements with him. When the going got tough...he got going. Sorry about that, but he should have put YOU on the front burner. Just showed you what a "man" he is and what kind of support you could expect from him in the future. Good Riddance!

    Take care, Cindy
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #3
    Oh, Cyndilou
    That's awful, to be left just when you need love and support the most. I'm glad you're staying at your sister's right now. The last thing you need to be doing is sitting around in a place full of memories while you are resting and recuperating.

    I'm not sure we actually "recover" from a year like this as you put it. I think we process, heal, and move forward sometimes a little more cautiously till we feel stronger. All these hurts make us wiser more empathetic women and quite often, eventually, happier. But that's eventually. Right now, I know, it hurts like heck.

    Try, easier said than done, but try to focus on getting your strength back. Things are easier to deal with when you are rested and stronger.

    Sending you big hugs and positive energy. Come back and vent anytime you need to.

    xoxo
    Victoria
  • cyndilou
    cyndilou Member Posts: 5
    #4
    Snowkitty said:

    I think you were damned
    I think you were damned lucky that he showed his true colors before you made permanent arrangements with him. When the going got tough...he got going. Sorry about that, but he should have put YOU on the front burner. Just showed you what a "man" he is and what kind of support you could expect from him in the future. Good Riddance!

    Take care, Cindy

    My friends/family have said
    My friends/family have said he showed his true colors and that he is incredibly selfish. Claims he still loves me... but how can he?

    I'm the type of person who does a lot of others always putting them first. Not just him but if you ever needed anything and you asked me... I would do everything I could to make sure you got it. I feel let down by him.
  • cyndilou
    cyndilou Member Posts: 5
    #5
    aisling8 said:

    Oh, Cyndilou
    That's awful, to be left just when you need love and support the most. I'm glad you're staying at your sister's right now. The last thing you need to be doing is sitting around in a place full of memories while you are resting and recuperating.

    I'm not sure we actually "recover" from a year like this as you put it. I think we process, heal, and move forward sometimes a little more cautiously till we feel stronger. All these hurts make us wiser more empathetic women and quite often, eventually, happier. But that's eventually. Right now, I know, it hurts like heck.

    Try, easier said than done, but try to focus on getting your strength back. Things are easier to deal with when you are rested and stronger.

    Sending you big hugs and positive energy. Come back and vent anytime you need to.

    xoxo
    Victoria

    Thanks
    I wish I could get to the venting part. Right now all I feel is hurt and cry all the time. We live in small down so I have run into him once so far. My surgery was Nov 10th and physically I'm feeling better but emotionally.... it's not good.
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #6
    Thank your luck stars -
    that this little boy showed his true colors.
  • sausageroll
    sausageroll Member Posts: 415
    #7
    Rague said:

    Thank your luck stars -
    that this little boy showed his true colors.

    Cindylou
    All I can say is that we are with you. I will think of you every day and hope you get stronger and stronger. In some ways, I understand and agree with what others are saying about your boyfriend...but from experience, being the partner of some one with cancer is nnot always an easy place to be either. Just take care of yourself...we'll be here and it can't get much worse can it? take care Pat
  • gagee
    gagee Member Posts: 332
    #8
    cyndilou said:

    Thanks
    I wish I could get to the venting part. Right now all I feel is hurt and cry all the time. We live in small down so I have run into him once so far. My surgery was Nov 10th and physically I'm feeling better but emotionally.... it's not good.

    I know you must be hurting
    I know you must be hurting but just know there will be someone out there for you in time. God is always there and he won't leave you. It is amazing when people are so selfish. At least you know now and have all of us and your family there for you. I didn't get support from my 2 daughters and it was so hard. As they took care of their in-laws. They tell me that this is just a small thing and it could be worse. I truly feel for you. My husband and I will keep you in our prayers. Hope today is a better day.

    Many Hugs and Prayers,
    Diana
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #9
    Wait...
    you're fighting for YOUR life and he says you put HIM on the back burner? What's wrong with this picture????

    YOU deserve soooooo much better. Please believe that.

    Hugs,

    Sylvia
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
    I am so so sorry to hear...
    I wish there was something wonderful to say...hard enough as you know going through this and then a slp in face...but YOU deserve so much better...LOVE does not treat someone like that...I Hope you find happiness and your health gets better...Does you cancer center have counselor or therapist? I went to the one in my center, just a few times but nothing so devestating as that. I really think a journal helped me so much. Cancer Ctr and friend each gave me one...I THOUGHT kind of silly when I started..now I LOOK back on occassion and great help..then..I just didnt' realize it..

    good luck with all.....i'll be thinking of you..
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #11
    cyndilou said:

    My friends/family have said
    My friends/family have said he showed his true colors and that he is incredibly selfish. Claims he still loves me... but how can he?

