struggling today

Betsy13
Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am struggling right now. I was dx in 2/10, went through radiation and had no support. I am still struggling with the feelings of inadequacy and what is wrong with me since no one was there during this horrific time in my life. The side effects are excruciating and long-lingering. There is no support group within a 50 mile radius and I get no support at work. I work at work and I come home and work. I have no life outside of work. I am at my breaking point. Any suggestions?

Thank you!
Betsy
«1

Comments

  • beetle25
    beetle25 Member Posts: 150 Member
    #2
    I am so sorry you are having
    I am so sorry you are having such a rough time and have not had any support where you are. Please know that you can always come here with you problems and get support. We are all with you. I was also dx in 2/10 went through chemo, surgery and then radiation (just finished) You must be a really strong women to have gone through all of this without anyone and you should never feel inadequate and there is nothing wrong with you, it is more there problem of not knowing how to handle what you are going through and what to say. Although I do have support of family and friends there are times that I struggle with everything that has happened and everything that is going on.

    You are loved my sister in Pink, know that we are all here for you.

    Paula
  • canjuncutie
    canjuncutie Member Posts: 131
    #3
    Welcome
    The problem I had there are support groups here but my dx has left me tired and i have an early bed time.lol. The times I tried my local groups all I got was yelled at fro asking questions. My dx was in the month of july had surgery a mastecomy in august going thru chemo right. Feel free to pm here I try me best to help you. I can believe I am about half thru the chemo. These ladies here have hepled me very much
    Your sister in Pink
    Paula
  • skipper85
    skipper85 Member Posts: 229
    #4
    We're Here For You Betsy
    Don't ever feel alone. We are all here with you supporting you every step of the way. Please come to the board whenever you need support, advice, hugs, a kind word or to even vent. We're here.

    I was wondering if you belong to a church or if there's a church in your area you would be willing to go to for support. Church members can be very helpful and supportive if you need them - not to mention the power of prayer if you believe.

    (((HUGS)))

    Skipper85
  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #5
    Church - Diary - Humor - CSN
    Betsy,

    I also was going to suggest joining a church group. They may be able to give you the emotional support that you need. I do believe it is important for you to express your feelings and since there presently is no physical support available to you, would you consider writing what you are feeling. In other words, maintain a journal or diary. When you write, strive to be as accurate as you can be. To help you get into a better mood, find some sources on humor that will make you laugh. You could also share with us what made you laugh. This group is supportive so be sure that you come here and post often.

    Finally, YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!

    Betsy, can you describe your side effects? Are they the side effects of the radiation?

    Lots and Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle
  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #6
    Church - Diary - Humor - CSN
    Betsy,

    I also was going to suggest joining a church group. They may be able to give you the emotional support that you need. I do believe it is important for you to express your feelings and since there presently is no physical support available to you, would you consider writing what you are feeling. In other words, maintain a journal or diary. When you write, strive to be as accurate as you can be. To help you get into a better mood, find some sources on humor that will make you laugh. You could also share with us what made you laugh. This group is supportive so be sure that you come here and post often.

    Finally, YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!

    Betsy, can you describe your side effects? Are they the side effects of the radiation?

    Lots and Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle
  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #7
    Church - Diary - Humor - CSN
    Betsy,

    I also was going to suggest joining a church group. They may be able to give you the emotional support that you need. I do believe it is important for you to express your feelings and since there presently is no physical support available to you, would you consider writing what you are feeling. In other words, maintain a journal or diary. When you write, strive to be as accurate as you can be. To help you get into a better mood, find some sources on humor that will make you laugh. You could also share with us what made you laugh. This group is supportive so be sure that you come here and post often.

    Finally, YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!

    Betsy, can you describe your side effects? Are they the side effects of the radiation?

    Lots and Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #8
    I'm so sorry for what you
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It breaks my heart when I hear about ladies that don't have family or friends that stay by there side during hard times. But you do have us and there is allot of us! We are all here for you. Whatever you need we will help in any way we can. Let me tell you there is nothing wrong with you. You are a strong beautiful women, with character. Just look at what you have done and gone through by your self. I could have never done that. You are amazing. I envy your strength of character. Stay strong sweetheart. Come here often and let us know what is on your mind, what your going through, what you need, And you got it. Take care Kay
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #9
    smalldoggroomer said:

