Be off for awhile

herdizziness said:

I guess this is what I'm really trying to convey, my LOVE
I feel so incredibly guilty. Mom was fine the beginning of this year, and then I told about my cancer, I'm supposed to be dead about now, and yet here I am, full of hope and life.
She told me after that, after I told her, that her heart broke, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
I'm so afraid that I brought on the heart attack that she wasn't aware of. I can't imagine that I'm living, and Mama won't. I can't deal with that, it's wrong, I'm supposed to go first, so that I don't have to deal with this type of sorrow. Your Mom has so been my world, she loved me as if I was her own, I've always felt this, I've always felt she was my Mama too. I was so lucky, am so lucky, she came into my life. I know I don't deserve her, but I've loved her, since the first time she hugged me.
They did in another country, England I believe, where they took people's stem cells and re-injected them, the heart rate function went up to over 38%, I'm not sure they are doing this in the US as we seem to be slower in this due to some sort of religious crap, but can you ask the doctor about it?
From what I understand, this is under congestive heart failure?
I haven't had Mom as long as you have, I envy you this, maybe if I was older, I could deal with this with some sort of decorum. I've always wanted to protect her from all harm, and yet, today I'm as helpless as my 4 month old grandson.
I can only weep, and this doesn't appear to do much good.
I love your Mom with every being of my heart. She has been my Mom too, because she allowed that, and gave me so much love, my heart is breaking.
I just pray with all my heart I didn't bring this on, I'm not sure I can live with the guilt.
(this was letter to my step-brother)

I'm sorry
Oh Marie i'm so sorry to hear about your mom .Iknow how you feel i last my mom 6 years ago she was my world i was right by her side when she passed away.but don't feel guilt she loves you very much and she wouldnt want you to feel that way . i will be thinking about you and your family everyday hun

It's Friday
I'm hopeing that all is going well with your appointments and that your trip to Washington is on schedule. Good luck!

Enjoy your time with her
Family is so important. I'm sure she'll appreciate the love and support. Enjoy your time and don't worry about us, we'll be here when you get back! Traci