Bad things happen to good people...
I read Winter Maries poem (beautiful!!) and all of Lori-s' posts (love them!) and I feel sooo guilty for my mood, pick myself up and carry on, then dangit, it always comes back.
I heard President Obama say in an interview the other day "there is a woman in (can't remember state) who doesn't have to sell her home to afford her Cancer treatments.. all due to my health care changes"...don't remember EXACT words, but this is close.
So why am I selling my home to afford my husbands state run healthcare program?
We got a contract on the house last night. Good offer. But I am mad. This was our dream home, we worked for a lot of years to get here. It's not a mansion, but we love it.. we bought it as a repo 5 yrs ago and renovated everything! We love this home...we don't want to leave.
Husband laid off, fighting cancer, losing Cobra, my health keeps going bad,teeth get pulled out by anesthesia post surgery, enlarged lymph glands in lungs and neck, pain since May, no one can figure it out.. doc wants CT scans in 1 month, 2 months, 6 months...you get it. I just called hospital to find out cost, but we are already 9000 dollars in medical debt and DH just had 2nd chemo...10 to go. New deductibles and co-pays in Jan.
(still working on applying for health grants...slow process)
We ( me and hubby) talk often about when we will get our life back, but I honestly feel like never is the answer. We are losing everything, it feels like. And I mostly am referring to security. We are using up our retirement to make it now, health insurance gone, no jobs, hubby sick, no family to help (physically I mean)...
Bad things happen to good people...I've said it a million times, there is no conspiracy against us, there is people worse off. It's just a house...it's just a job..
I mention Maries poem because as I read it I thought...when will I get there? Am I a person only concerned with the things that don't really matter? I knever thought I was. My family has always been what I was passionate about..being a good mother and wife...making a nice home for my family. I tell my kids they'll love where we're moving, but in my heart I know I won't...not right away anyway..it will be depressing as hell.
Thanks for listening.
Comments
-
You are right
Bad things do happen to good people.
Never apologize here for venting and sharing your feelings. If there is one place in the world where they are understood it is here.
Yea, it is just a house and just a job, but dang it you all worked hard and did all the right things and then all this kinda fell on you. Not fair at all.
We are all in the same boat in one way or another...we have all lost things which we had given our hearts to.
Every day is a challenge to us all. I told my surgeon that I was not afraid of dying, that is easy. It is the living that has become so very difficult. But you know what? As long as I take it just one day at a time and remember the love of family and friends, I seem to make it thru.
My heart goes out to you with all the trials you are going thru. Here is a big HUG to hopefully help just a little.
To better days for us all,
Marie who loves kitties0 -
The Greatest Fear of All...
Chriss
This is such heartbreaking news - as I sat here and read this, it brings so many things back to the front burner on what we all go through dealing with a cancer diagnosis.
I've always said, it was never about the Cancer itself - it's always the collateral damage and the side effects past the initial tragedy. A decade ago, we had our home wiped out in an F-3 tornado. But, it was never about the tornado, it was about insurance on the property and your personal possessions, finding a licensed and bonded contractor, who was out to take you and steal you blind, and all the while trying to stay fit in to what the everyday life was.
Years ago, one of my health care nurses told me, "Don't worry, Mr. H., you just worry about getting better." I told her "honey, all of this better happen in 3 months, because they got my job in their hands and were trying to get rid of me before this cancer. If I don't hold onto work, we'll be changing my dressing out in the street."
I think all of our greatest fears are to lose the security of our lives. By that, I mean, being able to meet the monthly payroll and keep our lightbulbs turned on and a plate of cornbread on the table from time to time. When we are threatened with having that taken away, especially from something like illness, it strikes to the very fabric of our being, where we are most vulnearable, especially as we age. So much competition and non-cancer people to choose from, what can we possibly offer? Yet we need some type of income or what will happen. Many of us do not have family that we could stay with or that would lend support, so that means we would be alone. It's a scary proposition.