    I'm so sorry for what you
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It breaks my heart when I hear about ladies that don't have family or friends that stay by there side during hard times. But you do have us and there is allot of us! We are all here for you. Whatever you need we will help in any way we can. Let me tell you there is nothing wrong with you. You are a strong beautiful women, with character. Just look at what you have done and gone through by your self. I could have never done that. You are amazing. I envy your strength of character. Stay strong sweetheart. Come here often and let us know what is on your mind, what your going through, what you need, And you got it. Take care Kay

    Sometimes we focus on these
    Sometimes we focus on these things more because we are going through are tough time, feel exhausted from treatments. First thing do something good for yourself besides work. a manicure, a massage, something to nurture you. Once you feel better physically, you can do something actively about your situation. Join a group, perhaps the local library has a book group. or as previously suggested church. volunteering also gets you out an meeting people and makes you feel good helping people. and of course we are here. I am sorry I and everyone has had breast cancer, but I never would have met any of you wonderful people and my life is blessed. Do any of us live near you????? I think people are alone more out of lack of opportunity than being bad people. And I am sure you are not a bad person.
    I take an antidepressant too. I have no energy to fight the beast when I am focusing on fighting my sadness, fear and anxiety. I feel normal, logical, and able to do the things I want to do to make me happy. As with chemo, "we do the things we have to do to do the things we want to do" and sometimes taking meds can help. My brain chemistry simply requires it. HUGS, you are not alone.
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #10
    Keep talking
    Betsy,

    I'm sorry that the support group is so far away from you. You might want to contact the ACS and find out if there is anything closer or even just one bc survivor you could connect with in your area. I know that being online or on the phone isn't the same as a face to face talk with someone, but it may make you feel a little better.

    There is nothing wrong with you - only the people around you who weren't there to help when you needed it.

    I know what you mean about having no life outside of work but please keep posting how you feel. Be like a tree and don't break - bend.

    Take care and know you are not alone in this.

    Wolfi
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #11
    Wolfi said:

    Keep talking
    Betsy,

    I'm sorry that the support group is so far away from you. You might want to contact the ACS and find out if there is anything closer or even just one bc survivor you could connect with in your area. I know that being online or on the phone isn't the same as a face to face talk with someone, but it may make you feel a little better.

    There is nothing wrong with you - only the people around you who weren't there to help when you needed it.

    I know what you mean about having no life outside of work but please keep posting how you feel. Be like a tree and don't break - bend.

    Take care and know you are not alone in this.

    Wolfi

    Do you like your work?
    I can completely understand you and we all have been there: it feels like there is no life outside work. I am too so exhausted on Friday that could not even move.
    First of all side effects of breast cancer treatment are temporary and you will be stronger soon. Please think positively about your job and occupation: Do you like what you do? I am sure you are good at what you have been doing at work.
    Please keep posting we are here for you.
    Hugs,
    New Flower
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #12
    Glad you found us.
    We are here and always willing to listen, be supportive and answer questions. Have you asked at your treatment facility if they have a Support Sister Program. That is someone you can talk to that has been through all of this. I was offered this when I was first dx'd but choose not to use it since I had the support I needed. Just remeber you are never alone. Don't know where you are but maybe there is a sister on here that is close by.

    Hugs,
    Georgia
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #13
    Boy can I relate...
    Hi Betsy,

    I know exactly how you feel. I too had to go through it pretty much alone. Withy my
    family being in Europe and not many close friends in AZ, I moved here from NYC.
    My friends from East Coast were amazing, they send me flowers, turkish tea,books..
    you name if it fit in box I got. But the people around me fell off the wagon,one by one.
    I call it compassion fatigue, it's not like a cold and I feel better in no time. It's been
    rough and like you I felt no loved and alone. For the first time in my life and thought
    there must be something wrong with me to be in horrible situation and have no one
    stand by me. I still struggle with it but it's getting better. Reach out and try to find
    someone to talk to, you will feel better.

    Ayse
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #14
    Have you considered that you
    Have you considered that you may be depressed? I felt the same way a few years back and my therapist recognized it immediately as depression.

    I am not being funny here, but a few days after treatment, I noticed the sky looked brighter. Literally. I never would have thought that my symptoms were depression, but sometimes it takes an objective therapist to listen and figure it out.

    The "no friends" deal may be a result of you not going out socially and having become more introverted because you are feeling less than equal? Please consider talking with a physician about your feelings. And know that depression is much more common after a breast cancer diagnosis.
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #15
    skipper85 said:

    We're Here For You Betsy
    Don't ever feel alone. We are all here with you supporting you every step of the way. Please come to the board whenever you need support, advice, hugs, a kind word or to even vent. We're here.

