update on Diana and I

Hi everyone. Just thought I would update all of you. We are starting grief counseling this week for the both of us, thought it would be a good idea. Things have been ok around here, we have our days of being very sad about losing Ed and my mom. It was a terrible year and although I miss both of them terribly,I am somewhat relieved also that they are not in pain anymore. I just wrote a two page letter to Ed's oncologist, actually I wrote the letter to the head doctor where he was going. Ed's doctor never never called me, wrote to me, nothing after Ed's passing and I was very very upset. I waited a month and never received nothing so I sat down yesterday and wrote a very long letter about how I felt they let Diana and I down.
We saw this man, every week, for almost one week, how disgusting that this doctor did not even take five minutes out of his day to call me and pass on his sympathy to us. yes, I realize that we are not the only ones in his treatment center, that life goes on, etc., etc., but believe me I am feeling very let down by all of them. The nurse who basically was Ed's nurse thoughout all his tretment did not even know that Eddie had died for almost tweleve days after his death. I found this a total outrage and I am hoping that my letter will leave some sort of impression to this head doctor to teach all his "doctors" to put a little compassion into their lives, make that one phone call, drop a small note in the mail.
I will keep you updated on this, I would love to hear from all of you, especially you William, on what you think about this subject, was I asking too much?

Life without Ed is certainly different, we can now go out without worrying, we can sleep throughout the night without worrying, you get the drift, the big worry is over. No, not all the worrying, I still have my worries about us, about what the future will hold for us, it is not all over by a long short, but in short, we now can go out and not have to worry about Ed.
I miss him so much, after all, 27 years with one man is a long time. I have looked back over and over so much about how he acted the past year, I do believe that the brain cancer must of been there for a long time because this was NOT the man I spent all those years with.
I have learned to let go of the anger, I did that the day he died, I let go of alot of things for my own sake and for Diana'. I truly believe that Eddie got cheated out of life, he was only 55 years old, he will never see Diana get married, have children, retire from his job, grow old with me, it is so sad and he will miss all of this. Maybe this is what he was thinking all those months????? I have a much new opinion about people dealing with cancer, never having to be around it most of my life, it has changed me forever. No one asks to be diagnosed with this horrible disease, it is not fair, it is not fair for them nor their families. The entire family is deeply affected by cancer. My life will never be the same now, I know it, but I am trying to accept it. I miss my friend everyday, everynight eating dinner, watching tv, having our coffee and desert together. I just plain miss him.
I miss my mom, not having her to call to talk about losing Ed is weird. I think about both of them everday. I lost two of my best friends within one week of each other, it is alot to deal with but I believe that they are together, maybe they are both on Ed's new bike together, I must believe this or I will go nuts. My mom felt like Ed was a son to her, she was devastated when he was diagnosed last year and always told me that they would die together, she must of have known something because they almost did. In some sense, I have a sort of relief that they are together, a weird relief, but a relief. The upcoming holidays are going to be tough, I am expecting this. Missing both of them, not having them at the Thanksgiving table or under the Xmas tree will be so sad and strange. I am not looking forward to the holidays at all. I know that time, and only time, will help heal.
I am awaiting for a beautiful stone to be put on Ed's grave soon, Diana and I picked it out together a few weeks ago. Ed is buried on the same street as we live, we can actually walk to his grave so we visit it quite often.

well I think I have gone on and on this morning, just have been thinking of alot of you and wanted to say "hi". Cannot say everything is fine but you can get the drift, we are doing ok. We have each other and that is so important and I am so blessed to have my daughter with me. We stay strong for eachother, we are so lucky.

Will keep you updated on the doctor's situation and also keep you all in my prayers.

Love

Linda