cyberknife for recurrent rectal tumor a no-go & update on other

I went in for a cyberknife consultation this morning to discuss both the possibility of having cyberknife instead of surgery (anal excision) on my recurrent rectal tumor (now about a 1/2 cm) & I also wanted them to see if I could have cyberknife for 1 or 2 of my lung nodules that seem more chemo resistant.
The jury is still out on the lung nodules- the doctor wasn't prepared to discuss my lung nodules, just the rectal nodule, so she said she would examine my recent scan and see if the size and location of the concerning lung nodules would make me a candidate for it or not & she'll get back to me.
On the rectal nodule, however, I was told that cyberknife would not be the way to go- that they don't like to do it inside the rectum, because it could actually create a fistula (hole) in the rectum and then I'd have emergency surgery and a colostomy (due to the location). I don't even want to risk that- so surgery with an anal excision is the route I'll be going.
Since it's actually not an urgent situation ("just" putting up with symptoms like lots of bleeding), we'll have to wait and see on the timing of it. Having surgery will mean being off chemo, or at least off the Avastin for 6 wks before and another 6 wks after surgery. Also, I go to Los Angeles next week Monday the 22nd for an eval. appt w/ Dr. Lenz. The docs here want to wait and see what he says and if I qualify for any clinical trial or not. If so, that may determine whether I would have surgery now or have to wait until after the clinical trial ends.
I will know more in another week after my appt w/ Dr. Lenz- lots up in the air now.
Oh well- I'm trying to keep my mind busy with all else that I have going on & there's been lots. Had a plumbing flood Friday night, my son is getting his wisdom teeth out this week, stuff going on w/ kids and the house, etc. I'm managing okay & actually don't feel stressed about it. Having other things to do keeps me busy, which is really what I need to feel like a normal mom/person. Now, just to keep the hubby from being stressed about it... he doesn't deal with anything having to do with my cancer well. I'm trying to not talk about it too much w/ him this week- he's losing his mind from being so busy with work-he has deadline for a major paper that has to be filed by tomorrow (he's an attorney) & the amount of work and stress that has been piled on him lately has been awful. Hopefully after this is done,he can slow down a bit for awhile so he doesn't lose his mind. I feel almost like a single parent running the household and kid stuff myself when he's gone or too stressed to deal w/ any of it, which becomes hard when I'm not feeling well. I'm glad I'm on a chemo break last week and this and am feeling better and have a bit more energy (I missed chemo last week cause I had tonsillitis and was on antibiotics & onc wants me now to skip this week again until I see what Dr. Lenz has to say). If I do qualify for a clinical trial (I'm hoping for the one with the drug that targets the cancer stem cells, but there are also a couple of others to consider), there's always a 4 week period of time beforehand that chemo has to be stopped. They do that to make sure everything else is out of your system before starting you on their drug. They want to make sure that for the sake of the study, that they know for sure what is affecting the cancer- making sure it's their drug and not something else we had before. If I don't qualify for anything through Lenz this time, then I'll get my regular chemo of the Gemzar & Xeloda again on the 23rd- that next day after my appt. I think I'd be skipping the Avastin though, in preparation for maybe having this rectal surgery.

Even though I definitely have my issues I'm dealing with, I know that I'm faring better than many on this board, so I count my blessings & want to continue praying for you all-

Hugs,
Lisa