Stupid comments from people

Wangari said:

insensitive
For me that's the absolute worst. "Don't cry" what do they know about how I feel? I took time off work after my mum passed away and someone had the nerve to say " its been 2weeks since you buried her, you need the extra time to do what?" Argh, I didn't even bother replying. I just went home.

3Mana said:

some people are so stupid!!!!!!!!!!
Hi,
I don't know if people don't know what to say or what but they do make dumb comments. Even my own sister asked me 2 weeks after my husband died "How long are you gonna cry?" Excuse me? No one know until they go through losing their loved one who has been their whole life how it feels. My husband & I had been married 46 years & we were supposed to enjoy retirement together. Now I'm alone & it sucks. So please, just keep coming on this site you'll get all the support you need. We have to be strong!! "Carole"

cosmic_me said:

Sorry you had to endure that
Sorry you had to endure that but on the day my mom died I got one comment that may rival that one. This was last Wed morning Dec 14th. I'd just dealt with watching my sweet mother struggle for her last breaths and then in a snap she was gone at 1:48 am. All the waves of emotions are hitting. You have to go through the entire process of contacting hospice then the mortuary and removal of the body. It was horrific to say the least. After all that I decided to get out of the house and go get some pepsi ( my form of coffee ) and so Off I go feeling like complete jelly to the corner store. All the workers there knew my mom had been sick and I was taking care of her. In a way I didn't want to go there because I knew the first question as always was going to be .. How is mom doing? Well that happened. I told them she passed that morning and his response? Are you ready for this one?

He said... To bad she didn't wait til after Christmas. I'm not kidding you. I stood there thinking I'd heard him wrong and I said.. excuse me? His buddy mumbled something to him in Punjabi and he hung his head real low and said he was sorry for the loss. whatever his friend said really embarrassed him. I'm glad. It had to be the single stupidest thing anyone could ever say to me at that point.

That is incredible. Cannot believe that someone could seriously be that dumb. I'm so sorry you had to hear that.

My worst comment recieved....from my husband. He loves me and he loved our son David totally, with all of his heart. But after walking in on me unexpectedly and seeing me crying my head off, he said that I needed to "move on." Move on from the death of our son?!?!?!?!? I think it hurt even worse because it came from my husband, David's father. He's usually not an insensitive clod. He did apologize many times afterwards and said it was the wrong choice of words. He meant that I needed to try to get my life together. That didn't really help either. I told him he'd better brace himself because I was NEVER going to "move on" from the death of David. 

I love my husband but sometimes I have some bitter feelings towards him. I've heard that losing a child can destroy a marriage. I guess I need to be careful. After all we have been through together, it would be a shame to call it quits after 35+ years. Right?

Cindy in Salem, OR

cindysuetoyou said:

unbelieveable

That is incredible. Cannot believe that someone could seriously be that dumb. I'm so sorry you had to hear that.

My worst comment recieved....from my husband. He loves me and he loved our son David totally, with all of his heart. But after walking in on me unexpectedly and seeing me crying my head off, he said that I needed to "move on." Move on from the death of our son?!?!?!?!? I think it hurt even worse because it came from my husband, David's father. He's usually not an insensitive clod. He did apologize many times afterwards and said it was the wrong choice of words. He meant that I needed to try to get my life together. That didn't really help either. I told him he'd better brace himself because I was NEVER going to "move on" from the death of David. 

I love my husband but sometimes I have some bitter feelings towards him. I've heard that losing a child can destroy a marriage. I guess I need to be careful. After all we have been through together, it would be a shame to call it quits after 35+ years. Right?

Cindy in Salem, OR

Be kind to your husband.  He lost a child, too.  You and he are lucky to have each other -- please don't punish him for a poor choice of words and add more feelings of guilt to the anguish he's already feeling.  I hope the two of you will lean on each other and when needed, each carry the other thru the hard times ahead.

elpasorudy said:

Think before talking

My wife died June 1 from an aggressive uterine cancer. Two weeks before she died, during her final visit with oncologist, my wife told her nurse that she felt "80 percent dead" due to ill effects of treatment and the disease. Instead of expressing compassion, the nurse replied: "We told you the cancer was coming back. You were fortunate to have nearly five years." Some people should not be in the medical profession. I miss Mary Ann dearly, but I am happy that she is no longer suffering. I have traditional Christian beliefs, but I grow weary of people telling me that Mary Ann is in a better place. Saying "I'm so sorry for your loss" is enough.

First, I am sorry for your loss. Having lost my husband of 42 years about three and a half years ago, i have some idea of what you are going through. I think we often feel that I'm sorry for your loss just isn't enough, and i even got tired of hearing that. I haven't come up with anything better though. It's not just people in the medical profession who make stupid remarks either. I had a hard time believing how stupid some of the remarks were. I had a waitress bawl me out for not telling her about my husband's memorial service so she could have attended. I had a friend call the day after he passed away ask, "Is Doug dead. " He had gotten a call from someone and thought it might have been a practical joke. The list could go on, and I think the very fact that this thread keeps reappearing shows how common stupid remarks are. I tried to let them go. The last few months of my husband's life, he often admonished me to "let it go", because there are so many more important things in life. That is a phrase I try to live now. Shake our heads, laugh about the really stupid remark, and remember what's important. And yes, I am able to laugh at most of those now. I can't change others, but I can change how I react to them. Take care. I know that this time is very hard. Time has helped me. I still miss him every day, but I am moving forward. Time has dulled the pain. Fay