Kim and I have often shared the same talk you've had with your husband - "when we will get our life back?" After 10-years of tornadoes and all of this cancer for the past 6+ years, we've lost a DECADE of our live 2000-2010 R.I.P. We were 39 and now 49, and those were the good years of our lives - now, just flushed down the proverbial toilet. Now, weakened from illness, with medical bills that would break a millionaire, we too are still fighting as we churn towards our 7th year of this cancer.....and more bills coming. I've stopped thinking about it....I let $$$ get in the way this year and that critical mistake nearly killed me. It took an Angel to knock some sense into my head and got me back on track.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I do understand some of the feelings you are expressing today - my greatest fear is that I will be following in your footsteps. I'm trying to get back to work, but I've left 4x, so you always wonder when they are going to "make a change." And my health insurance and my entire livelihood rides on this job. Now, nearly 50, with a Stage IV cancer, my options are not as bountiful as they once were. I'm trying to tie a knot in it and hang on.
Your story does upset me greatly! That's my biggest rage, is why we have to lose the homes we worked our whole lives for, because we ended up with Cancer?
"Am I a person only concerned with the things that don't really matter?"
Answer: I don't think that you are. You are people that don't deserve to lose what you worked hard for your whole lives....and that's your home and your security. These are the basic principles of life and all of us are scared to lose either of those, much less both.
It's time like this where I wish I had a Foundation, where I could administer direct help to those, who are in need of such help. A real grass roots operation, where mortgage payments could be made and the utilities turned on, with some food on the pantry. I believe these are the big diferences that money could make happen - and provide real help for cancer patients. I've got nothing against big Cancer societies and donating to them, but there is a certain bureaucracy there and all of the money does not get funneled down to those in need.
If I were a philanthropist, I'd love to take care of matters like this - to have the freedom to stay in your house, with a little help from a friend.
There was an old timer here, named Kimby. She was a dear woman - she was dying of cancer and having her house foreclosed on at the same time - she passed away before they could move her out, so she got to stay in there. But her story rang a bell inside me of what's wrong with a society that allows us to lose what we work for due to illness.
I'm sorry to go on so - stories like yours strike a personal note with me, and I fear that one day, it could be us.
It sounds like you got a good offer on your home, so at least you are not having to give it away and take a loss. I'm just so sorry for everything that you are going through today.
((((CHRISS))))
-Craig0 -
wish I could help
I wish I could give you a hug that would make it all better. Your post is breaking my heart and making me angry all at once. I too am on COBRA & it expires in May (I think- I better check on that soon). Fortunately, my husband is healthy and working and we will have insurance available to us through his work. It's not very good insurance though and I always have that worry in the back of my mind... if anything happens to him, we'd lose our health insurance & obviously no insurance carrier would ever take me on with stage IV cancer.
It's a worry for many and, unfortunately, a reality for many, as you are all too sadly discovering.
I don't have magic answers- I wish I did. Here's a cyberhug to you and I will pray for your situation.
Not that it would change circumstances, but it might not be a bad idea to get a doctor to prescribe something for you for depression/anxiety- it might at least help you not feel the constant tearing up or heaviness. I don't know, but maybe worth trying.
Keep at it with applying for financial aid.
Just a thought... but could it even be worth contacting your local or county newspaper or newstation to do a story on you. you never know... it might even result in someone or a corporation helping you and your hubby out with medical bills and/or the house situation. Nothing ventured, nothing gained in that aspect. I think I'd try if I were you.
Take care my dear-
Lisa0 -
You are not alone:
So, so many are in the same boat with our crappy health care system. What I don't get (well most of the time anyway) why it has to cost so so much. With co-pays, deductibles it makes you dizzy. We were looking forward to retirement, a modest retirement, but retirement nonetheless. Well, cancer struck, and it is flying out the window. Sometimes I sit here and think about it and it makes me sick. I told my sister the other day that working for 30 plus years was a waste of time, would be farther ahead just living off the system.
