I should start a log.....

Gosh, Nancy, that is so
Gosh, Nancy, that is so bittersweet, and you know, even when the mom's babies are moms and dads themselves, the mom, as you say, "is still the mom." My baby is 36 and I worry about what will become of her and her brothers.


Carlene

srwruns said:

I struggle horribly when I
I struggle horribly when I see women with young children. My son is 19 and in college so I feel he is reasonably launched but I still struggle with if something were to happen I don't want him to lose pace with his studies. I'm just at the start of this cancer journey so I feel pretty optimistic I will see him graduate in two years but I hate the thought of the condition he will see me in over the next couple months. We've always lived a very robust outdoor life and I don't know how he will react when he sees me "frail up"....hopefully for just a few months. From the time I was pregnant I wrote a page a day in journals to my son. I still do. That is the legacy I have always planned on leaving him, either sooner or later.
Hug those kids, keep them close. Susan

Susan, if you are scheduled
Susan, if you are scheduled for Carbol/Taxol, my experience was that the first infusion was no picnic, but they got easier and easier. I did, however, require 6 units of blood to get me thru the whole regimen.

If you are getting Taxol, you will lose your hair - most likely every hair on your body. That's a shocker for many people, family included.

You won't be so "frail" as you will just be tired. It's the toll that the chemo takes on the body's blood cells. Red and white cells both fall, as a general rule.

They have great anti-nausea meds these days. The nausea and vomiting are not nearly as bad as they were decades ago.

These were my experiences. Your mileage may vary.

Carlene

Mum2bellaandwilliam said:

As Carlene says bitter sweet!
My 3 year old, has asked what is wrong with nanny, we chose not to say anything to start with but after the surgery , I felt I had to because nanny couldn't drive , couldn't be jumped upon etc. I told her straight in a 3 year Old language though, I hated saying the word cancer to her but hey it is what it is.
On a lighter note she told her nursery teacher that her nanny has spells in her tummy!!! Lol bless her heart.
On Saturday she went to mums for an hour and asked her when she could stay the night, mum said in a few weeks.the response was' what after your last chemo '!!! , I couldn't believe it when mum told me, it is amazing what they pick up on even at 3.
Thankgod she hasn't asked if nanny Is going to die, god that would be a tricky one, she is very inquisitive and doesn't miss a trick , when I explained to her about mum and what cancer was I got a million questions then! I was thinking oh ****! Where is this leading to now. Bless her.
I think she thinks about it a bit as well ,she is forever making her cards and picking flowers (or weeds!) to make nanny better.

My 10-yr-old granddaughter asked me just this past weekend...
My 10-year-old granddaughter asked me Saturday night, as she was falling asleep at her weekly sleep-over with Grammy, "Do you think this cancer will kill you one day, Grammy?" There was nothing to do but be honest and say "Yes, probably. But not any time really soon. I think we have some more time together." She then asked "How will I know when it's going to happen?" I said "I'll probably get real skinny like Jack Skellington ('The Nightmare Before Christmas'), but I'll tell you if I know. No time soon." She seemed satisfied with that.

We are VERY close, as I watched her from birth when her parents worked and she was (and is) like my own little baby in my heart. But I had also thought/hoped that she didn't dwell or worry about my cancer any more now that my journey is over 2 years. I know that I will leave her with her loving parents and can't imagine Nancy's situation. (((((Nancy))))). I think about you all the time, Nancy.

My grandson is 8 and he simply refuses to believe I won't get well, seems rock sure of it and tells me regularly that I will be well soon. I always just say "Boy; I hope so." I think you have to follow their lead. Sucks.

Hissy_Fitz said:

Linda....I raised a
Linda....I raised a granddaughter and my illness has been as hard on her, I think, as it has on my children. Maybe because she is younger (18). Senior year of high school she had to keep a memory book, with photos, mementos, etc. Looking thru it after graduation, I was struck by how many times I read, "My Nana". I don't know for sure if I was simply on her mind more often than normal because of my illness, but I have to assume that was the case. I hate that the most important year of her whole pre-college life was over-shadowed by Cancer.

It is so ****.
God it really and truly does suck. Reading back through the posts brings tears to my eyes , our poor babies , bloody cancer stinks, it just makes me so angry.

Oh Nancy,
this made me cry. When I grieve my losses, I always think about my kids more than anything else.

I did 2 therapy sessions last summer with a therapist about this issue. It is hard to trust that our kids will be ok with anyone but us. That is becasue you are a dedicated and loving mom. The key for me is going the next step and believing that God loves them just as much and will take care of them, some how. I'm slowly starting to believe that, but it is so hard. It feels like trying to undo a fist that is super-glued shut.

Sending love and hugs to you today, my friend,
kathleen

The children
Of course you feel blue, who wouldn't? Also remember you have a lot of things on your side your age being one of them!
Kids do think about it more then we realize. My 14 year old talks to me about it quite a bit. I must say after Mom's attempted operation mom was very upset and she decided she wasn't going to do anymore chemo. Nobody knew what to say to her to try to lift her spirits and to make her try. Kelsey walked right up to my mom looked her straight in the eye and said "Goo, (her nickname) you kick this thing right in the ****." First i was shocked because my girls don't usually swear and then i was proud. It was what Mom needed to hear and she has been trying to kick it ever since. Three treatments later, she is finally starting to put on weight and she is fighting back.
You will fight it too! Don't think of yourself as a Cancer patient think of yourself as a survivor. You are here right now and you aren't going anywhere anytime soon!

Hi Nancy
Children just say it how it is don't they? My children are grown up now but I still think it is tough on them.

Hang in there xxxxx