Just Two Years Ago Today

Annabelle41415
Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Day before Thanksgiving two years ago and had my first colonoscopy and they found the tumor. They didn't tell me it was cancer but told me they took a biopsy. We drove home in silence. Had to come back the following Monday for an ultrasound. That Thanksgiving was so hard to get through. Sometimes I've wondered if remembering all this is really any good, but it's just so hard to forget. Going to start going to some cancer meetings, but it's only once a month. Can't really afford to go to someone privately. Do we ever really get over that day etched in our memory?

This year is much better and have much to celebrate. We have our 11th grandchild (boy) due in 3 weeks and saw an ultrasound of him this morning. Yup all the plumbing is there :) Our daughter is home from the Army and this is the first Thanksgiving in 4 years that she is here celebrating with us.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Kim

Comments

  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    #2
    Hi Kim,
    Wishing you and your

    Hi Kim,

    Wishing you and your family a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving. May you share many more special holidays together! :-)

    Cynthia
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #3
    my counselor gave me an excellent exercise ...
    For handling tough memories. You sit with your eyes closed and think hard on the memory, bringing up every last awful aspect of it, feeling everything intensely. You will find it causing a pain somewhere specific in your body, perhaps your chest, or in my case it makes my rectal pain worse. You visualize it and describe it, is it hot or cold, soft or hard, etc. Then you reach inside your body and pull that thing out and throw it down a hole that reaches to hell and back! Then, you have that space left in your body where that ugly thing was. You visualize an opening into your head that allows an amber light into your head, down your neck, and down your body to fill that space. It swirls around the space, then out the ends of your toes and the tips of your fingers. Then, a green light enters and does the same thing. Then, a blue light. Then, a golden light. Then a violet light. Lastly a sparkly white bright light. When this is done, you sit with your eyes closed until you are ready to open them. You will find that the next time you have this memory, there won't be nearly as much angst attached to it. You might have to repeat this process for particularly nasty memories. I've done this for many of my PTSD experiences having to do with this journey and I find it really helps tremendously!
    Enjoy those grandchildren!
    mary
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #4
    msccolon said:

    my counselor gave me an excellent exercise ...
    For handling tough memories. You sit with your eyes closed and think hard on the memory, bringing up every last awful aspect of it, feeling everything intensely. You will find it causing a pain somewhere specific in your body, perhaps your chest, or in my case it makes my rectal pain worse. You visualize it and describe it, is it hot or cold, soft or hard, etc. Then you reach inside your body and pull that thing out and throw it down a hole that reaches to hell and back! Then, you have that space left in your body where that ugly thing was. You visualize an opening into your head that allows an amber light into your head, down your neck, and down your body to fill that space. It swirls around the space, then out the ends of your toes and the tips of your fingers. Then, a green light enters and does the same thing. Then, a blue light. Then, a golden light. Then a violet light. Lastly a sparkly white bright light. When this is done, you sit with your eyes closed until you are ready to open them. You will find that the next time you have this memory, there won't be nearly as much angst attached to it. You might have to repeat this process for particularly nasty memories. I've done this for many of my PTSD experiences having to do with this journey and I find it really helps tremendously!
    Enjoy those grandchildren!
    mary

    The 11th?
    Lord Jesus ! I can't believe you got even one grandchild !
    Why don't you post a pic of the whole gang?
    Hugs Kim.
  • Luv2lunch
    Luv2lunch Member Posts: 270
    #5
    Kim,
    Congrats on the new
    Kim,
    Congrats on the new grandbaby on the way!
    Happy Thanksgiving to you.
    Linda and Ellie
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #6
    Your Own Internal Compass
    "Sometimes I've wondered if remembering all this is really any good, but it's just so hard to forget" ~Kim

    I believe it is - it is a sobering reminder of where you were - and more importantly where you have gone.

