What does this say about what people believe about Ovarian Cancer?
I guess there's no easy answer. And I know, I'm supposed to be taking a break, but since I've stopped posting here regularly I'm having awful dreams. Wednesday night, I attended my own darn funeral. (Lots of acquaintances showed up, which I guess was a good thing, at least it wasn't a flop!)
Hugs to all!
Leesa
Comments
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Other people's perception
I always get the "ohhhh" when people find out my Mom has ovarian cancer like they think she is going to leave me tomorrow. I just say that like most cancers there is no cure but we concentrate on making each day count.
When people say you are doing great it is almost like they are trying to reassure themselves that it can't happen to them. They are not only trying to make you feel better but themselves as well.
Sometimes I find myself trying to educate people about it and not everyone wants that. It is hard to believe but it's true.
I hope the dreams go away, it sounds like you are probably quite stressed out and who wouldn't be. I am not trying to be nosey but do you have someone you can chat with that?
It may help.
Hugs to you too.
Kelly0 -
Hi Leesa
So glad to see you post...you know what, you don't have to educate people about OVCA...I think any type of cancer makes people uncomfortable..People just don't know what to say...when they tell my mother she looks great....my mother always says, "you seem so surprised I don't look like a living cadaver".....I'm sorry you are having dreams of your own funeral....You aren't going anywhere any time soon, honey...but that would be distressing. You have been under so much stress lately, perhaps it's just a sign of feeling overwhelmed. Hang in there....we love you...0 -
Dummy me, I rented After
Dummy me, I rented After Life with Christina Ricci and Liam Neeson last night. The whole movie takes place in a mortuary and includes scenes of a live burial. Try getting a good night's sleep after that!
Then today, my daughter-in-law emailed me the most depressing story, including photos, of a young woman with terminal cancer who had the wedding of her dreams just five days before she died. Not what I would choose to send to a Cancer patient. I sure hope it's not the thought that counts, in this case.
Certain meds - particularly some of the antidepressants - cause very vivid dreams. You might check to see if any of your scripts might be the culprit.
I understand completely about clueless people. Since I don't look like I'm dying, people sometimes assume that I'm "cured". Even my family is bad about that. They hear "NED" or "remission" and run with it. Yippee! Mom's cured! Uh....no, actually, I'm not. I'm just waiting to see if MAYBE I beat the odds (80%) and won't have a recurrence.
Then there are the people who take the opposite approach and remind me how I need to "make each day count". Really? Thanks for the heads-up. Otherwise, I would have gone right on wasting what little time I have left, frittering it away on useless stuff like cleaning the toilet and cooking dinner.
Carlene....who suffers fools even less gladly than she did before cancer.0 -
I find that it is really all about them,
not you. Unfortunatelely, it is impossible to hear the "C" word and not persoanlize I think. So, what comes out of their mouth is usually a combination of trying to say something nice and processing their own mortality. I tend to not even talk about cancer much unless it is a trusted friend or the boards. If someone who is not really close to me, but knows and asks how I am doing, I always think of something positive to say. Maybe I'm weird, but I got tired of being dissapointed in responses.
kahtleen0 -
Don't try to figure out people
I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out what people say to me regarding my cancer.
I decided not to waste one minute worrying over the thoughtless comments from people (that really mean well) and focus on my own inner strength and keeping positive thoughts to fight this thing.
kind regards,
Paula0 -
Hi Leesa
So nice to see your post and I hope things are going well for your family. I live in a small town and most of the people I know are aware that I have the "Big C", although they never heard it from me. I rarely go to the grocery store or anywhere that I don't run into someone who says "Oh, you look so good!". I usually just answer saying that I feel pretty good and try to change the subject. They mean well, but it kind of makes me feel like they were expecting me to look like Cancer Girl. I try hard to look as well as possible when I go out for it gives me a sense of normalcy.
I'm sorry to hear that you are having these bad nightmares. I have them also, in fact I've had that very same funeral dream. Hey, what we go through causes lots, and lots of stress. How bout going out and kicking up your heels and doing something fun or squeezing in just a couple of hours for you?
(((HUGS))) Maria0 -
I get the "How (pause) ARE you?" and that tiny concerned frown.Mwee said:Hi Leesa
So nice to see your post and I hope things are going well for your family. I live in a small town and most of the people I know are aware that I have the "Big C", although they never heard it from me. I rarely go to the grocery store or anywhere that I don't run into someone who says "Oh, you look so good!". I usually just answer saying that I feel pretty good and try to change the subject. They mean well, but it kind of makes me feel like they were expecting me to look like Cancer Girl. I try hard to look as well as possible when I go out for it gives me a sense of normalcy.