You say it is just a house, but it is your house, and you worked for it, it wasn't handed to you. I'm so sorry you had to sell it.
There was a young woman on here almost every knew, Donna, who I Pm'd with occasionally and one of the last things she told me was she had to hide her van from the repo man, she needed it for treatment. Donna lost her battle suddenly but her message still haunts me. I wonder about her husband and 4 children and how they are doing since one of Donna's fears was leaving her family behind. This is America, these things should not happen. Our government spends so much time worrying about other countries with their hands out they forget about their own. Makes me sick.
So you go ahead and vent all you need to. If there are any people that understand it is the people on this board.
Take care - Tina0 -
HUGS Chriss HUGS
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I know it may seem like it's about the material stuff ... but no, it's about what it represents. I will say that I can certainly relate to all that you have written about and very much know it is the loss of security and dreams that hurts the most. It is devastating what cancer can do to your life that has absolutely nothing to do with the physical health. And how fast it can do it. It sucks that you can work so hard, do everything right and be the kind of person that we are told will serve us well only to suffer such losses.
One thing that helps me when I'm feeling the way you are right now is to mentally take a step onto a different square in the chess board of life and try to change my perspective. It doesn't change what is happening but, it helps me to find a way to deal with it. Sometimes I have to tell myself that this is an opportunity and that things are being rearranged in my life so that I am better prepared for what is coming my way. What I have sometimes seen as negative I have later found to be a real blessing in the long run but, I would never have thought so when it was happening. I have to remind myself of that when I can't seem to see ahead.
And you know what?? Sometimes you just have to feel it. Sometimes the harder you try to push it down the worse it becomes. Sometimes you just have to let it rip and sit in it for a little while so that it loses some of its power. Acknowledge it, feel it. Never apologize for venting, that's what we are here for, to support each other. Hang in there
Love you Chriss!!!! HUGS HUGS HUGS0 -
I'd like to offer a suggestion
Your words were touching and beautifully written. No one could have expressed better the plight of so many in our situation who've been productive our whole lives,and did our best for our country only to find ourselves in a situation where help is promised but nothing comes of it.If you're up to it, send your beautifully written piece to Mr Obama. Don't change a word, and ask him why he didn't seem to be speaking about you in his speech. Keep plugging and never give up. Sometimes when I get into that 'why me?' mode I try to think of it as a lesson, there's something to be learned from this and if I can figure it out I'll be that much better a person.
Carl0 -
Chriss, I agree with others ; I would like to give you a Hand,neon356 said:I'd like to offer a suggestion
Your words were touching and beautifully written. No one could have expressed better the plight of so many in our situation who've been productive our whole lives,and did our best for our country only to find ourselves in a situation where help is promised but nothing comes of it.If you're up to it, send your beautifully written piece to Mr Obama. Don't change a word, and ask him why he didn't seem to be speaking about you in his speech. Keep plugging and never give up. Sometimes when I get into that 'why me?' mode I try to think of it as a lesson, there's something to be learned from this and if I can figure it out I'll be that much better a person.
Carl
I would like to be named Bill Gates and can offer to the others my help in such a sad situation as yours, but unfortunately all I can offer to you
is my friendship ,my solidarity , and my best wishes and prayers and my HUGS!.
Cheer up chriss!0 -
It is very depressing. I
It is very depressing. I lost my job while out on disability from my last lung surgery and therefore am on COBRA. For me and my children, cobra was almost $1100 a month...well who can afford that with no job??? (And what kind of person/employer must you be to eliminate the job of a person fighting cancer anyway???-but that's a different rant). One positive healthcare reform came with the 65% reduction in COBRA payments if you lost your job before May 31st..."lucky me", I lost my job on May 19th!! So now instead of paying close to $1100, I'm only paying about $400. Drawback...that's only good for 15 months. And I think COBRA only lasts 18 months anyway, so I have no idea what I will do for those last 3 months, and even less idea of what I'm supposed to do after my COBRA expires. At least my ex-husband can then carry our children on his employer plan, but me???...don't know. This country is so backwards in it's thinking. I look at so many dollars going over to other countries to rebuild and start their governments, but us over here...just neglected with all the bickering at the top. Yes, having to sell your dream house is depressing all while watching your husband fight cancer among other things. My heart aches for you. My heart aches for us all.
