Her name is Laura and I miss hee ever day she's not by my side

Myjk
Myjk Member Posts: 9
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
Her name was Laura, and she was my girl, and I loved more than anything in this damn world. we got married young. Both of us were 18. But we defied the odds and made it work. Ours....was a not a perfect marriage, but we tried and we made it through the tough times. 20 years we were together 'til the demon cancer took her from me, and I ****ing miss her every day she's not here. Breast cancer was what got her, and as rational of a human being as I can be sometimes I do not understand why she is not here anymore. I'm hurt and I'm sad and I ****ing miss her...ALOT. I thought could come in here and find others like me and find some sort of solace, and it`s pretty damn cool that we have this support network here, but I cannot stop the tears, even after 2 1/2 years. I miss her so and not a day goes by I don't think about her. Not to sound selfish, but I should not a widower at 38. I'm sorry if I come across trying to sound more hard done by then the rest of you on here - it's not my intent and I am sure you all miss your loved one's too, it's just I miss her so damn much that maybe it's time to reach out to others that have an inkling of what I may be going through. I am not even sure if the things I say here are correct. All I know is I loved her like no human being has ever loved another soul....even if I may have never shown it 100% of the time....and I ****ing miss her alot and I`m not sure sometimes what to do about it. It`s true what they say....somedays truly are better than others. Thank you for taking the time to here my story.


I miss her so damn much.





I take time out of my day day to visit her grave every single day- is that weird? My up bringing and my insecure jock friends...and even some of the women in my life as well, all I ever here is how you are supposed to move on and just forget about it - maybe they don't know what to say and I get that.But it's not helpful. I'd admit. I'm angry every bit as much as I am sad.....if not more so. I had a nervous breakdown 2 years ago and the effects of that are still there. I turned to alcohol and hard drugs, but they are just a mask; a ruse

Missing someone is the absolute worst feeling in the world, and I'd rather be kicked in the face.

Comments

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #2
    Being alone hurts
    It sounds like you loved her very much. Have you gone for any counseling or anything? Not a support group but individual counseling. My husband died in March. He had only been diagnosed in January & had a rare side effect from Avastin. It was a very traumatic time for me cause he had been fine all day and we watched TV at night. But when he went upstairs, something burst and he hemmoraged to death. I still can't forget it. We were married for 46 years and had known each other since we were in first grade. So I feel like I've lost half of my own body. Does that make sense?? I hope you aren't still drinking or taking drugs, because that won't help. I think getting some professional help would do you alot of good. It's really helped me alot. At first I went every week, but now only go once a month and hope by spring I won't have to go. I'm also on meds though too. Hang in there! "Carole"
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #3
    Missing a loved one
    I truly feel your pain. Lost my husband of 32 years in June and there are days I don't know if I will ever get beyond this grief. We were together for 40 yrs., have 3 children that we had just finished paying college tuitions when he was diagnosed with GBM. It was suppose to be our time. I am lost without him...like I lost my sight or my limbs. But life has to go on. You seek help through counseling, friends, family and move forward. Really, what are the options. Do what you know she would want you to do. Do what you would want her to do if this was reversed. Not easy, very hard. Good luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #4
    Beckymarie said:

    Missing a loved one
    I truly feel your pain. Lost my husband of 32 years in June and there are days I don't know if I will ever get beyond this grief. We were together for 40 yrs., have 3 children that we had just finished paying college tuitions when he was diagnosed with GBM. It was suppose to be our time. I am lost without him...like I lost my sight or my limbs. But life has to go on. You seek help through counseling, friends, family and move forward. Really, what are the options. Do what you know she would want you to do. Do what you would want her to do if this was reversed. Not easy, very hard. Good luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I think life sucks for all
    I think life sucks for all of us every day whether it's been 1 month, or 2 years. We have lost 1/2 of ourselves, really. Lonliness consumes me all the time and I miss my husband like mad. And days, I feel I really will go mad. But were are all in the same boat, we just cannot let it sink on us. Life of course continues until the Lord comes to take us all back home, and personally any day now would be fine with me! I don't think you ever "get over" it, you just get on with your life with the feelings of grief not hurting so much. For anyone who is still grieving after years, like it was like the first year, needs some help. Please, call any hospice, use the net, call a clergyman, or look up your county's mental health and see what they have to offer. Help is out there for you...find it and make yourself better!

    Blessings, Gayle
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #5
    Artificial Dates
    I think this idea that we should just get over it within a certain amount of time, comes from someone who has never lost a loved one. I lost one of my grandfathers when I was nine, and I still miss him. I lost my husband in Oct., 2010. I still miss him every day. I don't go to the cemetery very often because that is not my thing. I don't believe he is there. I feel his presence more often here in the home we shared. We were married for 42 years. He will always be a part of my life. I don't make any excuses for missing him or thinking about him. I don't need to. Neither do you. You are entitled to your feelings. You do need to find a way to live with your loss, though. I think accepting it is a good step forward. Counseling is a good idea, too. Look for someone who specializes in grief counseling. Loving someone brings great joy; losing them brings great grief. I am thankful that I had the joy of loving my husband. I am living the grief. Take care of yourself. Fay

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