I'm sorry to hear that you are having these bad nightmares. I have them also, in fact I've had that very same funeral dream. Hey, what we go through causes lots, and lots of stress. How bout going out and kicking up your heels and doing something fun or squeezing in just a couple of hours for you?
(((HUGS))) Maria
You know the look. They are communicating silently that they have heard you have cancer with that pause, that emphasis, that sympathetic head tilt.
HA! I don't let anything people say in their ignorance and ackwardness bother me. It's just not worth it. They're doing their best, even if their best is pretty weak. The wisdom we get from our journey isn't something that can really be taught, I don't think. Most people can't handle awareness of their own mortality, and if they don't need to face it I am happy for them. When people ask me, "How (pause) ARE you?" I usually just say "GREAT!, And you?"0 -
Well, I do think you all look great and I'm building a resent...
ment because frankly no one tells me "I look great"..what am I? sliced bread? Must I get cancer to get a compliment on my looks....I have attached my recent portrait....I got a little hairy after they removed my ovaries, but I think I look great too!!! Smiles to you all!!!0 -
heheLisa13Q said:Well, I do think you all look great and I'm building a resent...
ment because frankly no one tells me "I look great"..what am I? sliced bread? Must I get cancer to get a compliment on my looks....I have attached my recent portrait....I got a little hairy after they removed my ovaries, but I think I look great too!!! Smiles to you all!!!
good one Lisa.
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thanks for the chuckleLisa13Q said:Well, I do think you all look great and I'm building a resent...
ment because frankly no one tells me "I look great"..what am I? sliced bread? Must I get cancer to get a compliment on my looks....I have attached my recent portrait....I got a little hairy after they removed my ovaries, but I think I look great too!!! Smiles to you all!!!
and I think you look marvelous.
Maria0 -
Lisa...is that the cat I sawLisa13Q said:Well, I do think you all look great and I'm building a resent...
ment because frankly no one tells me "I look great"..what am I? sliced bread? Must I get cancer to get a compliment on my looks....I have attached my recent portrait....I got a little hairy after they removed my ovaries, but I think I look great too!!! Smiles to you all!!!
Lisa...is that the cat I saw on TV this PM? Lives with a vet? Rescued from a feral litter? Very interesting story.
Carlene0 -
Yes CarleneHissy_Fitz said:Lisa...is that the cat I saw
Lisa...is that the cat I saw on TV this PM? Lives with a vet? Rescued from a feral litter? Very interesting story.
Carlene
I downloaded the picture...thought I looked similar to UGG!!0 -
LMAO Lisa!Lisa13Q said:Well, I do think you all look great and I'm building a resent...
ment because frankly no one tells me "I look great"..what am I? sliced bread? Must I get cancer to get a compliment on my looks....I have attached my recent portrait....I got a little hairy after they removed my ovaries, but I think I look great too!!! Smiles to you all!!!
LMAO Lisa!0 -
semi-hairlessLisa13Q said:Well, I do think you all look great and I'm building a resent...
ment because frankly no one tells me "I look great"..what am I? sliced bread? Must I get cancer to get a compliment on my looks....I have attached my recent portrait....I got a little hairy after they removed my ovaries, but I think I look great too!!! Smiles to you all!!!
Still laughing out loud Lisa13Q, I to have gotten "wow you look really good". I say thanks and slick back my strands.
Joan0 -
Morning Leesa,
Like you, I
Morning Leesa,
Like you, I haven't been posting here as much, I've been trying to focus now on things other than myself... (it's kind of my way of dealing I guess).
Nevertheless, I get that same reaction too and when I tell them it's stage iv, they're like.."oh wowwww". I then tell them "No...it's stage iv but I've been around for about 4 years almost." Then they really look confused.
You're right, there is no easy solution as to how to deal with these types of comments, so I just deal with each one in it's own way.
Take care.
P.S. To answer your question, I guess they think of ovca as an immediate death sentence...
Sharon0 -
People are cluelessmsfanciful said:Morning Leesa,
Like you, I
Morning Leesa,
Like you, I haven't been posting here as much, I've been trying to focus now on things other than myself... (it's kind of my way of dealing I guess).
Nevertheless, I get that same reaction too and when I tell them it's stage iv, they're like.."oh wowwww". I then tell them "No...it's stage iv but I've been around for about 4 years almost." Then they really look confused.