-Sheri0 -
Chriss
I am so sorry for all you are going through. You have worked hard for what you have + it must be really difficult to think about losing it. You might not love where you are moving right away, but with all the love + caring you show you will make it a lovely home. And your kids will learn too that it is the people in the house that make it a home. Take good care; I am thinking of you.0 -
Oh Hun
Oh hun, I only got to where I was, because I did lose everything, and I still haven't "got there", I do my fair share of crying on everyone's shoulders. I lost my home in Ohio to foreclosure this year, I was suppose to die, so I gave away my possessions that meant the most to me. So I'm without, so now I don't worry about losing my home, I lost it, I don't worry about wrecking my car, I gave it away. Those things did matter to me. But it is what it is. My hubby lost his job, and I got cancer, so he drinks too much. I feel my sorrowful moments, the moments I want to give up, and then I just keep on plodding away. My hubby's unemployment ran out two weeks ago. But we just keep plodding on. And yes, I think always, there are people worse off, but guess what? It still doesn't make me feel any better about my situation, I just keep plodding on. My husband used to make 150 K a year, I had weekly maid and gardening services, now nothing, life changes, heck, I get into the mode when I realize I'm 51 years old, and life was going just great and all of a sudden I'm trying to figure out what next to make money.
You're not alone hun, and yes, I'd be asking Obama the same darn thing.
I can only give you a cyber hug hun, and I know it's a struggle we're all having to deal with, but we have each other, I've got big shoulders, you can cry on them anytime.
Winter Marie0 -
so sad and so true
Your story is echoed by so many in this country, and it really is such a shame! There is absolutely no reason a country as rich as ours can put a person into abject poverty at a time when they need the most; when a sickness like cancer strikes. I wish there was a solution that meant being able to keep the basics. I am one of the lucky ones, I have family who was able to take me in so i am able to continue with a somewhat normal life; I know there are many out there that doin't have that option. Cancer steals so much from us, it's just unbelievable that it can take away our homes and our livelihoods. I pray you are able to find happiness and health in your new home.
mary0 -
So sorry
I'm so sorry. I hate that you're losing your house. That's bound to be such a wrenching loss. People might tend to say, "At least you're alive," but you know what? Sometimes you want to be both alive and living with the same reality you had before cancer. Unfortunately, that is not the way it works...
Vent anytime, dear.
*big hugs*
Gail0 -
Thank you all so much! Ittootsie1 said:So sorry
I'm so sorry. I hate that you're losing your house. That's bound to be such a wrenching loss. People might tend to say, "At least you're alive," but you know what? Sometimes you want to be both alive and living with the same reality you had before cancer. Unfortunately, that is not the way it works...
Vent anytime, dear.
*big hugs*
Gail
Thank you all so much! It helps to talk with people who "get it".
The offer we got on our house has a contingency for the buyer to sell her house before buying ours, she has till February.
I thought I would have till February/March. Then I get a call from another realtor tonight...we are getting a second offer tomorrow.
One way or another the sell will be forced and I am outa here in 30-45 days. This should be good news with the economy the way it is. I am lucky to have sold so fast. I'll work on the attitude... guess it will be like ripping the band-aid off, just get-er done...no reason to wonder through the house crying for 3 months, just pack and go.
We will get this done, and it will be okay. I just won't drive by it again....EVER.(o;
Jack will have the insurance that he needs and even though it's expensive, it's not as high as the chemo...so that's something to be thankful for.