    Have a great day and enjoy yourselves:)

    -Craig
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #7
    Kim
    I think when you go through something brutal, as you did, you spend all your energy getting through it. Then at some point the horror comes back + you have to deal with it. I hope you can get the help you need; hey you got some great free advice from Mary! I am sure it is especially difficult this time of year. I hope you can enjoy the warmth + love of your family for this special Thanksgiving.
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #8
    msccolon said:

    my counselor gave me an excellent exercise ...
    For handling tough memories. You sit with your eyes closed and think hard on the memory, bringing up every last awful aspect of it, feeling everything intensely. You will find it causing a pain somewhere specific in your body, perhaps your chest, or in my case it makes my rectal pain worse. You visualize it and describe it, is it hot or cold, soft or hard, etc. Then you reach inside your body and pull that thing out and throw it down a hole that reaches to hell and back! Then, you have that space left in your body where that ugly thing was. You visualize an opening into your head that allows an amber light into your head, down your neck, and down your body to fill that space. It swirls around the space, then out the ends of your toes and the tips of your fingers. Then, a green light enters and does the same thing. Then, a blue light. Then, a golden light. Then a violet light. Lastly a sparkly white bright light. When this is done, you sit with your eyes closed until you are ready to open them. You will find that the next time you have this memory, there won't be nearly as much angst attached to it. You might have to repeat this process for particularly nasty memories. I've done this for many of my PTSD experiences having to do with this journey and I find it really helps tremendously!
    Enjoy those grandchildren!
    mary

    Wow Mary
    This sounds very helpful!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #9
    Our experiences become woven into the tapestry of our lives...
    It's up to us to decide whether the tapestry choaks us, or surrounds us like a favorite blanket....

    That's my take....

    Congrats on the milestone!...and yes, I still remember the day AFTER Thanksgiving, when I was told....but it's faded to just part of my life. I wish this also for you, dear soul!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #10
    Awwww
    You special friends of mine - love you all and Mary that sounds so good and I'll try that. Was given that type of imagining when going through hypnosis for fear of flying. I'll defintely give that a try. Just was so close to the day and thinking about it. Probably shouldn't have even posted this but been thinking about it all day.

    Love and Hugs to you all

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Kim
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #11
    Thanksgiving
    Hey, Kim.

    I understand so well what you're feeling right now. 3 years ago on Sunday I was diagnosed with colon cancer after an emergency admission to the hospital with an abdominal bleed. Because of all the testing, I was prepped, so they gave me the option of staying in the hospital and having my surgery the day after Thanksgiving. I chose that option, because I did not want to repeat the prep, plus I knew I would brood if I had to wait. It was a real blessing that I did it that way, although that whole week was like a Mack truck rolling over me.

    Forever and forever, Thanksgiving will find me awash in cancer memories, yet extra grateful to be still here.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #12
    This goes for all the other's on here too!
    Where you've been, what you've gone through, and what you are about today. You need to know that because of this happening to you, and because you are here on this board sharing it with people like me, who are at times lost with the newness and loss of experiences to come...you are touching my life in ways you will probably never know. Whether it's a major aha or a kind thought on a down day for me, who you are, what you know, and what you share is important to me! It gives me inspiration and hope and ideas. It lets me believe that I can do it too, if you can. So please, Kim, don't try to forget what you have been through, it's your accomplishment that no one else went through. I know your family and friends were there with you, but it was yours.

    Just look at your celebration's you have now. Grandbabies,daughter serving our country, and you making it through the cancer treatment. I bet your family is proud to be able to say my Mom/Grandma/Wife/etc fought this.

    People like me need people like you! Don't forget that!

    Have a wonderful Holiday, Gail
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #13
    plh4gail said:

    This goes for all the other's on here too!
    Where you've been, what you've gone through, and what you are about today. You need to know that because of this happening to you, and because you are here on this board sharing it with people like me, who are at times lost with the newness and loss of experiences to come...you are touching my life in ways you will probably never know. Whether it's a major aha or a kind thought on a down day for me, who you are, what you know, and what you share is important to me! It gives me inspiration and hope and ideas. It lets me believe that I can do it too, if you can. So please, Kim, don't try to forget what you have been through, it's your accomplishment that no one else went through. I know your family and friends were there with you, but it was yours.