You're right, there is no easy solution as to how to deal with these types of comments, so I just deal with each one in it's own way.
Take care.
P.S. To answer your question, I guess they think of ovca as an immediate death sentence...
Sharon
i think if they have not walked in our shoes, they really do not understand at all.
hope the dreams go away. when i was first diagnosed I had horrible dreams about dying, thank Goodness they went away0 -
Ovarian cancerazgrandma said:People are clueless
i think if they have not walked in our shoes, they really do not understand at all.
hope the dreams go away. when i was first diagnosed I had horrible dreams about dying, thank Goodness they went away
has that reputation. When I was first diagnosed, I assumed I only had a few months to live. I sat my son down that first night and talked about a lot of serious stuff. I thought of all the people I loved and that I wouldn't be around for long. I thought of favorite places and wondered if I would visit them again. I thought of my favorite DVD's and wondered if I would watch them again before I died. My life stopped for a while before hope set in.
We can't really blame people for their reactions. It is difficult for everyone. I get the "you look good" too and I usually say, I guess people think I will look emaciated. In fact I have not lost that much weight and I could stand to lose quite a bit.
A very dear friend who has been in my life from day one was diagnosed with liver cancer a couple of weeks ago. So far she has been told it is inoperable. She has an appointment with a panel of doctors at Stanford tomorrow, so we are praying hard.
When I first found out about her cancer I felt myself wanting to distance myself as many people have done with me. I made it a point to go to her house and I told her how I was feeling. I also told her I had started to feel gloomy about her situation and how unfair that was when I have tried to stay upbeat about mine. I reminded her how far I have come from my initial diagnosis and we had to expect the same for her. She really appreciated our talk and told my mom so.
So if I fell victim to the fear after what I have been through, imagine how hard it is for others who have not had the experiences we have.
Karen0 -
Karen,kikz said:Ovarian cancer
has that reputation. When I was first diagnosed, I assumed I only had a few months to live. I sat my son down that first night and talked about a lot of serious stuff. I thought of all the people I loved and that I wouldn't be around for long. I thought of favorite places and wondered if I would visit them again. I thought of my favorite DVD's and wondered if I would watch them again before I died. My life stopped for a while before hope set in.
We can't really blame people for their reactions. It is difficult for everyone. I get the "you look good" too and I usually say, I guess people think I will look emaciated. In fact I have not lost that much weight and I could stand to lose quite a bit.
A very dear friend who has been in my life from day one was diagnosed with liver cancer a couple of weeks ago. So far she has been told it is inoperable. She has an appointment with a panel of doctors at Stanford tomorrow, so we are praying hard.
When I first found out about her cancer I felt myself wanting to distance myself as many people have done with me. I made it a point to go to her house and I told her how I was feeling. I also told her I had started to feel gloomy about her situation and how unfair that was when I have tried to stay upbeat about mine. I reminded her how far I have come from my initial diagnosis and we had to expect the same for her. She really appreciated our talk and told my mom so.
So if I fell victim to the fear after what I have been through, imagine how hard it is for others who have not had the experiences we have.
Karen
very well said.
k❧0 -
Leesa there is HOPE
Hi Leesa. I was told by my doctor that if we are not Stage 4 we have a chance at a complete remission because the disease didn't get into our organs/bloodstream. I have two little boys, a 2 year old and a 4.5 year old and I completely know that this is the scariest time of my life. There are moments when I feel guilty that I had kids fearing the worst. We must have faith, hope and believe. My doctor is constantly telling me that I am NOT dying! As a matter of fact I just finished my last treatment yeaterday and I'm in remission. Since my second treatment my CA125 went down to 4. He tells me Leesa, that new drugs are always coming out, and that I have to live for today. It sucks to have a diagnosis and believe me, I have my days too. I have contact the Cancer Hope Network and spoken to several survivors. Wanda was diagnosed at 42 and is currently 56 and has had no recurrances. Berdadette was diagnosed in her 30's and today is 46 and she too has had no recurrances. Both were Stage 3C. There are tohers too! I have a friend that will be 50 this year and she went through a NINE HOUR surgery for Stage 4. She was in remission for two years, and is getting treatment today. She is SIX YEARS with disease and FOUR of those years she is with active disease. We just went Apple Picking and she just arrived home two days ago from the Bahama's. She is my lifes inspiration and we all need that. Cancer sucks and my heart goes out to you.0
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