My kids will pick out colors for their rooms, and I will have no say in it, (so they have informed me...) guess I'll give them that, this has all been hard on them too.
Every one of your posts are so "on" it's scary. Im so glad we don't have to be PC and we can throw it all out there...it helps the soul I think...
I want you all to know that I am so sorry for the hardships that you shared with me, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers too.
God Bless every one of you for caring about someone elses hurt, when you all have so much on your own shoulders.
Feeling the hugs and sending them back!
Chriss0 -
Vent Away!
So sorry for all the financial crap that is adding to the already stressful cancer. It is all so unfair! I have been very lucky to have good insurance and a husband who has been working
throughout my treatment. Until I hit my $5,000 Catastrophic level, I was paying $900 every two weeks for my chemo copays. My anti-nausea medicines run $600 every other week. Luckily we were able to take care of that too. I have met so many people at my oncology center that have been struggling to pay insurance, mortgages, get expensive prescriptions, live a "normal" life. I know many people disagree, but I have always felt that we should have a nationalized medicine program to cover everybody...Rich or poor...treated equally.
My brother has been unemployed, uninsured, homeless for quite a few years now. He recently was able to get some medical care through The VA. A few weeks ago he bacame very ill and is awaiting biopsy results of a tumor attached to his prostate. It may be inoperable. He has been living with his ex-wife ( who had been trying to throw him out ) I cannot have him here and my sister already had him at her place for quite a while. We are worried about Chemo and if the VA hospital will be a good place for treatment. We haven't discussed too many "what ifs" with him at this time as he is very upset and worried. Funny thing was his colonoscopy was just done prior to all this and we were all so glad that it came out ok. It is always something.
I wish there was a magic solution to all of our problems, but I guess we know that isn't happening.
I can't imagine the financial stress added to the Cancer Stress. ( The family stress is bad enough without a huge financial burdon )
Please rant and rave as much and as loud as you want. Maybe our Congressmen and Senators will hear us!
Hope things get better for everyone!
Take Care,
0 -
This comment has been removed by the Moderatorjararno said:Vent Away!
So sorry for all the financial crap that is adding to the already stressful cancer. It is all so unfair! I have been very lucky to have good insurance and a husband who has been working
throughout my treatment. Until I hit my $5,000 Catastrophic level, I was paying $900 every two weeks for my chemo copays. My anti-nausea medicines run $600 every other week. Luckily we were able to take care of that too. I have met so many people at my oncology center that have been struggling to pay insurance, mortgages, get expensive prescriptions, live a "normal" life. I know many people disagree, but I have always felt that we should have a nationalized medicine program to cover everybody...Rich or poor...treated equally.
My brother has been unemployed, uninsured, homeless for quite a few years now. He recently was able to get some medical care through The VA. A few weeks ago he bacame very ill and is awaiting biopsy results of a tumor attached to his prostate. It may be inoperable. He has been living with his ex-wife ( who had been trying to throw him out ) I cannot have him here and my sister already had him at her place for quite a while. We are worried about Chemo and if the VA hospital will be a good place for treatment. We haven't discussed too many "what ifs" with him at this time as he is very upset and worried. Funny thing was his colonoscopy was just done prior to all this and we were all so glad that it came out ok. It is always something.
I wish there was a magic solution to all of our problems, but I guess we know that isn't happening.
I can't imagine the financial stress added to the Cancer Stress. ( The family stress is bad enough without a huge financial burdon )
Please rant and rave as much and as loud as you want. Maybe our Congressmen and Senators will hear us!
Hope things get better for everyone!
Take Care,
Barb ---<@</p>0 -
The stressunknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
I've often thought that if stress negatively affects your immune system and your immune system is what keeps the cancer in check, then isn't it even worse on our immune systems to have the serious financial and colateral stress? So does losing our homes, our cars, our jobs, our insurance, our retirement accounts, our friends, our minds … does this help our cancer grow? ... Just something that's crossed my mind once or twice. Cancer sux0
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