    I was wondering if you belong to a church or if there's a church in your area you would be willing to go to for support. Church members can be very helpful and supportive if you need them - not to mention the power of prayer if you believe.

    (((HUGS)))

    Skipper85

    church
    I've tried many different churches for 3 or more months at a time. I give up after this amount of time because I didn't feel welcome. Then when cancer hit, there was no extra energy for anything. Pretty sad, huh? However, I do pray continuiously!
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #16
    Different Ballgame said:

    Church - Diary - Humor - CSN
    Betsy,

    I also was going to suggest joining a church group. They may be able to give you the emotional support that you need. I do believe it is important for you to express your feelings and since there presently is no physical support available to you, would you consider writing what you are feeling. In other words, maintain a journal or diary. When you write, strive to be as accurate as you can be. To help you get into a better mood, find some sources on humor that will make you laugh. You could also share with us what made you laugh. This group is supportive so be sure that you come here and post often.

    Finally, YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!

    Betsy, can you describe your side effects? Are they the side effects of the radiation?

    Lots and Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle

    humor and side effects
    Right now, I don't find much humor. But here is something, I work in a middle school and the "leader" of my department is helping me to fail instead of succeed. I feel like I'm back in middle school and she is the bully...

    Side effects...shortness of breath, nausea, borderline migraines, fatigue, feel like my thighs are noodles, sand paper beneath my eyelids...any or all on any given day. My rad. onc said I was at the bad end of side effects.
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #17
    carkris said:

    Sometimes we focus on these
    Sometimes we focus on these things more because we are going through are tough time, feel exhausted from treatments. First thing do something good for yourself besides work. a manicure, a massage, something to nurture you. Once you feel better physically, you can do something actively about your situation. Join a group, perhaps the local library has a book group. or as previously suggested church. volunteering also gets you out an meeting people and makes you feel good helping people. and of course we are here. I am sorry I and everyone has had breast cancer, but I never would have met any of you wonderful people and my life is blessed. Do any of us live near you????? I think people are alone more out of lack of opportunity than being bad people. And I am sure you are not a bad person.
    I take an antidepressant too. I have no energy to fight the beast when I am focusing on fighting my sadness, fear and anxiety. I feel normal, logical, and able to do the things I want to do to make me happy. As with chemo, "we do the things we have to do to do the things we want to do" and sometimes taking meds can help. My brain chemistry simply requires it. HUGS, you are not alone.

    focus
    don't have any extra money right now for manicure or pedicure (waiting to hear if husband is going on unemployment). I would LOVE a pedicure. I am on an antidepressant...

    hanging in there right now...
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #18
    Wolfi said:

    Keep talking
    Betsy,

    I'm sorry that the support group is so far away from you. You might want to contact the ACS and find out if there is anything closer or even just one bc survivor you could connect with in your area. I know that being online or on the phone isn't the same as a face to face talk with someone, but it may make you feel a little better.

    There is nothing wrong with you - only the people around you who weren't there to help when you needed it.

    I know what you mean about having no life outside of work but please keep posting how you feel. Be like a tree and don't break - bend.

    Take care and know you are not alone in this.

    Wolfi

    ACS
    I have contacted them, Susan G. Komen, local hospitals, etc., there is nothing...I'm bending :)
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #19
    CypressCynthia said:

    Have you considered that you
    Have you considered that you may be depressed? I felt the same way a few years back and my therapist recognized it immediately as depression.

    I am not being funny here, but a few days after treatment, I noticed the sky looked brighter. Literally. I never would have thought that my symptoms were depression, but sometimes it takes an objective therapist to listen and figure it out.

    The "no friends" deal may be a result of you not going out socially and having become more introverted because you are feeling less than equal? Please consider talking with a physician about your feelings. And know that depression is much more common after a breast cancer diagnosis.

    thank you, thank you, thank you
    Ladies,

    I cannot thank you enough for your support. You have no idea how much it means to me. Things are even worse at work. I have made comments along the way as I read so, please (if you want) go back and read them.

    Life is a struggle right now. God never said it would be easy but who ever thought it would be this hard?

    Again, thank you.
    Betsy
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #20
    you found this site
    This can be some support for you..I am sorry you havne't had any up to this point! Feel free to Vent...
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #21
    cancer center therapist
    I had a great one at my center...I am sure most have some staff for venting..

    I HOPE you find something...but we'll listen here for sure

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