    Just look at your celebration's you have now. Grandbabies,daughter serving our country, and you making it through the cancer treatment. I bet your family is proud to be able to say my Mom/Grandma/Wife/etc fought this.

    People like me need people like you! Don't forget that!

    Have a wonderful Holiday, Gail

    Beautiful!
    That was very touching, Gail:)
    -Craig
  • Lori-S
    Lori-S Member Posts: 1,277 Member
    #14
    Actually
    I heard on CNN that they have come up with a new drug that can erase your bad memories. They say that it will be useful to those suffering from Post Traumatic Stress. Lawd knows when we heard our diagnosis that we got a dose of PTS.

    I'm still contemplating it. At first I'd say leave me and my memories alone. I am who I am because of my expxeriences and what I've learned and am still learning from them. If they erase my so called "bad/traumatic" memories would I still be capable of becoming the person I am to become? Maybe I would have to have other such expxeriences to replace the ones that were erased so that I could learn what I need to learn? Who knows. The more I know, the less I realize I know.

    Kim, I am so happy to have you and your caring, giving self here on the board with us. If you forgot what brought you here, would you be here? I know I sure would miss you if you weren't here. HUGS
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #15
    Lori-S said:

    Actually
    I heard on CNN that they have come up with a new drug that can erase your bad memories. They say that it will be useful to those suffering from Post Traumatic Stress. Lawd knows when we heard our diagnosis that we got a dose of PTS.

    I'm still contemplating it. At first I'd say leave me and my memories alone. I am who I am because of my expxeriences and what I've learned and am still learning from them. If they erase my so called "bad/traumatic" memories would I still be capable of becoming the person I am to become? Maybe I would have to have other such expxeriences to replace the ones that were erased so that I could learn what I need to learn? Who knows. The more I know, the less I realize I know.

    Kim, I am so happy to have you and your caring, giving self here on the board with us. If you forgot what brought you here, would you be here? I know I sure would miss you if you weren't here. HUGS

    Funny
    Oh my goodness do I really need a drug to erase my memories. I think chemo did that already or is that selective chemo brain that I have :) Oh who knows, I'm like all of you, can play the chemo brain when needed but really hate it when it really happens. Thanks for info though. Who knows, maybe one day it will be useful.

    Hugs! Kim
  • HeartofSoul
    HeartofSoul Member Posts: 729 Member
    #16
    Annabelle41415 said:

    Funny
    Oh my goodness do I really need a drug to erase my memories. I think chemo did that already or is that selective chemo brain that I have :) Oh who knows, I'm like all of you, can play the chemo brain when needed but really hate it when it really happens. Thanks for info though. Who knows, maybe one day it will be useful.

    Hugs! Kim

    AnnaBelle (Kim) you
    AnnaBelle (Kim) you mentioned your having your 11th grandchild soon and daughter is back for Thanksgiving. sounds like your family is lucky to have a mother and grandmother like you. Did i say Grandmother? You look about 42 yrs old, a youthful 42 too.

    I hope you Thanksgiving was memorable

    Steve
  • Kenny H.
    Kenny H. Member Posts: 502 Member
    #17
    HeartofSoul said:

    AnnaBelle (Kim) you
    AnnaBelle (Kim) you mentioned your having your 11th grandchild soon and daughter is back for Thanksgiving. sounds like your family is lucky to have a mother and grandmother like you. Did i say Grandmother? You look about 42 yrs old, a youthful 42 too.

    I hope you Thanksgiving was memorable

    Steve

    Congrats on your 11th
    Congrats on your 11th grandchild. We will be expecting our 1st (grandchild) next July.
    Ah, yes that day and the drive home. remember it well. May 17th for me.
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #18
    Kim
    Kim,
    I hope you had a beautiful day!! Amen to a better Thanksgiving than 2 years ago. Here's to many, many more NED and joyful Thanksgivings!!

    Aloha,
    Kathleen

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