hello

tina dasilva
tina dasilva Member Posts: 641
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
hello i'm a caregiver my husband has stage 4 colon liver cancer he's on his 7th chemo this weekend .Jorge was dx in june 2010 we have 3 kids 20;19'12 now our son who is 19 has been fighting with his dad everytime his dad has chemo i feel so bad for him his dad is his world i don't know what to do my son told me that he just wants to die i'm a mess and dont kmow what to do

Comments

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #2
    Be patient
    Hi Tina,
    This is a great web site so you can always come here for support. Sorry to hear about your husband. It's so hard to have a dx of cancer especially stage 4. But there are alot of people on this site who had stage 4 of some kind and have survived a long time, so don't give up. Is your son fighting with your husband maybe cause it's hard for him to see his dad sick? I'm sure that's got alot to do with the way he's acting especially if he's close to him. Jorge needs support right now from everyone, so you all have to be there for him.
    I lost my husband in March after he had only had his diagnosis in January. He had stage 4 lung cancer with lesions in his spine & brain. He was doing pretty good, but then had a rare side effect from one of the chemos he got. Only had 1 treatment with it and had problems so they stopped & just gave him the 2nd treatment with 2 chemos. Too late, the damage was already done and he died. Even after the short time he was sick, it was so stressful to see him like that cause he had never been sick. We also have 3 kids, 2 daughter-in-laws & 3 grandsons. We all suffered along with him and told him how much we loved him. We still miss him so much and it's been almost 8 months.
    So enjoy every day & tell your son to be strong cause you all have to stick together and be there for Jorge.
    Sorry if I rambled on too long! "Carole"
  • sleepy524
    sleepy524 Member Posts: 20
    #3
    Tina
    I am also a caregiver
    Tina

    I am also a caregiver for my fiance who also has colon cancer. First thing that you may want to do is get some education for caregivers, although this may seem wierd as he is not the primary caregiver but often times that material reminds you what you feel is very normal, including anger. I know that I am not your son but when I first read that I felt so relieved. I needed desperately to hear that. I also have a deal w/ my fiance and the kids, as they have it in return with us where we can feel angry, sad and out of sorts and we just look at eachother and say I dont know whats going on inside me right now. We know that means I dont want to talk about it because I am still trying to understand it and I am sorry if I am nasty. I am not sure any advice on here or anywhere can work perfectly but finding what hurts what angers and saying you can talk about it but you dont have to until you are ready sometimes is more helpful then forcing the issue.
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #4
    Welcome
    Hello and Welcome Tina to you and your husband. I am also named Tina. You will find there are quite a few Tina's here! I was a caregiver for my dad. He passed away in March from esophageal cancer with mets to the liver. This is a very long, hard, bumpy road. Be prepared. Take this one thing and one day at a time. I would suggest you look into a cancer support group for your family. I am sure there is one at the hospital or cancer center you are going to. This will prove to be very helpful to all of you. How about starting a journal with the whole family? There you can all jot down your thoughts and feelings and then discuss them as a family. I did this with my mom and dad and it proved to be a great help. Know that you are not alone, we are always here for you. We will all be praying and thinking of you. Keep in touch!
    Tina B in Va
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #5
    it seems
    It seems the last thing we want when there is a diagnosis of a terminal illness is for it to have an impact that we can't manage on our children, and it doesn't matter how old those children are.

    The reality is that it DOES have an impact and what we have to understand is the we are not responsible for how they handle it. Your children are old enough to understand this is beyond your control.

    Fighting and communicating are often the same thing for some people. As hard as it is to acknowledge, it does allow your husband and son to address something, even if it is not the cancer.

    I agree that you must be patient and allow some things to run their course. I'm sure you have already spoken to both your husband and your son and let them know how upsetting this is for you. They are both hurting: it is NOT okay for them to take it out on others, Tina.

    You've got to focus on finding an outlet for yourself, too, Tina, and it needs to be communicating with other people about the cancer, going walking or jogging or whatever lets you have some stress relief.

    Remember to take care of yourself, Tina, because you can't take care of anyone else if you don't.

    Hugs.

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