    I'm the type of person who does a lot of others always putting them first. Not just him but if you ever needed anything and you asked me... I would do everything I could to make sure you got it. I feel let down by him.

    I am do-er for everyone
    I started putting myself first..as hard as it was..and still is...but you must...things are hard..dont' feel like you let him down...your health comes first right now and sound mind...
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #12
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I am so so sorry to hear...
    I wish there was something wonderful to say...hard enough as you know going through this and then a slp in face...but YOU deserve so much better...LOVE does not treat someone like that...I Hope you find happiness and your health gets better...Does you cancer center have counselor or therapist? I went to the one in my center, just a few times but nothing so devestating as that. I really think a journal helped me so much. Cancer Ctr and friend each gave me one...I THOUGHT kind of silly when I started..now I LOOK back on occassion and great help..then..I just didnt' realize it..

    good luck with all.....i'll be thinking of you..

    you deserve better pure and
    you deserve better pure and simple. If you cant have cancer without having to worry about his NEEDS then he isnt the one for you. the best revenge is to be happy. This is your opportunity to start new. S@#@ him. sorry so blunt. I just have LITTLE patience for BS and this makes me mad.
    Concentrate on you , focusing on the good things in life, happy to be alive. We are here for you HUGS!!!
  • cyndilou
    cyndilou Member Posts: 5
    #13
    carkris said:

    you deserve better pure and
    you deserve better pure and simple. If you cant have cancer without having to worry about his NEEDS then he isnt the one for you. the best revenge is to be happy. This is your opportunity to start new. S@#@ him. sorry so blunt. I just have LITTLE patience for BS and this makes me mad.
    Concentrate on you , focusing on the good things in life, happy to be alive. We are here for you HUGS!!!

    Thanks
    Thanks to all that replied. Its hard when you love the person. But no contact with him for 5 days which doesn't sound like much. But for me its a major milestone. I would contact him but I fear rejection and hurt all over.

    I'm trying to move on. Told myself yesterday I wasn't going to cry and I didn't. Today did not shed any tears either. Still think of him and some of the things that were said to me and sometimes I just shake my head.
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #14
    cyndilou said:

    Thanks
    Thanks to all that replied. Its hard when you love the person. But no contact with him for 5 days which doesn't sound like much. But for me its a major milestone. I would contact him but I fear rejection and hurt all over.

    I'm trying to move on. Told myself yesterday I wasn't going to cry and I didn't. Today did not shed any tears either. Still think of him and some of the things that were said to me and sometimes I just shake my head.

    Dear cyndilou,
    Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Hopefully, tomorrow you will be spending time with family & friends. Try to keep your mind occupied. It's going to be hard. Hang in there. Sending you a big cyber hug, Jean
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #15
    Hello and welcome, I have to
    Hello and welcome, I have to say I agree with Cindy, He is not worth it. I know it hurts now but you will realize later that you are better off with out some one that needs to be put first even when your sick.. Your family is right he is very selfish. You will find some one that cherishes you and puts you first all the time. Take care All the best Kay
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #16
    smalldoggroomer said:

    Hello and welcome, I have to
    Hello and welcome, I have to say I agree with Cindy, He is not worth it. I know it hurts now but you will realize later that you are better off with out some one that needs to be put first even when your sick.. Your family is right he is very selfish. You will find some one that cherishes you and puts you first all the time. Take care All the best Kay

    Dear CindiLou .. I too want to share what our fellow
    sister Sea60 stated, You are in the fight of your life, and all he can say is that you put him on the back burner??? What about .. him thinking of nothing but himself, and making this all about him?? Perhaps, this was the excuse he has been looking for :-) Just a thought, I seriously do not know the internal workings of your relationship.

    This is your time to rest, sleep and prepare for the balance of your journey .. Men come and go, but the 'good ones' stick around! Just a thought.

    Stay strong .. and put yourself first .. If it is meant to be, it will all work itself out in the end.

    Strength and Courage

    Vicki Sam
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #17
    sea60 said:

    Wait...
    you're fighting for YOUR life and he says you put HIM on the back burner? What's wrong with this picture????

    YOU deserve soooooo much better. Please believe that.

    Hugs,

    Sylvia

    If someone, your boyfriend,
    If someone, your boyfriend, walks out on you during the worst time of your life. Say thank goodness. Better to find out now what a jerk he is, then later.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #18
    sending good thoughts your
    sending good thoughts your way...

Discussion Boards